Nocturne's Return
by Princess of Rose
Summary: After his first encounter with Sora, Demyx somehow regains his heart. Now, with the Organization after him with the intentions of murder, Demyx must join up with his enemies if he wishes to survive. T for swearing, violence, and some blood. Implied Sokai.
1. Cruel

Drabble-ish. It may just remain a oneshot. Demyx is my favorite Organization member, and the idea popped into my head. I did not come up with his human name- Author7777777 did. This is shortly after Sora's first encounter with Demyx.

Disclaimer: I don't own Kingdom Hearts.

Nocturne's Return

Chapter One

It's so cold here.

Where am I?

I couldn't remember anything, just the feel of Roxas's Keyblade against my skull. What did he have against me? I thought he was a pretty cool guy. I thought he was my friend, too. I guess not.

I sat up, and the blood rush gave me a headache. The first thing I thought of was Superior. He was going to be so mad at me. Then I'd have to spend another day with _stupid_ Marluxia in his _stupid_ garden taking care of his _stupid_ plants.

Oh, right. Marly's dead. Whew.

My job had been to 'liberate his true disposition.' I didn't really know what that meant, as words had been Zexion's thing, but I had interpreted it as 'beat the living snot out of him until he gives in.'

Ahem. Fail. I told them I wasn't right for combat. Did they care? No. I bet they just wanted to get rid of me. I felt a hollow little ping of rejection.

What… was that?

I must be hallucinating. I couldn't feel. I was a Nobody. And Roxas had hit me pretty hard. Yeah… that must be it. I was probably dreaming I could feel. Next thing I knew I'd probably be waking up with creepy Vexen watching me in the infirmary. Then Superior would come in and yell at me and threaten me with his light sabers.

Okay, I know they're called ethereal blades, but they look like light sabers to be. I used to love that movie when I had a heart.

Besides, Vexen's dead, too.

I stood up. It appeared to be that I was in some sort of alleyway, because the walls felt like they were closing in. I walked around a bit. It didn't look anything like the world I had previously been in. There it was all dark and spooky. It didn't scare me, of course. But that doesn't mean I didn't get the impression. My sitar was perched by where I'd woken up. I couldn't believe I'd nearly forgotten it, because I couldn't live without it. Well… I could, but it was a habit to have it with me. Besides, I couldn't fight. I needed the power of water. I picked it up and strummed a few notes. She seemed to be fine. Thank god.

I wandered out into the streets. Everything was cobblestone, from the houses to the pavement of the streets. _Hollow Bastion restoration committee meeting Thursday night,_ I read. The name sounded familiar, but I just couldn't recall why. I rounded another corner, and jumped back. Locals.

I could always just portal back, I realized. Right. Why hadn't I done that in the first place? I lifted my hand to open a portal, but it just didn't work. So I tried again. That failed, too.

Christ. What did Roxas do to me?

_Perhaps I can just sneak around them,_ I thought. I could practically make myself invisible, since the Organization had sent me on so many recon missions, I had had to learn to not be spotted. And that was not always easy, since I wore a black robe and worlds had a tendency to be bright.

I held my breath, rounding the corner again slowly, scooting alongside the wall like it was a two-inch thick ledge above a deep pit. My sitar dragged, and I silently apologized to it. _Sorry, baby, but daddy's in a tight situation…_

Despite my near utter invisibility, I was seen. A girl with a long brown braid tapped her friend's shoulder. "Leon, is he with them?" She asked.

Darnit.

A guy about my age with straight brown hair and a scary-looking knife thing whirled around. "You!"

I grabbed a hold of my sitar's fingerboard. "Dance, water, dance!" I cried. The girl shrieked as the boy was drenched and temporarily knocked off his feet.

I took off running. The boy addressed as Leon stood up. "Aerith, tell the others the Organization's here!" He yelled at the girl, and turned to chase me.

Thing was, I knew I was outmatched. I was weak, disoriented, and I hadn't been here before.

"Flee, waterboy, flee!" Leon taunted.

I growled, feeling furious. Not noticing the emotion, I struck a hard G cord and it hit him, dead on. "You're asking for it," I muttered.

Leon said nothing and struck my arm with his knife-thing. I cried out in pain. He grabbed me by the front of my shirt and yanked me forward. Our noses nearly touched, but it was not in a sort of intimate way. He had the look of someone who was about to kill me. I had tears in my eyes.

"Get out," he hissed, and threw me onto the ground. I watched him walk away, fighting tears for the first time in who knows how long. What a weird dream. Vexen must be experimenting on me. He'd been trying to find a way to give Nobodies feelings without a heart.

Let's see… what have I felt?

Rejection.

Fury.

Fear.

Pain and coldness didn't count, as they weren't linked to the heart. But when I woke up, I had to tell Vexen he'd succeeded. Then I remembered, once again, he was dead.

I turned my sitar over so it wasn't lying with the strings down. I heard the swish of a dark corridor opening, and looked up. Saix was staring down at me.

"Number IX," he greeted coldly.

"Number VII," I replied.

"Where have you been? We've been looking all over for you. You're supposed to be at the Coliseum. Did you at least get the stone?"

"Yes," I told him, searching my pocket, but it was empty. _Darnit! Roxas must have taken it!_

Saix scoffed. He grabbed me by my wounded arm and yanked me up. I let out a cry.

"Demyx, what did you do to yourself now?" He asked me in his monotone voice.

"I fell," I lied. I didn't want him to know that I'd let a human beat me.

Saix dragged me through the corridor, and suddenly, we were back at the castle. All the years I've been here, and it still wasn't home. We didn't stop at the infirmary so I could be healed, but continued right into the Round Room.

"Superior, we have found Number IX," he informed him.

Xemnas- I mean, Superior- just smiled in his false way. "Hello, Number IX."

I felt like screaming, _my name is Demyx!_ But I didn't. I didn't want to be turned into a Dusk. "Good morning, Superior."

Superior turned to Saix. "You are dismissed."

"B-but…" Saix was second-in-command. He was Xemnas's shadow. He thought that Superior's business- and mine, as well as everyone else's- was his, too.

"I said, you are dismissed, Number VII."

Saix let go of me and stepped through a dark corridor.

"How dare you have the audacity to fail me," Superior began once we were alone. I strained to see him, as his chair was about fifty feet high. "I give you one chance to prove your worth to me, Number IX. _I give you one chance, and you fail me._ You are obviously nothing but a worthless hydromaniac! It makes me wonder why we ever chose you to join our Organization! I mean, what have you offered us?" His voice carried the façade of anger.

I wanted to speak up and tell him about my flawless recon missions, but I didn't. I just stood there, chin pressed towards my chest, never having felt more ashamed… never. Especially since I wasn't supposed to feel emotions.

"Number IX, look at me when I speak to you."

I glanced up. The piercing whiteness of the room hurt my eyes. All this time and I hadn't gotten used to it. "My name is Demyx," I peeped.

"I didn't catch that."

"I _said_, my name is Demyx! Not Number IX!"

From what I could see, Superior's fist clenched. "Never will you talk back to me! Have you forgotten the place I have offered you in our Organization –God knows why? I give you a chance to regain your heart, _Demyx_." He spat my name. "And you fail me. You are one of the few Nobodies who remain intelligent enough to have a chance to become whole again, though I seriously doubt it! All you do it sit around and play that sitar all day."

I tried to muffle my sobs. His words _hurt_. And I knew they shouldn't.

Superior leans forward in his chair. "Number IX," he begins. His voice isn't falsely angry now, it's falsely surprised. "Are you… crying?"

"No, Superior," I choked out, though my voice was jagged and broken. "We both know I can't c-cry-y."

I hear the swish of a corridor once again, and right away Superior is by my side. I tried to hide my face in my hands, but he threw them away, tilting my face towards his. "I hurt my arm," I lied pathetically. Well, I suppose it wasn't a lie, but the injury wasn't why I was sobbing.

The Superior says nothing, just takes two fingers and holds them against the side of my throat. He jumps back. "Dear lord," he gasped. For a minute, he remained truly stunned, then takes me by the shoulder and throws me against the cold, hard surface.

"I'm sorry," I wailed. I really thought he was going to kill me.

I felt the thick sole of a shoe smack my head. Before I blacked out, I could distinctly hear the sound of footsteps, walking away…

I hope I got Demyx's voice correctly. We hardly see him in KH II, and his role in 358/2 days is pretty much small. But I think you can guess what happened to poor Demy. Even though he may just be a 'comic relief' character, I really want to explore the possibilities of his backgrounds. So, in a way, this is just a character study. 

I know Leon's weapon is really called a Gunblade.

I also know that chronologically, Demyx had already visited Hollow Bastion once. I'm twisting the story just a tiny bit. 

Please review! Really. 


	2. Vow

Chapter Two

Vow

I woke up to find Axel staring at me. "H-hello," I croaked.

He simply tilted his head to the side. Axel appeared to be observing me. "Well, what do ya know? Xemnas was right."

"Superior," I corrected weakly.

Axel just waved a hand, like, _yeah, yeah. Go on._

I squinted, fighting to pull the room into focus. "Hey, I had this really weird dream. I dreamed I had a heart. Isn't that cool?" Though what had happened in my dream wasn't really what I remembered having a heart was like.

Axel suddenly began acting strange. "Yeah, yeah. Real nice."

I smiled. "No, not really."

"Why?"

"Because Superior was really mad at me."

"Why was he mad at you?" Axel asked in that same strange tone.

"I failed a mission," I murmured, head swimming.

Axel blanched. "My- _Demyx_," he corrected himself, "The thing is, buddy, you really did fail a mission."

"No," I shook my head. "No, I didn't. I only do recon missions."

"Demyx, Xemnas sent you out to find So- _Roxas_. He wanted you to find out his true disposition."

Memories of the dream began flooding back. My sight finally stopped spazzing out, and I saw I was in the infirmary. My head throbbed. "So… it was real…"

"Yes."

"Is he going to kick me out of the Organization? He can't! I want to have a heart!" My voice was raspy.

Axel stood up. "Demyx. Come with me."

Dear lord. I remembered the lecture I'd received. If that wasn't even his true punishment, then what would it be? Superior had managed to make me feel ashamed, and that was impossible.

I followed Axel through the halls. My head still ached and more than once I fell. We were passing the Grey Area when I felt a hand grasp me by the back of my cloak. I choked as the hand went from my cloak to my neck.

Was this person trying to strangle me? The grip loosened a little and I saw the face of my captor. Xaldin. He saw my expression and he tightened his hand again.

Yup. Definitely strangling me.

Axel whirled around and cussed under his breath. He threw one of his chakrams at Number III. I fell to the ground, gasping for breath.

"What did I do to piss everybody off?" I muttered.

Axel didn't answer me, just grabbed me by my good shoulder and yanked me to a stand.

"I know it was a big mission, but not so big it could threaten Kingdom Hearts," I continued.

Number VIII just sighed. We passed Saix's room, and there were loud crashes coming from inside. I couldn't help but giggle a little. "Is it somebody's time of the month?" I asked, prolonging my monologue. Around the full moon, Saix went berserk. I'd memorized the lunar calendar, so I knew to avoid him those three days, but I'd lost track.

Axel didn't laugh at my joke, like he usually would. "Demyx, don't talk that way about our second-in-command," he scolded coldly.

"Sorry," I whispered.

It's like he was treating me as a prisoner.

We entered Superior's office. I'd only seen it twice before- once when I'd joined, once after Marluxia accused me of purposely overwatering his plants (which I had- you can only take so much concentrated arrogance before going insane). It had been so long I'd forgotten he didn't just sit in the Round Room all day. Luxord was complaining about something to Xemnas.

"Superior, maybe you were wrong. I highly doubt it's possible for something like that to happen without the power of Kingdom Hearts. We both know he in particular cannot control light. If it were Xaldin, than maybe I'd believe it's true. Not…"

"Number X, we must converse another time," Superior cut him off. He looked over at us and smiled. The consistency of his kindness made me want to vomit. "Numbers VIII and IX, just the Nobodies I wished to see."

IX. How I _hated_ that number. It was like I wasn't even entitled to my own name.

Luxord left, hesitating a little, very much confused.

Superior closed the dark corridor behind Luxord with a sweep of his hand. "I suppose Saix has updated you on the situation, VIII?"

Said pyro nodded robotically.

"What's going on?" I asked weakly, a step away from hiding behind Axel.

Xemnas ignored me. "I have trusted you so far, Axel. I know you can be two-faced. Promise me you will not help this traitor."

Traitor? What was he talking about? I felt my eyes widen. I would never betray the Organization! I might not like work but I wanted a heart as much as all of them.

"No, Superior," Axel told him.

"The words spoken today cannot leave this office," Xemnas continued.

"I understand, Superior."

Finally, Xemnas turned to face me, eyes full of such venom and fury I was almost convinced it wasn't an act. I felt goosebumps stand up on my skin.

"Treachery such as this cannot be forgiven," he hissed at me.

"'Treachery'?" I gaped. "I didn't betray the Organization! I swear! I didn't fail the mission on purpose! I told you not to send me!"

"If you didn't betray us," Superior barked, ignoring my last two sentences, "Then how did you regain your heart?"

This caught me so off guard I nearly fainted. "M-my heart? I don't have a heart!"

"Then _why_ do you have a pulse?"

A pulse. I struggled to remember what that meant.

_A heartbeat,_ my mind whispered.

"Didn't you swear _by oath_ to give the Organization all information you receive on Kingdom Hearts or any other way to redeem our hearts? A vow, might I add, that if broken, will result in death?" Superior shrieked. Then, he laughed cruelly. "I didn't think you'd be smart enough to pull it off."

"You're going to kill me for something I didn't do?" I asked, feeling something jump in my chest. It caught me so off guard I almost fell over. "Wait… what?"

"You got your heart back," Axel informed me in that same icy tone.

I laid my hand onto the right side of my chest, desperately trying to feel something. Finally, just as I sensed the tension rise to a peak, I felt it, a little _thrum_ming beat.

Somehow, I, Demyx, a Nobody, had regained my heart. Without Kingdom Hearts, without a Keyblade.

I snapped out of my trance, to see Xemnas stand up and lean over his desk in a terrifying way. "Do you see what I mean?" Every word was its own sentence.

I nodded so weakly I barely felt the movement.

He grabbed me by both shoulders and began to shake me violently, wordlessly. In my peripheral, Axel tensed.

Suddenly, I was pressed against the wall, ethereal blades just inches from my neck. They gave off a noxious smell.

Out of nowhere, I screamed.

"Shut up!" Xemnas screeched. "Be quiet! I demand of you!"

I forced myself to shut up, and closed my eyes as well, because I knew he would kill me that minute.

_Please let it be quick_, I prayed.

I heard a whirring sound, and opened my eyes just as Superior was slammed in the side by both of Axel's chakrams. He threw open a dark corridor.

"Myde, get out of here!" He shouted.

Without a second thought, I disappeared.

--

Axel's portal led me to a place I'd been several times before. It had been tough, doing recon here, mostly because it seemed boring and unimportant to the Organization, but power slept deep in the land.

The Land of Dragons.

I couldn't reminisce. I was too paralyzed with shock to do anything but sit down weakly at the river and sink my feet in.

I had a heart.

It felt strange, and I wasn't sure if it was in a good way. My stomach was twisting uncontrollably. I wasn't Demyx anymore. I was Myde. The name sounded weird in my head. I looked down at my reflection, and saw the same face I'd seen for God-knows-how-many years.

What was odd was that I remembered truly being Myde, not his Nobody who had received another heart. I'd still played the sitar. I'd still acted goofy.

But something was different.

I laid my head in my knees. I guess that the something we'd wanted so badly wasn't really all that great. I took out my sitar and strummed a few notes. The notes didn't really speak to me, as they'd had before I'd become a Heartless.

What would I do now? I'd spent such a long time dreaming about having a heart that I'd never really though of what I'd do when I had one.

I suppose I could be a musician. I was great at sitar and my voice wasn't bad. How old was I? Twenty? I'd lost count.

When was my birthday? I'd forgotten that, too. I mean, birthdays didn't really count when you didn't have a sort of pulse. Yesterday was the first day of May. It was the day I'd regained my heart, so that would do for now, until I remembered.

I just toyed with my sitar, trying in earnest to manipulate the water. "Dance, water, dance." I went to play a battle chord, but my fingers fell slack as I realized something.

_The Organization is after me._

If they could track me when I didn't have a heart, how much easier would it be now that I did? God knows what Superior- Xemnas, I mean- would do if he found me.

I was now technically above him. However, that didn't mean I wasn't weaker.

Unshed tears filled my eyes. Why did humans cry so much? Nothing was even that sad.

Well, I suppose it was. Just as I got what I really wanted, I would die.

Wonderful.

--

So I sat there, my mind going in circles- ohmygodhe'sgoingtokillmeI'mgoingtodiewhatshouldIdo?- trying to ebb at my growing panic and making a failure out of myself.

Out of pure habit, my hands wander up my sitar's fingerboard. I didn't hear the notes, just felt nothing but anxiety.

_Calm down, Demy,_ I told myself, not caring that that wasn't my name anymore.

I heard a noise behind me and jumped, but didn't turn around. _Don't move and maybe they won't see you…_

"Wak! What are you doing here?"

Obviously they were talking to me. I turned around slowly and my heart skipped a beat. In front of me were Roxas and his cronies- a duck with a staff and a dog with a shield. Somehow, both could walk and talk. What had once been mild fascination with their motor skills was not complete awe.

"Aren't you with the Organization?" Roxas asked. The words stung. _Not anymore_.

I hesitated, not knowing how to answer. "Are you?"

"Excuse me?" He was confused.

"Aren't you Roxas?"

"No… of course not…" he was wary of me.

"I'll handle this," the duck said, running over to me and smacking me on the head with almost no effect.

"…" Non-Roxas didn't try to stop him, but he didn't join in, either.

Clunk, clunk, clunk.

"He's not even defending himself," the dog said in wonder.

The words dredged up one of Myde's -my- memories. I was picked on a lot when I was little. A group of bullies had cornered me at school, with baseball bats and everything.

"_He's not even defending himself_," one of them had sneered.

That reminded me of Xemnas's hatred. Tears welled in my eyes. _Crap_.

"Nobodies can't cry…" Non-Roxas said slowly. I wish he hadn't acknowledged the little rivers that were now sliding down my cheeks. I could control water. If only I could control my tears.

I'd almost forgotten how much of a wimp Myde- I- was and still am.

"Maybe we should just leave him alone," the dog suggested.

Yes, please do that.

"Are you crazy?!" The duck yelled. "He could just be faking it."

Non-Roxas hesitated between questioning me and joining his friends. Finally, he spoke. "Are you okay… umm…?" He didn't know my name.

"Myde," I informed him. It was weird to say it.

"Demyx?"

I shook my head. "My name is Myde, and the Organization wants to kill me."

They all blanched.

So here you go, nice long chapter for all my lovely reviewers. I personally didn't like this chapter that much. It was really fun to make up some of Dem-Dem's memories. 

And yes, that little 'time of the month' joke was indeed a reference to _Prisoner of Azkaban._

I also feel bad about making Demyx cry so much in this chapter, but it was the only way Sora and co. would noticed something's amiss with our beloved Nobody.


	3. Trust

Chapter Three

Trust

The duck was the first to react, and that was with hysterical laughter. The sound was high-pitched and cruel.

_Just throw salt in my wounds, will ya? _He reminded me eerily of the late Larxene.

"You almost got me with that one!" He said in between peals.

I glared at him.

Non-Roxas was the second to snap out of the shocked state. "That's kind of hard to believe," he murmured, shifting the key-shaped weapon to his other shoulder.

"Oh, you better believe it," I muttered. It was hard trying to sound convincing when I was repressing sobs. I rubbed the raw marks where the ethereal blades had barely touched me.

Finally, the dog came around. "Gawrsh," he just whispered.

Non-Roxas's eyebrows furrowed together. "But why would they want to kill one of their own?" It seemed to be more of a musing than actual question meant for me.

"They're convinced I betrayed them," I explained.

"Did you?" The duck seemed fascinated, though he didn't intend to believe my answer.

"No," I admitted, expecting to feel the strike of the staff again, but Non-Roxas put an arm in front of him.

"Then why are they convinced you betrayed them?" Non-Roxas asked. This, too, seemed more like he was thinking out loud.

They wouldn't believe me if I told them. I highly, seriously doubted it. My face contorted as I tried to think of what to say. Finally, I decided to admit the truth. "They kicked me out because they think I got my heart back."

Non-Roxas raises his eyebrow. "But… how?"

"I don't know!" I shrieked.

Scaring the utter daylights out of me, a green creature leaped from Non-Roxas's hood to rest on his shoulders. I jumped again, but the three of them acted like this was completely normal. It was neatly dressed, the… _thing_… in a top hat, black coat, and dress shoes. It pulled something from his pocket, something that looked like a book, but was too small to see. It flipped through the pages.

"This is new," the cricket said in a surprisingly loud voice. "The Nobodies have never turned on each other."

"I told you, I'm not a Nobody anymore," I murmured.

Ignoring me, the duck spoke up. "He could just be lying to us."

The dog held his chin in his hands. "I don't know… Something's… off…"

I would have facepalmed. I think it was moreso the cloak that said 'don't trust me' than the attitude I was supposedly pulling on them. They'd learned that everyone dressed in the Organization's cloak was evil.

The duck was still simmering. "He's a liar! Let's just go!"

Non-Roxas bit his lip. To trust or not to trust? I trust you'll decide.

Stupid Cheshire cat. I hated it when he'd annoyed me in Wonderland.

"Well, I think he would have attacked us or fled by now," he told them.

"My name is Myde," I muttered, tired of being referred to as 'he.'

They ignored me again, the four of them huddling together. I heard a lot of whispering, but I couldn't make out anything over the frantic pounding of my heart. I almost wished they could hear it, too, so they would leave me alone. Finally, the duck lets out a noise that can only be called a quack, but it was angered and mildly frustrated. Non-Roxas turned to me.

"Alright, Myde or whoever you are," he said, probably trying to sound cool. "What's your story?"

--

Around fifteen minutes later, I'd told them mostly everything. I didn't really remember what my home world was called, or how old I was, or even my last name. My struggle to remember must have showed on my face, because Non-Roxas had just told me just to forget it- "don't hurt yourself."

So I supposed they believed me somewhat (completely disregarding that duck thing) when timidly I asked, "Well? Why did you want to know?"

Non-Roxas just shook his head in thought. "It's just really strange… the Organization deceiving their own."

"Because it's a lie!" The duck shouted.

He nearly pushed me over the edge. I rolled up my shirtsleeve, showing him my wrist. "Do you want to check for yourself?"

Grumbling, still obviously thinking I was trying to pull a fast one, he came over to me, and pressed his fingers against the vein.

For ten long seconds he stood there, until his angered look grew more and more strained. He was trying not to show his shock. The duck recalled his hand. "I still don't trust you," he muttered.

I pulled the sleeve back down. "Not like I'm forcing you or anything."

He sent a very dirty glare my way. I nearly laughed. The duck yanked on Non-Roxas's arm and they talked amongst themselves, but before any conclusion could be reached, a loud, demonic roar was heard from the distance.

"Hell!" Non-Roxas exclaimed. He rushed towards the city- what seemed to be making the roar- and I followed, not out of curiosity, or out of longing, but because something told me to.

In the Palace Square, a man dressed in gray and red was trying to ward off an enemy that can only be considered familiar. A woman accompanied him, and she too was trying to fight it. They were both failing.

"Mulan!" Non-Roxas cried. At first I thought it was gibberish, but the woman responded to it, so that had to be her name. "Get out of here! We can handle this!"

Mulan nodded, grabbed her companion's hand, and the two of them fled.

In front of us stood the Darkside. I'd fought it before, and knew they had a tough battle ahead of them.

"I'll help you!" I blurted.

The three of them started at me like I'd given birth to a litter of flying kittens.

Just as strangely, I was as shocked as they were. I tried to avoid fighting as much as possible.

Our enemy took advantage of their shock and swept away the duck and the dog with one swipe of it's arm, and they fell unconscious the second they hit the ground.

Non-Roxas's eyes grew wide in fear. I could almost see the memories reflected in them. He was thinking he couldn't fight this alone.

I had to help him.

The Darkside jabbed its fist into the ground, and neoshadows began to appear. I dove straight into the mob, hoping that maybe if I tried to destroy the Heartless' allies, Non-Roxas would snap out of his trance and attack. He didn't.

I could feel the intensity of this battle, its importance. I knew I was too weak, but I barreled through anyway, wishing desperately I wouldn't fail them. The Heartless just kept showing up. Their endless waves made me wonder where my lazy, 'push it onto others' attitude had come from. I had no chance for a breather, much less to figure out a way to sneak off.

"Where are they coming from?" I muttered. But despite my apparent anger, I was afraid. Even though I could fight now, what if I managed to lose my heart _again_?

I wasn't holding up well. My fear and weakness were getting the better of me. One of the Heartless slashed at my side and I cried out. I struggled to stay conscious and keep fighting.

I've never been so… honorable. By this point, usually I would have given up.

_I have to give them a reason to trust me. _

SlashSlashSlash.

Crap, it hurt! I recoiled, nursing the wounds.

The neoshadows jumped and landed on Non-Roxas. Out of self-defense, he began numbly to beat at them, but the scared-shitless expression never once left his face.

Trying to be ruthless, I smacked a neoshadow over its head with my sitar. It barely flinched, but when Non-Roxas slashed any Heartless with his Keyblade, it died instantly. I felt a stab of envy. I wished I had a Keyblade.

Yet, I did have something he didn't- control over an element. Without even bothering to utter my catch phrase, I summoned a torrent to help me fight the neoshadows.

The neoshadows banded around the Darkside, and for a moment, appeared to dance around them. For a second, I remembered my Dancer Nobodies, and wished they were here. Then, the purebloods banded together, making the Darkside more powerful yet.

It transformed into the Novashadow.

Non-Roxas and I shared the same thought- _oh shit._

Of course, seeing as he was closest, the Novashadow poised to attack Non-Roxas.

Adrenaline shot through my veins. It was going to kill him.

I wasn't sure what told me to do what I did- it just happened. Maybe it was the friendship I'd previously had with Roxas, or the need to prove myself. Whatever it was, that was definitely the best thing I'd done.

I jumped right in between them- a human shield. Well, more so slyly ran past and cut at the being, watch it flinch, then throw myself in front of Non-Roxas and the monster.

If it wanted him, it would have to get through me first.

"Huh?" Non-Roxas's weakened, dazed, and yet still shocked voice. He wanted to know why I was helping him.

The Novashadow poised to attack- I saw it charge up the dark energy. I snatched Non-Roxas's hood and dragged him out of the way. His paralysis had to be from shock.

Then, I summoned the doppelgangers.

They were not particularly fast or strong, but it provided a diversion enough to confuse the poor Heartless. Apparently, it had difficulty telling them and us apart.

I nudged Non-Roxas and tried to snap him out of the trance. He stepped back into a battle position, but his eyes were still mildly hazy.

I cussed and flew at the monster. The sudden feeling of courage and power was intoxicating. I'd never felt this way before, but it was so much better than… anything.

"Take this!" I screamed, smacking the creature on the arm.

It snarled, sweeping its other arm across the field, pinned me into a wall, and knocked the breath out of me.

This was enough to bring Non-Roxas back to normal. He grabbed my shoulder, and since both of us were now free, we attacked.

The Novashadow was finished in a matter of minutes. Clearly exhausted, we both dropped to the ground.

"So why'd you do it?" Non-Roxas asked as soon as he'd caught his breath (I was still wheezing like a moron). "Why'd you save me?"

"What, you _wanted _it to kill you?" I choked. My mind was still focused on that dizzying feel of power and invulnerability.

"No… I just… didn't believe you'd… I don't know. Risk your own skin for me. I kind of tried to kill you."

Me neither.

But I didn't say that. Instead I said, "Look, I wouldn't just let you get hurt like that. But hey, what happened to you? You went all spacey for a minute."

"I don't know," he repeated. "Just… I got this really weird feeling. I know I've fought that thing more than once… I just remembered something. Something… important."

"What?"

Non-Roxas shook his head, like it wasn't a big deal.

"You can tell me, man. You owe me that much."

"Well… it's kinda weird. Myde, I know that there were thirteen members of the Organization, but I've only seen six of them. What about the other seven?"

I remembered the names, too. Vexen, Lexeaus, Zexion, Marluxia, and Larxene. "They kind of… were annihilated."

"Yeah, but…how? Who killed them?" I could tell he knew the answer, somewhere deep down.

And yet I couldn't find the nerve to tell him he killed them- three of them, at least. "Well…" The sentence was hard to word. Why didn't he remember, too? I mean, it's not like Vexen or Marluxia could erase people's memories. Only tamper with them.

_Tamper with them._ As my Nobody's habit, my fingers went up to tap my forehead in thought. "Hey, what happened after you left Castle Oblivion?"

His eyebrows furrow together. "'Castle Oblivion'?"

"Yeah, you know. With Axel and Larxene and everyone."

"I don't know what you're talking about."

Now I was very, very confused.

"I mean, I remember… seeing this guy in a black coat and then… waking up in this pod thing." Non-Roxas shaped the air in the form of a bud. "It had to be a long time I was out, too."

"Something like a year?" I guessed.

"I think so. Why?"

Oh, dear. OH, DEAR.

Mwahaha. Evil cliffhanger. This chapter was kind of two random scenes meshed together, and I'm sorry.

I believe the Novashadow is a step above the Darkside, but correct me if I'm wrong.

I figure Demyx wouldn't have heard ALL the details about Castle Oblivion- only about the members that are going, and that Sora wasn't mentioned after all of them were killed, as well as the fact that Xemnas would most likely tell all the remaining Org. members that Roxas's Somebody killed them. I think Demyx is smart enough to realize Sora and Roxas are the same person.

Yet, why he doesn't know Sora's name?

:P sorry I bored you to death with this EXTREMELY long AN.

Please review! Hey, if I made a trailer for this on YouTube, would you guys watch it?


	4. Ah, Memories

Thanks for all the love you guys have given this story! Really, I LUFFLES YOU ALL!

It's also a blast to write this. And I am making a trailer for YouTube. Yayzers.

You know what I just noticed? The lack of disclaimers in this story.

-Facepalm-

**Disclaimer: I DO NOT OWN ANYTHING. I only own the plot!**

Chapter Four  
Ah, Memories.

Non-Roxas noticed my baffled expression right away. "What?"

How can he not know? I heard that Namine-What's-Her-Face was really good at taking apart memories, but they can't just leave him completely empty-headed. He probably didn't even know why he was really fighting the Organization, aside from the fact that they're so 'evil.'

I suppose I should consider them evil now, too, because they want to kill me and all.

I sighed. "Look, Roxas…" I so wasn't the right person to explain it to him. He'd probably just think I was crazy. He needed a person he trusted to explain it to him. I could tell he didn't trust me very much, and he was only tolerating me because I'd saved his life.

"My name's Sora," he corrected.

"Right. Sora. Are you sure you don't remember anything?"

Sora thought for a long, long moment. Finally, he looked at me blankly, then let out a cry, hands pressed to his temples. For a minute, he mutely appeared to plead with something, then fainted.

Crap! Did I break him? I took his shoulders gently and shook them. "Wakey-wakey," I murmured, trying to subdue my own panic. "God, why do I mess everything up?" I cried to no one in particular. Now, think, Myde, think. Well, he obviously wasn't dead. His two cronies were still unconscious. Maybe the best option was to move him closer to them and just run away. Then they'd just think they'd won the battle and were so exhausted they'd passed out.

Not if I wanted to survive. Sora would be sure to remember something like that, right? Who am I kidding? He can't even remember owning Marluxia, and that's a pretty big accomplishment.

So it was like this… to run or not to run? The better part of me was saying _stay_, while the other, lazier part said to run.

But we had a common enemy- Xemnas. If I helped them, maybe they would help me. If we worked together maybe we could beat him. Besides, where would I run? I couldn't use the dark corridors to travel. I didn't have any munny on me to pay for any sort of fare. Yet, even if I did, I couldn't remember the name of my homeworld. That's so, so distant in my past. I only remembered vague faces and names, no particular places stood out. Everything was so blurred, like I'd needed glasses and hadn't known it.

Just trying to dredge up the memories was giving me a headache. Now I knew how Sora felt. Everything was so complicated. I wasn't Demyx, and I wasn't quite Myde. I'd gone from human to Nobody and back again. Surely I shouldn't have expected the transition to be smooth, or every memory brought back with stunning clarity.

That made me wonder… who was I?

Gah, I didn't even know.

If I could reach a member of the Organization, I should just tell them to give up. From what I'd felt so far, having a heart was not very fun. Sadness and pants-wetting fear. And the whole 'who the hell am I' part?

It's been too long. I felt like a child again, relearning what emotions were.

Suddenly, I was plunged into a memory.

_--_

_I don't really remember having a dad- he'd died when I was young. I could recall the night my mother found out- it was sometime during winter, an excuse for her to use the fireplace. I didn't have siblings, but if I did they'd all be in bed. Time was drawing towards midnight and yet my mother didn't see me from where I was sitting on the stairs, hugging the banister, staring at her. She was crying. I hated seeing people cry._

_The glow from the fire lit up her face and tinged her tears orange. On and on she wailed. Scared, I unsnarled myself from the banister and walked over to her. "Mommy? What's wrong? Where's daddy?"_

_She just took me into her arms. "Myde, h-he's gone."_

_"Gone where?"_

_My mother was too sad to realize I was just a child and had never brushed with death. "He's dead."_

_I was smart enough to make the connection: violence = death. "But he's not old." My eyes are full of tears._

_"I know, I know," she hiccupped._

_I started bawling. _

_--_

I snapped back to reality. I'm not a six-year-old child. I'm nineteen years old (suddenly I remember). Why were some memories I could live without so vivid and prominent while the important ones were so blurred? I bit my lip. My chest was heaving with the repressed tears. I wouldn't cry again. I was a grown up. I could handle a little pain.

I healed the wounds up and down my arms, then settled down next to Sora's unconscious form. At that moment, he and Roxas are identical to me.

I suppose I'll stick with them. What harm would it do?

--

Not more than fifteen minutes later, Sora woke up. I was sort of in my own trance, so he startled me. "Whoa… where am I?" He squinted and looked around for a moment. The duck and dog seemed to be waking up, too. I shifted from the fetal position I was in (I had no idea how I got there) to sitting like a normal human being. "Eh? Why are you still here?"

I shrugged. "Nothing better to do."

"Maybe he was going to kill us when we were unconscious…" the duck muttered.

I rolled my eyes. "Yeah, because even though my fingers are all cut up, _surely_ I can manage to play a death-chord."

"Not funny!" He barks (quacks?).

"I don't remember him being here…" the dog wondered out loud.

"He helped me fight the Novashadow," Sora explained, rubbing his head. "Gees… what hit me?"

"You fainted," I told him, not having the nerve to explain the whole thing. I was exhausted, too, and fading fast. I never could last the longest during the many 'endurance' missions Xemnas had sent us out on, which were basically camping trips that involved trying to kill each other.

"Really? Because I swear I…" he began, then shook his head.

"You swear what?" The dog asked.

Sora shook his head again. "Let's go," he said, standing up. "Hey… are you coming? Myde?"

Those three words astonished me. I raised my eyebrows.

"Well? You don't have anywhere to go, right?"

Still shocked, I nodded.

"Sora! What the heck are you doing?" The duck shouted.

The three of them stared at me.

"He's harmless and he saved my life. The least we can do is bring the guy home," Sora whispered.

Thank God for small miracles.

The dog just continued to stare at me (his stare is eerily frightening). "I'm Goofy," he said finally.

The duck just started striding away.

"…And that's Donald," Sora explained, pointing.

Donald whirled around. "I still don't believe you," he cried.

--

Hours later, the four of us were sitting around a campfire. Donald and Goofy were fast asleep, once again leaving Sora and I alone (why does this keep happening?). I was fixing the torn sleeves on my cloak without actually taking them off. I had a shirt on underneath, but it was freezing out.

"Technical difficulties?" Sora asked with eyebrows raised.

"Yes," I said, trying not to poke my tongue with the needle.

"Need help?"

"He. No."

Sora looked relieved.

I let out a frustrated little hiss and slipped off the sleeves and began to sew it.

"Why did you guys learn how to sew?" Sora inquired. "I mean, it's kind of a girly hobby."

"We don't get an unlimited amount of coats," I explained. "Just, like, two. I didn't exactly have time to grab the other when I was running for my life." I bit a piece of thread. "We have to fix whatever we have. Xemnas used to make sure we weren't dependent on anyone else."

Sora shrugged.

"I wouldn't even wear this stupid thing if it wasn't so cold out." I shook out the sleeve. "There. It looks like crap, but it's fixed."

Sora sighed. "So… what are you doing to do now?"

"I… want to help you," I blurted, the words taking on a life of their own. "I know the Organization's stronghold like the back of my hand," I added quickly, seeing his expression.

He looked a little impressed. "How do we get there?"

I wrinkled my nose. "I can't think of any was aside from dark corridors, and I can't use those now."

Sora groaned, burying his face in his knees.

"Sorry." Guess I'm completely useless now.

Sora glanced up. "What world is it in?"

"The World that Never Was."

"Could you be… I don't know… a little less vague?"

I sighed. "It's the world all Nobodies go to after they're born. It's not a real world, just a place in between the realm of darkness and the realm of light." At least I'd remembered one thing from all the rambling Zexion had done.

Sora raised his eyebrow.

"I'm not a complete idiot, you know."

"I know, I know. Where'd you learn that, anyway? Did they just tell you?"

"Nah, it was pretty much fed to us. That's all Xemnas talked about at meetings. Nothingness, crossing over to the world of light. Blah, blah, blah." I shrugged. "It's all boring stuff."

"Uh, not really. I mean, we do need to get there, to stop him," Sora explained.

"Hey, why do you even hate Xemnas so much?" Why do I have to be so retarded? WHAT KIND OF QUESTION IS THAT?

Sora just facepalmed.

"Brain fart, sorry."

There was an awkward silence.

"Don't… don't you remember?" I continued to ramble on being the complete and utter dunderhead I am. "I mean, he did save you from being the Dusks' next snack." Open mouth, insert sitar.

Sora was clearly frustrated. "Okay, get this straight- I don't have a Nobody. I may _look_like this Roxas guy or whatever, but why do you keep insisting I have a Nobody?"

"Did you become a Heartless?" I hated it when people answered my questions with questions, but I was using it against my advantage now.

Suddenly, his angered expression dropped. "I… did…"

Well, then how did Sora become human again? The same way I had? I still didn't know how that happened, by the way.

"Myde?" He blinked, not quite looking at me.

"Huh?"

"What did you call me when we first met?"

"…Roxas."

Sora ticked off on his fingers. Probably something to do with counting the letters. I could see the realization falling into place- Roxas equals Sora the same way that Demyx equals Myde.

"That guy… he's my Nobody, isn't he?" Sora asked.

I nodded slowly.

He swore, and then froze after he realized that what he'd said wasn't a nice word. "Wait, I don't get it. If I have a Nobody, then how did I become human again?"

"I don't know! How am _I_ human?"

"That was kind of a rhetorical question. Besides, isn't your Heartless dead?"

"I don't know," I repeated. "When you became a Heartless, didn't you become human shortly afterwards?" This would explain why Roxas didn't have any memories of his past.

"Yeah. I set my heart free to save Kairi." Sora blushed. "When she found me, I got my body back."

I thought for a long moment. This entire whirlwind had started as I passed through a dark corridor from Olympus Coliseum to Hollow Bastion. My eyes widened. Then, in my weakened state, I'd blacked out. But as I traipsed through that realm of darkness, a shadow Heartless jumped onto my shoulders.

Suddenly, I knew how I'd become whole.

Ugh, I HATE this chapter. Bridge chapters are always so hard to write. Yes, Dem-Dem had a little smart moment there after he babbled on like an idiot. 

I also found the idea of him sewing rather amusing.

It's _also_ really weird how Sora never question the fact that he'd gone from Heartless to human, and that Organization XIII didn't have thirteen members in KH II (as pointed out by a reviewer).

Please leave _Six_ reviews this time?


	5. Misunderstood

The ironic thing is that i was listening to a song by David Bowie when I wrote this XD. He's actually a good artist. The song is called 'The Bewlay Brothers.'

**Disclaimer: I do not own anything.**

Chapter Five  
Misunderstood

Next thing I knew, Sora was shaking my shoulder. "Hello? Earth to Myde?"

I snapped out of my trance. "Sorry. I just… I found out something."

Sora blinked tolerantly. "What?"

That Heartless that had clung to me like that had to have been mine. Otherwise, why else would it vanish as soon as it touched me? Small Heartless and lesser Nobodies were attracted to us, because of our power. So I hadn't reacted when it approached me. When the shadow disappeared, I just figured it had portaled away, yet the second it had, I'd instantly felt sick. My chest had seized up with pain and I'd nearly fainted right then, and the shadows would have made a meal of me. Yet I remained conscious for almost five whole minutes afterwards.

I hadn't remembered anything about that particular crossing until right now. I told Sora about what happened.

"Makes sense," he agreed. "But how did it know it was your Heartless?"

"Dunno." I curled my knees to my chest. "This still doesn't explain what happened to you."

He sighed. "I don't think I'll ever find out. I don't really care. I'm alive now, that's all that matters."

I got the impression that all this thinking was making his brain hurt. I knew that feeling all too well, like when Zexion tried to tutor me.

--

We left that just after dawn. Don't get me wrong, I like sleeping as much as the next guy, maybe even more, but I'd slept restlessly, convinced that I would find myself alone again come morning. Weirdly, I was afraid to be.

Not to mention, the events of yesterday seemed completely unreal. For a moment when I woke up I thought it was all a dream, but when my eyes adjusted and I realized I wasn't in my room, I just flopped back down on the ground.

Someone nudged me with their foot. "Get up," Donald chided. "We have to go."

"Go where?" I mumbled sleepily. "It's still dark out."

He smacked my arm with what had to be his staff.

"Hey!" I protested.

"Donald, relax," Goofy insisted.

"Just think of all the vile things he could do to us in our sleep," Donald whispered to Goofy. I still had a Nobody's sense of hearing, so I caught the words.

"Donald," Goofy scolded.

After everyone was awake and accounted for, we boarded their ship. Donald called it a 'gummi ship', which was supposedly made of a special type of meteor. It was nice, I had to admit that. There were only three seats, but I was content with my spot on the floor. I easily got airsick, and I had no idea why. I never got carsick of seasick. I figured that the closer I was to the air, the lower my chances of throwing up everywhere. I put my head in between my knees and focused on breathing through my nose.

--

Our first stop was Twilight Town.

Gees, this place was familiar. How many missions had I done here? It was such a boring, pretty little world, but it had somehow remained important to Xemnas.

This was where I'd first gotten my new name.

"I woke up here," Sora told me. "After I was put asleep for all that time."

"Pretty much every Nobody goes here after they're born," I thought out loud. "A man named Ansem the Wise used to have a second lab here. Six members of Organization XIII used to be his apprentices."

"Really?" Sora said. "What did they study?"

I shrugged. "None of them ever told me exactly, but I think it had something to do with hearts."

"So they were obsessed with hearts even when they had them?"

I laughed. "Yeah, basically."

"I wonder what they were trying to do back then," Sora mused.

"Beats me. I'm not all-knowledgeable." He should know that by now.

We walked for a while in silence. Sora was trying to find his friends Hayner, Pence, and Olette, and check up on the Heartless activity. It was rather calm here, surprisingly. A lot of people lived here. A lot of hearts.

None of us got lost, due to the many times Sora and I had come here. I could see how these streets could easily get confusing, winding around hills and even going underground. Curse those tunnels…

Passing through the Sandlot, I heard the proverbial sound of a dark corridor.

"Sora!" I cried in warning, but we both barely had time to turn around when we saw Donald and Goofy being dragged through the portals by cloaked faces.

"SHIT!" Sora screamed, going to dive after them, but the corridors closed one second too soon. He threw his Keyblade on the ground, and it slid for a few seconds before disappearing.

He whirled around at glared at me. "You! This is your fault!"

My head went reeling. Oh, I see. He thought this was a set-up by Organization XIII. He was thinking they sent me to trick him into trusting me, then use the diversion to kidnap his friends and use them as bait. "What? No!"

"You did this! I can't believe I trusted you!"

Of course, seeing as things had been going to good for me, apparently. "Do you think I would do that?"

"Yes, in fact I do!"

I took his shoulders. "Look, do you think I would do that to Roxas? We were friends. The Organization is using my absence to frame me."

"How am I supposed to know about Roxas? That's all everyone talks about. Roxas, Roxas, Roxas! I'm SORA!" He cried. I could see he was on the verge of tears.

It was all a big coincidence, this plan they'd concocted. Steal Sora's friends, leaving me to take the blame, but since I was the only one of them that knew the World that Never Was, I would have to remain alongside him- after all, a teenage boy couldn't do it alone. They would use Donald and Goofy to reel Sora in, then they would try to kill both of us, or maybe just take the Keyblade and use it to nab my heart a second time.

It was perfect. For them.

"Do you need a hug?" I asked.

"Excuse me?" Sora's look was blank.

"You look like you could use a hug."

Bless him, he actually let me get close enough to put my arms around him.

"Aw, am I interrupting a warm fuzzy moment?"

The voice made my blood run cold. _So much for being able to convince Sora out of it_. I let go of Sora. "Axel, what are you doing here?"

"Just checking in, you know, making sure you're still alive."

"I am. Very much so."

Axel turned to Sora. "Can I borrow your friend a moment?"

Sora was clearly confused. "Uh…sure."

Axel led me to a reclusive alley by the Sandlot. "Myde, how are things going?"

"'How are things going'?" I was incredulous. "Terrible, now that Sora's convinced I'm still part of the Organization and sent to isolate him from his friends. You know, considering that's their new plan and all."

Axel raised his eyebrows. "Really? That's a genius thing to come up with."

"You mean you didn't hear?"

"No, I missed this morning's meeting. You should know by now that I'm not their favorite, not much more than you."

"They want to kill you too?"

Axel chuckled dryly. "No, I'm too useful to them. Even though they know I can go turncoat any minute if I want."

"And why are you telling me this?"

"Because, Myde, I just wants what's best for Roxas."

"I'm confused."

"You should be." His look darkened. "I kind of lied to you. I knew about this plan."

"So then why are you really here?" My voice raised a few octaves.

"To warn you."

"Warn me what? That they're going to kill me? FYI, I already knew that!" I was trying to keep my voice down and failing.

"The Organization can find you and kill you whenever they want. You're too valuable to them now, especially since you joined Sora. I admit, that was clever."

"It was a chance meeting," I insisted, anger draining.

Silence.

"Just surrender, Myde. Give them the information they want, and they'll leave you alone. I'll make sure they do."

"Axel, the chances of becoming whole without Kingdom Hearts are one in a million," I explained, then got the nasty, desperate feeling that I'd said too much.

"So you knew?" Axel raged, then laughed a little. "You _knew_ how to become whole? Really, Demyx?" He'd changed to calling me by my Nobody name, since the friendliness was sucked out of the situation. "And I thought we were friends."

My eyes widened. "We… we are…"

"You dirty little traitor," he hissed, ignoring me. "All along it was just about saving your own skin. _I should have known_." He drew his chakrams, then froze. "You know what? I'll just let Xemnas have his way with you. Maybe then you'll learn a little thing about _friendship._" Axel snapped his wrist so hard I thought he'd break it and disappeared through a dark corridor.

Laughter bubbled up in me. I fell to my knees, hysterical, and the laughter formed tears. When I cried, I cried a lot, being connected to a water element. The sobs formed a small puddle in my cupped hands.

"I'm screwed, aren't I?" I murmured to myself. Sora and Axel hated me, Xemnas wanted to kill me. I didn't have my own ship, so I couldn't go home even if I remembered the name of it.

I let the small handful of saltwater go in midair and shaped it into a sphere. I played with the orb for a moment before releasing the shape, but it didn't _splat_ on the pavement like I thought it would.

No, instead the little orb drifted around a bit before eyes- yes, I swear, eyes- formed and blinked. It looked at me and let out a little squeak.

Holy crap, I must be going insane.

The orb floated around my head, then cuddled close to my cheek.

"What are you?" I asked it, even though it wouldn't be able to talk.

It righted itself right in front of me, then pointed at me and saluted with little drops that had to be hands. It pantomimed sobbing (had I really looked that pathetic?), then throwing a teeny drop of water in the air, which formed its own little creature. That teeny drop went back into the main orb. The thing pointed at itself, then at my head.

"So, this is a figment of my imagination?" That wouldn't be the most bizarre thing to happen. Vexen tended to be quite cruel like that on April fool's day.

The orb shook what appeared to be its head.

"I'm controlling you?"

It stuck out two imaginary thumbs, then nodded.

"Okay…"

The orb snuggled close to me again, as if to say, _I'm not going anywhere._

At least something likes me.

"I'm going to call you Jim. Okay?" I asked it.

The orb nodded.

I stood up shakily, then headed back into the Sandlot.

Sora was still there. I almost fell down.

"What happened?" Sora inquired. "I heard a lot of shouting."

"Wait. You trust me?"

He made a little face. "I don't really have a choice now. I figure if the Organization hates you, you can't be that bad."

Maybe things aren't looking down so far after all.

"What's that?" Sora questioned, pointing to Jim, who'd followed me.

"Jim. It's a long story."

Jim went over to Sora, then circled him a couple of times, finally letting out an adorable little squee and throwing its (his?) arms around Sora's neck.

"He… uh… likes me?"

"I guess so."

"Myde, I know you control water and stuff, but this is just plain creepy."

"I think he's kinda cute." I held out my palm and Jim sat in it. "You are a boy, right, Jim?"

Jim thought for a moment before nodding.

Sora grasped my other wrist. "Come on."

"Where are we going?"

"To find my friends."

Wow, this chapter didn't turn out like I intended. I kinda like it. And yay Jim! He's kind of like that pink thing Morph from Treasure Planet. Ignoring the fact that it's scientifically impossible for someone's tears to form an adorable little thingy. I HAZ EXPLANATION! Jim is controlled by Demyx's subconscious.

I also didn't really mean for Donald and Goofy to get captured. Oh well.


	6. Poison

Six ENTIRE reviews! I'm so happy ^^

**Disclaimer: I own nothing but the plot.**

Chapter Six

Poison

I don't think I'm exaggerating when I say _we looked everywhere_. By the time night finally fell and we were both so exhausted we nearly passed out, we'd practically ransacked Twilight Town as well as several other worlds.

I pretty much knew that Donald and Goofy had been taken to the World that Never Was. That would be the Organization's way to reel Sora and I in. And I had a feeling that the entrance into the World was in Twilight Town. I told Sora this, but he was convinced it would be more obvious. Still, I couldn't think of another place where the Organization would place the entrance. Something so blatant it was hard to find. Something that you'd have to solve a puzzle for.

I curled up on the ground. I wanted to think it over more, but I was too tired. Jim lay on my neck, pretending to fall asleep, even though it was physically impossible for him.

I was on the verge of figuring it out. My eyes slid closed, and I fell unconscious.

--

Something was wrong when I woke up. The air had this strange, dense consistency that warned me to be on my guard. Despite the fact that it was just bright enough to see by, and that Sora was still fast asleep, I stood up and went for a walk, Jim clucking in disapproval.

I had a strange feeling, like this was one of those old horror movies. I summoned my sitar. I was afraid I would be attacked.

Jim made a little 'eehn!' noise that had to mean, 'why are we doing this?'

"It would be so much easier if you could talk," I told him instead.

There was a noise behind me.

"Huh? Who's there?" My heart pounded. I turned around and took a step back. _It's just a Shadow, _I told myself. _Kill it, and you can go back to sleep._

I felt something sharp jab into my shoulder, but before I could even react, my body lost all capability to move. "…Wha…?"

"It's for your own good," someone whispered.

The effects of the drug gripped me. In mere seconds, I blacked out.

--

It was so long before I woke up that when I finally did, my muscles ached, and my cloak was damp. I was beside a river, and I must have been hallucinating, because Axel was perched on a rock right next to it.

I opened my mouth to speak, but I couldn't manage anything more than a raspy mewl. I cleared my throat and tried again, only to fail.

"Don't even bother," Axel said without looking at me. "You're going to be out of sorts for another couple of hours." He turned to me. "Besides, you don't even need to talk for me to give you the answers you want."

I must have looked confused, because he continued on.

"The drug was something called Element Eraser. It's what Superior uses to neutralize a Dusk's powers, except he mixed something else in because you're human. In fact, I don't even know if he thought it would work, or just act as a straight poison."

My eyes widened.

"It was Xaldin who ambushed you in the woods, not me. I tried to stop him because I realized that if you had known what you were doing, you would have told all of us how you regained your heart. I was one second too late. Sorry about that, by the way.

"I found Sora's companions and gave them back to him. They're probably looking for you right now."

"H-how…" I stuttered. "L-l…"

"You've been out about twenty-four hours."

I looked through the trees at the sun. It was about a hand span from the horizon, and I'd learned from some survival show a while back that it was an hour after sunrise.

"Are you still with me?" Axel asked.

I nodded. As the meaning of his explanation sunk in, I glanced around, looking for Jim.

"Your little buddy? Is that what you're looking for? He got scared of Xaldin and I and ran away." He smiled almost weakly. "You should be glad I got there when I did. If I hadn't, that shot or whatever might have actually worked. Whenever someone tries to remove an elemental ability from a Nobody, they can get it back, but only thought direct contact with that element. Which is why you're still wet."

I shivered. "Axel?"

"Hmm?"

"Thank…" My voice was cut off when a wall of pain hit me, well, everywhere. I shrieked and fell back on the grass.

"Myde? Speak to me!" I could hear him, but couldn't quite see him. My muscles were twitching and I tried to ask Axel what this was. He gripped my wrist, trying to get a pulse.

"Oh, how come every time I help a friend they go and die on me?" He whispered to himself. "This is _his _fault."

So I was going to die after all? I was trembling and everything hurt like hell. The ground disappeared from under me and I realized I was being carried. When I heard the river coming closer I discovered what Axel planned to do. He hoped the water would heal me, or maybe he just thought he could dispose of my dying corpse this way.

I sank into the water, waves of ice swallowing me. I felt like I was drifting, even though Axel made sure that didn't happen. That particular moment made a small part of my mind reminisce about when my mother used to let me play in the shallow tide pools, always holding me close to her. The other majority of my mind wailed in agony.

Finally, my element favored me, and the pain faded. I stopped thrashing, which I hadn't realized had even started. I shivered more violently and Axel awkwardly hugged me to him, trying to transfer the body heat.

"Your luck is amazing, you know that?" He asked with a little humorless chuckle. "You've survived more near-death experiences in two days than anyone I know."

I couldn't say anything. My teeth were chattering too hard. Axel was trying to calm me down and failing at it. I tried to absorb the warmth.

"Your lips are blue," he said in surprise. I couldn't help but think if he tried to warm those up too I would kick his ass into next Tuesday, when I stopped shivering.

"I feel like I just jumped off the _Titanic_," I managed.

After another few uncomfortable minutes of sitting like that, my veins started to thaw and I could unfurl myself from him.

"Axel, what just happened to me?"

"The Element Eraser backfired and acted as a poison."

I snorted. "No shit, Sherlock."

"Look, I just saved your life twice-"

I cut him off. "I know. Thank you, Axel."

Another painful silence.

"So, what are you going to do?" Axel asked me. "Are you coming back with me and surrendering? Or going back to Sora?"

It was a tough choice. Help the good guys and go back home. Help the 'bad' guys, my _friends_, achieve the only thing they could want, and… how would they reward me? I didn't really care, but if I was going to sic them on Sora, I had a right to know what they would do for me. "I… I don't know."

He sighed. "Okay, I'll let you think about it. But Myde… This is just the mildest type of thing they'll do to you if you don't give in. I don't want to see you die." His look was downcast. He stood up and opened a dark corridor, waiting for me to jump up and go with him, I could tell. When I didn't move, he sighed, and left.

Once again, I was torn.

There's no AkuDemy implied ANYWHERE in this chapter. Axel's a fire element. Demyx was suffering from mild hypothermia. Figure it out.

Oh, btw, I drew a fanart for this story! The link's at the very bottom of my profile. Don't expect anything genius XD. 


	7. Flawed

**Disclaimer: It no mine! **

Chapter Seven

Flawed

For a long moment, I waited.

For what, I didn't know. Maybe I thought that something would make my decision for me. I closed my eyes and leaned back on the riverbank. Being poisoned really had worn me out. Hell, I didn't even know if I was cured, or maybe the water had just numbed the pain for a while.

I didn't know anything. My thoughts were buzzing incomprehensibly. I didn't want to think. I just wanted to sleep. Maybe, if I was lucky, this would all be a dream, and I would be waking up to the Saix alarm. Or, if I was even luckier, I would be back at home, human, and my mother would be waking me up to go to school.

School. Feh. The closest thing I'd gotten to an education in the past years was Zexion telling me how ignorant I was. And I learned how to do some basic Algebra. But soon Zexion got sick of me and demanded Xemnas give him another order.

I guess you could say I learned about hearts and fighting and the value of humanity or whatnot. Really, I was grateful I had learned that lesson. Just, I've been so blank for so long. Now that I'm real again, everything's… overwhelming. I don't really understand. It's like being human was this puzzle to solve. What emotion was I _supposed _to fell right now? Sad, maybe? Happy I was alive? Hurt?

The only emotion I really felt was perplexed. I didn't even have Jim as a form of comedy relief.

Square one, I guess. Hello, Myde. How are you doing? Are you still in there? I was Demyx without the X. It felt like stealing, picking up my old name again.

This was way above my maturity level. Damn, dealing with all these emotions was worse than feeling nothing.

I rested my head against my knees. I remembered those first confusing moments as a Nobody. I didn't want to, but I felt the pull, and I was dragged into another vivid flashback.

--

_For the longest time, I drifted. Days, weeks, even months could have passed. I felt nothing. I saw nothing. And I didn't have a clue until something tugged on my ankle._

_I resurface gradually. I didn't feel nothing, just comprehended things idly. I knew I was dead, but I couldn't bring myself to say anything about it. _

_"Hey, someone's alive." _

_I looked up tiredly, then shook my head. "Who are you?"_

_Those were my first words. _

_The owner of the voice was a man in a black coat. He pushed back his hood, revealing long dark hair pulled back into a ponytail. One eye was covered with an eye patch. "Name's Xigbar." He offered his hand, and I went to shake it, but he grasped my wrist. "You're coming with me."_

_He motioned his hand in the air and a black vortex appeared. I guess my eyes should have widened in fear, but my head just cocked in mild interest. _

_"What's your name, kid?" Xigbar asked me. _

_"Myde."_

_He snorted a little._

_"What?" I was almost angry. Almost._

_"Guess I can't blame ya. Need an adorable name to match that face of yours." His tone was sarcastic, and he went to pinch my cheeks. I swatted his hand away. "How old are you, anyway?" He asked._

_"Sixteen."_

_"Figures. The Heartless always prey on the kids."_

_"The… what?"_

_"Heartless. You know. The little black things."_

_I shook my head._

_"Whatever. You'll find out soon enough." Xigbar grabbed my shoulder and forced me out of another vortex and into what appeared to be a very bright office. _

_Another man in a black cloak pored over various papers. The walls were completely blank, no pictures or anything. The man looked up and smiled, but something about the smile was… off._

_He, too, had long hair, but his was gray. He nodded at Xigbar, who patted my back and snorted again before leaving. _

_"Ignore him," the man said. "Please, sit." He gestured to a chair I hadn't noticed before. _

_Something about him radiated authority and I obeyed._

_"My name is Xemnas." He took his hand and waved it in the air, showing glittering transparent letters spelling out __**Myde**__ backwards. He flicked his hand, and the letters began to swirl, making me dizzy. They stopped, spelling a new name- __**Demyx**__ with emphasis on the X. _

_"The new you," Xemnas informed me._

--

I gasped as reality came back in like the focus on a TV set. I had a bad headache and was breathing hard.

I lay down. I was just too exhausted to reach any conclusion, but my thoughts wouldn't stop whirring. I clamped my eyes shut and curled up, willing my train of thought to slow.

--

I was deep into a coma-like sleep when something nudged me.

Not some_thing_. Someone. I recognized the voice right away, and it was not the most pleasant thing to wake up to.

"Wak! I knew this was a bad idea."

Distantly, I heard Jim freaking out.

"Well it wouldn't shut up until I agreed to find him."

Typical Roxas, my half-dead brain thought. Suddenly, I was awake.

"Morning, Princess," Donald sneered.

I rubbed at my eyes. "What are you guys doing here?"

"Trying to shut Jim up," Sora told me. "He woke me and wouldn't stop squeaking. At first, I thought he was scared of Donald and Goofy, but he couldn't find you."

Jim let out a noise that sounded like "Memay!" and snuggled up close to me.

"Did it just call you… mama?" Donald asked through hysterical laughter.

I stuck my tongue out at him. I guess, considering Jim was controlled by my subconscious and all, and I did sort of create him, I guess I was… his mother. Ew.

"Where were you?" Sora asked.

"You tell me, because I don't know."

"You don't… know."

"It's a long story, okay?"

"So you _do_ know?"

"That's confusing," Goofy interrupted our budding argument. I forgot he was even there.

"Let's just say that Xemnas has discovered an entirely new form of torture," I said uneasily.

"And what would that be?" Sora pressed on.

"Tainted narcotics."

"You mean he _drugged_ you?" Once again, Donald was morbidly fascinated with my pain.

I nodded slowly, though _poisoned_ was the better word.

"Whoa, I wonder what that was like." Sora winced. "Are you okay?"

"Yeah, I think so." Until he tries out his next new method of making me implode.

We both stared out towards the sun for a few minutes.

"Are you coming with us?" Sora finally asked.

"You mean you'll let me?" I was incredulous.

"Yeah. No offense, but you look terrible. If you were really still with the Organization… I don't think you'd be trembling."

At last, someone with some sense! I hugged myself tightly, wondering if I was just cold, or if the shaking had something to do with a crumbling nervous system.

"Sora," Donald chided.

Sora turned to him and sighed. "Look, we really can use all the help we can get."

I tried not to clench my teeth. Even though my recent actions might say otherwise, usually I was pretty pacifist. True, I had needed to fight for self-defense. Emblem Heartless were little pieces of pure evil.

And true, I was set up for what was sure to be a battle where I'd have to fight, considering I couldn't outwit anyone for my life.

I realized then that I could be more than a little selfish. It was always _gotta save my life._

…Life as a Nobody is so empty. Literally, there is nothing. You feel so alone… What was my motivation? To get out of this alive and find a way for myself. My future was so unclear. I guess I could go to college. If they accepted nineteen-year-old sitarists who had never gotten beyond a tenth-grade education.

But… I had to pull through for someone. My mother, maybe? My heart squeezed and I had a little kid I-need-my-mommy moment. My other human friends? I can't even remember their names, and God knows if they would recognize me. Hell, I barely recognized myself these days. And what about…

My… girlfriend?

The thought was so awkward, but I didn't even care. It was then I chose to remember. I saw her face flicker in my mind's eye, but I couldn't place her name. In my imagination, the girl waves at me, like I'm behind a camera drifting in and out of focus.

I am so stupid. I can't even remember her name! I could tell she was important from the way my heart was beating.

My mental monologue was interrupted when Sora put a hand on my shoulder. "Dude, snap out of it."

"Whoa. What?"

"Have fun in your own little world?" He asked sarcastically.

"No." I swallowed the terrible feeling stirring inside me. I know it was really weird, but I knew I needed to keep myself together. I was older than Sora, and thus, I should act more mature,

Like that's ever going to happen. Sora saved the world(s). I can't even remember where I freaking live.

He he, Nobodies were supposed to be special because we had human memories. And true, during those times, I had felt them bubble up at times, but they steadily faded. Now, only the ones that made me feel like screaming were vivid and seemed real.

I stood up and allowed myself to be lead back on the Gummi ship. Jim was delighted, but no one other than him noticed my lack of babbling. I was trying so hard to remember that I didn't even notice when we took off, and my airsickness was always instant.

I didn't notice anything until we landed in the next world.

Wow, lots of things I have to address in this AN, so I'll start with the first.

Yes, I did give Demyx a girlfriend. I'm not against slash; I just prefer when he's not in it. So, naturally, one of the Demyx pairings I hate the least is DemyxLarxene, but according to the timeline, she's dead. Sorry, guys, but I'm going to have to use an OC. She won't be in the story much, and I don't really think she's too terrible a character.

Second, I know what's going to happen next in the plot, but I want to postpone that a few chapters. I'm such a bad author I didn't plan ahead more than three chapters when I began writing this XD. If you have any ideas of what should happen in the story, please put it in a review, or PM me. Thanks!


	8. Dreams

**Disclaimer: XD nothing is mine except for JIM!**

Chapter Eight  
Dreams

That night, I had a terrible nightmare.

I was in a sort of dark, wooden corridor. Everything was completely rundown and rotting, and an icy wind was blowing through the walls, giving me chills. I realized just then I was wearing my normal human clothes, not my cloak- gray sweatshirt, jeans, and Converse.

"You will fail," a voice hissed in my ear.

"Leave me alone," I gasped.

"Oh, dearest child, I can help you."

"Help me what?"

"Get rid of the guilt and make you stronger. You are so innocent."

"I'm not guilty of anything!" My grammar was terrible but that didn't matter at the moment. Suddenly, I was only sixteen again, yet somehow, those Nobody memories were still there, haunting me… "I didn't want to join them!" I insisted. "I just wanted to be whole…!"

The voice materialized in front of me as a figure made of wisps. Her hair was silver and stringy and mixed with her long, torn skirt. "Then why did you let her die?"

"Who? I didn't let anyone die!"

"Oh, you know you fell for her."

"What?" then I understood whom she was talking about. "But… she's still alive!"

"Tell that to the corpses, dearie," the woman whispered. My eyes grew wider as more people made of the same wisps emerged from the wall, floating over to me, gripping my limbs. I struggled against their grip, but I couldn't get free. I tried to scream, but no sound came out.

"Do you remember your dear aunty?" the woman asked. "The sole memory that even allowed you to become a Nobody?"

"No! I won't remember! You can't make me!"

"If you'd just acted… she would have lived…"

"It wasn't my fault!"

"But, dearest, it simply is." She came closer to me, and I noticed she had no face. She took my chin in her hands, and I struggled against her grip, too. I should have just slipped right through, considering they made of mist, but they refused to let me go. I wondered briefly if she was going to strangle me, but I realized her true intent. She pressed her invisible lips to mine, filling my mouth with the taste of death, and I remembered that dreadful day…

--

_There was blood. Blood everywhere. _

_My breath pulled into a gasp and I followed the trail with my eyes until finally I saw the source. My aunt, kneeling on the ground and much weakened. She was smiling feebly, holding a knife. Both wrists were slit open, as well as multiple other lacerations. I was still a child, but I should have said something to her. I could only stare in utter horror. My aunt smiled, and poised the knife in front of her chest._

_I screamed and she shoved the blade through her own flesh, straight into her heart. With her last bit of strength, she pulled the knife out, eyes rolling in her head. Gore was leaking through the self-inflicted wounds, staining her white blouse red. She fell back, clearly dead, with the same faint smile._

_"Mom?" I peeped, trying to peel my eyes from the blood. "Mom?" My voice raised into a shriek. Over and over again I screeched, until finally, my mother came running down the stairs like the house was on fire. She caught the sight of her sister, then me._

_"What's going on?" she asked, hysterical. _

_"I didn't do it!" I cried. At some point I must have fallen because half my leg was covered in blood. "She… she…"_

_The knife was still lodged in my aunt's hand. I smelled her blood, and I fainted._

--

I woke with a start, feeling my stomach roll with nausea. I had to act quickly. I turned to a nearby bush and was violently sick.

"Now isn't the time to freak out," I whispered to myself, but I felt like screaming. I wiped my mouth on the back of my hand.

I tried not to think about it, but the dream and memory kept playing over and over and over.

_Your fault_, the lady chanted. _Your fault, your fault…_

I guess my retching woke everyone up, because I heard footsteps behind me.

"…Are you okay…?"

I jumped at the sound of the voice.

"Whoa, relax. It's just me. Sora."

I turned around slowly.

"Are you okay?" Sora repeated.

"Yeah," I lied effortlessly. "I just ate something bad, is all."

Jim hissed in disapproval.

"Then what's with this?" Sora tightly hugged the tops of his arms, which I guess is what I looked like.

I made myself smile. "Just cold."

"It's the middle of May."

"Look, I'll be fine. Give me a couple of minutes."

"Are you su…"

"Yes, yes, okay? Leave me alone," I snapped.

"Just don't go crapping out on me, alright?" He turned and left, leaving me in the center of the woods in utter silence.

Was it possible? Was _she_… dead? Hell, of course it was possible, and more than probable. She was so small… so vulnerable…

I meant my girlfriend. What was her name? Why can't I remember? She's too important just to forget.

I'm pretty sure it started with an _I_. I…r…e…

What makes a Nobody forget their human memories?, a small part of me wondered as I struggled to remember the remaining letters of her name. Jim was distressed, floating around me. He must have thought I was having an aneurysm.

"Do you know?" I asked him. "Do you know her name?"

Jim didn't respond, instead, he'd made up a game of twirling while moving in circles. Lucky bastard couldn't get dizzy. Just looking at him made me feel sick again.

"Can you stop that?" I questioned as an alternative.

He stopped and squeaked in concern as he saw me. I wonder what I looked like, but decided I didn't want to know.

Okay, I needed to concentrate. What were the first few letters?

I…r…e…another I? No, that was wrong. I tried another few letters, but those didn't seem to fit either.

I-r-e…n.

Iren? As in Irene?

I-r-e-n-a.

The realization hit me like a slap. Irena. Of course. I froze for a second, tensing to be pulled into another memory.

…That was it? Just the name, and no bizarre flashback? I felt my heart drop a little in disappointment. Chances are it would be some tragic or just dull old memory, but I just wanted to see her face clearly. In my head, I could only see her from a distance, and very blurred.

Stupid brain, I cursed myself. I closed my eyes and thought hard, trying to pull that one image into focus, but I couldn't. I ended up giving myself a migraine.

Finally, I stood up and almost fell over from the sudden blood rush. I was definitely sick. I limped over to the river and stuck my hands in.

"Water, give me strength," I whispered. The water was blisteringly cold, even thought it was late spring. Well, we were in the mountains, after all. I didn't move until my hands were almost entirely numb and my headache was slightly better. I splashed my face and rinsed out my mouth. Feeling a little less shitty, I went and sat by Sora as they ate their breakfast. They offered me some, but just the thought of consuming anything made me wince.

So I sat close to the fire and focused on bringing the feeling back into my arms. As we all took part in an awkward conversation, I realized it had been ages since I actually played my sitar. My brain felt fried, so once again, I would work on it later.

Goofy asked me if I knew the map of the worlds well, because apparently, we were going to go to a new one. It would be a nice change, seeing someplace new. Sure, the Organization had sent me to dozens of places, but over and over again. It made me wonder if this new place was my homeworld.

I could only hope.

--

The new world was barren, literally nothing but an empty, scarred field. I guess something must have lived here once, but now it was gone. There wasn't even any Heartless running around. Two thin posts were jabbed into the ground. I guess it could have been a sign once, but now, there was nothing.

Even the sky was cloudy and gray. The breeze was nice, though, even if it was constant. Jim wasn't satisfied, considering he got around by flying. He hid in my hood.

Something about this place was calming in a desolate way. We searched it, but nothing really needed to be searched. Burn marks sometimes scorched the ground. I crouched and touched the ash. "This place must have gone through some pretty tough times." I was switching into 'recon' mode. "Maybe there were houses here."

"It's completely deserted. Where could all the people have gone?" Sora asked.

"Traverse Town, and wherever else people go when a world is destroyed. Heartless could have invaded, but when the worlds were restored, maybe this one was too damaged." I pointed to the sky. "See how it's constantly cloudy? Maybe that's from ash."

"The air's so clean, though," Donald said.

"Sure, it's clean now. When worlds are restored, they go back to the way they were right before destruction. Maybe the people here were ruining the atmosphere. Or perhaps it just always was that way. The clouds could protect them from a sun that's too close." I drew a heart in the ash and slashed through it.

"You're awful thoughtful," Goofy commented.

"I had to report these kinds of things to the Organization. Tell them all about the world without _really_ knowing anything."

"So you made it all up?" Donald sneered.

"No. It's an educated guess."

He snorted.

I narrowed my eyebrows. "Why else would all the grass be brittle and dingily-colored? Have you also noticed there's no trees? When the roots of a tree are burned, they can never grow back. This world could have just been a fireball that evolved into something else. But that missing signpost says something lived here once."

"There's nothing," Sora said softly, staring into the distance.

I stood up. "Well, I think there's nothing of importance here, anyway. Maybe sometime people will find use for this place. We can go."

He nodded, clearly disappointed. We started back towards the ship.

"Is something wrong?" I asked Sora.

"Well, I was hoping we'd find something. Like a clue. Or maybe the King."

"The King? What world did you come from?" I couldn't think of any worlds that actually had kings. Emperors, yes. A head lion, yes. But something someone actually referred to as the King?

Sora shook his head, like it was unimportant. "King Mickey. Donald and Goofy's friend. He's their ruler, too."

"So they're in a position of power?"

Sora nodded. "Donald's the Lead Magician and Goofy's the Head of the Royal Knights."

Way ahead of us, Donald smacked Goofy on the knee for doing something and he uttered a cry.

"I never would have thought so. Not like I'm trying to be rude or anything," I tried to salvage.

"Yeah, he really hates violence."

"Which one?" I muttered, and we both laughed.

Another few minutes of walking in silence.

"I'm also trying to find Riku," Sora told me. "He's my best friend."

I wished right then that I had a real best friend. Sure, Axel and I were good friends, but I couldn't depend on him. I just used to talk with Xigbar; I couldn't really trust him. Especially since he just loved to make fun of me. "Right now I'm just trying to remember the important stuff," I confessed at last. "And avoid getting killed."

"Sounds fair. But what can't you remember?"

I chuckled humorlessly. "How about _everything_? It's hard to place the names of people in my memories. I can see them fine." (Except for Irena) "I can't even remember the name of my homeworld."

"That sucks."

I sighed. "Tell me about it."

"Sometimes it feels like I'm missing memories," Sora began. "Like, how did I end up asleep for all that time? How did I go from that walking down that road to being in Twilight Town? Feels kinda like that, right? That something important is missing and you can't find it, as hard as you try?"

"Exactly." I turned to him. "I can tell you how, though."

"How what?"

"How you fell asleep." What did it matter? Not like I was a part of the Organization anymore. It's not considered treachery.

"…Really?" He was a little incredulous.

"Yeah. I don't know what good it would do. Maybe it might even be bad. Like, if you find out, all the memories would come back, and you could forget everything you've had to relearn."

"Tell me." Sora was almost begging. "Please."

I was relieved when I saw our ship appear. "Aw, would you look at that. I'll tell you some other time."

He was pissed. "But…"

"You have to drive. I won't distract you so you ram us into a meteor."

I hurried inside before he could say anything else.

XD loooong chappie according to my standards. Yes, did you all adore that lovely little gory bit? I know I didn't.

The Castle Oblivion truth is almost (but not quite) revealed! Yay. 

Review for the Demyx!

P.S If I don't update in time, Happy Holidays to all of you!


	9. Sickness

**Disclaimer: It's not mine!**

Chapter Nine  
Sickness

We stopped by Hollow Bastion for supplies, and to check in with some of Sora's friends. I noticed that since the trip from the deserted world, he'd been unusually quiet. I wondered if he was mulling over his memories and trying to find a loophole, or maybe he just was pissed at me. Probably both, giving my luck.

Hollow Bastion's streets were extremely confusing to me. Everything was made of cobblestone, even the houses, so it was like a maze. I focused on sticking with Sora. Hopefully that dude with the knife-thing wouldn't find me again.

I guess it would be easier to fit in if I just deserted my cloak. I wore clothes under it, but I'd been wearing these cloaks so long it was hard to imagine myself without it.

Besides, I got cold easily.

Hollow Bastion even had its own security system, which was actually pretty cool. It was kind of strange that they were called claymore, though. That word brought back some uncomfortable memories of Saix. The claymore made fighting off the waves of Heartless that much easier.

Sora wasn't doing too well. Something about his stance was wrong. I finished off a Morning Star. I was easily doing better than him, and that made warning bells echo in my head. I was supposed to be weaker than him.

I spun around and swung my sitar into the side of a neoshadow. The motion was almost effortless. I suppose I was a better fighter then than anytime before. I doubted humanity had anything to do with it. I know I was usually a complete pacifist, but emblem Heartless weren't nearly the same as purebloods. Purebloods were from people. Emblems were just… evil. I needed to get stronger, anyway. Lazy Myde no more.  
The battle was soon over. I heard a dull 'thump' behind me and turned to see Sora, with one of his knees curled to his chest. Donald and Goofy huddled around him.

"Are you hurt?" I asked.

"Fine," he whimpered. "Just a little… dizzy."

I automatically felt a jolt. I hurried over.

"Whoa, guys, personal space," Sora informed us, trying to act normally. We backed off and he tried to stand up, managing it for about five seconds before he fainted. Donald and Goofy gasped. I caught him before he hit the ground, and pressed my hand to his forehead, because that's what seemed to be the right thing to do.

"He's burning up," I murmured.

"Let's get him to Merlin's," Goofy said, going to grab a leg.

"I've got it," I told him, picking Sora up. The kid's surprisingly light, even if his hair jabbed me uncomfortably in the arm.

I followed Donald and Goofy to what they called 'Merlin's House' which I honestly wouldn't have noticed if it wasn't pointed out, even if there were odd little structures on the roof.

The front door was open, so we walked right in. The room was fairly large and colored different shades of red and brown. It was very calming until I noticed the other inhabitants of the room.

The first was a middle-aged guy perched at a massive computer. He had some programs running and was typing at the speed of light. Despite all the hand-eye coordination I may have, I type twenty words a minute, at the most.

The second was a teen girl whose head maybe reached my shoulder. She wore mostly gray and black and her shorts were so short they should have been illegal. She had a ninja headband on (I have no idea what these are called XD), and was polishing some very sharp-looking ninja stars.

The third was a girl who wore a pink and white skirt. She had a long brown braid, and I didn't know how she was familiar until she turned to face us. Her green eyes widened considerably, and when she saw Sora unconscious in my arms, and I thought she might scream. But she also saw Donald and Goofy, and her eyebrows knitted together in confusion.

"He's sick," I informed her. "He just fainted."

At the sound of a different voice, the other two looked up, and my face automatically flushed. The middle-aged man glared at me. The girl held up a ninja star, and I understood her threat. _Drop the kid, get out, and don't come back._

"Well, what are you doing here?" The guy said, smiling a little evilly. He cracked his knuckles, and I winced.

"Probably nothing good," the girl muttered.

"Whoa, I, uh… don't want to hurt anyone… so… yeah, help him," I babbled.

"He's with us," Donald spat.

They all looked at him like he was crazy.

"But he's with the Organization!" The ninja-girl yelled. "Look! Do you not see the cloak?"

If I hadn't been carrying ninety pounds of Keyblade master, I would have facepalmed. I fought the urge to say, "Yes, we have already achieved the fact that I am wearing a cloak. I must be evil." But I kept my mouth shut. I could have just said whatever I wanted, considering she wouldn't hurt me as long as I had Sora.

All of a sudden, a figure materialized in the back of the room. I had no idea how he got here, but it looked exactly like the opposite of a dark corridor.

"Oh, pan-dimensional travel is so terrible for my arthritis," he moaned. The speaker was an old man dressed in powder-blue robes. I didn't need to see his wand to know he was a wizard. He caught the sight of the room, of everyone's shocked faces, until he saw me. "Ah. And you are?"

"'And you are'?" The middle-aged man asked incredulously. "We have a member of the Organization _in our base_ and all you say is _and you are_?"

"You silly children," the wizard scolded. "Does he look evil to you? And if this truly was a member of the Organization, I would have sensed it and warned you."

I would have hugged him.

"The cloak," was all the ninja said.

The wizard slowly approached me. He looked me closely in the eye, and then caught sight of Sora. "Well, what happened to him?"

"He fainted," Goofy said. "We think he's sick."

The wizard sighed. "Poor kid works himself too hard. Cid? Would you mind?"

The middle-aged man came forward and took Sora from me, crossing the room and laying Sora down on a bed.

"And Aerith? Watch over him?"

The girl in pink nodded and went over by Sora as the man addressed as Cid and the ninja girl continued to glare at me.

"I am Merlin," the wizard introduced himself. "And you are?"

"Myde." I was breathless, still not used to using my human name, no matter how many times it was yelled at me all day.

"Ah." We shook hands. "Nice to meet you."

"Merlin!" The ninja hissed. "What are you doing?"

"Yuffie, come over here," Merlin demanded. The ninja didn't move for several seconds, fuming, but eventually she did come over. Merlin put his hands on her shoulders and put her where he had been standing. "Do you not see? He's human."

For about thirty seconds, she glared at me, and I held her gaze. Finally, her anger crumbled. "You're right," she muttered.

"As usual."

Yuffie looked down, then met my eyes again, and I discovered she actually had nice, brown eyes when she wasn't trying to shoot daggers with them. "I'm Yuffie the great ninja. And if you ever challenge it…" She leaned in a little closer. "YOU WILL PAY!"

I jumped.

Yuffie pointed at the middle-aged man at the computer. "That's Cid. He's our tech guy."

Cid muttered something that sounded like, "Damn confoundit allies lettin' a Nobody into our base…"

"And the girl with Sora is Aerith," Yuffie finished. "She used to be a florist, but now she's one of our architects."

The green-eyed girl smiled, a little weakly.

"You should be glad you missed Leon," Yuffie said with a laugh. "He would have gone berserk."

I winced, once again thinking of Saix.

Yuffie led me to the table in the middle of the room. Aerith offered me something to eat, but I politely turned her down. I really shouldn't push the boundaries of their comfort zone. Donald picked up on her offer right away, perhaps to spite me, but Yuffie's babble worked as a good distraction. Apparently, newcomers were rare and it was _sooo boring _here save for the Heartless attacks.

Eventually, she stopped talking my ear off and went outside to practice fighting. I was relieved, to be honest. She was friendly, but too talkative.

Ha. Never thought I'd say that.

I summoned my sitar and dug around in my pocket for a mute. When I found what I was looking for, I clipped it on and began to play.

Everyone pretended it was completely normal.

I finished some basic scales in seconds and picked at an allemande, but it was too sleepy for my current mood, so I groaned a little in frustration. I knew tons of songs, but I didn't feel like focusing. I turned to Aerith. "Is he okay?"

She smiled her sad smile. "He should be fine when he wakes up. It's just a fever."

I was just going back to play some more sitar, but she quickly asked, "Where you really with the Organization?"

I sighed. "It's a long story, okay?"

From across the room, Cid cursed and smacked at his keyboard.

"Is something wrong?" Aerith asked him.

"Damn computer's overheating!" He cried back at her.

"What does he even do on that thing?" I inquired, eager to change the subject.

"Calculations, measurements. He's trying to scale up our blueprints and such, as well as work on his own inventions. He builds aircrafts."

"Nice." I tried not to show I was uninterested. "Does he ever take a break? He hasn't stopped working since I got here."

"No, Cid's a pretty dedicated worker…"

I heard another shout. Cid threw something at the monitor.

"…When he's in a good mood," Aerith finished.

"Is that ever?" I asked as quietly as I could.

"Well…"

The door banged open, and Yuffie stumbled in, laughing and dripping wet. "It's pouring outside," she announced, and I noticed she had someone with her. "Look who I found! It's Leon!"

Leon… Now, where have I heard that name before? I felt the same type of nostalgia I experienced when I met Aerith. Almost like I met them at the same time…

Leon stepped through the doorway, and suddenly I knew why he was so familiar, mostly because of the intimidating weapon balanced on his shoulder. He, too, was soaked, but looked pretty pissed off for some reason or another. And he had yet to notice I was there.

…Oh God… I was scared of him.

Leon scanned the room, seeing Cid who was cursing at his computer, Aerith, who was still sitting by Sora, Donald and Goofy, who were involved in some sort of card game, and finally, me.

Leon almost made Xemnas look like a cuddly little kitten. My eyes widened. Leon lowered his weapon from his shoulder to a battle position.

"What is he doing here?" Leon snapped at Cid, who was now fanning the massive hard drive with a notebook.

"Don't ask me." However, when he met my eyes, it wasn't with a dirty look. In fact, it almost pitied, like, _nice meeting you, you fool._

I braced myself. Yuffie looked up from where she was wringing out her headband. "Ah, Leon, leave the guy alone."

"Are you blind?" Leon snapped. He didn't even wait for her to respond. Instead, he belted, "Where's Merlin?"

"On an errand," Aerith replied uneasily. "He'll be back in a few minutes."

Leon smirked, finally turning to me. He had cold blue eyes. "Well hello there. How's that arm?"

I winced. He walked towards me until we were only feet apart.

"And what, may I ask, are you doing here?"

I opened my mouth to speak, but no sound came out. He lifted his sword over my head, and the first thing I thought of was throwing my arms over my face in defense, even though my sitar was right next to my chair.

Leon went to swing, but he suddenly tensed. "Wait. You're human?"

"Y…yes?" I didn't stop cowering. Leon grabbed my collar and observed my face.

"And how did you manage this?" He asked.

How could they just tell by looking at me? Nobodies looked like humans, except the cloak, of course, and the blank face, when they got tired of faking emotions. "How can you tell?" I asked instead.

"Your eyes." Leon snorted. "I haven't seen anyone scared so shitless since I fought Sora." He let go of my shirt.

Goofy suddenly looked up from his cards. "You fought Sora?"

"A while ago in Traverse Town."

From the look on Goofy and Donald's faces, this was obviously a very big deal. I, for one, didn't understand. Friends fought each other all the time. Well, since the Organization was my only comparison, I was probably wrong.

"Why would you fight Sora?" Donald yelled.

"Look, he had a Keyblade and he didn't know how to use it. I offered to take it from him, but he refused, so the only way I could get it was to fight," Leon explained. He looked down. "I lost."

Yuffie, who was warming her hands over the stove in the corner, let out a peal of laughter.

"What's so funny?" Leon demanded, appearing angry, but his eyes sparkled with amusement.

"You…" Yuffie laughed. "Fought him," she pointed to Sora, "a wimpy fourteen-year-old boy," laughter, "who didn't even know how to use his own weapon… and lost!"

We were all snickering now, even Aerith.

"All right, all right, all of you, shut up. I'm trying to work here," Cid said through chuckles.

It felt like they were including me. That was nice. So far, only one person had tried to kill me, and that was pretty good, too.

Leon sat across from me at the table. "Okay, I'll give you thirty seconds to explain yourself."

The humorous mood disappeared from the room.

"I…" I was at a loss for words.

"I'm waiting."

I blundered through the story I'd given Sora originally, only I added to it, things about the death oath. Leon asked me what they were planning, but honestly, I didn't even know, so I was on even thinner ice. Sora was easy to convince, even with Donald in tow. Leon wanted to know exactly _why_ I was with them, how long I had been a Nobody, how Jim was created, and a bunch of other things I wasn't sure of. I tried my best to answer each question, and I guess he believed me after he saw Donald and Goofy's expressions, and they each admitted it was true.

"Fine," Leon said at last. "You're okay. For now."

With one last glare, he stalked back into the streets for further patrol.

Fillllerrrr chapter. 

I figured something had to happen. I'm sorry for such a terrible chapter nine, considering it should be special, being Demmy's number and all. Don't murder meh!

Happy Holidays :)P

If I get nine reviews, I'll give you guys a bonus chapter at the end of the story!


	10. Barricades

At first, I thought no one read the last chapter, but I checked on Story Stats and discovered I got more reviews than my email let on. Thanks for that, guys, sorry if I didn't reply :). But that's also reason to hate AOL number 401. I'm gonna switch to Yahoo.  
Also, my first chapter published on my new computer! Yayzers.

**Disclaimer: I own Jim, Irena, and the plot. That's it.**

Chapter Ten  
Barricades

Sora's fever broke a little more than an hour later, and everyone's relief was instantaneous. Aerith was astonished at how quickly he'd recovered. But he still slept on, and the poor kid deserved the rest. I was tired from our journey, too, and I fought half as much. Maybe I was just tired because I was weaker. That made sense to me.

After getting over the shock of new people, Jim darted around the room, getting acquainted with my new… friends. I guess they were my friends, considering they seemed to like me a little better now that my story was out.

Jim particularly liked Cid, and this was amusing, considering Jim was a pest to him. Cid kept swatting at him, saying, "Get! Get! I'm busy!" which caused all of us who were conscious to laugh. Finally, Cid ordered me to "control that damn pet."

Jim went over to bother Aerith, and to Yuffie, passing Merlin again.

"This is a rather odd creature," the elder wizard mused, trying to grip Jim's little body, but every time he slipped through Merlin's hands. "Myde, where did you find him?"

"I made him," I blurted. "I can control water."

"Really? And how is that?"

"Most Nobodies gain control over a certain element. I guess, when I became human again, that just stuck." I shrugged. "I'm not complaining."

"Strange," Merlin murmured, his attention shifting to something else. "Yeah, well, I'm pretty much an anomaly of anomalies," I said almost to myself. I stopped strumming at my sitar and looked over at Sora, who stirred and shifted to his side. It was the first time he showed he was okay, and I sighed a little. I felt a memory fogging up my perception of reality, and I braced myself, knowing which one it was.

--

_Everything was so hazy._

_My vision insisted on swirling around, confusing colors and shapes. My body felt leaden, refusing to move the way I wanted. I felt drunk, even though I hadn't had any alcohol. _

_I gripped the stair banister for support. Feverish sweat beaded at my temples. _Just get upstairs,_ I thought to myself. _Get into bed and sleep this off.

_I started shivering despite my obvious fever. An invisible weight seemed to be burdening me, and I let out a little cry. I dropped to my knees, arms still curled around the banister. _

_So dizzy…_

_I forced myself to a stand, and even that small feat was taxing. The world was spinning all around me. I cried out again, but the sound was twisted and deranged._

_I thought I was going to die. My weakness was splintering. _

_"Don't fight it," something whispered in my ear. _

_"Stop it," I garbled. _

_"Myde, sweetheart? Is something wrong?" I could barely hear my mother's voice._

_I passed out just as she entered the room._

_"Myde!"_

_During the next few days, I was so delirious I couldn't make out reality from hallucinations. Whenever I wasn't so fevered, I shivered violently. Someone with cold hands visited me particularly often- the touch always made me wince. I had no idea where I was, but when I was sane enough to figure it out, I was asleep._

_One terrifying hallucination was one of zombies. I guess I'd seen Lea play _Nazi Zombies _too many times._

_At first, when the doctor entered the room, it was normally, and he looked human. But the second he brushed a hand against my forehead, his arm grew bloodied, molding, and smelling like death. His eyes were tingled yellow and his pupils where too wide._

_"Don't touch me!" I cried, trying to swat away his arm, but I was too sick to properly guide myself. I just flailed aimlessly. A nurse had to pin my arms down as the doctor examined me. She, too, was a zombie, and I screamed, until finally another nurse yelled at them to sedate me. They argued for a while, the doctor saying the sedative would just make my fever higher, and I was the _only _patient to have sustained a one-oh-four for so long. I didn't understand what they were speaking about, only tried to free myself, but soon grew too tired to keep thrashing. Finally, I fell unconscious again._

_What could have been days later, I started to come to my senses. As my vision and hearing focused, I saw a frizzy-haired woman sweeping a floor. She smiled when she saw my awareness, temporary as it may be._

_"Hello," she said. "You really dodged a bullet there, huh?"_

_I pulled the rest of the scene into focus. I was in some sort of ward. A dozen or so beds were also in the same room. "Where… am I?" My voice was scratchy._

_The lady put her broom down and got a glass of water from a table. She handed it to me, and I gratefully downed it. "You're in a malaria ward," she explained. _

_"Malaria? Isn't that a tropical disease?" I was still raspy._

_"Not this year, it isn't. The spring was so wet the mosquitoes bred like crazy. You should be lucky you only caught the least dangerous of the types."_

_"Who are you?"_

_"I'm Lynn. Just a nurse here." She took something out of her pocket. "The doctor told me to give this to you when you woke up." It was a small, white pill. I hated medicine in every form. Shakily, I reached out and took the object, tucking it under my tongue. It was so bitter that I moaned and almost spit it out, but Lynn pressed the rim of the glass to my lips so I had no other choice but to swallow it._

_I sputtered. "What is that?"_

_"Not pleasant, is it?" Lynn smiled. "That pill will just help kill the bacteria faster. You need the help, kid. You're the first patient to hold a hundred-and-four degree fever for three days straight."_

_"Three days?" I wrapped one of the blankets across my shoulders._

_"Yes, we thought you weren't going to make it."_

_"So I almost _died_?"_

_"Almost." Lynn beamed at me again before picking up her broom and resuming to sweep again. "Consider yourself lucky." She turned to leave._

_"W-where are you going?" I was afraid to be left alone._

_"I'm just going to check the rest of the ward. I'll be back in a few minutes."_

--

I snapped back to the real world when I felt a hand on my shoulder.

"Are you all right?" Yuffie asked me. "You were pretty zoned out."

"He does that sometimes." Sora was sitting up in bed, fully conscious, so I had to have been away for a while. "We've gotten used to it."

"Hi," I said to them, still a little dazed. Jim crooned and snuggled up to me. I turned to Sora. "Are you okay?"

"Better than ever. I don't know where that came from."

"You're probably working yourself too hard," Yuffie said, trying to ruffle his hair.

Sora winced out of the way. "Yuffie, stop treating me like a kid."

"Enjoy it while it lasts, shorty."

Aerith reappeared in the room, carrying a tray of what looked like iced tea. "So now that you're both back, where are you four going next?"

Jim piped up in protest, and Aerith amended.

"Sorry, you _five_."

I liked the way she said it. It made me feel like I belonged.

Sora shrugged. "I don't really know. We have to keep searching for the Organization's stronghold."

I nodded in agreement. "The only way to get there is by dark corridor, and I can't open one."

"…And we have to look for Riku and the King."

Aerith and Yuffie exchanged glances, like there was something Sora and I didn't understand. Aerith handed Sora a cup of iced tea.

"Well, then you should get going soon, before it starts raining again," Aerith said.

"Yeah, that was kind of random. Weather's usually pretty good here," Yuffie agreed. I couldn't help but get the feeling that the allemande I'd played earlier had something to do with it. Oops. Hope I haven't permanently messed up their weather.

I stood up and stretched. "It's been… hours, right?"

"Yup. Hey, what where you daydreaming about?" Yuffie asked.

"You did look pretty into it." Sora was uneasy. He probably could guess that I was visiting my memories again.

"It's nothing," I told them. Just reliving another of my many brushes with death. What did life have against me? Can't I catch a break anywhere? "Hey, where did Donald and Goofy go?"

"They had to do some last-minute shopping. Something about synthesizing," Sora informed me. "They're trying to make these special weapons. Personally, I think they think they're in some sort of a competition with me. Synthesizing is just cheaper than buying everything fully made." He shrugged.

"Right." I'd never had to switch to another weapon before, and I hoped I never would have to. Xemnas gave us weapons that soon became a part of us, and would never disappear.

But what if that no longer applied to me, because I was human?

I shrugged off my growing suspicion. Right now, there was no time to fade away into thought. I made myself think optimistically.

I stood up. "Let's go. It's been long enough."

Sora nodded. "Right."

"Wait… are you sure you feel okay?"

"Yeah. Great." He was curt, obviously wanting to get out of here. I could understand, since I felt claustrophobic too. It was nice to have kind people around me, but I needed a little breathing room.

I know that was picky and rude of me to think, but always after a flashback, I felt disoriented and lightheaded, and wanted alone time to pour over what I'd just seen.

I could also feel a strange cold sweat beading at my temples, and didn't want them to see it.

Sora smiled and thanked everyone, and we headed towards the main plaza, where Donald and Goofy would be synthesizing their weapons. Donald appeared to be in a very heated argument with the Moogle in charge, something about not having enough mythrils.

The collector in me silently laughed at that failure. Mythrils were so abundant. But still, even that random thought didn't keep me from what I was really thinking of.

"Sora, can I ask you something?"

"Uh, you just did, but sure."

"What do I look like when I daydream?"

He raised his eyebrow. "I don't really pay much attention, but usually, you look like you're asleep. One time, though, you did turn to me and say, 'I didn't kill her.' It was pretty freaky." He shook his head. "Your eyes were all glazed over. Almost like you were possessed." He shuddered, and I got the feeling he knew all too well what that was like.

"Huh."

"Why did you ask?"

"I was just… wondering." Time for rapid change of subject. "Where are we going next?"

Sora seemed relieved at the different conversation as well. "Well, I think maybe Halloween Town. I have to check with the others."

"Any particular reason you chose there?"

"Nah, not really. We're just searching everywhere. Riku and the King have to be somewhere, right?"

"There are hundreds of worlds."

Frustration colored his face. "You're like a constant downer, huh?"

"Sorry." I didn't try to be on purpose.

We walked the rest of the way in silence.

"Hey, Sora!" Goofy yelled and waved.

Donald stopped arguing with the Moogle and turned. "You sure you're okay? You look pale. Both of you," he added, seeing me.

"I'm fine," we said simultaneously. Immediately, I felt like I was overstepping some invisible boundary. I didn't know them well enough to talk in unison. I looked down.

"You guys are all ready, right? We can go now," I mumbled.

Yay Happy 2010 everyone!

I promise the next chapter will actually include plot progression.

Spot the Charlie the Unicorn reference and you officially win at life.

P.S. by the way, has anyone ever heard 'Ventura Highway' by America? Talk about an epic song.


	11. Captor

OMG! Can you believe it's 2010? Yesterday was the freaking turn of the millennium, practically T-T.

**Disclaimer: I do not own Kingdom Hearts.**

Chapter Eleven  
Captor

Halloween Town predictably held no clues.

In my opinion, Sora was doing this all wrong. He wasn't searching right. All they did was breeze through every place; assisting in fixing what was wrong with it, hint to their friends that Riku and the King were missing, and leave, but I was kind of scared to open my mouth and tell them this.

The search was dragging. I don't know how Sora kept it up. Obviously, we had no leads to who they were looking for. No leads to where the entrance to the World that Never Was is, either. It was a pointless search.

Even the conversation kind of sucked. After I basically revealed to Sora that he'd be searching for some time, a gloomy, malevolent cloud settled over our group. And even eternally cheerful Jim was cross, or at least bored with all of us. To add to our dampened spirits, storm clouds hovered in the distance, and I tried my best to keep them at bay.

If anything was interesting, it was the costumes that Sora and his friends had. Of course, my outfit was unchanging, because I guess the black cloak was ominous enough for this world, but theirs were different.

Sora looked like some sort of vampire, complete with fangs and wings and a sort of pumpkin mask that covered his right eye.

Donald seemed to be some kind of mummy, but his midsection was either missing, or invisible.

Goofy was dressed almost like a scarecrow, his outfit the most random out of all of theirs. He was missing one shoe, and his eyes were different colors. In fact, his new costume almost made me laugh, but then I felt ashamed for wanting to laugh at someone who was so kind.

As for me, though I still looked the same, I felt different after remembering my brush with malaria. I wanted to think it over yet I didn't at the same time. Maybe I really was different than I thought all this time. Maybe as Demyx, I hadn't acted as myself. But who was 'myself' exactly? What did I act like? What was I supposed to act like? I wished I had someone I could ask from my human life.

There was Axel, of course.

That thought smacked me like a sledgehammer. I'd known Axel as a human (originally)? Wait… of course I had. Right. We'd met as little kids when I started going to my aunt's for the summer after my dad passed. She was his sister, of course, not my aunt who died.

I don't quite know what made us friends. He was five years older than me, I think, give or take a year. What had made us meet?

Oh, right. Then I remembered.

Even though at that point Axel was Lea and the power inside him had not yet been awakened, he was still a fire element, and naturally a horrible swimmer. My aunt's home was right by the ocean, and I played there often. The home next to hers was usually vacant, but Axel's family used to rent it out in the summer. Once, by chance, I'd been swimming as my mother watched me warily. I'd only been eight or nine, and ever since my father passed away two years earlier, she tried to keep me close whenever possible.

Of course, currently, that made me feel guilty. What had she done these past years?

Anyway, when he dove underwater to get one of those diving rings, Axel's leg got tangled in some seaweed or a plant of some sort, and being a bad swimmer, he didn't know how to get free.

But I had. Of course, I just couldn't let someone drown, selfish as I could be. Despite my mother's protest, I'd dove under to him, and boy, that saltwater was hell on my eyes, considering I'd needed them to see the plant and get him untangled.

When he was free, and we'd both reached the surface, he'd turned and thanked me, as well as introduced himself, feeling ashamed for having to be saved by an eight-year-old boy.

From then on, every time we both were at the shore by chance, he'd say something to me, and I guess we just became friends.

So, of course, it was a real shock when I re-met him in the Organization. At first I hadn't recognized him, since after a while he stopped coming to the ocean with his family. With the new hairstyle and tattoos, as well as a more intense attitude, he was a different person.

I think the conversation was something like this-

XEMNAS: "Number IX, this is our Number VII, Axel."

ME: "Oh. Uh. Hi."

AXEL: "Hey. Wait. I know you."

ME: "You do…?"

AXEL: "Yeah. Don't tell me you forgot already!"

ME: "???"

AXEL: -speaking slowly now- "It's me. Lea. Got it memorized?"

ME: -falsely shocked at the changes, considering I couldn't really feel shocked- "How did you become a Nobody?"

AXEL: "The same way you did. Well, I, uh, have to go." –flees-

XEMNAS: "…Let's meet the others, shall we?"

I wished I could see him to ask. The only thing I was sure that really made me _me_ was my music. But even that wasn't helping me lately. I felt creatively dead inside.

That made me laugh a little. I thought that by having a heart, I would never have those awkward creative blocks. The thought was also more than a tiny bit sad. Another reason having a heart could suck.

Okay, I'll name them. First, the ability to feel afraid. That in itself is horrible.

Second, the fact that emotions were messing with my head and my identity.

Third, the fact that my memories are so muddled and _ruined_. The only ones I remembered make me want to scream.

Fourth, the fact that it made me the top of the Organization's hit list.

Fifth, the creative blocks.

And lastly… this melancholy feeling. I can't just be cheerful. I have to work myself toward it. It's almost like I can't remember true happiness.

Damn. I sound like Zexion.

Sora wanted to talk to some of the locals, to check in on the Heartless problem. He managed to find a woman who resembled a rag-doll. This world was fascinating, but also mildly creepy.

"Hey, Sally. Do you know where Jack is?" He asked.

The girl appeared to always be afraid, but when she saw me, her eyes widened. "Um, yeah. He went to Moonlight Hill. Heheh."

"Is something wrong?"

"Uh, no, just…" She lowered her voice. "He's been thinking about Christmas again."

Sora sighed. "Okay, I was gonna talk to him anyway, but I'll find out what's going on."

Sally sighed. "Thanks, Sora."

I heard a distant shout of "Sally! Get over here now! Wretched girl…"

Sally smiled at us. "Well, that's the Doctor. I have to go." She ran in the direction of the voice.

"The Doctor?" I asked.

"Doctor Finklestein. He's a scientist. He created Sally."

"Really?"

"Yeah. She's a rag doll he brought to life."

I raised my eyebrows. "I thought it was just a costume."

"No, she's really a living doll."

That reminded me of Xion and her fate. I shuddered.

"Are you okay?" Sora asked.

"Yeah, yeah, I'm just a spaz today. Never mind, I'm _always_ a spaz. He he he," I said quickly.

Sora looked at me like I was on drugs. He knew I was hiding something.

Thing was, Xion existed even less that all of the Nobodies, so when she died, I should have forgotten her, but I hadn't. Probably because of the horror I felt whenever I thought of someone being created as a clone to kill Roxas, then mimic his powers.

We continued to walk into the graveyard. This part of town confused me. Why were the graveyards the most dominant part of town? Did these people like to kill? Or were they all dead in some way? I could relate, but people rising from their own graves like it was a bed?

Well, this was Halloween Town. Things were made to scare us.

Randomly, as we were by the next gate, a wave of weakness suddenly hit me. I pressed my hand on a nearby wall for support. The feeling was kind of like headache and extreme exhaustion.

I breathed shallowly for a moment.

"You sure you're okay?" Donald asked.

"Yeah, jus… just give me a minute…" I sounded drowsy. "Go on. I'll catch up in a second…"

They looked at me warily for a moment, but did continue on. As my weakness passed, I turned to follow them, but the gate slammed shut. Gates in this world tended to do that sometimes, but when I went to push it open, a sort of barrier appeared.

That's when I heard the dark corridor. Fearfully, I turned around to face my next potential killer.

Luxord.

"Wh-what do you want?" I stuttered.

"Hello, my Superior." His voice was mocking. "How are you feeling? A little dizzy, perhaps? Like you're falling apart?"

My lower lip quivered. "Do you know…?"

"Why would I give you any answers?" He cut me off, summoning his cards, they spun around us, changing the scenery to the deserted, scarred world I'd visited a few days before. I drew my sitar, wondering if I'd be able to fight him in my newly weakened state. Almost like he was causing it…

"What are you doing?" I demanded feebly.

"I'm doing nothing right now. This, however, would be doing _something_." Luxord pulled something out of his pocket, a white box. My eyebrows furrowed in confusion, but he lifted it above his head. Electricity sparked from the box, and it began to utter the most terrible sound I'd ever heard.

Having a Nobody's senses as well as being a musician, my ears are very sensitive. And I mean _very_. I could probably hear sounds most dogs couldn't, and dogs' ears are three times more acute than a human's.

The noise was a combination of nails on chalkboard, razors on glass, and an inhuman shrieking at a thousand decibels. My ears literally felt like they were bleeding. I fell to my knees, covering my ears, but the sound pierced through my shell. I found myself adding my own bloodcurdling screams to the noise. I looked up wearily at Luxord, who appeared not to hear a thing.

A strange fog settled over my vision. It wasn't like fainting exactly, but I felt myself slip into a daze.

Luxord approached me where I lay on the ground, and picked me up, and slung me over his shoulder.

He dragged me through another dark corridor, straight to the World that Never Was.


	12. Imprisoned

**Disclaimer: I don't own Kingdom Hearts.**

Chapter Twelve  
Imprisoned

When I came to my senses, the ground under me was cold, and my hands were bound together in front of me. I brought the room into focus, trying to sit up, but without the balancing of my hands, I fell again.

"Morning, sleeping beauty," someone sneered at me.

It was Xigbar, I could tell from the voice. I couldn't bring myself to say anything.

"I'm supposed to bring you to Superior."

"I thought we were friends." My voice was quiet.

"Nobodies can't have friends," He snapped.

I should have known. "Fine. Let's go then." I didn't quite know what I was saying. I couldn't think.

Xigbar grasped my wrists and yanked me to a stand.

We didn't say a single word as we walked. When we arrived at the doorway to the round room, Xigbar patted my shoulder a little sadly.

"Brings back memories, don't it?" He asked.

I nodded. After all, he'd been the one to find me when I first became a Nobody, and the one to bring me here to meet all the members.

"You're not the worst traitor we've ever had. Remember that." He almost smiled at me, and nudged me towards the now open door. Then, he turned and left.

Meekly, I stepped through, faced with no other choice. With my hands bound up like this, I couldn't use my sitar. I could control water without it, of course, but I couldn't use my element to fight entirely. Even that wasn't strong enough.

Only two chairs were filled, and I knew which ones they were. I could tell from the feel of their glares. Taking a deep, shaky breath, I looked up to meet the eyes of Xemnas and Saix.

"Good morning," Xemnas greeted, sounding a little deranged.

Saix nodded as he acknowledged my presence. He looked as he always did- eternally pissed off at someone, yet his constant rage was colder and much deeper than Leon's.

I stepped onto the platform like I had when Xemnas discovered I had my heart. I exhaled heavily again. "What do you want with me?"

"Give the traitor his due," Saix snarled. I hadn't encountered him since I'd been kicked out of the Organization, so his reaction kind of scared me, yet I wasn't surprised at the same time.

"No, Saix, remember our plans?" Xemnas barked.

Saix nodded like the obedient asshole he was. I was surprised at the sudden rage and tripped over myself. "Well, it's definitely true. Those _are_ real emotions." Even though he whispered I caught his voice perfectly, despite whatever hearing damage Luxord's device might have caused.

"What do you want with me?" I repeated.

"Silence!" Xemnas snapped. "I am still your Superior!"

Saix sighed.

I raised my eyebrows at his insanity. Even crazy, he was still powerful, I reminded myself.

"Why did you have to run, human?" Xemnas asked. "We're all friends here. You know that." He laughed strangely and Saix looked almost as puzzled as I did. At least, I think so. He's hard to read. "Why, it would have just been one _little_… cut."

He had to have been lying through his teeth, because I remembered the enraged look on his face shortly before I escaped this castle. He really seemed drunk, or like something knocked him off his rocker.

"Tell me, why did you fight?" Xemnas continued on.

"I…I wanted to survive," I mumbled.

"Self-preservation. If there was one thing you did well on missions, it was keeping yourself alive. For that, I applaud you."

The tension was making my stomach roll. "If you're going to kill me, get it over with. I'm ready. I'm sick of living a life in fear." The words had a life of their own. Obviously, some part of me was thinking I could outwit him.

In the time it took me to blink, Xemnas stood across me on the platform. I took a step back.

"Oh, but why would I do that? We haven't had a human subject to study in years."

I stifled my gasp. He was insane. Not evilly insane, either, just plain insane.

"Come here. At least let me cut those awful cuffs off. Quite clever of Luxord, but they won't be needed."

Horror was making me dizzy. An image of Xemnas stabbing me through the back as he 'cut off those awful cuffs' flooded my mind.

"Aw, don't be afraid," he crooned mockingly.

"What is wrong with you?" I shouted. "Kill me! Kill me! I don't want to suffer."

He smiled slowly, cruelly.

It was then Axel arrived. I didn't know how to feel about seeing him. Hurt, or betrayed, or whatever.

"Ah, Number Eight. Here to see the show?"

"…Don't!" Axel cried.

"Just let him do it," I told him in a clear voice, while my insides curdled. "They'll just keep hunting me down."

"And he finally gains some sense," Xemnas murmured. "Good child. So you do have a brain after all."

Axel sliced my handcuffs apart. "Run. I'll keep him busy. You don't have to do this."

"No."

"…What?"

"I said no. I'm tired of being tortured. It ends here."

"That's suicide!" Axel gasped.

"I'll just die in the end," I told him. "That poison situation wasn't ever really cured. It's been eating at me this whole time. Look at me. I'm sick. It's been hurting me. If I die now… I'll be in less pain." That would also explain my sudden weaknesses, the constant fatigue, and how it always took me time to see a scene clearly.

Axel just stared at me, expressionless. I wondered what he saw. A pale, skinny teenager? "But…" he began. "What about all the people who care about you? Your mom? Jim? Sora? Roxas?" he paused. "Your girlfriend?"

That struck a nerve. Tears flooded my eyes.

"Are you finished?" Xemnas asked. He was eager to have my blood on his hands.

I nodded. He lifted his hand, and I expected an ethereal blade to appear, but instead, he squeezed his fist.

Someone screamed. I'm pretty sure it was me.

An explosion of pain hit my chest, like my bloodstream was imploding. God, I knew it would hurt, but not this much. I screeched and collapsed, my whole body going haywire.

"Give me the antidote!" Axel shrieked. "Now!"

"There's no time," Xemnas answered, a smile in his voice. "He'll be gone in a few minutes."

"Give it to me!"

I couldn't see their exchange. I felt myself going limp. _I'm sorry,_ I thought.

I felt another needle jab into my numbing arm. I'm so sleepy. The pain died a bit in intensity. I wondered for a brief second what would happen to me, and I didn't know.

"Please," Axel begged me. "Stay alive, Myde. I can't lose you too. Remember that promise you, Roxas and I made? That we'd always be best friends? Stay with me. I don't want to be the last one of us alive. This isn't a valiant act! It's just stupid! Killing yourself won't get anywhere!" He sounded like he was in tears.

Axel was crying. Arrogant, proud Axel. Crying.

I'm the worst person on earth.

"Face it, Axel, he's gone," Xemnas murmured. "I can hear his heartbeat fading. He's not responding to you. Give up already."

I heard him cry out angrily, and throw what had to be a chakram at Xemnas, who blocked it easily.

I tried to listen to them, but everything sounded like I was underwater. I wished I were. There it would be more peaceful… more comfortable.

I struggled to hold on, but there was nothing to hold on to, and even if there were, I was too weak.

My eyes closed, and I drifted.

* * *

No I DID NOT kill him. XD flamers will be prosecuted!

P.S- the promise Axel was talking about was just really to make Roxas feel more at home when he joined the Organization.


	13. Aware

**Disclaimer: I do not own anything.**

Chapter Thirteen  
Aware

_I found myself standing on a small stone bridge overlooking what had to be a lake, but really looked like an ocean. Everything was bathed in an eerie moonlight, and the breeze ruffled my cloak from where I leaned against the edge of the bridge._

_Something was clearly wrong, but I felt warm and at peace. I smiled in contentment._

_"Myde!" a voice cried from the land beside the bridge. I didn't look to meet the figure, just watched the beautiful horizon._

_"Hey," the same person said, coming to stand at my side. "Hey. Why are you out here? We've been waiting for you."_

_Slowly, sleepily, I turned to meet the eyes of the voice- and I was suddenly alert. It was she in every instance- Irena, for the first time next to me and not so far away. She was just as I remembered; incredibly short, with black frizzy hair yanked away from her face. Only, a white mask hid it almost entirely, and her face was what I missed most about her. Even her eyes were somewhat hidden by it._

_"Are you okay?" She asked. "The ball has started already." She took my hand. "Let's go."_

_Without saying another word, the scene abruptly changed, and we were suddenly in the most beautiful ballroom._

_It was extremely hard to describe. Tapestries adorned the walls, and crystal chandeliers hung from the ceiling. Billowing chiffon hung in canopies everywhere. My feeling of utter wrongness only increased, like I wasn't supposed to see this for a long, long time_.

_Dancers swirled to the beat of an eerie-sounding song. They, too, all had masks, everyone but me. I was the odd one out. _

_"Come on," Irena encouraged, taking my other hand and placing it at her waist. "Let's dance."_

_I obeyed, but I was on edge. I should have been enjoying the moment. Something told me this was all fake, an illusion. I had to know. I sighed a little shakily and took my hands back. Irena froze a little in surprise._

_"You don't want to dance? But we've been waiting…"_

_I closed my eyes for a moment. When I opened them, I lifted my hands and tore her mask off. She screamed and covered her face._

_"It burns!" She screamed. "Oh, it burns! Why…?!" _

_I took a step back out of reflex. Where Irena once was, was now nothing but a pile of sand._

_My dream world shattered, the ground disappeared from under me, and I found myself falling down, down, down…_

--

I thought I was dead. Hell, I was supposed to be dead! The poison had to have reached my heart by now.

But my chest rose and fell stubbornly as I breathed.

My eyes were closed tightly. I was sure the only thing keeping them that way was me, but I couldn't force myself to open my eyes and see my surroundings. Everything felta little blurry and out of focus. My wrist ached for some reason or another. I basked in my temporary peace, trying to absorb as much of it as possible.

I wondered what I had seen. Was it real? Some sort of heaven? A memory of getting slipped some hallucinogens? She seemed so very real… until she disappeared.

My eyes snapped open. The ceiling was high above me. I sat up with terrible slowness and made myself look around. I appeared to be in a prison cell of some sort, but it lacked bars and looked like I could slip right through. I tried to stand up, but my legs wouldn't obey me. I touched my knee experimentally, and the nerve endings where in tact, so I couldn't be paralyzed.

I reached my hand towards the entrance and it felt a little bit like glass. If I were stronger, I could have easily broken it.

I noticed right away a silver bracelet latched on my wrist. This was what had to be causing the ache. I pulled at it, but the thing had to be pretty tight. I yanked at it again, harder this time, and cried out in pain. Needles were in the bracelet, and those were buried in my wrist.

I hated needles. Not swords, or knives. Needles. I just inexplicitly hated them, ever since an operation I'd had at about five years old.

So I started to panic. Not a very good thing to do, but I couldn't help myself. What did the needles do?

I looked out of the glass into the hallway. It was barren and white. Oh God. Was I in heaven and they were punishing me for something?

I would have slapped myself. Of course not. I could very faintly see a Heartless sign adorned on the walls. Surprising, because usually I had very sharp eyesight.

I pressed my ear against the glass. All I heard was the quite hum of radiators circulating the air.

Suddenly, I felt sleepy again. Almost against my own will, I lay down on the cold floor. I realized something as I fell asleep.

_I'm trapped._

--

General

Sora, Donald, and Goofy were on Moonlight Hill, looking for Jack as Sally had said he would be here. They didn't notice Myde's disappearance until Jim made a startled noise.

"What's with Jim now?" Sora asked, turning around and seeing that the hydro was missing. "Okay, I know Myde's weird, but this is a little ridiculous…"

Donald just sneered. "I told you not to trust him."

"I didn't, not really, anyway."

"Maybe he went back to the Organization," Goofy suggested. "I mean, I think I did see one of them, and I heard this weird screaming noise…" Goofy shuddered. The sound was enough to make him dizzy.

"I don't think he would have forgotten this," Sora said, pointing to Jim. "This is his pet."

Jim squeaked again, this time it sounded a lot more like a scream.

Sora patted the creature on its head. "It's okay. We'll find him."

"But…" Donald began.

Sora stared at them. "If he had gone voluntarily… Jim would have gone with him, and he wouldn't be freaking out like this. One thing I did find out about him… Myde is Jim's mother or whatever."

"Isn't Myde a boy?" Goofy asked.

"Well, yeah, at least I think so. But it did call him 'mama.'"

Donald snickered.

"So… are we going to look for him?" Goofy asked.

Sora shrugged. "We're already looking for so much… one more thing won't matter."

"You're his friend, aren't you?" Donald asked, a little incredulously.

"Maybe, I don't know. He didn't _seem_ like one of them…" Sora couldn't help but think they had met before, almost like he and Myde had been friends before they met. Nostalgic, almost, but they clearly hadn't known each other at all, considering Myde had been a Nobody.

"You're hopeless," Donald muttered.

--

Myde

I woke up with Axel staring at me. "Is… is that… you?"

"No, Myde, it isn't me," he said sarcastically. "Uh… are you okay?"

"Just peachy," I told him in the same sarcastic tone. "Why am I in here?"

He sighed. "They want to keep you for observation."

"Like I'm some sort of science project?"

"Kind of."

"Shit," I muttered.

Axel just started at me, like he didn't know I knew how to curse.

"What's the big deal? They're just words!" I snapped.

"I think this is the first time I've ever seen you in a bad mood," he mused.

"Well, you've known me for over ten years. It was bound to show up sometime." I didn't know what was making me feel so grumpy. "Why are you here?" I asked in a less grumpy voice.

"Just checking on you."

"So now _I'm_ a pet."

He shrugged.

"Answers might me nice, you know."

"Keep being a bastard and you might not ever get them."

Stony silence.

I sighed. "I'm sorry."

"It's not your fault. You did almost die- again."

"For the tenth or twelfth time, I think. This is getting ridiculous," I said, and remembering the second prick on my arm, I added, "Was that really the antidote?" Absentmindedly, I rubbed at the mark.

"Yeah. Why? You feel weird?" Axel asked.

"When have I ever felt normal?" I pointed out.

"…Good point."

"What's this?" I asked, pointing to my bracelet. "What does it do?" I had a rough idea but only he could confirm it.

"It neutralizes your powers and monitors your heartbeat," he informed me.

"Great. It's probably also a tracking device, too, right?"

Axel raised his eyebrows. "Yup. How'd you know that?"

"Just guessed. It has needles in it, you know. I hate needles."

He shrugged at the random information.

"So… am I just going to sit here… or are they going to do something?" I pressed on.

"I'm not quite sure. I can't get you out of there. This isn't glass." He pressed his hands against the transparent wall. "See how it ripples? This is a magic barrier."

"It can't be broken?"

"Not that I know of." Axel sighed again. "I just came to tell you. You better keep yourself busy. I think they're trying some sort of experiment. Insanity by iso, I think."

"Iso?"

"Isolation," he defined, and then looked apologetic. "I'm so sorry. I wish there was something I could do…"

"This wouldn't be the first type of mess I got myself into." I looked down.

"Here. Catch." Axel took a pad of paper and a pen out of his pocket and threw them through the barrier. They landed on the floor with a small 'thump.'

"Wait… how did those get through?"

"Only nonmetal inanimate objects can pass."

"What am I supposed to do with this?"

"I don't know. Be creative. Write music or a journal or something." He looked in the distance as if he heard someone. "That's Saix. I have to go."

I flopped onto the floor in frustration. To add to everything, my senses were getting worse. I couldn't hear things Axel could, and that was a bad sign. Maybe I was _too_ human now.

I picked up the pen and paper. Well… here goes nothing.

--

Day 1

Ugh, I don't know what I'm supposed to do with this. Entertain myself, as Axel said. Not like anyone's ever going to read this.

I guess I'll start simple. My name is Myde. I'm nineteen years old. I play the sitar.

Oh, yeah, and I used to be part of an evil Organization until I got my heart back. Then they wanted to kill me until Luxord almost rendered me deaf, and now I'm their prisoner.

Any questions?

Oh, right. The Organization is really called Organization XIII, made up of special Nobodies who retained their human memories and form. A Nobody is born when a person with a strong heart becomes a Heartless. Only fourteen of them have been born so far, and I am (was?) the ninth, thus making me the ninth member of the Organization. My age being the same number is just coincidental. I've been with them since I was sixteen.

We used to have thirteen (fourteen?) members. The fourteenth was a cloned girl named Xion. Her heart was artificial, thus making her something other than a Nobody. She stayed with us for a little under a year before she was killed.

Each member's name contains an 'X,' for what reasons I'm not sure. Mine used to be Demyx, but when I became human, I resumed my old name.

Oh, I forgot. Nobodies don't have hearts. They can't feel emotions.

As for members, here they are in the order of how they joined.

Xemnas (I don't know his human name)

Xigbar (Braig)

Xaldin (Dilan)

Vexen (Even)

Lexeaus (Aeleus)

Zexion (Ienzo)

Saix (Isa)

Axel (Lea)

Me

Luxord (Lurod)

Marluxia (Lumaria (what a girl))

Larxene (Arlene)

Roxas (Sora)

Xion

Roxas was special because he's the Nobody of a Keyblade master. A Keyblade master is someone who seriously owns, and I've figured this out considering he (Sora) killed about half of the Organization already.

Speaking of Sora, once I was kicked out of the Organization, he was nice enough to let me join him and his friends in the journey to stop Xemnas and find some people named Riku and the King.

More later. I'm tired.

_Myde _:P

P.S. Right, I'm going to add a section. It's called the dead log. Hopefully we can track how fast everyone's dying.

P.P.S if no one else is ever added, assume Xemnas took over the world.

P.P.P.S if entries stop, have Axel add my name to the log.

THE DEAD LOG

DEAD  
**Vexen  
****Lexeaus  
****Zexion  
****Marluxia  
****Larxene  
****Xion  
**MISSING  
**Roxas**  
ALIVE  
**Xemnas  
****Xigbar  
****Xaldin  
****Saix  
****Axel  
****Luxord  
**HUMAN  
**Me**

* * *

So, hopefully that chapter wasn't TOTAL fail.

And yes, that ballroom scene was reminiscent of _The Labyrinth_. You can't have a Demyx fanfic without a David Bowie reference ;).

Please review! I have almost eighty of them! You guys are amazing for that, btw :).


	14. Penalty, Isolation 101

**Disclaimer: Own Kingdom Hearts I do not.**

**""SPECIAL NOTE"": As I'm writing as Demyx and not myself in this diary, please excuse any grammatical errors. They are there on purpose.**

Chapter Fourteen  
Penalty/Isolation 101

General

Axel should have been expecting it.

He didn't do much after missions these days. He didn't even go to the clock tower, or eat ice cream. It reminded him of the times he and Roxas went up there. He was pretty sure someone else was up there, too… and it wasn't Myde, or any of his other 'friends.' He had a feeling it had been a girl, but Namine had been in Castle Oblivion, and Larxene wouldn't be caught dead with them.

Instead, he spent most of the time either sleeping, or thinking. It was a terribly boring way to live, but for once Axel's confidence and cocky nature was shaken. He spent most of his thinking time searching through human memories. There was quite a bit of them that made him feel unsure, and confused. There were a lot of things both Saix and Myde had missed.

So he blocked them out.

That particular day, he was staring at the half-complete Kingdom Hearts. It seemed to grow every day because of Sora's endeavors. What would happen once it was complete? Would the power need to be unlocked, or would it all go straight to Xemnas? What if someone else, someone more villainous (if that was even possible) managed to hold on to it?

What if the power of Kingdom Hearts was all just a lie?

Axel winced and leaned against the couch behind him. This was the only part of the whole castle that was even slightly homey. All the rest of the rooms were blank, white, and stiff. No one ever used them, so what was the point?

He sighed and stepped out of the Grey Area. It was so dull here, almost apathetic. Luxord, Xigbar, and Xaldin were out on missions, but they hated him. Everyone else was dead, missing, imprisoned, or currently scheming.

Axel stretched. He'd gotten a particularly nasty cut after the Assassins rebelled against him, but they were now under control and he'd healed. However, that didn't mean he wasn't sore.

He decided he'd go for a walk. Maybe he would even grab a book from the library no one ever went into, but all the books there were boring and mostly about humanity, or hearts, exactly the things Axel wanted to block from his mind at that moment.

So he made up his mind to take a nap. In the Organization, it didn't matter if you were over rested. Not like he had anything better to do.

Just as he walked across Naught's Skyway, he sensed someone.

Axel's hearing wasn't as finely tuned as Myde's was, but his instincts and reflexes were better. He knew when someone was trying to sneak up on him, and someone was.

He knew the proper thing to do in these situations was to stay calm and pretend he didn't know they were approaching until they did- and then swiftly, mercilessly attack.

He was their assassin, after all.

Axel winced at the memory and moved on, internally gauging the approach of his stalker.

Just a little closer, he thought. Come to daddy.

Eh, it was probably just one of his Nobodies trying to be fierce. Seeing as he trained them, his personality did rub off on them, at least a little bit.

But this figure felt different… not human, but as if they were aware Axel knew they were stalking him.

It had to be a member of the Organization.

Axel had to admit his hair started to stand up on end. He did, however, manage to keep himself from tensing.

The figure was so close that he could feel it tense to spring from a turret. Axel knew now that it had to be Saix, because only Saix was insane enough to do that. Even Xigbar, who controlled space, never did something as ridiculous.

"Ah, Axel. May I have a word with you?"

Axel had been so concentrated on Saix following him that Xemnas scared him to the point where he jumped. Saix acted fast and pounced.

"You… you…" the pyro began, stepping backwards right into the trap.

_They ambushed me! And I fell for it!_

Lightning-quick, Axel summoned his chakrams.

But he wasn't quick enough.

Saix slammed the hilt of his claymore into Axel's side, causing Axel to show a rare moment of weakness and cry out. He managed to stumble to all fours, only to have a needle shoved into his shoulder. Axel fumbled to yank it out, but Saix smacked him again, and the three seconds that bought allowed the drug to drag Axel into unconsciousness.

--

Myde- Journal

Day 4

Xemnas says I'm behaving 'surprisingly well,' like I'm a rather bad kindergartener.

He shows up from time to time to 'check on' (observe) me. I'm trying to trick them into thinking their experiment is working, but I'm not the greatest actor. Of course, I hide my journal from them. They can't know about it.

I'm allowed out of my little cell approximately every six hours for bathroom breaks, but other than that, I'm trapped in here.

It's as boring as hell.

A lot of the time, I sleep. Sometimes I play sitar, as the bracelet around my wrist cancels out my powers. With the bracelet on, it's just a normal instrument, and it can't break the barrier (I've tried). But, I'm out of practice, and my fingers are clumsy.

I'm still weak, but not so much. I don't feel hurt or whatever. I just feel… blah. Not any better but not any worse.

It's not like Axel promised to visit me, but he hasn't shown up in a while, and I'm starting to get worried.

…What if they got him, too?

No no no. I can't let myself think that way.

Sometimes, when I'm feeling a little weird, I'll think about her. Irena. She almost doesn't seem real, from the way I forgot her completely, to my fleeting glimpse of her. I would make something like that up. I need something to hang on to, something to help me remember my human days. I want to remember the name of my homeworld, but I just can't. I can see it in my head- the sea, the streets, the houses all in neat, beautiful rows. My own home with the winding staircase. My own room, with the blue walls, the wooden sitar in the corner, various sheet music all over the floor.

I'd always been considered a sitar prodigy. Music was my best grade in school. It was the only subject that I could be considered nerdy in. I always had the answer, no matter what the question. I shamelessly answered them all, out loud, and everyone would stare at me.

But it felt nice to be good at something, really good at it, too. The teacher could set complicated music in front of me and automatically I would understand and be able to play it on my instrument. All twenty-three strings.

Despite the strangeness of my instrument, I was gladly accepted into the orchestra. I had to take lessons out of school, of course, but I didn't care.

My mother didn't, either. She was brazenly proud of me. I am her only child, and she doesn't have a husband. I am the only one she has.

It makes me want to scream. How was she? All alone now?

But I make myself think optimistically. That's the only way I can get out. I hope.

Day 5

Axel still hasn't showed up.

…What if they did something to him, too?

* * *

End of chapter! I'm so happy because I got nine reviews! I love you guys ^^. How would you feel if I posted an audiobook about this story? Heh heh, i already recorded the first few chapters. Would any of you watch it?


	15. Decision

A hundred reviews! AAHHHH! Thanks a bunch to _Sora Tayuya _for giving me that hundred review! Really, you don't know how much it means to me.  
What this also means for you guys.... bonus chapters, because I have no life XP.

**Disclaimer: Kingdom Hearts I do not own.**

Chapter Fifteen  
Decision

Axel was cold. Very cold.

That's why he even woke up. The world he'd been pulled into had been so merciless- but it had made him sleepy, and eventually he'd been pulled into a stupor.

But Axel was never cold. Ever since he'd become a Nobody and embraced the fact that he was a fire element, he'd always been just slightly feverish. Not nearly enough to harm him- just enough to always keep him warm. It had come in handy, even, like when he'd had missions in cold climates.

So, when he woke up, _shivering_, it alarmed him. It would have sent a chill up his spine if he hadn't already been coursing with them.

Someone knocked on the door. Axel looked up, rearranging his facial features so he didn't convey worry, just annoyance at being woken up.

"What?" He asked, slightly exasperated. His voice was scratchy.

"Xemnas has a preposition for you," came Saix's voice, cold and heartless as ever.

Axel shifted until he was sitting. "Fine, I'm coming." He stood up and walked to the door. "Well? What does he want?"

Saix seized Axel's wrists. "You're coming with me."

"Wow, really? You think I'm that weak?" Axel tried to twist himself free, but Saix held tight. Axel wasn't worrying about that. He was worrying about something else entirely. "What…?"

"A weakening drug," Saix answered, smirking. "I'm sure you'll be fine, seeing as you manage to be the exception to everything." There was a hint of sarcasm in his voice.

"Let go of me."

Saix yanked Axel's wrists forward. He brought his subordinate through the hallways and to the Organization's meeting room. Of course, it was almost a fight the entire time, Axel struggling against newfound weakness and Saix's grip.

"And we were once friends," Axel spat.

"People change," Saix hissed coldly.

"Kiss up," Axel retorted, because all other insults escaped him.

The door slid open, and the two Nobodies sashayed through.

"Good morning," Xemnas said pleasantly.

"What do you want?" Axel yelled, finally letting his true hatred for the older Nobody show. Saix held on to him better than a pair of handcuffs.

"Now," Xemnas said, "relax. It's nothing out of your league."

"Why should I listen to you?"

"Because I can do this." Xemnas made some hand gesture and Saix jabbed another needle into Axel's arm.

"What…?" He began, and then felt his muscles uncoil and his strength diminish against his will.

"If you protest, we continue on with the medicine."

"You're crazy."

"Listen what I have to say."

"Fine! I will. Let go of me!" Axel swung around and tried to kick Saix's feet from under him, only to stumble.

To his surprise, Saix let go of him, and Axel wandered forward, ticking off in his mind ways he could escape.

"Come up here and join me," Xemnas continued, as if they were close friends meeting for the first time in a while.

Fuming, Axel realized he had no other choice. He opened a dark corridor and seconds later was in his assigned seat. Saix appeared in the seat across from him.

"How are you doing?" Xemnas asked, offhandedly.

"How am I doing?" Axel asked, incredulous. "How dare-"

"Wrong question." Xemnas shrugged. "I have a preposition for you."

"So I've heard."

From his seat, Saix smiled maliciously.

"What is it? Just tell me so I can try to figure out what the hell you just did to me."

"Really, Axel, just calm down. It's no big deal. We're all friends here."

"Have you lost your mind?" Axel screamed.

"Ah, ah, ah, Axel, one more outburst and you get another jab."

"What is it?" He asked in a slightly lower voice.

"See? Is it hard to ask politely?" Xemnas smiled, but it made Axel want to throw up. "As you know, you haven't exactly been on our good side lately…"

"Treason," Saix agreed.

"Saix, don't interrupt me," Xemnas snapped, and Saix nodded obediently. Axel imagined Saix with a leash around his neck, being led around by Xemnas. "So while you have not been the most faithful member, there is a way you can redeem yourself…"

Axel closed his eyes, knowing what the Superior was about to say.

"He trusts you," Xemnas said simply. "He depends on you. He'll believe anything you say, Axel. He's just like Roxas- he'll believe anyone."

"What do you want me to do?" Axel asked, trying to convince them he hadn't made up his mind.

"Oh, you know. Ask him nicely how you can get your heart back, and _promise_ you won't tell the others. You're so accomplished at lying; I don't think one more will kill you, especially since you shouldn't be able to feel."

Axel looked down. He always kept promises. That was the only thing that was honest about him.

"It's really not that hard. You might lose a friend, but you'll gain so much more."

He thought hard for a non-decisive reply. Xemnas didn't know that Axel already knew how to get hearts back. It was so obvious and logical he was surprised that they hadn't figured it out already. "...And if I don't?"

Xemnas smiled. This was clearly his favorite part of the plan. "Then Sora dies."

"Sora? But what does he have to do with…?" Axel cut himself off with a gasp. "No." His voice became someone else's. If he'd had a heart, his eyes would have filled with tears.

Xemnas nodded slowly, and Saix smirked for the billionth time.

"Y…you'd kill Roxas?" Axel began slowly, swallowing his false emotions. "B-but how? Sora took out Marluxia, Vexen, and Larxene with ease."

"He couldn't take on three of us at once."

Axel was horrified. "You'd sacrifice your own members for that?"

Xemnas smiled. "I won't have to if you just say yes, Axel."

Axel leaned back in his seat. He could just fess up and tell them. But a moment of insight reminded him… Xemnas's Heartless was dead. Even if Axel told the truth, Xemnas wouldn't believe him. There were so many pureblood Heartless, and they were weak compared to the wrath of the Keyblade. All of the Organization member's Heartless could be dead- his own, even. Myde had simply gotten lucky.

"Well?" Xemnas asked impatiently.

"You're blackmailing me?" Axel inquired, pretending to be incredulous.

"If you consider it that, then yes. You'd do anything for Roxas's well being, Axel. I know that. Compared to him, the other one is worth nothing to you."

Axel dully noted that Xemnas never actually spoke Myde's name. Instead of answering, he shot an accusing glance at the man that used to be Isa. Axel remembered the Isa from his childhood- a little strange, sure, but never the cold-blooded killer that he became later in his adult human life, or the evil accomplice of a powerful Superior.

How he wished he could go back to those days, when everything was carefree.

"You're enjoying this, aren't you?" Axel asked Saix. To his mortification, his voice broke.

"How can I enjoy anything?" He asked instead with a hint of sarcasm.

"I hate you both!" Axel screamed, startling himself. The words he'd wanted to say for such a long time tumbled out of his mouth. He was acting extremely childlike and unlike himself. Composure, composure, composure.

But ever since Xemnas even _hinted_ at killing Roxas, Axel felt tormented. He didn't love Roxas- not like that- but Roxas was like his brother, and he had a deeper connection to him than Myde. Just the thought made him want to cry.

"So what do you say?" Xemnas pressed on. "Come on. It'll be fun!"

Axel looked down, lower lip quivering.

"Well?" Saix raised an eyebrow. "Are you going to answer our Superior?"

"I'll do it," Axel murmured, but considering they were all Nobodies, they both heard him perfectly.

Xemnas's face glowed. "Excellent! You really are one of us." He portaled away, Saix naturally following him, so Axel was left alone.

And for the first time, the Flurry of Dancing Flames burst into tears.

* * *

Poor Axel T-T he's my next victim or something.

Hehe, sorry for the lack of Demmy in this chapter. Don't worry. He'll show up again soon. But this chapter contains crucial plot development.

Thank you again, Clarilune, for the suggestions! You really helped me out! You get a dozen cookies!


	16. Fluke

**Disclaimer: I do not own anything aside from a few unfamiliar concepts, the plot, Irena, and Jim. I also technically own Demyx's prison, but Xemnas is willing to pay great sums of money for it.**

Chapter Sixteen  
Fluke

Day 7

I took a hilarious fall today.

And by 'hilarious' I mean 'humiliating.'

Every day, either Xigbar, Xaldin, or Luxord walk me to the bathroom and back. Well, today I happened to be with Xigbar, and somewhere down a flight of stairs, I managed to trip over myself and fall down them.

I didn't hurt myself, but I did have the breath knocked out of me. Not to mention, I put Xigbar into hysterics.

Usually, I'm not even this klutzy. My motor skills are never this bad.

Day 8

I guess I should tell you what life in this prison is like. Whoever 'you' are, I don't know. I'm just listening to Axel and trying to keep myself busy.

My room is kind of round and about ten feet in diameter. Almost the entire front wall is flat and looks like there's nothing there, but when I go to put my hand through it, a barrier appears. It's completely colorless and feels like glass, only slightly colder. The air passes through but I can't.

Speaking of air, everything's very dry. Though supposedly this bracelet thing stops me from using my powers, I guess humidity would be a bad thing.

The floor is just dull ceramic tile. No furniture or anything, just the floor. The source of light is a crystal sconce, which could possibly be some sort of enchanted flame, but I don't know, because it's out of my reach even when I jump. It makes everything very pale turquoise and frankly, it makes me feel a little nauseous.

They feed me and let me out four times a day.

I guess things could be worse.

Day 9

I'm starting to feel… strange.

Not hilariously sick, just weird, like something's wrong and I _should_ know what it is but don't.

They're starting to come back, my memories, I mean. Just little pieces of information that don't do me any good but stick in my head. Some are good, but most make me feel hurt.

Yet I'm hanging on. I promised Axel I would. My memories are the only thing keeping me together right now. Sometimes I make up random things to entertain myself, stories that will never see the Bestseller list because they don't make sense to anyone but me. Some come to me in dreams and I write them down in the back of this book. I wrote them in Japanese, so no one can read them but me.

It's a weird language to know, and the only one that stuck in my head even though I did take Spanish classes, but I know it well. I like the way the symbols look, all random and confusing. My mother and aunt fed me the language as a child, telling me _this_ was mizu and, at that point, I didn't know that I would control the very same element. My Spanish teacher absolutely refused to pass me in the seventh grade because of my atrocity in her language, and she sure as hell didn't believe I could speak another one.

"You dolt," she'd said, "How could someone as dull as you know a language as complicated as that?" She really hated me then, for reasons I'll never know. I did, however, have a rare stroke of luck. She was Oriental and spoke Japanese, so I wrote her a paragraph and it shut her up. I became a favorite, and she was perfectly content with me sitting in the back studying my weird language and everyone else working on _hola como estas mi bien y tu? _That's what my tests were on, and she soon started talking to me in Japanese. But the odd thing is, most of the time I knew exactly what she was saying.

I'm changing. I'm becoming weird. All I do is sit and think and think and think. I used to avoid deep thought whenever possible, because usually that would jar painful memories, but now I have no other choice. It's either immersing myself in my mind or go completely insane. Yeah, I'm usually hyper, but not certifiably insane.

I'm also finding weird things out about myself, like I sit up perfectly straight when I talk, but otherwise I have really bad posture (I was starting to wonder why I got backaches). Or that I can only fall asleep on my right side, or that my eyes sometimes change color, green to blue, green to blue, and anything in between.

Do I look different now then I used to originally? I don't know. The hair, definitely. I first styled it this way when I was bored, and I liked it. My face has probably changed, due to puberty or whatever. I try to remember a time where I specifically looked at myself in the mirror, but I was never one for vanity. All I remember was that I was short, and that in the beginning, Vexen kept yelling at me to stop growing. He made the cloaks, after all. We were almost friends then. I don't know what changed.

There are other weird things I've noticed; like that I'm actually very quiet when I'm not around other people. I'm still me, of course. Just a little more… diluted. I think that's the right word.

I'm so boring now, just sitting around musing to myself. The muses are good, though. I've written a few songs. I find it kinda strange, my number was nine. There are nine Greek Muses (definitely the only thing I will ever remember from Mythology). Maybe it's fate. It's probably coincidence.

…We used to hold bets in the Organization, whether the next member would be useful or not. One showed up about every six months after I arrived. I was so surprised when I realized I was Luxord's superior. He was older than me physically, but I'd been emotionless longer.

And Marly. God, he was so girly! What with his pink hair and scythe called Dahlia. He even had a girly element, flowers. And everyone said I was prissy.

…And Larxene. She hated me. When we first met, I'd kinda liked her (but not that way… ew! She would kill me if I liked her, anyway). We'd actually almost been friends, especially since I practically incinerated her with water during a lightning attack. I was weak, but thunder and water are opposites.

…Roxas.

God, I was so excited for a new, younger member to show up. Though Zexion was shorter, I was younger, and everyone loved to pick on me for that reason. So when he showed up, blank, I relaxed.

But I found myself liking him.

He was so… I don't know. Funny, but not like 'ha ha.' He had no human memories, and he acted as if he could feel. Eventually, I warmed to him, and found myself wanting to make friends.

I tried, but he seemed more comfortable around Axel. Eventually, I spoke to him about it, and the three of us promised to be his friends, to make him more comfortable. However, Xion soon replaced me. But I couldn't hate her. How could I hate someone who was engineered to take my place? Sounds weird, I know, but I just can't. She deserved to live, too, and was just used to their purpose.

I wish I could see him, at least once more. I wish I could have talked to Xion at least once. I've never actually spoken to her, and now she's dead.

Day 10

I feel… funny.

I can't describe it exactly. I just kind of… drifted today. I was really tired, so I napped most of the day. It's kind of a numb, tingly feeling. I just lost touch with everything for a while. It wasn't so bad, but I don't know if this is just normal or not. Bets on it not.

* * *

Okay, NOTE TIEM! XD

The obvious: I KNOW DEMYX IS NOT SUPPOSED TO REMEMBER XION. Because I added that bit in chapter 11, I decided to add this.  
Q: ...Why would you do that?  
A: 'Cuz I felt like it, that's why XD.

AND, anyone that can tell me what the English translation of Mizu is gets a cookie. Hint: You'll know if you actually read that whole rambling section on language.  
Also, yes, I think Demyx is smart enough to know two langauges. He's cool like that.

This is the longest AN I've written in chapters XP. Please leave _seven_ reviews? I know you can. I get enough hits.

For my Demyx plushie?  
Yours,  
Princess of Rose

(yes, i did just sign off for once! It's a miracle! *-*)


	17. Betrayal

**Disclaimer: I don't own anything.**

Chapter Seventeen  
Betrayal

Axel still couldn't believe it.

How could Xemnas go so low? Axel felt like he'd been hit below the belt. His breathing was even shallow.

Kill…Roxas?

The Organization had talked about how Sora was a pain, but they never talked about killing him. They needed him for their plan to complete Kingdom Hearts. But- Axel's eyes widened as he realized that if he gave them the information, they wouldn't need Kingdom Hearts. Without the need for the Keyblade, they could easily dispose of him.

Axel screamed, slamming his fist into the armrest of his chair, cussing as he hurt his wrist.

He was losing grip. He couldn't save both of them. In this condition, Axel couldn't think. He was weakened, horrified, and almost… scared.

Who mattered more?

He liked them both. He didn't want to sacrifice one for the other. They were both people. They both deserved to live.

Axel was almost hyperventilating. His stomach was in his throat. He swallowed hard.

I need to get a grip, he thought to himself. If I calm down, I can think my way out of this.

He remained in his seat for several more minutes, just calming down. Finally, he managed to regain composure, of course unnaturally fast, but Axel wasn't supposed to feel emotions at all.

A dark corridor sounded from the platform. Axel looked down, only to see Saix.

"What do you want?" He snapped.

"Xemnas would like to see you in his office."

"He was here not more than ten minutes ago! He could have told me then."

Saix smiled evilly. "He would like to speak with you in private. Here… people may hear us."

Axel raised an eyebrow. "And why should I go with you?"

"Because of this." Saix held up a needle threateningly.

"Okay, fine. You've got my attention." Axel portaled down and let himself get led into the Superior's office.

"Hello again," Xemnas said, still trying to be pleasant. He was looking over some papers. What could they possibly be about? Axel wondered. Xemnas never did anything except pillage, enslave, and destroy. "I hope you haven't changed your mind."

He couldn't think of a witty reply.

"You do know that this isn't an isolation project?"

"Of course. It's pretty obvious," Axel told Xemnas. "But I'm not quite sure what you're planning."

"As you're pretty much boxed in too, I might as well tell you. We're studying heart starvation." Xemnas looked up. "It's isolation in a form, but more drastic. He can be forced into submission, Axel, just like Sora had been. But _he_ cannot be manipulated by his memories like Sora could… this is where you come in. The boy simply puts too much trust in his friends."

Axel blanched. If he'd had a heart, it would've been sinking.

Xemnas smiled. "And because you haven't yet changed your mind… let's seal the deal, shall we?"

His eyebrows shot up. Axel's muscles tensed as he realized all the possibilities Xemnas could mean. He drew his chakrams to defend himself, but Xemnas was quicker.

In an instant, Xemnas knocked him out.

--

The first thing Axel thought of when he woke up was _what the hell did he just do to me_? He sat up, slowly, his head throbbing. Was it just another dose of that stupid weakening drug, or something else? He certainly didn't _feel_ weaker. Maybe this one worked slowly. Nah, that was dumb. Why wouldn't Xemnas want it to work all at once? Axel couldn't be taken down slowly and painfully like Myde. He couldn't become emotionally compromised. Axel always fought the whole way, weak or not.

He stretched, and felt a short tear of pain in his forearm. He pulled back his shirtsleeve and saw a two-inch long scar close to the vein.

"Well, that's new," he murmured to himself. "Oh, Xemmy, what did you do now?"

Axel felt a bit more comfortable with the return of his wit. He whistled, low and long. "What oh what could this be?"

He touched the scar lightly. He flinched. It hurt, but not terribly. Amazing how it healed so quickly.

He knew he had to be on edge. Trust no one. Guard up, always.

He lifted up his wrist and held it against his ear. Surely, when he listened hard, he just barely heard a soft beeping sound.

Axel groaned. "Brilliant."

The beeping sound was coming from a tracker.

He sighed deeply. It was _inside _him… not just a bracelet that could be torn off. He didn't believe in self-mutilation. In order to get it out of him, he'd have to cut his own arm open, and this was obviously close to the vein.

Well, what now? Considering the members of the Organization just kept dropping, all regular missions had been abandoned for the most part, aside from important ones. He couldn't leave the castle unauthorized, not with _this_ in him. He could, but with Xemnas knowing his every location, it would allow the superior to infer any plan that Axel might come up with.

Xemnas knew physical weakness didn't make Axel any less powerful. Take away his freedom, however…

He touched the scar again, lightly. Since he couldn't cut it open without serious injury, what could he do?

His lips curled up with an idea.

--

Day 12

I feel sick.

It came to me randomly when I woke up this morning, but as the day went by, it's gotten worse. Not worse than malaria, but bad. I feel headachy, dizzy, and even a little nauseous. Thank god the food is so unappetizing that half the time I don't touch it. Otherwise, I'd be sick.

On that note, already I'm getting thinner. I don't want to, but it's happening. Only a couple pounds, but I need that muscle and strength. I only noticed when my bracelet pulled a bit. It was tight when I first got it.

Only twelve days have passed. What now?

There aren't any mirrors for me to look in, but I don't have to see in order to know something's going on. I don't know what it is. But it's something bad. I can feel it, too. I don't want to die. But I can't think about escaping, all I can think about is the past. Now that I can, I don't want to. I want to be able to scheme. I want to think of a loophole to all this. I know there's one. I just can't see it. It's so obvious. I can't see it.

Got to hold on. I can't break down yet. There's no reason for me to. Sure, it's lonely, but not depressing.

I still dream. Weird dreams. Random ones. They are totally pointless, and nostalgic, sometimes, too. Like, I'm starting to remember stuff. Most of it isn't worth mentioning, but this one… this one is.

--

_We hadn't been together long when it first happened, a week at most. We were friends before we dated, and I was surprised she accepted when I asked her out. Irena had always thought she didn't need a boyfriend. She was independent, and liked taking care of herself. She led me to believe she didn't need anyone. Yet, she, too, had her moments of weakness._

_That day in particular, she was over my house, and it was raining. We'd been planning to go out, but it was pouring too hard to actually do anything. So, we sat together with the lights off, watching some dumb horror movie._

_"Ah, nasty," I said, "Did you see that?"_

_"No one can bleed that much," Irena agreed. "Way too much corn syrup. It's not even the right color."_

_"…Why are we watching this?"_

_"You have nothing else better," she informed me. "I mean, nothing we haven't seen about ten times. Besides, it's amusing watching terrible movies. You can make fun of them."_

_I shrugged. On the TV screen, a woman got beheaded._

_"…Are you scared?" Irena asked, a little mockingly._

_"What? No."_

_"You _so_ are, I can tell."_

_"How?"_

_"It's in your eyes." She touched my face._

_I blushed and pulled away._

_"What? You don't like being touched?" She didn't mean it that way, and I knew it. She took my hand. "…You're scared of something else, aren't you?"_

_"And what would that be?"_

_"That I'll leave you, too."_

_Irena knew how I felt. Her mother died when she was little. She knew what it was like to have someone desert you unexpectedly._

_"D…do you miss her?" I asked timidly._

_"Yes… I can't remember much, though." Irena smiled and moved closer to me. "Do you remember him?"_

_"A little. I don't want to talk about it." My father was a soft spot I didn't want to go near._

_"Okay. Let's talk about something else."_

_"Like…?"_

_"Like, dogs aren't able to hold pistols." She pointed at the TV. _

_"This movie sucks."_

_"Agreed. It has no plot _or _storyline." _

_We stared in silence for a few minutes. Finally, there was a honk from outside. Irena looked at the clock. "Is it that late? That must be my ride."_

_"Oh. I'll call you later, okay?"_

_"Okay." She got up and walked towards the door. "Gee, don't walk me to my car or anything. Way to be a true gentleman."_

_I flushed again, and then stood up, running over to her. _

_Irena smiled again. "It's okay, I was just messing with you." She opened the door. "See you around?"_

_"Wait!" I grabbed her hand. _

_We took a step closer to each other._

_"…Did you need something?" She asked._

_"No, I…" another step closer, "just wanted to say… bye."_

_"Bye." She waved with her free hand. She went to pull free, but at the last minute, changed her mind. Suddenly, she stood on tiptoe and threw her arms around me. _

_For the first time, we kissed, but it was over in a second. She let go of me. "You're so cute," she said, patting my hand. _

_I stood, staring at her like a big idiot._

_Irena took that opportunity to leave._

--

Day 13

Axel finally showed up.

He didn't look good. He kind of looked like a cat that had been thrown into a washing machine. Not pretty.

We didn't say much, because there was nothing really to say. He asked me if I was still keeping this journal. I said I was, and he cracked that writing might be one of my hidden talents. Yeah, right. My eighth-grade English teacher would kill me if she saw this. I can spell, but that's about it. I can't write for entertainment. I don't see how other people can get pictures out of words. It's all black and white to me. Nothing else.

That's why I like music- it _can_ paint pictures, if you let it. It can make you feel emotions. Words can't, not unless you speak them.

I can't really play much anymore. My hands shake a lot. I don't know why, either. It just happens. I try to control myself.

Anyway, back to what I was saying.

Axel asked me a lot of weird questions. I'll write the conversation here-

"Were you able to tell your Heartless from the others?" Axel asked me.

"No… it just sort of jumped me."

"…Jumped you?"

"Yeah. It tried to tackle me. I think it thought I had a heart already, or it really wanted to merge with me, or be killed, or something… I don't know."

"So, it was just a Shadow?"

"Yes. That's all."

"…And you were in the realm of darkness?"

I raised my eyebrow. "Why do you want to know?"

"I don't know… I was just wondering if I would be able to find mine."

"…You want to be human again?"

"We all do."

"And this is all coming up now? How come you didn't do it earlier?"

Axel looked a little surprised at my questions (to his questions?). "I… I don't know. I was waiting for everything to get a bit less… chaotic." He seemed pleased with his choice of words, but his tone of voice was strange.

It was like he was trying to drive information from me.

I should have kept my mouth shut, but I can't lie to him for some reason. He's the only one I can consider a friend.

…I trust people too easily.


	18. Unwell

**Disclaimer: I own nothing.**

Chapter Eighteen  
Unwell

"…You have not been doing as well as you could, Axel," Xemnas commented one morning in the Grey Area. Axel was trying to avoid the Superior and forget what he had to do later- visit Myde once more and finally tell Xemnas the truth.

"Why do you say?"

"Has it really taken you this long to get what we want from him?"

"It's only been three days. Relax. I can't just ask him all at once. He's already suspicious. I promise you, I'll follow through." He felt terrible, lying to everyone. Axel couldn't think. The farthest he'd gotten in term of plans was metal- maybe the barrier would reject metal and break. After all, it couldn't pass through.

But after that? He didn't have many ideas. He couldn't fight the remainder of the Organization, not single handedly. And his tracker? He thought about trying to burn it, but even though he could bear much higher temperatures than any human, he didn't know if he would be able to get a fire hot enough to scorch the tracker, or at least scramble the signal. He didn't know if he could handle temperatures hotter than a thousand degrees.

That left one other option…

He touched the scar lightly, a newfound habit of his. He would have to.

--

Day 21

I feel a little stronger. This time, I was able to walk without having to brace someone's arm for support.

Axel came to visit for the first time in eight days. We didn't say much, but there was nothing really to say.

"I wish I could get you out of there. It's not a question of loyalty, it's the stupid magic barrier," Axel said. "Something's weird about it, too. It's giving me bad vibes."

"Well, you try being trapped behind it." I was feeling very snappy. There's about a foot on the top and bottom of the barrier that's made of the same material as the wall, so at least I get a little privacy from the passersby. Not like there's anything to hide.

"Hey, are you feeling better? I heard about that spill."

Great. Even as a traitor I'm a laughingstock. "Yeah. All better."

Axel rolled his eyes. "That's not the first time someone fell down those stairs, though."

"It wasn't my first time, either."

Axel narrowed his eyebrows. "Gees, what is with you lately?"

"Nothing, okay? I'm just tired and I don't feel good," I blurted. "Well, not like I ever do, but…" my voice lowered in volume with every word. "I think it's worse this time…"

Of course, he still had his Nobody's hearing, so he heard what I was saying. "What's bothering you?"

"Why? What can you do? Xemnas doesn't care."

"He has to. They're observing you. Right now, you're their pet, so they have to take care of you."

I scoffed a little. He was just trying to make me feel better.

"We're friends, Myde. You can tell me stuff."

He was still with the Organization. What if he was lying to me?

Finally, the words broke through my shell.

"I'm dizzy," I admitted. "At first I thought it was because of the air or something, and that I would get used to it. But it's been days and it hasn't gone away. And… like, sometimes I can't move the way I want, or out of nowhere I fall down without any warning. I also have this weird gut feeling, but I don't know what it's telling me…" I looked at him. "You know what's wrong with me, don't you?"

"No." He avoided my gaze.

"You do, Axel."

He met my eyes. "Well, I do know one thing. Nobodies have never turned human before, but it probably means that whatever immune strength you had before is trying to adjust itself back to regular blood. Stress wears anyone down, so that probably doesn't help you either. Maybe you just caught something."

"That's not it. If I were just plain old sick it would have gone away by now. My legs wouldn't randomly give out under me."

Nobody's blood isn't like a human's blood. It's gray and even stickier, like syrup. It also smells weird. Thankfully, I've never had to encounter it many times.

Axel sighed a little. "I don't know what they've done to you, but you were right. Whatever it is, it's tearing you apart. I'm not your parent, so I can't protect you from everything, nor do I want to, yet… Something's… just so wrong."

"I can feel it, too."

"I'll talk to Xemnas about it. Maybe I shouldn't. You saw him. He's crazy! He's the only one who knows anything about this." He stood up, and I pressed my hand against the barrier. "One more thing, Myde… are your senses really bad?"

I nodded.

"That could just be your humanity taking over, you know."

My voice broke. "…I know."

He left then. I remember leaning on the ground. A memory came back, but I don't think I can bring myself to write it down.

--

_Luxord turned to me. "Demyx, can you ask Marluxia if he has a spare deck of cards?"_

_Well, Luxord had more than enough, but I was kind of curious to see what Marluxia was up to, considering he holed himself up in his room as soon as he got back from missions. _

_I guess it was a little strange that I was doing errands for Luxord and I was a rank above him. But still I followed the path to Marluxia's room. The door was open just a crack, and I went to knock, but a voice from inside cut me off._

_"…Oblivion is the perfect place… Almost finished with the preparations… they'll never know what hit them… Vexen's working on the finishing touches… You can't let a single word slip about this, you hear? Oh, give me a minute. I think we've got company."_

_The door swung open. Marluxia was holding his scythe. He didn't even say anything, just slashed it through the air. I wasn't sure what was happening until I felt the slash at my shoulder, a delayed reaction. My sight was hazy. I gripped at my shoulder, feeling the sticky gray Nobody blood._

_I gave in and fell to all fours. Marluxia went straight back into his room, this time locking the door, but I heard what he said next-_

_"That should keep them busy."_

Day 22

I think I'm numb.

I still feel horrible, no doubt about that. But… I can't think. I can't feel. I'm so… so… dizzy…

The world is spinning too fast. I can't write any more, or I'll throw up.

Day 23

I'm aching all over now. What the hell is wrong with me? I couldn't bring myself to eat today. I had to stifle my nausea after having breakfast until I was allowed out, and even then I barely made it. I was sick at least twice today.

Day 24

So pitifully weak… Axel still hasn't come back… I wish he would… I'm not doing so well… Couldn't eat today either… nothing happened… I don't even think I can fini

--

The knife glittered dully. The light caught it in just the right way to make Axel's stomach clench. He ran his fingers over the surface. The metal was clean, sanitized perfectly, and smooth. He slipped off his gloves, hand trembling, and rolled up his sleeve. He was nervous, through and through. Axel didn't like this idea. He didn't believe in self-mutilation in any form. But he had to, if he wanted his freedom back. He could seriously hurt himself, accidentally cut the vein open or slice a tendon, resulting in paralysis. Axel's blood was slightly thinner than a regular Nobody's. He could still bleed out.

Clenching a fist to make the scar stand out, he took a deep breath. He knew it would hurt- pain was relative to him. It didn't matter. He'd rather ask someone else to do this for him. But who? He gripped the handle of the knife, forcing himself to be rigidly calm.

He traced the knife's tip against his forearm, almost biting his lip. The blade almost burned.

He had to go deeper. Didn't want to, but had to. He traced backwards, this time harder. It hurt a lot more than expected, and he let out a muffled cry. The cut started to bleed. He had to be quick. Once more. That was all. One more cut. He was almost crying again.

This is so stupid, Axel thought. Why hadn't he just burned it? Why not?

It was too late to turn back. Shakily, he drove the knife in a third time, the tip barely brushing the vein. He put down the blade and reached for the tweezers. He barely saw the tracker, but reached in with the metal prongs anyway. He plucked out the small device, pitching it to the ground and stepping on it hard. To his immense relief, it was crushed in a matter of seconds.

Then he saw the damage he'd inflicted. He'd brushed the vein enough to make it bleed, but not enough to ruin it. He'd brushed the tendon, too, and this was more serious. As expected, he'd hurt himself more than planned.

Blood dripped from the wound in a strange shade of silver. It pooled on the ground, and Axel watched it in fearful fascination. His personality was forgotten completely. He forgot that he was supposed to bandage it; he just watched it bleed onto the microchip.

Axel didn't snap out of his trance until a strange lightheaded feeling washed over him, blurring his sight.

A thought slammed into him- what the hell am I doing? He groped for the bandages he'd set out earlier, binding the wound tight to slow the bleeding. He should have stitched it, but he was already panicking. It was growing harder to keep up with the pain. He held his forearm to his chest, nursing it, feeling childlike. Axel sat down weakly on the ground, his uninjured right arm shaking.

The floor was covered in blood. It wasn't everywhere, but it was enough to terrify him. The knife dripped from the table onto the ground, all of it silver, when he'd thought it would be red. He'd never been hurt like this before, not as a Nobody. He leaned against his bed, breathing shallowly.

"That was so stupid," he whispered. "Why did I do that?"

He fell unconscious seconds later.

--

"I'm… starting to get worried," Sora admitted to Donald as Jim slept in his lap. "I mean… it's been days, and we haven't seen a trace of him."

"I knew you two were friends," Goofy said with a small smile. "Why didn't you just tell us?"

"He probably went back to the Organization," Donald grumbled.

"No, I don't think so… We would have heard about it. And… I don't think he ever was evil." Sora had the feeling he'd found this out firsthand. "I mean, he's lazy, he hates fighting… if he hated fighting, why would he be with them, unless he didn't have a choice?"

The two were stunned by the outburst.

"You sound as if you knew Myde," Goofy began.

"It's weird… but I feel like I do. We hardly spoke when he was with us, and whenever we did talk it wasn't about our pasts or the Organization. It's like we were friends sometime before."

Donald looked like a light bulb went of. "You said this Roxas guy was your Nobody, right? Wasn't he a part of the Organization?"

"Oh yeah! Maybe they were friends. Hmm." He stroked Jim absentmindedly. Reluctantly, Sora had to admit he'd come to like the pet. "I'll have to ask Myde… if we ever see him."

"We could tell Leon and the others to look out for him," Goofy offered.

Sora smiled. "Yeah. I'm sure they'll help us."

* * *

Okay, so here's yer chapter. Get 'em while they're hot.

I only recieved three reviews for the last chapter, and that was a chapter that contained crucial plot development, but I forgive you for the fourteen I got for chapter sixteen. While my updates are usually biweekly, however, I won't put up chapter nineteen until I get at least five reviews. I'll stick to that, too.

Thank you Kiexa, Sora Tayuya, and Clarilune for reviewing.


	19. Confession

**Disclaimer: Own Kingdom Hearts I do not.**

Chapter Nineteen  
Confession

Axel woke up with a metallic smell in his nose.

It took him a minute to remember why, and when he did, a shudder went through him. His left arm was deadened. He posted himself up on one arm, the numb one laying on his stomach. His blood had taken on a tinny smell, making him dizzy all over again. He'd forgotten to clean it up.

He rolled back the sleeve on his arm, careful not to touch the new wound. Every time he touched it in the slightest, it hurt like hell. Otherwise, it was numb.

Fire. He had to have fire. He needed it to heal him.

Axel stood up, delicately removing the bandage, igniting a fire in his right palm and holding the heat against the wound. He winced as it began to close, but at least the bleeding had stopped, considering he'd already lost so much.

Slowly, he bent over, grabbing a few towels that he'd set up earlier. He mopped up the blood that he'd spilled, then going over and scrubbing the floor with alcohol. With the smell hidden, he was able to relax, at least a little bit. Until he healed fully, he needed to be alert.

A few minutes after everything was cleaned up and put away, there was a knock at the door.

"Yes?" Axel tried his best not to convey weakness, but this time he failed.

Saix opened the door. "There has been a change of plans. Xemnas wishes to see you."

"'Change of plans'?" Axel wondered out loud.

"You'll see soon enough."

Shit, Axel thought.

Saix walked Axel downstairs to what was considered the 'basement' of the castle, but really wasn't below ground at all. Sure enough, seconds later, they were in the hallway of Myde's prison, and Xemnas stood in front of the cell for the first time Axel'd seen. Immediately, he got a chill.

"Did something happen to him?" He asked Saix.

Saix said nothing.

Axel ran over to Xemnas, peering inside the barrier. Lying on the ground, unconscious, was Myde. He was pale and looked thinner than Axel remembered.

"He will not awaken," Xemnas informed Axel.

"Is he… dead?" Axel asked.

"No, if so, we'd feel it," Saix answered, stepping to take his place besides Xemnas.

"What did you say to him?" Xemnas asked.

"I didn't say anything, other than what you wanted me to," Axel told him truthfully.

"Have you been here recently?"

"Not for a few days. He's not my responsibility."

"Ah, but he is. _You_ helped him, after all."

"Will you just get over it?" Axel yelled. "What did he do to you? He's not evil, and it's not like he could overthrow us! Just let him go!"

"If I'm not correct, Axel, he betrayed us." Xemnas turned and drew his ethereal blades. "Then again, so did you."

Axel drew his chakrams lightning-quick. He defended himself from Xemnas's blows, glad he decided to choose the weapons he did. Axel jumped back, twitching his right wrist in preparation for attack.

Tendrils of nothing sprouted from the ground, encasing both Axel and Xemnas, teleporting them.

The battle was a hard one.

Axel fought hard. He never was one to give up, but this time, he pulled out all the stops.

And yet, he found himself losing.

Despite everything, every evasive attack he put through, the fact that he never stood still, not even for a second, and that he bombarded Xemnas with fire, the Superior seemed stronger.

Simply, his best wasn't good enough.

Axel had to give up. He didn't want to die, and Xemnas was more than ready to kill him. This called for surrender; something the pyro was not familiar with.

He blocked another blow and flung a chakram at Xemnas. The metal made a strange _clank_ing sound against Xemnas's blades.

"You can't always win, Axel," Xemnas informed him. "Everyone's against you. You're weak. You can't win."

"I won't give up." Axel pressed hard against Xemnas's offensive attack.

"If you're afraid about injuring your pride, that won't be the only thing about you that's hurt," Xemnas assured, hitting Axel's wrists just the right way to make him pitch his weapons. Axel raced to grasp a hold of them, only find himself suddenly pinned to the ground. He thrashed wildly. Kicking Xemnas in the side, he unfurled himself and recovered his weapons; only to be surrounded by streaks of blinding nothingness as Xemnas revealed his true power. Axel jumped back, throwing up a protective wall of fire. Nothingness spiraled above him as he struggled to keep the fuel-free fire ablaze. Nothingness threatened to pierce his shell. He kept his wall up for another few long minutes before he finally couldn't. He fell to his knees and looked up only to see Xemnas with a blade poised at Axel's chest.

"I…I give up," Axel murmured. "You win, Xemnas. You win."

"You know what you must do, Axel. You must tell him."

"Tell him what?"

"You know very well what. You must tell him you have sided with us."

"How will that help the Organization?"

Xemnas smiled cruelly. "Axel, you have agreed to our terms. You must do this, to prove to me you're keeping your word. And just to make sure- I'll be there when you tell him."

"Why do you want me to tell him? What could it possibly do?"

"Why shouldn't we inform him he's been betrayed by his only friend? It won't do us bad, and he can't do anything about it. Besides, it's entertaining watching your moral struggle. Face it, Axel, even if you did manage to save him and Sora, Roxas will never be born again, even if Sora becomes a Heartless and gives off a Nobody."

"You're sick," Axel spat.

"Don't forget who controls the thread on which you hang," Xemnas replied coolly. "Consider this the least of your punishment, Axel."

"If you're going that way, just kill me and get it over with."

Xemnas smiled evilly again, and Axel interpreted it as, 'It's more fun seeing you die slowly.' "So which will it be? Humanity, or a simple friendship?" He didn't wait for an answer. "I'll see you when he awakens, Axel." He portaled away.

It took days- four agonizing days.

All along the way, Axel struggled with his conscience between attempting to escape and telling Myde the truth. Part of him thought that truth was a good idea. Maybe Axel _deserved _to be exposed for the liar he was.

All in all, just waiting was terrible. Axel could go anywhere he liked now because his tracker was missing. If Xemnas had noticed, then he hadn't said anything about it.

The cut wasn't healing as fast as he would like. His left arm still didn't move right, like he'd cut even deeper than he thought. At least it hadn't been his other arm, but even the mild paralysis was decapitating. Axel didn't like feeling weak.

"Axel," Saix hissed at him one morning. "You are needed. Go."

So… almost fearfully… Axel couldn't think of anything else to do but obey. He was pretty much killing himself on the inside.

…And they headed downstairs.

After expanses of darkness, I finally came around.

I couldn't remember what sleeping that long was like- just that I was sick before I fell asleep, and that when I woke up… I sort of had a feeling. Like I hadn't even gotten through the worst.

When I sat up, I felt someone staring at me. Two sets of eyes, actually, and I looked up to meet them.

The first was Axel's. The tips of his hair were singed and he looked as frail as I felt. He looked down, ashamed.

The second was Xemnas's. He stared intently at me, blinking slowly.

"So you are still alive," he said. It was the first thing he'd said to me in weeks.

"I…I…" I stuttered, clearing my throat. My voice was raspy.

"Axel would like to speak with you," Xemnas said, and patted Axel's shoulder. He winced, as if Xemnas's touch hurt. I couldn't blame him, but I felt my heart jump a little with the fear of what my former Superior said. Why was he here? Why did Axel need him to say he needed to talk? I had a feeling Xemnas wouldn't be giving us any privacy.

"…What?" I asked Axel, raising my eyebrows. "What's so drastic that he needs to be here? Are you okay? You're not yourself."

If I hadn't known better, I would have thought Axel was almost in tears.

"I lied." His voice was soft, and Xemnas smiled.

Confusion and realization started to squeeze my heart.

"I lied to you," Axel continued.

"…About what?" My voice was level.

"I had to use you. For information."

First, the anger, then, the disbelief. My emotions coursed through me like electric currents.

"I believe I will leave you two alone now." Xemnas's voice cut through my shell of thoughts, and I glared hard at him. He raised an eyebrow. "Ooh, way to be fierce! I've never seen you mad."

If I were an animal, I would have growled.

Finally, I turned my rage on Axel, who only stared guiltily at the ground.

"_Sit_," I spat.

He sat.

"Is it true?" I asked, anger melting quickly.

He nodded.

No. It couldn't be true. What he said- it was wrong! My eyes watered.

I knew. I knew in my heart he was telling me the truth. That very same heart started to break. I'd been _so_ stupid! I should have known! Axel lied to everybody! Why should I not have been included in it? He didn't really like me anyway.

With the sadness, though, rage continued to boil in me. How could he? Was I not as good as Roxas? What did I ever do to him?

"Are you…?" Axel began.

"What do you care?" I snapped. "If it weren't for you, I wouldn't be in this mess right now!"

He was silent.

"I trusted you!" I screamed. I was more than ready to tell him off. I was beyond pissed, but my heart was breaking, too. I knew now that I didn't have to be in love with someone for them to do that. "I thought we were friends."

Axel looked down, clearly, ashamed. My tears threatened to spill over.

"How could you?" My voice was barely a whisper. I was crying, but at that moment I didn't care. "You were the only one I had left, Axel. I depended on you."

"…I know." His voice was weak.

"You didn't care, obviously. What conditions did Xemnas have you follow?"

Silence.

"Tell me!" I screamed at him. "I have a right to know! Who else could I tell, huh? All alone here by myself?" I cocked my head to the side.

He mumbled something incomprehensible.

"Speak up! I can't hear you!"

"They were going to kill Sora," he explained with a waver in his voice.

First, shock throttled through me. Sora was my friend! They blackmailed Axel into betraying me by saying they would kill Sora? Then, it only added to my anger.

"I always knew you liked him better than me," I informed him. "And I didn't care a bit. He was _your_ best friend, not mine. But I didn't think you'd go so low as to killing me to get to him!"

"I wasn't!" He tried to salvage. "I… I tried to think of a way where all of us could get out of this…"

Tears were streaming down my face, but they didn't take the fury out of my voice. "Sure you did," I spat. "The lies can stop now, Axel."

"I'm not lying!" He was almost in tears himself.

"Damn you!" I shrieked. "Right to my face!" I paused. "Go on, Axel. Go tell them the truth. Go and get your precious Roxas. Xemnas probably wanted me to say it right to your face, too. _You need to find your Heartless. Then you can get your stupid heart back._ Tell them. I don't care. Leave me here to rot."

"I'm sorry," he mumbled.

"No you're not!" I punched the barrier three times as if to emphasize my point. "Go, Axel. I don't need you any more." After a short breath, I added with my sadness taking over, "I hate you."

Axel recoiled like he'd been slapped. Good, I thought. Every second I remained angry was a second I put off my inevitable depression.

He stood up, and then he ran off.

How could he do this to me? I'd never done anything to him! I'd never even been mean to him until now.

I couldn't hold on any more. I was too tired. I had to let go.

I was sobbing. Not little hiccups, or even regular sobs, but endless wailing. I didn't even fight it. I let sadness come back to me like a loyal pet. It curled at my side, but I ignored it. I was bleeding inside.

I was all alone now. Really, truly alone.

* * *

:_( I don't know what was going through my head when I wrote this. I wasn't sad myself, but I tend to get very bored in Spanish class, which is where I dreamed up/wrote a good part of this. God, I just feel so terrible for putting them both through this! Ngh!

I'm sure you guys are gathering an angry mob, but remember what I said last chapter and toss at least six reviews over your shoulders as you stomp away angrily. Flame me, I don't care, just please at least use the little money sign keys and such.

OH! This is a milestone chapter here, because I have reached 140 reviews, way more than I expected! W00t!  
Anna: "Type that again and I will kill you."  
Er... well, only 60 away from two hundred, and if I get six reviews for ten chapters, then I will have 200 by chapter twenty-nine! Not an unreasonable goal, I don't think. I have a surprise in mind if we reach that! But if not... er... whatever.

Thank you Clarilune, Sora Tayuya, Kiexa, Island-Style-Girl, Zemby, Kai-Alaric, kitkit11183, Surxi25, Sandninjanaru, and NinjaSheik for reviewing, especially since a couple of you felt forced *-*. Well, I'm a total douchebag then XD. 

Next update will be on approximately May 13. 

Oh, also really imporant, **CHECK OUT THE POLL ON MY PROFILE.**


	20. Conflict

**Disclaimer: Yes, I own Kingdom Hearts. That's why this is a fanfic and not an actual game.**

Chapter Twenty  
Conflict

For a while, I just sat there, pretty much hyperventilating. I was curled in a ball on the floor, working on fighting my emotions back into submission, trying to make them obey me. But they wouldn't, they just riled and boiled in me until I cried a second time.

I'm so pathetic, I thought. This is my entire fault for believing him.

Sadness was no longer a dutiful obedient pet, it was harassing me now.

_I love you, I love you_, it said, punching its paws into my side.

"Go away," I whined. "Don't you have anything better to do?"

_Please, Demyx, let yourself love me._

"I hate you," I hissed at it.

_Aw, but I _love_ you_.

"Leave me alone," I sobbed.

_See? You have already embraced me._

"Let go."

_Never. I like you too much._

"Why me?" I asked no one in particular.

_There we go. Perfect_.

"Go away!"

_But Demyx, I _am _you._

"I'm Myde."

_No, you're not. You know you're not. Stop saying you are and respect the dead boy._

"He's not dead. He's me." I cried even harder. "He's me. He's me." The sadness was feeding on my secret thoughts, the ones I hid deep inside, away from even myself.

Sadness curled at my side, until I finally cried myself to sleep.

I slept for a long, long time. While I had pretty much lost any sense of time, I could tell I'd been out a while because I ached all over. It could have been hours, but it could have been days, too.

My eyes were raw. Every time I blinked, they burned, and they had to be redder than I knew. Ashamed at myself for crying so much, I bit my lip. One of the few advantages of being alone was that no one was around to see me humiliate and hear me talk to myself.

With my composure temporarily regained, I peered into the hallway. I wasn't surprised to see it empty, aside from some random Dusk.

Well? I thought to myself. What now?

Suddenly, I realized a way I could try to get rid of this emotion. I found myself reaching for my journal.

Day 28

Axel's a liar.

I knew that already. I knew he lied to people.

And I trusted him.

So, short and sweet, I'm a moron.

But… somehow, I thought he'd treat me different. I was his friend before.

Quickly and painfully, he was supposed to manipulate me and give my information on hearts to Xemnas. Now, I suppose, they are going to dispose of me.

And considering Axel succeeded…

He told me the truth. Came right out and said he'd betrayed me.

Not in those exact words, but that was how I interpreted them.

I'm trying to stay strong. Really, I am. But it's hard. I'm trapped in here… How can I get out? I want to. I want to _so bad_… But I need someone to help me. Someone I can trust.

It just makes me think; _I'm screwed, aren't I?_

I set down the paper. I did feel a little bit better, but not much. Not so much better that it made a difference, anyway.

I was so depressed, and I hated it. It wasn't like there was a foreseeable change in the near future. As far as I was concerned, only a few things could help me.

The first was escape, but I didn't think that would be anytime soon.

The second was Irena, but she, too, seemed unavailable.

The third was sleep, but this was in my league. I willed myself to curl up on my side and close my eyes. Eventually, sleep came and claimed me.

I did not resurface.

* * *

The words crippled him. Axel never thought that Myde was capable of snapping back at people, or even getting angry. He always seemed like he'd be passive, kind, and accepting of his fate. The Nocturne's words actually had bite. Axel felt terrible for what he did.

_I have to get out of here_.

He'd known this already. He'd thought that somehow he'd just be able to up and leave, but now he knew he had to work towards it. And he had to work towards it soon.

He was taking Myde with him. He didn't know how. He'd manage to do it somehow. He had to make it up to the poor hydro. He was probably suffering right now.

_But then again, I've been suffering too,_ Axel thought. _Everyone Xemnas touches, suffers._

How was this a part of Xemnas's plan? Torturing the both of them could not benefit him in any sort of way. Axel was far too wary to be manipulated now, even though he, too, was being taken down, if so only physically.

And Myde…

Myde was not into Xemnas's submission, though he was being pushed farther and farther to his limits. He was probably starved for affection, or maybe just plain starved. Axel had seen how thin he was.

Myde wasn't like Axel. He wasn't as strong. He couldn't quite control his emotions. He needed companionship and encouragement. He needed time to remember, time to find out how to compose himself.

_I have to get him to believe me. I didn't want to hurt him. I just needed to think… but I couldn't. Xemnas wouldn't allow it. He'd suspected what I wanted to do… that's why he forced me to tell Myde._

Axel sighed and touched his wound lightly. He had a feeling it was getting infected, despite all he did to clean it. It just wouldn't heal, even with the assistance of fire. All it did was close halfway.

_Heh, I deserve it, too._

He sat down gingerly on his bed, looking out the window. He flopped down on the mattress and let out a sigh.

_Why can't things be easy? Why do I have to deal with all this? Ugh, this is karma for what I did as a human… I didn't want to do it, I swear. I got… roped in. When I tried to leave, it was too late._

Axel didn't want to let the memory come back, but he couldn't stop it. He tried. He tried hard.

…But it came to smack him in the face anyway.

* * *

Stupid Isa,_ Lea thought sourly. He wandered the streets aimlessly, looking for the next meeting spot. Their group had to keep moving or else they'd be caught, and who knows what else._

_Lea was in a relatively bad mood. It was raining slightly that day, and by the time he found the others, he was soaked through. He didn't like this sensation._

_"Hello, Isa," he greeted coldly, seeing the blue-haired man._

_"Oh, hello, Lea. Something wrong?" He was actually concerned. Lea was surprised. Normally, he had a shell of numbness around him that supposedly nothing could pierce._

_"…I still say this is wrong." Lea tried not to let his anxiety show. "Why do I have to do this?"_

_Isa touched Lea's cheek, where he'd recently had upside-down teardrops tattooed. _

_"…You agreed, Lea. Besides, you're the fastest and quietest out of all of us."_

_"But… you can't have her arrested, or something? Fabricate some sort of crime?"_

_"No. This is the only way."_

_"…Are you sure?"_

_Isa raised an eyebrow. "Are you scared?"_

_"No," Lea lied._

_"Oh, it's really not so hard. Once you get over the first time…" He smiled._

_"You're sick," Lea spat. "She just had a baby! It needs her. I can't… I won't…"_

_"Remember, Lea, you're bound to us… If you don't carry through with this… I can kill you."_

_"We were best friends…" Lea was actually trembling. "I…I…"_

_"It's just one cut," Isa told him. "One cut, and it's all over. There will be no evidence. You won't be caught."_

_"I can't _kill_ her."_

_"You will." Isa touched the scar on Lea's neck, near the jugular. He had one that was identical, as everyone else in their gang. It symbolized their connection- if one betrayed them, the others had a right to kill him. "Please, Lea."_

_"N-no."_

_"You weakling," Isa spat, drawing a dagger from a sheath at his waist. He pressed it to Lea's scar. "Just do this, Lea." He pressed the blade hard enough to draw a drop of blood._

_"Fine." Lea was shaking. "Just… give me a reason."_

_"She doesn't believe as we do, like the others. This is your first mission. I know you can get through it. Now go, before dawn."_

_"Here." Isa offered Lea the very same dagger he'd been holding, and would have been the death of Lea if he'd refused even one more time. "Use this."_

Axel sat straight up, breathing through gritted teeth. It was just like Saix to pressure an innocent young man into his first kill.

That was what messed Axel up so terribly.

Now, he supposedly killed without regret, but the first time was absolutely horrifying. He hadn't been caught, and that was the worst part. He remembered distinctly crawling back through the bedroom window, blood on the dagger, young mom silenced forever, her poor infant crying in the background…

And it was his entire fault that she… he'd learned it was a baby girl… grew up without parents.

And he did it because Saix made him.

Now Axel realized that he could have fought the former Isa, kicked him in the groin or lifted up his arm and removed the dagger from his own throat. He could have run away after saying he would kill her. He could have warned the new mother that she was under fire. He could have let her defend herself.

He could have avoided it somehow.

He remembered the feel as she died, her heart slowing, the breathing growing harder. The distinct cry of the baby over the intercom, crying for food. He'd whispered to the woman, "I'm sorry," as she'd died.

And he was. So very sorry.

When she passed, he felt like he'd torn his soul in two.

Now, Axel went into the bathroom and threw up.

It wasn't like he could fix it.

He wished he could.

* * *

Another sucessful update! Ugh. Thanks for the eight reviews I recieved, guys, and you know the drill, I need six more.  
I've mostly inferred Axel's past, as that's not even clear in Birth By Sleep (even though the flashback takes place after that). I'm supposing something like this would happen. After all, in BBS, he was just an innocent human teenager... and then he became Axel, who I love, but is admittedly more violent and agressive.  
...So something had to happen.  
If you guys don't like it, I understand fully. Flame, critique, whatever.

Next Update: approx. May 27


	21. Dark Will

**Disclaimer: I don't own anything. Square Enix does.**

Chapter Twenty-One  
Dark Will

Everything was so… weird. Buoyant.

I didn't feel anchored to my body anymore. I couldn't feel anything, not the cold floor under my body, not my red, burning eyes, not even the twist and rip of my heart. My emotions seemed to be in the background.

What a lovely dream.

I savored the feel of painlessness. It was wonderful. I tried to open my eyes and see what was around me, but I just… couldn't. I thought it was the fact that I was tired, but then I discovered… something was very, very wrong.

I couldn't even feel my eyes. I couldn't feel my body at all. It wasn't just paralysis- even then I would at least feel the dead weight. I tried again to open my eyes, to make a sound, to feel my heartbeat, or even to take a breath, but nothing was there to allow it.

It reminded me of the period in which I drifted after becoming a Heartless. That utter silence and numbness… this was exactly it.

My heart would have fluttered in panic if I'd been connected to it.

Did I lose my heart again? Would I be forced to abandon what little of myself I'd relearned and become Demyx all over again?

Just the name made me afraid. But… how could I be afraid of my old self? I hated my emotions, yet I didn't want to lose them. I was so messed up. They caused me physical pain, but I needed them. I needed them to know I was alive, and that I maybe- someday- might be okay.

I concentrated and tried to take a breath, or pinch myself, or something, but nothing came of it. If I'd been connected to my body, my eyes would have welled for the hundredth time.

No. Please. If this was death… I didn't want it!

There was nothing but the pressing blackness. I couldn't even say I looked around, but after a quick scan, I realized it was all around me.

I imagined a fake me into being, tried to put myself into his shoes. But it was like watching a movie, and I could only watch myself pretend to lean on an elbow. Did I really look like that? It had been so long since I'd actually seen myself in a mirror. I think I had something wrong.

Think hard, I thought. Don't let go just yet.

My attitude was different than the one I'd had the past few days. This me wanted to get stronger, to wake up, to leave all the bad stuff behind. I wanted to follow him badly, but the pessimistic me was dragging me down, saying, _you can't do this. Just shut up and die already._

I stretched toward the good me, trying to grasp an invisible hand, something to hold on to. Even when there was nothing, I struggled. I can't let myself be forced into submission. That happened too freaking much lately. Why? I don't know. I can't let it get to me.

_I knew you would feel better,_ a voice whispered at the edge of my mind. _Just don't let go._

For a long while, I held on tight. Even when I grew tired of thinking, I kept myself going. Think Energizer Bunny. I can live. I _want to_ live.

And then… I felt it. Sensations. A dull pounding sound. Pressure.

_My body._

I reached towards it, stretching out my imagined arm as far as it would go, but it wasn't far enough. My effort… it wasn't good enough.

Like a rubber band, I snapped back to my spot in my mind.

No. I can't get emotional. I have to keep trying. It has to work eventually.

Just… once… more…

* * *

Xemnas smiled to himself as he walked down the stairs. It was nearly a full moon today, so he walked, as to be able to see Kingdom Hearts whenever possible.

Yes, he was obsessed. But who wouldn't be? All those hearts… they were nearly at his command.

_Yes, Sora,_ he thought, smiling wider, _just a little more. Work a bit harder._

And to add to his glee, he would get to see their prisoner today. Why this almost made him happy, he didn't know. But he would get to ask questions… finally find out the secrets of Myde's heart.

Xemnas was unsure of how to address the traitor. _Demyx _was such a silly name, but _Myde_ wasn't any better. As long as he wasn't roaming free and working against them.

As he approached the cell, Xemnas sensed something.

Whether he considered it right or wrong, he was unsure, but as he grew closer, it became more apparent. Like any Nobody, Xemnas had heightened senses, but his were even more so because he'd been that way longer.

The sound of a heartbeat… this was… different.

Xemnas remembered the first day he'd heard Myde's heartbeat. It had been a particularly strange sensation for him. He'd almost felt jealous. The sound practically gave him bloodlust. How would a heart feel in his very own chest?

But, instead of the usual lively and emotional beat, it was replaced with a more monotone one.

An _involuntary_ beat.

Xemnas crept closer to the cell. He peered inside. Like a few days ago, Myde appeared to be unconscious. He was obviously alive, but something inside him just… was… shattered?

First, he wasn't moving in the slightest bit, and he didn't lie on his side as he usually did. He lay on his back, his arms curled together on his stomach.

Xemnas realized what had happened and smiled evilly. Axel's confession finally pushed Myde over the edge. His willpower had crumbled, and what was left was nothing but a shell.

Myde had lost the will to live.

"Oh, how much longer will you remain alive?" Xemnas murmured. "You've lost. Your heart will soon be where it belongs… under my power."

* * *

Axel finally reached a conclusion- metal. It had to be metal.

He'd been thinking hard about ways to break the barrier. Xemnas had told him that only nonmetal inanimate objects could pass through.

And his chakrams where metal…

Axel smiled. Why would Xemnas specifically tell him _not_ to give Myde anything metal? It made perfect sense.

He stood up, letting a single weapon appear in his hand.

_They can't outwit me for long, now can they?_

He used a dark corridor to get back to the prison, but when he arrived, his nerve splintered.

He only had to take one look at Myde to realize what happened, and when he did he cursed and smashed the fist of his injured arm into the wall. He let out a wail of pain. His plans were foiled.

If you've lost the will to live, it can't be reversed, or regained. You'd have to be extremely heartstrong in order to accomplish that, and Axel doubted Myde could even _think_ right now. This was all that was left.

_An empty shell, nothing more…_ Saix's words haunted him.

"I'm sorry, Roxas," Axel murmured. "I tried to keep him alive… I failed."

He left abruptly.

* * *

The sense of darkness shifted, became gray. I'd been wound into a trance, trying to keep myself alive by thought. It was growing incredibly hard just to think.

I refused to give up.

It was an endless struggle now, but I was almost there. Reach a tiny bit further…

_Snap!_ Back to square one.

I mentally wailed in frustration. I wanted to live now! When I wanted to die, I was stuck! Now that I wanted to go back, I couldn't.

_Sora_, I thought. _Mom. Irena. Jim. They need me. I'll do this… for them._

_For Roxas._

Consciousness started to drift back to me slowly, in wavelengths. I was reconnecting. Yes! I knew I could do it!

I still felt buoyant, disjointed, and numb. I was obviously back inside my body, but it felt… almost limp. My nerve endings felt frayed. I could barely feel even the weight of myself.

And… breathing was so… _hard_. Had it always been this way and I'd never noticed? Or something else? Every time my chest rose, I felt like I was struggling against a weight. I could only breathe in short little pants.

_In,_ I reminded myself. _Then out._

I forgot living was so_ difficult._

Yet I felt it in my chest, my heart, which was diligently working hard to keep me alive. It was pounding almost erratically. Everything was spinning. Keep your eyes closed, I told myself.

Everything sounded and felt strange. My ears felt like they were stuffed with cotton, or wax, or something. Everything sounded far away, almost underwater, but this was worse.

I just needed to… concentrate… and this awful feeling would go away.

* * *

Axel still couldn't believe it. Xemnas forced him to visit Myde every day until he… Well.

And today… he expected the worst. He almost had to make himself close his eyes, but didn't, because that would be cowardly.

He heard the heartbeat as he entered the hallway; so automatically he relaxed a little, but he almost wished it would just happen already, so he could stop worrying about it.

The beat was slightly stronger then the last time, yet Axel's first thought was _well, you know what they say… the candle burns a bit brighter before it goes out._

And then he moved. It was just the tiniest movement- the barest twitch of his arm- but it was a move all the same. He was conscious, or at least somewhat.

Axel didn't know just how hard Myde was fighting, but he was struggling hard. He could feel it.

"H-how did you do that?" He asked no one in particular. "It's impossible… unless… you're stronger than I thought."

Silence. Myde let out an almost strangled-sounding breath.

"You just want to live, huh, no matter what shit people give you?" Axel said almost to himself. "I… I wish I was like that." He sighed, and because it needed to be said, added, "I'm sorry."

…Nothing.

Sigh. "You can do this."

The silence seemed to say, "I know, and I'm trying, but it's hard, so shut up and leave me alone."

He did.

* * *

End! This is probably my favorite chapter out of the entire story. Finally, there's some hope. XD.  
Eheheheh. I'm worried about the response I'll get from this.  
This time, I think I'll ask for _seven_ reviews, because it's possible.  
Thank you **Zemby, Kiexa, Sora Tayuya, Kitkit11183, Riayna Darkheart, Sunny Lighter, Kai-Alaric, **and anonymous reviewers **Tracy **and **Flightfoot**.

Next update: approximately June Tenth. 


	22. The Last Straw

**Disclaimer: I don't own a thing.**

Chapter Twenty-Two  
The Last Straw

Xemnas found out that Myde was slowly regaining his will.

Axel hadn't said a word, and Dusks hadn't been around there for days. So how had he found out?

Axel tried not to worry so hard about it, and tried to focus himself on other things. Xigbar was being sent on another mission, and this one would pit him against Sora. Axel knew very well that Xigbar probably wouldn't make it out of it alive. So did Xigbar.

"It's freaking me out," the Freeshooter confessed. "Maybe I should, like, run for it. Superior is whacko."

That much he agreed with.

"Just don't worry. If you have to, run." Axel was already in kamikaze mode, so what would be giving Xigbar good advice entail? Besides, it's not like he'd tell.

"Right. I just have one thing left to do, though. This should be good."

"…And what would that be?" Axel raised an eyebrow.

Xigbar smirked. "Wouldn't you like to know?"

Axel grabbed him by the scruff of his neck. "What is it?"

Xigbar drew his weapons. "As your superior, I order you to let go of me."

Axel wouldn't have if two rifles weren't pressed to his neck. He set Xigbar down, who then patted Axel's head.

"Good boy."

"Burn in Hell," Axel hissed.

"Ooh, snippy today, are we? I think I know why."

Axel sent him a glare, like, 'say it and die.'

"You're concerned because of poor little waterboy, aren't you? I'll make sure to put a good word in. But seriously, since when do you care? You guys hardly ever talked when Roxas was here."

Axel just fumed.

"Oh, I think I get it. You think that by helping him, he will return to Sora and…"

Axel punched him in the jaw. "I said BURN IN HELL."

As he left, Xigbar chuckled and muttered, "Too late."

* * *

Xigbar sighed and looked at the kid. He was a little traitor, the Freeshooter knew, but he still felt like he was kicking a puppy by not feeling pity. He didn't want to feel pity. Well, he couldn't feel it at all, but he didn't want to pretend. Traitors should be treated accordingly.

It was like the kid had been rewound a few years, or wound forward too many. He had a vacant expression, like any life that was ever there had been sucked out of him.

Xemnas really knew how to get rid of enemies. Xigbar was glad it was Demyx and not he. Sure, he'd heard from Axel that the kid went by his human name now, but Xigbar never had any respect for Demyx in the first place, and it was showing respect by calling someone the name they chose.

Not that Xigbar hated him originally, but the constant laziness made Demyx hard to warm to, despite the 'adorable' young face or the fact that he tried to make himself fit in.

Sure, he'd chatted with the subordinate before, many times, even conversations that were almost decent. Xigbar didn't consider anyone his friends. He only considered people he liked allies.

But that's just the way hunters were. Unfeeling. He almost laughed at the irony.

He would rather be anywhere but here. The fact that any type of human being could be torn down so quickly was a little sad.

He was just following orders. Even though Xigbar was the third-highest rank in the Organization, Xemnas could still make his non-life miserable.

"All right, gruesome. Time to get up."

Demyx stirred a little at the sound of Xigbar's voice. He looked blankly in the Freeshooter's general direction. For a second, Xigbar met his lifeless green eyes, and actually winced. Demyx squinted at him, but dropped the effort quickly.

"Oh, so you heard me. Anyone left in there?"

All he got was a blank stare. For a second, the boy seemed to try and form words.

"So it's not just an act. What's it like? You're just a shell, huh?"

No response again, but Xigbar didn't expect one. He unlocked the barrier and grasped Demyx's wrist.

"We're going outside today," Xigbar said in the type of voice a kindergarten teacher would use. "Isn't that great? Bet you don't even remember an outside."

Xigbar almost wished Demyx were conscious enough to fail at making a comeback. At least then it would be entertaining for one of them. He tugged harder on the younger boy's arm. "I said get up."

Demyx stood up and stumbled.

"You know who you remind me of? Helen Keller," Xigbar continued, as Demyx gripped his arm for support. "You even look kind of girlish."

Nothing. Now it wasn't like walking in silence, it was like walking with a corpse. At least in silence, you could feel tension in the air, or at least the presence of someone alive. Demyx was a zombie, aside from the fact that he wasn't decaying physically.

"Now you're just plain scaring me. I'd rather have you bawling like an infant than this."

"…"

Xigbar looked at Demyx in surprise. The teen was mouthing something that looked like a word, but nothing more had made it out of his mouth than a sort of sigh.

"So something's alive inside of you after all? Well. Wonder what it could be."

Still nothing. Demyx almost contorted his eyebrows in numb concentration.

"Don't try too hard, now."

They stepped from the confines of the hallways to outer balconies of the Castle. At fresh air, Demyx stirred again, loosening his hold on Xigbar. Xigbar didn't like the clinginess, but he knew this was a potential move of rebellion and gripped the teen's arm.

"Oh no you don't."

"But…"

The word caught Xigbar off guard. Demyx's look was still vacant, yet he'd definitely spoken. Marluxia's garden was just ahead. "All right then. Here. Go have your fun."

* * *

Everything was so… foggy. Dull. Unseen. I literally felt blind, but knew it wasn't because of the fog.

It was like I was in some recessive part of my mind, locked there, still unable to completely control my body or even monitor what was happening to me.

I was alive, but I almost wished for the biting pain again, because that at least let me remain conscious. Things just kept getting worse. First weakness, then the pain, now the numbness.

Something yanked at my wrist. I couldn't hear the voice, or see the person. Suddenly, my feet were under me, and I was holding on like hell to whoever it was. I was balance-impaired before, but now it was even worse.

Some small part of whatever was left of me screamed in joy at the realization of being out of my personal hell, but the rest of me just wanted to know where I was being led. From the feel of the person next to me, they were talking. I could sense the aura around them. Funny how intuitive I could get when I was almost dying.

Words. I had to find words.

There were hundreds of things I wanted to say, but couldn't. When I did manage to speak, it was in the tiniest voice, and only one word that didn't even make sense.

"But…"

I felt something nudge my back as the person let go of me entirely. I stumbled blindly and felt a gate shut behind me.

Slowly, some of the layers of fog diminished, and I could barely see. Hearing was impossible, but my sense of smell was working overtime. Familiarity. This place was familiar somehow.

I was in Marluxia's garden.

When he passed away, Xemnas kept the garden nice out of respect, getting the lesser Nobodies to take care of it, even though Marluxia was a traitor.

Why was I here?

I took an experimental step forward. The world didn't shake and collapse from below me. I blinked even though I was sightless.

The smell of flowers was nauseating after being in a dry cell so long. Tentatively, I touched the petals of one of the flowers, trying to make sure it was real, wondering what color it was.

I would have cried if I could have at the sadness of it.

I took another step forward, and… there it was.

The darkness that kept trying to swallow me was following me.

I panicked. I willed myself to keep walking, but the darkness was so much faster… It had me in seconds.

I somehow heard my own startled cry. No. Not this again. The roses scratched my wrists as I gripped them, trying to anchor myself. I still fell, further and further, until my head hit the ground.

* * *

Myde was only conscious for a few seconds after that, when Axel and Luxord found him.

"It must just have been the pollen," Axel reasoned, even though he knew it wasn't true. "I know I get dizzy when I have allergies, too." He knelt and went to pick up Myde. "What are you doing here, Luxord? If you're not going to help me carry him, leave."

"Superior wanted to make sure you returned," Luxord said coolly. "And I fear you may be wrong. Perhaps whatever that poison contained inflicted permanent nerve damage."

"Do you know what was in it?" Axel asked.

"Heavens, no. Though I almost wish I did. He looks so innocent when he's in pain."

Axel sighed. If he could say it once, he could say it a thousand times. Myde didn't betray them. The remaining Organization members only grew wary of him when he told them. It's not like Axel really cared at all anymore. The members were falling faster than flies, and their plans were crumbling, too. He knew there wasn't really any chance of him getting his heart back, but he still didn't know what the rest of his life would be like.

He picked up the unconscious teenager. What now? Put him back in the prison? He couldn't run- not with Luxord watching.

"Choose wisely," the gambler told him with a glint in his eyes. "The friend, or your life? This is _so_ entertaining."

"Oh, piss off," Axel swore at him.

Luxord smirked. "Sadly, I cannot. Superior's orders."

Axel fought against his rage and balanced Myde against him.

"Hey, Axel. What's the matter? You've been quite indifferent since our Roxas disappeared, and now the problems with our human houseguest. You almost seem like you can care for either of them."

"They're my friends. It's a habit to pretend."

"Are you sure you don't have a heart?" Luxord asked, sarcastically of course, but the familiarity of the question still caught him off guard. "What? I was only kidding." He smirked again.

Axel stood up. "I…I'm going back."

"Yes. Good choice."

Myde's eyes fluttered open. He struggled to pull the scene into focus, but gave up. Axel flinched at how weak he was. "Axel…?" Even speaking was hard for him. He shook his head feebly. "Put me down. I can walk."

"No, Myde, you can't." Axel's tone was dull, but he felt almost hurt at his own choice to leave the poor hydro inside the prison, but he knew that Luxord would kill him if he didn't. Axel didn't even have the energy to fight, not after his loss to Xemnas.

"B-but…" Myde tried to struggle out of Axel's hold, yet he was too frail. "I'm sleepy."

Luxord raised his eyebrows, looking almost concerned.

Myde closed his eyes and either fainted again or fell asleep.

"I wasn't aware it was this bad," the gambler said softly.

"So maybe you suddenly know what was in the poison?" Axel asked.

Luxord's look hardened. "No, Axel. You know I cannot feel pity."

"He's just a kid, though," Axel muttered.

"Maybe you are just placing your friendship with Roxas into him," Luxord thought out loud.

Myde's head lolled backwards.

"I just want someone to make it out of here alive. Luxord," his voice dropped. "The future isn't too bright for us, is it?"

"That, I cannot tell you, Axel," Luxord answered. "But I do not think so."

* * *

"…Do you feel it?" Xemnas asked Saix as they both watched over the unconscious Myde. "His power?"

"I'm surprised it hasn't surfaced until now."

"He'll be one of them soon," Xemnas murmured. "How long will it take, though? If it happens soon, we can use that power for our own needs. But if it takes too long… why even bother? We might as well dispose of him, so he won't use it against us."

"He doesn't have the will to."

"He obviously does, Saix, coming back from something like this." Xemnas closed his eyes and sighed.

"Perhaps…" Saix looked displeased with the thought, "We should let Axel escape with him, so he may return to the Keyblade master and unlock his power."

"Perhaps," Xemnas said, thinking it over. "Oh, what to do?"

* * *

'Nother chapter! Not much I have to say about this one except the plot twist at the end. I also loved writing Xigbar's bit, and Luxord's was fun, too. I love that Brit :D. Once again, I would love my seven reviews. It's exam season, so you guys should feel glad that I wrote about fifteen chapters ahead of time.

Next Update: Approximately June 24  
Special thanks to **_Clarilune, Kiexa, Kitkit11183, Zemby, Sunny Lighter, Riayna Darkheart, Kai-Alaric, Sora Tayuya, Ccsakura21_**, anonymous reviewers **_Bunni, ReyNeptune_**, and **_VioletTheDragon _**for reviewing last chapter :D


	23. Finality

**Disclaimer: I don't own anything.**

Chapter Twenty-Three  
Finality

My breathing was constricted, like a weight was on my chest. I couldn't tell if I'd been asleep or just zoning out, or perhaps both. Either way, I was extremely uncomfortable, and thought maybe it was the way I was lying, but when I shifted, nothing happened. My face contorted, partially from frustration, partially from pain. I shifted tentatively again, leaning against the wall, trying to find some way to relieve the discomfort. I could only breathe in short pants.

I'm sick of this.

My instincts were screaming at me, _out! Out! _Yet I couldn't find a way out of here. I'd had easily over a month to do something, but I'd been too sick. I was still too sick.

My muscles were clenched from remaining so still. I stretched, trying to rid myself of the wound up feeling, but it stuck.

At that moment, I felt like nothing more than a toy, just something to play with until it broke. And I was breaking, all right.

Thoughts hammered me in a downpour. My perception of reality grew duller with each passing day. I couldn't even recognize myself anymore. Something was tearing its way through my heart. My emotions were haywire and my memories were growing more muddled. I noticed, in this constant state of numbness, that my early Nobody memories were coming back. I fought hard, trying to bring back memories from my human life. When it didn't work, I wailed and flopped onto the ground.

Startled by my own cry, I curled into a ball on my side. "This is all… just… a dream…" I tried to convince myself. "When I wake up, I…"

My eyes went wide.

* * *

"_Don't go," I begged her. _

_She slipped her hand into mine, "I have to. If I don't go, I'll just get sicker. You want me to get better, don't you?"_

_"Of course I do. But why won't you let me see you?"_

_"I don't want you to remember me like that. Sick. Weak. Do me a favor…"_

_"What?"_

_"Stay strong, Myde. Before you know it, I'll be back." She stood on tiptoe and kissed me._

_She was gone before I could even open my eyes._

* * *

I couldn't stop shaking. Of course, I'd tried my best to listen to Irena. Her brush with cancer had almost torn us apart. She wouldn't give me any details about her sickness. She said it would make me worry more. But by leaving me without any information, she just made it worse. She'd survived, though, after chemo and radiation.

I could only hope she was still there. I could only hope I could escape this cell and get back into the real world, and get my strength back, anything but this _hell_.

* * *

I lay on the ground, trying to keep breathing steadily. It wasn't my nerves that were making it hard- it was just difficult in general, but easier, I discovered, if I wasn't upright. There was a soft sound at my side, and I forced myself to look up. My eyesight was still blurred, but I could see clear enough to identify who it was.

Axel. My blood curdled, and I wasn't sure if it was out of hatred or… something else.

I didn't hate him. I didn't think it was possible for me to hate. So it had to be pain, but I didn't feel anything. Really, it was strange.

"What do you want?" I asked, stumbling over the words. I took as deep a breath as I could.

"…You're awake now?" He seemed surprised. "Are you… okay?"

Anger flared in me, but it wasn't flames, it was embers. "Why do you fucking care?" I covered my mouth at the swear and fought the urge to apologize. I hardly ever cursed.

Axel seemed startled, too. "I could say 'I'm sorry,' but I know you won't believe me anyway." He sat down on the floor. "You surprised all of us, you know. Coming back from something like that."

He betrayed me, and here we were, having a civil conversation. It was the darndest thing. I didn't have energy in me to be pissed.

"You lost the will to live, if you didn't know. At least, your body did." He, too, seemed too exhausted to be himself.

"I fought it the whole time."

"I thought so."

Silence. I shifted to sitting up, despite the discomfort it caused.

"Do you really hate me?" Axel asked, almost timid.

"Does that really need an answer? After what you did?" I didn't look at him.

"Right. I deserve it."

"You know me, Axel. I don't."

"Don't what?"

"Hate you." I breathed shakily. In and out. It was so hard. "I'm mad at you, sure. But I don't hate you." I finally looked at him. He was paler than normal and almost shaking. He was awkwardly leaning on one arm. I saw his other wrist curled in his lap. "You're hurt."

"I'm fine." He seemed pleased that I cared, though.

"Show it to me."

Slowly, he pulled back his shirtsleeve. A bandage covered most of his forearm. "There was a tracker in me… I had to get it out."

"By…?" I tried to imply what I thought in that one word.

He nodded. "It was a stupid move," he agreed.

"…And I should believe that why?"

Axel laughed humorlessly. He carefully unwrapped the bandage, revealing a deep cut about three inches long. It was swollen and obviously infected. I didn't know that was possible in Nobodies. My eyebrows rose. He covered his wound again. "Truce?" He offered.

I hesitated.

"Please, Myde. I'm too messed up now to lie. This is my price."

"…Truce."

Silence for a few minutes.

"C-can you tell me something?" I stuttered him. I attempted to keep my struggle out of my voice. "What was I like… when I was first human?" I could feel a wracking cough bud but I fought it, because then I would just get pushed further uphill.

"You were pretty much the same you are now. A little more lazy, maybe." He shrugged.

"How am I the same now? I'm way too screwed up." I suppressed my laughter. That, too, would hurt.

"Are you okay?" Axel asked for the billionth time.

I couldn't hold the cough in any longer. It wrought havoc on me and for a while, I choked. I sounded like an old man, and I hadn't even turned twenty yet. After a minute of suffocating, the coughing fit stopped. There was a little blood on my glove from where I'd covered my mouth with it. Not good. Tears welled in my eyes for the trillionth time. I shook my head as I stared at the scarlet spots.

Axel was silent. I wiped the blood onto my pants, pretending it was no big deal, but it was. Soon I would be coughing up even more blood. It meant I really was dying. I pretty much knew that already, but seeing the actual signs almost jerked the tears. I just wanted this all to be over, even if I would slip into darkness permanently.

"Myde…" was all he said.

I forced myself to smile weakly. "I-I'm okay." I coughed again, and then realized I'd lied. "Why?" I managed. "I can't… I don't want to…"

"I know." He'd dropped the cheerful act.

My emotions came to swallow me again. I hated the way I kept overreacting. I hated crying in front of people, especially Axel. "I want this to end. I can't hold on any longer."

"Please, Myde, be strong. You can do this. You'll be okay…"

"No, I won't. I'm not stupid. You know it, too." This was so backwards. Normally, I was the optimist and he was the pessimist. "Look at this!" I showed him my hand, which still had the spattered dried blood. "This doesn't happen to normal, healthy people!"

For the longest time neither of us said anything. Finally, Axel lowered his voice. "I'm getting us out of here, okay? I can't take it anymore either. I'm just waiting for a chance…"

I thought, why not now? You have a chance right now. No one's watching us. The castle's quiet.

"Xemnas is waiting for me to check in with him, okay?" He said as if reading my mind. "I'm telling him you're still asleep."

I nodded, putting my face in my hands.

* * *

This chapter SUCKS. I'm sorry for keeping you all in suspense for this piece of crap XD  
Anyway, this is my first chapter as a graduate! Yay! The ceremony was today. Joy.  
Not much more to say, other than the usual, which is my wish for six reviews (yes, not seven). I've reached 180 reviews, by the way. Thanks a ton, you guys. You're all awesome!  
Thank you **_Clarilune, Sora Tayuya, Zemby, kitkit11183, PurpleTango, surxi25, Kai-Alaric, Ravenr20, _**and **_-JansenFriedh827-_** for reviewing. No one was anyonymous.

Next update: approximately July 8th


	24. Flight from the Fight

I'm sad to say that Axel's narration ends soon.  
Axel: -waves- It's been a good one, folks. Don't worry; I'll still be in the story.  
Me: and you're sure of this… how?  
Axel: You like me too much.  
Me: Way to be modest.

**Disclaimer: I don't own anything.**

Chapter Twenty-Four  
Flight from the Fight

My awareness wasn't prolonged. Soon enough, I felt the ever-present sickness come and take me again. Everything became hazy and I felt feverish. I guess I must have eventually passed out.

When I woke up, I felt that same terrible 'hard to breathe' sensation and my mood became all the more desolate.

I slowly curled on my side, feeling my muscles ache from either lack of exercise or illness. I struggled to focus my vision, but it was pointless.

What was wrong with me?

I let my eyesight become blurred again and didn't stir until I saw a shadow. I gradually looked up, knowing it was a person, forcing myself to unfurl and attempt at sitting up. I couldn't get much farther than leaning my weight on both arms and bracing them against the floor.

"Hello," the person said. It wasn't Axel. It was Luxord.

"W-what are you doing here?"

"I'm making sure you're not dead. Axel asked me to come. You've asleep a while."

"Days?"

"My best guess would be two."

I squeezed my eyes shut. I'd been out two days?

"It's okay. He just asked me to give you this. He went on a mission and hasn't returned yet." Luxord pulled an envelope out of his pocket and spun it on its side. I opened my mouth to tell him that it wouldn't do any good, but the paper slipped right through, landing at my side.

"If you don't have anything else to say, I'll be going," Luxord informed me, and then disappeared through a dark corridor.

Shakily, I grasped the envelope and scooted towards one of the walls, leaning against it so I could use both hands to open the letter. I was so weak I could barely do that.

When I unfolded the note itself, another piece of parchment fluttered to the ground. As I reached for it, I read the few sentences scrawled on the first piece of paper.

_Myde,_

_I found this on one of my C.O. missions. I was going to return it to Namine, but she was gone when I went back to get her. I don't really have any need for it, so it's yours._

_Axel._

At first, I wondered what he was talking about, but as I unfolded the parchment, I understood. I'd heard Axel tell the others Namine was a good artist, and that she liked to draw people, but I never knew that she'd even seen me.

In the picture, Roxas, Axel and I were sitting together, laughing about something and sharing ice cream. It was obvious how much time Namine had put in the drawing. In the corner were a date and a scribbled signature.

Namine. I bet we could have been friends, if I'd met her. I couldn't even recall if I'd ever been introduced, or just heard about her. But the memory slowly came back, a short blonde girl in a white dress being escorted through a dark corridor by Marluxia. Before she'd disappeared completely, she'd smiled at me.

I wondered what happened to her.

I don't know where it came from, but a melancholy feeling kind of swallowed me. I folded the picture carefully back up and put it in the envelope, hiding it amongst the pages of my journal.

* * *

I must have eventually fallen asleep again, because the next thing I knew, Saix was peering at me.

"How are you feeling?" He asked in a monotone. "Lonely?"

I turned from his glance, wondering if my eyes were red, or if it had been another couple of days. "I don't know."

"But you do. It's on your face. You try to hide your emotions, only to fail. You're lonely. You miss Axel and Xigbar. You long for companionship and freedom. You miss her."

I looked up, feeling horror seep into my expression. "How do you know about her?" My voice broke. "What did you do to her?"

Saix smirked. "Little hero misses his girlfriend."

"Answer me!"

"No, you answer me. Why did Kingdom Hearts choose you over me to receive your heart back? What did you do to please it? Why do you pretend you do not know? You've been wearing that false look of innocence for much too long. It's about time someone revealed you for who you really are.

"You pretend you are clueless, but it's obvious. You're a traitor. A sneak. Someone who acts kind to get the pity of others but is really nothing but a pawn. If I'd known before that you could have gotten Sora to believe you so quickly, that you could earn his trust so rapidly, wouldn't things have gone much faster and in our favor?"

His words had bite that stabbed every one of my nerves. I was overly sensitive, I knew, but I found myself fighting tears once again.

Saix sneered, like he could feel pleasure from my pain. "Oh yes, cry all you want, you can't earn my pity."

"I wasn't trying to," was all I could think of to say. Rage was toying a part of my mind, but there was so much of me to feel hurt.

"So tell me. How did you pull it off?"

I tried to tell him, so he would stop hurting me with words, but something pulled at my instincts and told me _no._

Saix was persistent. He would kill himself if it meant finding his Heartless and becoming whole. He continued to stare me down, waiting for an answer.

"You don't know?" He asked. "No, you do. It's in your eyes. Just spit the answer out. It'll be a lot less painful that what we've planned."

"I…I…" My voice broke again. I didn't want to cry in front of him.

"You what?"

I couldn't say anything.

"Fine, don't answer." Saix smiled cruelly again and left.

I buried my face in my arms, pressing my chin against the cold floor. _Why?_ _Why me?_

I just wish I'd known ahead of time… being human is almost worse than feeling nothing… it's too complicated. See what it's done for me?

I was trembling. I just wanted all of this to be over.

* * *

I didn't really fall asleep for the next while, I just blocked out everything and forced myself to be numb again. It didn't work. I couldn't feel anything physically, but my heart twisted uncontrollably and wrought havoc on my emotions. I found myself lying on my side, arms wrapped around my torso, trying to nurse the pain away.

I couldn't take this anymore. I had to escape. That's what my instincts were telling me. But how?

I think I cried a lot, during those trying hours. I couldn't be sure. I was almost disconnected from the world, only listening to the occasional Dusk pass my cell or whenever one of them would bring me my food. I wasn't hungry. Even if I was, in my current state, I couldn't do anything but feel morose. Saix's words really hit me hard, and the fact that I was extremely weak didn't help that much. All the past events cracked my new shell of optimism, crushing me with the pressure.

I didn't notice anything until I felt someone else's presence.

Almost unwillingly, I looked up. I was relieved, but not surprised, to see Axel.

"God," was the first thing he said, getting a good look at me. "You look like hell."

"Nice to see you too." My voice was expressionless. I shifted to a somewhat-sitting position, arms still tightened around my chest.

"You hurt yourself?" He asked, mocking my position for a second.

I shook my head. "I'm okay. I think."

"You… think?"

"I'm not sure of anything lately," I admitted.

Silence.

"Axel… can you tell me something?"

"Uh, sure…"

"Who…" My breath caught on the word. "Who am I?"

My question stunned him. He looked at me, like, _shouldn't you know?_

"Please tell me," I begged. "You've known me since I was human. Who am I?"

Axel just looked sad. "You don't even know anymore?"

"No." It first started when I received my heart back, and just snowballed when I got locked in here.

"No sense of identity," his voice was so soft I barely caught it. "Just a shell… nothing more." He seemed to be quoting someone. Axel looked at me and raised his voice. "Are you ready to go?"

"…What?"

"We're leaving, now."

"…Really?"

"Yes, really. I think."

I grabbed my journal and stuffed it in my pocket. "Okay. What now?"

"Stand back." He drew a chakram. "This might not work," he warned. Wincing, he twirled the weapon.

"Out of practice?" I asked.

"Sort of." He took a deep breath, and then pitched the weapon at the barrier.

Almost in slow motion, it shattered, a million petals of light falling to the ground like glass. Axel whistled, low and long. "…And I was right."

I would have looked at him, like, then why didn't you do it before? But I didn't. Not at that moment. I looked up, my hands spread to catch the fragments of light. Despite the fact that it was my hell, seeing the cell's destruction was beautiful. I closed my eyes. I felt… happy.

"Are you done with your zen moment? Because we have to go, _now_." Axel seized my wrist and with one movement, snapped the silver bracelet in half. I cried out in pain. It did have needles in it, after all. "Sorry, sorry!" Axel murmured.

"You could have warned me," I gasped. I looked at where the bracelet had been. Small pinpricks of red were showing.

Axel rolled his eyes. "Give it to me."

I lifted my wrist. He grasped it and wrapped a bandage around it.

"There. Is that better?"

I nodded. He offered me the pieces of the bracelet.

"Ehh… souvenir?"

* * *

Teh escape scene… es terrible! Really, I wanted it to be a lot more epic, a lot more kick-ass. But this was born instead.  
Pay particular attetion to what Saix said, even if that part didn't fit in the story. Why would he visit Demyx? Perhaps on orders for Xemnas? And why would he bring his past up, even subtly? Why am I asking you this? You'll just have to find out... eventually.  
I think all of you will be rather happy with me for this chapter. This line was getting a bit thin.  
Can I have my six reviews? Pretty please? Will it help if I tell you my birthday's soon?

Next Update: approximately July 22  
Thank you **_Kiexa, Sora Tayuya, Clarilune, surxi25, Kai-Alaric, Sleepihead, Sunny Lighter, PurpleTango, -JansenFriedh827-, _**and anonymous reviewer **_Sugarbun_** for reviewing last chapter. I hope all of you are staying cool and having great summers! I know I'm melting right now. I've also reached one-hundred and ninety reviews! That's the most I've ever recieved for a fanfic. _Ever_. Looks like we'll reach two hundred sooner than I thought! I have a surprise for you if we do.

Oh, and I apologize for my AN that is much longer than usual, but I'm thinking about doing a reading of this story. If so, I'd probably need some VAs for other characters. If you're interested in a certain role, tell me. I've already taken Demyx and general narration. Sorry XD.


	25. Story Time

**Disclaimer: I don't own Kingdom Hearts. **

Chapter Twenty-Five

Story Time

Naturally, Axel opened a dark corridor and we ran. I was still tired, like always, but already I felt a little stronger. Maybe some of my weakness was just an illusion. If I got better mentally, maybe I would feel better physically. They said that sort of stuff to depressed people, though I wouldn't call my state of mind 'depression.' I didn't know what to call it.

The corridor brought us to an unfamiliar, temperate world. Having no further plans, we made camp right away. Fresh air was almost shocking, and sitting next to the campfire felt good.

"Axel?" I'd closed my eyes- after nothing but white walls for over a month, any other color was shocking. "Haven't they noticed we're gone?"

"We've only been gone about an hour, so I'm not sure. The tracking signals have been scrambled for days, so they won't find us, hopefully."

"I know, but…"

Axel raised an eyebrow at me. "But what?"

"But… what if they're choosing not to look for us? Yet?"

"Why would they do that?"

"I don't know. It's like when you went AWOL the first time around. Xemnas accepted you back into the fold right away- but why? Do you think he's waiting for us to come back?"

Axel shook his head. "Myde, the Organization isn't really the Organization anymore. Over half our members are gone, and Xemnas is no longer fit to be leader. If we went back, it won't be like it was before, because we're no longer unwaveringly loyal to him. We're on a different side. He's going to wait and see what we do, and if he gets nothing, there's no doubt he would send out Nobodies to look for us."

I nodded. "I thought so."

There was a moment of silence.

"What do we do now?" I put my suspicions into words. I knew what I wanted to do- find Sora again and help him in any way- but I was too weak to fight, and I didn't feel I could face Xemnas anymore. I'd seen his true wrath, and I'd underestimated him. "I mean, I… I want to go back to Sora, but… do you think I can?"

"What do you mean?"

I shrugged. "I'm sick and weak, and the only thing Sora wants is to fight Xemnas. I'm not ready for that. Maybe… maybe I'll just go to Hollow Bastion and hang there for a while, until I feel a bit better."

"I don't know either," he told me honestly. "I thought that the second I was free I'd have a plan." Axel shook his head.

"Don't you want to look for your Heartless?"

"Yes and no. It might not even exist anymore, technically. I don't need it."

"Why not?"

He smiled a bit wryly. "Maybe we thought of Nobodies wrong. I can feel, you know."

There was no other way to explain some of his reactions. "True."

"I could search, just to fill the time, but if it turns out to be a failure, it's not a big deal." Axel looked puzzled a moment. "Man, never thought I'd ever have to consider life out of the Organization. I just thought that eventually… I'd…"

"Fade?" I finished for him. "Yeah, me too, until, well…" I put a hand on my chest. "Don't you think we can just go back to our old lives?" I asked. Mine seemed easy, but there was so much I had to fix.

He laughed kind of sarcastically. "I suppose you can, but as for me, I've got nothing to go back to."

I looked at him, kind of startled. "What do you mean?"

"I'm not a good person," Axel said, seeming surprised I didn't know that. "Isn't it obvious? I've been trouble since the day I was born. When we met, you just never seemed to notice it, because you were too young. Those times I stopped coming out to the ocean? It's not like I got too old to hang out with you- but for the record, I kind of was. Me at seventeen with someone who was just twelve? Not a good idea anyway. No, the reason I never came back was because my parents kicked me out. Not like it matters. They couldn't take care of me anyway."

I stared at him for a moment. Axel had never told me about his past- not anything, not ever. "Why have you decided to tell me this now?"

He shrugged. "I really don't know."

I stared at him. He'd said everything that was needed and then some, but I couldn't help but ask, "Axel, is it time you told me a story?"

"I guess so. Now's a good a time as any. Besides, it's better to do this than try to figure out what's next."

"Maybe it'll help."

"I highly doubt it."

Silence again.

"Well, Axel, why did your parents kick you out?"

He smiled like I'd reminded him of a really good prank. "I used to do a lot of stupid things. I stayed out late a lot, took joyrides, skipped school, built a couple of bonfires that got out of hand. Occasionally I'd shoplift, vandalize, and other crap like that. I undermined anyone's authority. I liked breaking rules. It made me feel powerful, like I could do anything. My parents were not good people, either. They didn't help the way I turned out. I only wanted power so much because I wanted to pay them back for the way they treated me when I was younger." When I opened my mouth, he added, "you can guess that for yourself.

"The reason they kicked me out was because I joined a gang."

I'd heard of gang activity being rampant in the cities on our world, but I'd never experienced it firsthand or heard the truth about it. I'd always just imagined them as lawbreakers- those who wreck parks and beat up kids. I never understood what really went on.

"Now I never exactly planned on that myself, but something changed one day. I was in eighth grade and was suspended for getting into a fight with someone. They sent me to the suspension room, and because I was there so often, I knew all the regulars. But someone new was there that day." His smile was a bit smug. "I bet you can guess who that is."

I thought a moment. "Someone I know? Who?"

"His name was Isa Thornton."

"Wait… Saix?" I stared for a moment.

"The very same. Then he was a total suckup- great grades, every teacher loved him. So naturally, I had to know what he could do to get himself suspended- especially with such a great record. And when I asked, he smiled and told me what he'd done in this quiet voice of his- he and his friend issued a bomb threat. Now, the friend was expelled, because it was the friend's idea, but Isa was still caught in the crossfire. I still didn't know the kid had it in him. We talked mostly through notes the entire day. By the end of my suspension, we were best friends.

"Isa and I stuck together no matter what. We did all our usual crap- vandalize some more, beat up kids who got on our nerves, tried to womanize. Isa kept his good boy cover while I was just my usual self, but we still got away with a good load of shit.

"We kept it up all throughout high school, and barely got into trouble. The only reason I didn't drop out was because he was still in school. Things only started to get really serious during the first year of college."

I counted in my head- Axel was five years older than me, and had been a Nobody five years as well. So he had been nineteen, the same age I was now. "What happened then?"

"There were gangs galore in the city where our school was, but there were two top dogs- the Hunters and the Demons. They were constantly at war, almost literally. Each gang had dozens- even hundreds, and they were always in the news for having killed each other. Now, Isa was close friends with someone pretty high up in the Hunters' ranks, and he told me one day that he could get me in too- after telling me that he was joining.

"I was a rebel. I wanted to be part of the group, to rise in fame or infamy within that group, to have power- that's when I first felt darkness, even if I didn't know it or use its power.

"I'm not saying that everyone in the gangs were bad, because they weren't. But whenever someone joined, their family got caught up in it too, causing hundreds upon hundreds of people to become involved, which only deepened the feud.

"The initiated us in, only to right after tell us the truth about this gang- that they wanted every one of the Demons dead, and that the Demons felt the same about us. It was just senseless violence, really. Myde, see this?" He brushed some hair away from his jugular. I had to lean in uncomfortably close to see what he meant- there was a scar there, thin and no longer than a fingernail. "This is what they gave to each of us. It symbolized our unity. If someone did something the gang didn't like, all the others could take him out.

"Isa and I were closer, though. He gave himself his scar- he felt the darkness, too- and I got my tattoos, which symbolized _our_ brotherhood. Isa made a plan that would get us to the top, but not before I learned what this was really like.

"Well," Axel took a deep breath, "Before I get to this next part, I just want to ask you not to judge me."

"I'm not," I said. I was too absorbed in the story to really have it sink in.

"You know I've… killed people, right?"

I felt a jolt and instinctually moved away from him. But I did know- at least subconsciously- and I knew he was reformed now. "Y…yeah."

"The Hunters and Demons constantly pecked at each other," Axel continued, "and a Demon did something that really pissed the Hunters off. So for my first missions, because I was always so agile and quiet whenever we'd do something stupid like steal, they chose me for a 'special' mission." He paled a bit. "I never learned what this Demon did, and the Hunters already killed him, but their thirst for Demon blood wasn't quite quenched. So they chose me- by Isa's request, no less, to go kill the Demon's girlfriend, who'd recently given birth to a baby girl." He was growing pale.

"Axel, you can stop…"

He didn't. "She was the first kill," he muttered. "Isa always said the first time's the worst. And he was right. It was horrible, like something was ripping my soul in half." He looked at me, eyes kind of watering- I realized that Axel might actually cry, and that thought baffled me. "Do you know what? The others, they _congratulated _me! They _rewarded_ me!" He laughed. "And somewhere along the lines, I just stopped caring. I'd go off and kill a Demon or a Demon's relation at least once a week. I stopped feeling.

"All the while, Isa and I climbed in the Hunters' ranks. It was around the time he was almost at the top when someone heard our real names- we all had fake ones as a cover- and exposed us to the police.

"By then I'd realized the shit I'd gotten myself into and tried to salvage my life. But it was too late. For weeks I ran from the authorities, and when I finally found somewhere safe to hide, I knew I'd demolished everything, because I just wanted some power. I was so depressed. I stayed out late at night, too young to drink, but trying to find my own ways to relieve what I felt, even though I deserved it. I met a drug dealer, and would have done drugs myself, but the Heartless found me first."

I waited for him to say more, but he didn't, just stared out into the distance with glassy eyes. The only thing I could think of to say was, "But if you became a Nobody shortly after, what happened to Isa?"

Axel smiled. "He went insane on the night of the full moon and tried to kill himself, but only succeeded in piercing his heart, which was enough to give birth to his Nobody. I think that's how he got his powers."

"And how did you get yours?"

The smile was even wider. "Arson. That, and I tried to burn a Heartless with a lighter when it stabbed me."

I swallowed heavily, but even as it sank it, I felt no bizarre emotional response to Axel's story, thank god. He'd only told me how he'd become a Nobody.

But… he'd killed people. I didn't think I could handle taking a life. And him, he'd taken dozens, whether on orders or not.

"I was really fucked up," Axel muttered. "But… I'm kind of glad, you know? Because of this I was able to sort myself out and get away from Saix. The question is, though…"

"What now?" I finished for him. "Axel, I… I think I'm going to go to Hollow Bastion. You can come with me."

"Maybe… but… I want to find my Heartless."

"But… won't the guilt kill you?"

He looked at me, surprised. "I can already feel. If this is the orientation, I think I can handle the real thing, no?" He shook his head. "The important thing is that I'm starting to do good things now. I can never fix all the lives I've ruined," he shuddered, "but this is a start."

I smiled for the first time since he'd began talking. "So you're going to do it, then? Become human?"

"I think so."

"I just have a question."

"Sure."

"What is our homeworld called?"

"You forgot all about it?"

"Just the name."

"Kaichou," he informed me.

There were several minutes of silence. I yawned and realized how tired I really was. Axel's story had taken some time to tell. "I'm going to bed," I told him through a yawn.

"I'll be here," he said.

I curled up and just let myself drift.

Unfortunately, Axel's story sunk in then, and I couldn't stop the nightmares.

* * *

Whoa! Okay, this chapter would have been out earlier in the night, but I had to rewrite it because the other version was too short and Axel was _way_ OOC. Speaking of which, I mostly inferred his past.

While, according to BBS, Isa and Lea live in Radiant Garden, I can't go witht that because Demyx lives on a different world and I referenced them being friends as humans. So, I had to scrap that small bit of canon.

Honestly, this chapter is interesting, but filler. Nothing was really accomplished. And yes, I made up the names of the gangs. I was going to reference _Li the Twilight Knight's _story _Second Circle _and use the names Seekers and Angels, but I'm satisfied with the names I chose (I think they should have been Demons instead, no?). By the way, go read Second Circle. It is awesome.

Oh, guess why I chose the last name Thornton for Isa.

Because I'm going to be on vacation when the exact date of the next update will be, I'm going to be posting chapter twenty-six a week early, due to the fact that I don't know whether I will have wifi or not where I'm going. However, I _have_ to get my six reviews! If I don't, I won't update until I get back from Florida, which will be about three weeks from now.  
And we're reaching the two hundred mark! Thanks everyone, you're so awesome! We're four chapters early, too, I expected two hundred by chapter twenty-nine.

I apologize for the long author's note. Only two more things to do- thank you **_Sora Tayuya, Zemby, kitkit11183, PurpleTango, -JansenFriedh827-, Kai-Alaric, Ravenr20, _**and **_Sandninjanaru_** for reviewing last chapter.

Next update: Approximately July 29


	26. Fly By Night

**Disclaimer: I don't own Kingdom Hearts in any way, shape or form.**

Chapter Twenty-Six

Fly By Night

It didn't start out so terrible.

Have you ever had a really vivid dream? One that made you question if it was real or not? This was one of those situations.

I was in a pool of water. It felt old and familiar, like the ocean, only its wrath was calm. The water was warm, and I was comfortable and sleepy. Heartless and Nobodies seemed only to exist in a dream (a dream in a dream?). I didn't feel sick, or tired, or anything, really. It was just me, the water, and the sun that was shining through the trees.

It was the most peaceful I'd felt in weeks.

But… something was missing, wasn't it?

There was a rustle in the trees- I looked up, distracted, but my face relaxed into a smile. "Hey."

She smiled. It had been forever since I saw her, even in dreams. The last vivid dream had her in it, but hopefully this one wouldn't end up like the last one.

Her face was no longer covered with the mask. I stared for a moment, so used to blurred lines.

She had a small face- she had always been petite. Kind of heart-shaped, but kind of square, too. High cheekbones. Bangs that cut smoothly across her forehead. Pale skin with thin black eyebrows, like her hair. Wide green eyes, much darker than mine had ever been. Her frizzy hair was pulled back into a ponytail.

A plain face, not ridiculously beautiful. I'd rather she was plain than pretty though. She claimed that the pretty ones had no real depth.

Irena sat down and put her legs in the water. I stared at her. "A-are you real this time?"

She blinked and put one small hand on my head, running the hand through my hair. "I… I'm not sure."

"Well, I am dreaming."

She sank into the water next to me, her skirt swirling around her. I wrapped my arms around her, and she squeezed me tight. None of this felt real.

"Why are you here?" I asked her, puzzled.

"Because you're remembering me." She touched my face.

"Does your real self know?"

"How can I tell her? This _is_ all in your head."

"Too true. But it is good to see you again."

She smiled and touched my face. "Just good? That's all?"

The sun drifted behind a cloud. I took her face in my hands. Naturally, we moved closer. Just as our lips touched, there was another sound from the bushes, this one quieter, more muffled. I tensed, quickly tucking Irena behind me. It didn't matter that she wasn't real and this was all a dream. I still felt my heart beat faster, and adrenaline rush through me. Irena tried to struggle out of my grip, but I wouldn't let her.

"Aren't you just being paranoid?" she asked in a hiss.

I didn't hear her. My focus was on the shadows dressed in black slowly growing. Irena stifled her protests and watched.

"Are these the ones who did this to you?" She asked.

"There she is," a familiar monotonous voice whispered. "A demon dressed in white. How ironic."

"Who are you two?" She asked, taking a stance.

"And demons must repent," said the other shadow.

The attack came out of nowhere. Suddenly, water was splashing everywhere. Something hit me in the shoulder and for a moment I went under, the water flooding my senses. When I resurfaced, they had her, and she was struggling.

"What do you want from me?" Irena demanded, struggling against the quiet one's grip.

"Just this," the louder one said. There was barely time to react. I tried to wade towards her, but the loud one drove a knife through her chest.

"_No_!"

She fell forward almost immediately, head lolling, and grip slacking. The quiet one let go of her, and she fell face first into the water, bleeding heavily. The blood stained her white dress and turned the water red.

"No…"

I couldn't even scream. Swallowing the bile in my throat, I tried to convince myself that it wasn't real.

"Child of water, you shall repent as well," the monotonous voice whispered.

Something heavy hit my head, and I was thrown under water. I couldn't drown- no, that was not possible. But the water seemed to push against me and expel the air from my lungs, and the resulting panic made me realize that I _was_ drowning…

I opened my eyes. They stung. The water was tinted red with her blood, and I saw her face, peaceful in death.

_No_…!

The grief, not even real, was still so painful. I screamed underwater, struggling for the surface, trying to break free, to wake up…

_Why, Axel? How could you do this to me?_

* * *

I woke up with a start, covered in sweat. It was early morning.

Like after my last dream, my stomach was heaving convulsively. Yet it was so empty that I didn't cough up more than water. Still, it was a horrible, horrible feeling.

I was conscious that I had tears running down my face. I'd never had a more vivid dream than that. I had felt the pain, the water, smelled the blood, felt her lips on mine…

I coughed up another cupful. Feeling thoroughly miserable and scared shitless, I curled tightly into a ball. It wasn't real. Axel and Saix hadn't killed Irena. I hadn't drowned. I bit my knuckle, trying to stop the hysterics.

Axel slept through it all, oblivious to what happened. He no longer seemed innocent, not after that dream. Of course he had killed people. There would probably be more.

Right?

Now I couldn't tell. He wasn't a bad guy anymore. Had he ever even been evil with his whole being? I wasn't so sure. He couldn't be so good either. At that moment, my trust seemed to slip away. Even if it had been a dream, I had just witnessed him killing the person who meant the most to me.

So I had finally seen her whole face, not just blurred substitutes. That thought calmed me a little. Trying to hold myself together, I put my face in my hands.

Axel stirred a little, and then stretched. He sat up and yawned, smiling at me sleepily. "Morning," he said. He blinked. "Whoa. What happened to you?" He yawned again.

"Nightmare," I forced out, swallowing convulsively.

"Of course," he said, which made me smile.

"So, did you sleep well?" I asked sarcastically, my throat dry.

He nodded. "Like a rock."

I shrugged my shoulders.

"Hey, do you want to talk about it?" Axel raised his eyebrows.

I winced. "No, I'm fine."

I guess I must have looked at him oddly, because he said, "Why are you staring at me?"

"Oh, no reason."

"What, do you think I'm _pretty_?" He batted his eyes.

He was just trying to make me laugh, and he succeeded. "Oh yes, of course." I rolled my eyes. "You know I'm not gay."

Axel laughed, too. "Whatever you say."

We spent the next couple of hours just hanging out as to stall our separation. Axel finally decided, after changing the subject about fifteen times, that he would try to find his Heartless. I decided to go to Hollow Bastion, where I would try to get better and wait for Sora. We agreed that somehow, we would meet back on our homeworld and try to carry on with out lives.

There was a very, very slim chance of this all working out well. If Axel didn't find his Heartless, he could still travel by dark corridor at will. However, if he did, and got trapped on whatever world he found it, there was also a greater chance I would never see him again.

Finally, we parted at noon. He opened a dark corridor. "Last I heard Sora and his friends were in Twilight Town protecting his native friends. But he'll probably swing by Hollow Bastion soon. He has some cronies there, right?"

"Yeah. I've met them."

"Good. So at least you'll know some people."

"And they don't even hate me."

He rolled his eyes.

"Well… good luck, Axel."

"Thanks. I'll need it. But you try and get better, okay?"

"I will." I wanted to hug him, not knowing if I would ever see him again. Axel was the closest thing to a best friend I'd ever had. But I knew he probably wouldn't respect a gesture like that, so we shook hands instead.

And I stepped into darkness a fourth time.

* * *

This passage wasn't nearly as nerve racking as the one before all this mess, at first, anyway. I was more than a little anxious, though.

My cloak kept me protected from the darkness, but I still felt like it could just reach out and consume me. In other words, I wasn't enjoying it a bit.

I was aware time was paused as I traveled. That was what happened when a Nobody used darkness as their transportation. The rift was so slight and ended so quickly that it didn't affect regular people. I couldn't help but get the crawling feeling that I was taking too long and that I would be trapped here.

I took a deep breath to steady myself and kept walking.

That's about when the first Shadow appeared.

I saw it at the very corner of my eye, and though it made my heart jump, it didn't really scare me. I only started to really feel fearful when it started darting over.

Of course, Shadows preferred to travel in packs, and I knew that because I was here in their home, I was soon going to be mobbed.

I stumbled towards the exit, which were only a hundred or so yards away.

The Shadows all scurried to me.

Unlike anyone else who used dark corridors, I was human. Even as a Nobody I'd been mobbed multiple times. They ambushed me, plain and simple. Adrenaline shot through my veins almost painfully. At first, I just tried throwing them off me, trying not to hurt them. They scratched at my arms, hissing.

It was a perfect horror movie moment.

Naturally, Shadows are too weak to take people's hearts, but they weren't smart enough to realize this.

The Shadows crawled over my arms, hanging on my neck and swinging like the children I'd babysat once, only much worse.

Their weight dragged me down, and I realized with a little jolt I had to fight them. I drew my sitar, not used to the feeling.

For a while, I was able to keep up with them, meticulously slaying the poor Purebloods, but I was in their home, and they had the upper hand. Their sheer number baffled me. My movements were stiff and unnatural, and soon grew painful. My muscles were screaming. I was breathless, and just swatted them away from me. I fought hard, both against the Shadows and against the urge to use magic. Axel was right, I should wait until I recovered to really use any type of magic.

Yet I was weak as hell. He would understand, just one little spell… nothing powerful, just the bubbles and nothing else.

I took another deep breath, and with a painful pull at my gut I summoned the water. I couldn't hold up the act for long, though, and soon I was back to melee attacks.

I was pretty much in hysterics. Tears were in my eyes. I couldn't even fight Shadows.

Finally, I gave up and ran, kicking Shadows off my legs, going straight into Hollow Bastion.

* * *

Ngh! So here's your update. I stayed up late so I could get it in on time.  
So, we have reached TWO HUNDRED REVIEWS! AHHHH! That's more than any of my other stories! As a writer, you guys have no idea how much this means to me. Thanks, all of you! I love you!  
And it was four chapters ahead of schedule, too :O

Heh, as a joke when I was bored one day, I decided to come up with the magazines that the Kingdom Hearts characters would read. This is what I have so far-  
Demyx: Rolling Stone  
Axel: Rifleman  
Roxas: Time for Kidz  
Sora: Sports Illustrated  
Kairi/Namine: Shonen Jump  
Riku: Seventeen  
Zexion: Time  
Vexen: Scientific American  
Marluxia: Better Home & Garden  
Lexeaus: National Geographic  
Xemnas: People  
I still need one for Xion, Saix, Larxene, Xaldin, and Xigbar. Ugh. Anyway, you'd probably have to understand a lot of my friend Sarah and I's inside joked to get some of them (like Riku's and Roxas's XD) I'd like a little help if you don't mind. Please send me suggestions :D

I just noticed that the views for this story are OVER NINE THOUSAND! WHAT? NINE THOUSAND?

Thank you**_ Kai-Alaric, PurpleTango, Kiexa, kitkit11183, shatteredfire, coobearrocks, Zemby, _**and**_ -JansenFriedh827- _**for reviewing last chapter! You guys are awesome!  
Next update: August 11th

Alright, I'm going on vacation now XD I'll try to reply to any reviews I can, because I'll have my iPod with me.

~Princess of Rose


	27. Picking Up the Pieces

**Disclaimer: I don't own Kingdom Hearts.**

Chapter Twenty-Seven

Picking Up the Pieces

I fell out of the corridor onto the ground, breathing hard. The cobblestone was cold, just like it had always been. I looked around and discovered I was the alleyway where I had woken up after becoming human. Shakily, I laughed at the coincidence, and then laughed more with relief.

That battle shouldn't have been that difficult. They were Shadows, weakest of all Heartless. Most regular humans could fight them with whatever weapon they fashioned and no magic at all. And me, who had a true weapon and power over an element, was nearly destroyed by them. I shook my head at how pathetic that was, but it wasn't my fault. How could any of this be? What had I done, anyway, good or bad?

I suppose you could consider it lucky that I botched that first mission I received from Xemnas about Sora. If I'd never gone on that mission, I might still be a Nobody.

But then again, I would be perfectly content with that. I would not be such a broken man.

I stood up and dusted myself off. The weather was cloudy, and without my playing an allemande, it was starting to rain. I decided not to hide my face by pulling up my hood, as that would just complicate things if a citizen saw me. That, and the rain might actually give me strength.

I didn't know where I was walking, exactly. What would I do now? I guessed I could stay at some hotel, and exchange work for board. Maybe I would play for the proprietor, and get a job as an entertainer. That sounded good to me.

But I didn't have to do much more than cut through Market Square. Through the growing downpour, I saw someone squint and wave at me. Trying to see through the rain myself, I leaned over and put a hand to my eyes, but the figure was still blurred. He or she ran closer to me and began to yell.

"Hey! Where have you been?" She- I could tell by the voice- shouted. She ran another few feet and I saw who it was- Yuffie.

"Yuffie?" I still asked anyway. "Is that you? What are you doing in the rain?"

She laughed. "On patrol. But I should be asking the same thing! Where have you been, Myde? We were all worried!" I guess I must have looked perplexed, because she shook her head and said, "come over to my place. We can talk."

Yuffie's house wasn't very far away. It was a small house, built into the stone like everything else here. She explained to me that she and Aerith were roommates.

She wrung out her headband and kicked off her boots in the tiny foyer. "Take off your wet coat, unless you don't have anything else," she offered.

I felt like obeying, for some reason. My cloak was ratty and worn. If my powers had been working correctly, I could have always just strained the water out of it, but because they had been stalled for a month, it was best not to. I hung the cloak on a peg and followed Yuffie into the actual home, my skin feeling strange without the heavy leather.

The living room was small and cozy, but very cluttered. The walls were a warm color, with odds-and-ends on every possible surface. Some small corners were empty- either Yuffie had yet to fill these, or these were Aerith's spaces. Pictures of the Resistance members and citizens were everywhere. A bouquet of flowers was on the coffee table. Yuffie carefully moved it and flopped on the small couch, it _creak_ing a little under her weight. She put her feet up on the table. "Sit wherever you can find room," she told me.

I did so in and settled in a small, very cushy chair. Still studying all the strange objects in the room, I couldn't help but ask, "Where did you get all this stuff?" There were worry dolls, figurines, empty potion bottles, a bunch of red feathers in a basket, some dried flowers, scarves pinned on the walls, lots of little spheres that looked like marbles, but glowed faintly, and still more stuff. Some of it was normal- but other than that it was random and odd. I liked the stuff, though. It looked cool all together.

Yuffie smiled, looking a bit reminiscent. "Oh, just around," she said vaguely.

I got the idea that these things hadn't always been hers. "Oh."

She looked at me sternly. "So what exactly has been going on? You freaked Sora out with that disappearing act."

I stared at her. "How did you find out?"

Yuffie looked a bit surprised. "Are you kidding me? About two weeks ago, he came here, looking like a wreck, all in a panic over finding you." She appraised me. "I didn't know you two were so close."

"Neither… did I." Because I had nothing else to play with, I was wringing my hands in my lap. "A-are you sure he was worrying? Maybe he meant someone else."

"No, he mentioned you by name."

Was it Roxas coming through? Or maybe Sora was trusting his instincts that I _was_ good and realized that I had not, in fact, just wandered off in Halloween Town, tired of the journey already.

Maybe… we actually were friends enough of our own accord, without Roxas interfering, and he was worrying about me. I could just be a key to them, a key that could help find Xemnas, but even the thought made me feel a little better. Someone cared.

Yuffie interrupted my thoughts, "So what happened that made you disappear for such a long time?"

Should I tell her the truth? I could tell Yuffie was more than just hyper energy- but who would believe my story? Even to my own ears it was ridiculous. "Er… my old boss wasn't too happy I quit," I stated, hoping she would figure it out.

Yuffie thought a moment. "Xemnas…" she said slowly.

I nodded. "How did you know his name?"

"He approached Sora from a distance, dropped some cryptic hints, and left. That was about the time Sora came to us about you."

Could Xemnas have hinted to them about me? I wonder why?

"What did you have to settle with Xemnas that took you almost two months?"

"Well… you know how I became human and stuff without knowing how, right? I kind of found out. Merge with your Heartless." I shrugged. "Anyway, he got really angry at me and after throwing me out of the Organization, soon found me later and kidnapped me, and pretty much held freedom ransom for information." I blinked, meeting her eyes again. "If Xemnas is powerful enough without a heart, imagine how much more he would be with the power of darkness on his side. But even if I would tell him, I couldn't, because I was trapped. They held me and tried to starve my heart, but it failed and they just kept me prisoner."

Yuffie's eyes widened. "Oh. I get it now."

I was surprised. "Wait… you believe me?"

She nodded. "Yeah. It makes sense, after all. Even if the others don't really trust you yet, I do. Besides…" her voice became a whisper. "Do you know how terrible you look?"

I laughed a little. "I have an idea."

Yuffie picked at the threads of a throw pillow. "You know what? Why don't you stay here in Hollow Bastion for a while? You can work with me on the Restoration committee."

"I was planning on staying, but I guess I could work with you guys."

She beamed. "It'll be fun. At the next time Sora drops by, you can just go on with them."

I smiled too, though that had also been my plan. "Awesome."

* * *

About two weeks later I was accustomed to the routine. While I now worked with the committee (Leon was not happy when Yuffie brought me over), mostly I just went on patrol with the ninja. Sometimes I helped Aerith with her healing- she was a first class white mage, and since my powers were now flourishing because of her, I helped her with her patients. She was kind of a doctor, and people were always stopping by asking for Cure spells (and occasionally special flower fertilizer). I learned a lot from her, all of it better than the simple water spells I had used previously.

I was getting stronger and better. I felt really, really good, actually. Wasn't this what a normal life was supposed to feel like?

I became good friends with all the committee members, and began to look to Yuffie as a best friend. The only one who I was distant from was Leon, but he was at least beginning to speak to me (even though most of the words were orders, such as, "bring me that book," or "don't touch that, Merlin will kill you- unless _it_ does."). The weird thing was that he never used my name. Not once.

I stayed at one of the hotels because there was no room for me anywhere else. The owner was completely okay with the fact that I couldn't pay him actual money- instead I had to play a short show twice a week. Fine with me.

That one morning it was sunny and clear- it was a completely gorgeous day. I woke up and got dressed as usual (my cloak still hung, deserted, in the foyer of Yuffie and Aerith's house) before going right over to Merlin's.

"Morning!" Yuffie cried before I could even get through the door.

"Morning everyone," I said through a yawn. I blinked a couple of times. "Wait… are those…?"

I should have noticed how unusually quiet and tense the room was, but it was just as crowded as always. Aerith looked stressed, spastically arranging a bouquet of flowers. Cid pounded on his keyboard harder than usual. Like always, Merlin and Leon were absent, but I supposed they would be acting the same.

A tiny trio of pixies flew around the room, carrying various objects and dropping them with an excessive amount of force, obviously trying to get the attention of everyone.

One of the fairies picked up a rose right from Aerith's vase, which made her go pale as she tried hard not to snatch it back. Another pixie picked up one of Cid's data books. Cid made a noise of irritation. "I lost my page," he grumbled to himself.

The door flew open, startling me. "I'm back," Leon announced darkly.

"How'd things go?" Cid tried to ask casually, but he seemed close to strangling one of the pixies. The three of them had pushed over a jar, which made a very loud _crash_. I prayed that it didn't contain some magical gas that would kill us all.

"Same as always. The streets are mobbed. But… they haven't been as bad lately." He half-turned his head in Yuffie's and my direction. Was he actually going to compliment us? No, wait, he looked back at Cid.

"That's great!" Aerith's look started out cheerful but became morose once again as two of the pixies tugged on her braid repeatedly. I wondered why they didn't bother Yuffie.

"I wonder why the numbers have been dropping. It's just the two of us out there fighting, and Leon." Yuffie spotted the fairies torturing Aerith and turned red. She swatted at them. "Go away!"

The blonde pixie stuck her tongue out at Yuffie, and the three pixies automatically swarmed her, barraging her with various annoyances.

"…What are they?" I asked Leon in a low voice, though I didn't expect him to answer me. Mostly I turned to Cid, Yuffie, or Aerith if I had a question.

He astounded me by actually answering. Of course, he didn't meet my eyes or use my name, but it was still progress in him admitting I was a human being. "…I'm not sure, but they say they're treasure hunters and that their names are Yuna, Rikku, and Paine. They help us sometimes, but not without bribes, and other than that like to… er… 'Play' with us."

At the sound of their names, the girls (at least, they appeared to be girls) turned to me. "Ooh, who are you?" The blonde one pretended to swoon.

"Oh, please," the goth fairy scoffed. "She'll flirt with anything on legs."

The brown-haired one circled me. "Oh, is this the one you told us about, Rikku?" She tugged a lock of my hair. "I'm glad you got rid of that ugly coat that your friends wore, though. Black is _so_ out. No offense, Paine, you look fine. Don't look at me like that." She smiled evilly. "But you're the renegade Organization member, right? Why hang with these losers?"

"The coat his friends wore?" Leon repeated blankly, and then gaped. "Wait. What do you know about the Organization?"

Paine blinked. Her eyes were literally colored red. "I think that's our cue to leave, girls." Her voice was monotone.

The two nodded in agreement before striking a pose.

"Rikku!" Said the blonde. She disappeared in gold light.

"Yuna!" Said the brunette, disappearing in a blue mist.

Paine facepalmed and vanished through a red portal.

My sole reaction- "What the hell?"

Aerith sighed, clearly relieved that they were gone. "We never know. It's best just to let them bore themselves, and then they'll leave."

"Does this happen often?"

"No," Cid grumbled, sifting through the same book the pixies had confiscated. "Only when they feel like it."

"I wish I could join them," Yuffie said wistfully. "Must be such a nice life, flying around all day, no responsibilities…" At Leon's expression, she added, "What? I was only kidding!"

I smiled and laughed along with the others, but my mind was on other matters. What _did_ they know about us? I guessed at rumors and gossip, and what they heard from citizens.

After another few moments, Yuffie looked at me. "Alright, are you ready to go?"

She asked me this every day since after the first morning I was here. This might be because I was so exhausted by the day's work that I nearly passed out on my feet, which prompted Aerith to look at my astoundingly low magic level.

And every since then I answered, "Sure."

We left right away. I noticed that Leon was tailing us. He did this every so often, so I wasn't surprised, but Yuffie was.

"Hey, what's the problem?" She asked. "I thought you were going to see Tron."

I didn't even ask who Tron was.

"I just have a feeling I should stay with you guys," he replied, gunblade (I finally learned what that was called) slung over his shoulder. He was trying so hard to look badass, but I had to admit it was working.

"Leon always has these weird 'feelings,'" Yuffie told me in a whisper as he walked on ahead of us- Yuffie and I had the bad habit of stopping to talk. "Usually they mean there's going to be a minor Heartless invasion. It's really nothing to worry about, like a storm. Everyone stays inside for a few hours and everything's okay. It's one of the few moments where it gets really exciting here. Stay on your toes."

My heart beat a bit faster. An invasion? However minor, that would be a struggle for me. I could barely take out Heartless on my own, even now.

But there was no invasion, not for a few hours. Leon eventually disappeared, though Yuffie promised he would show up again later- "he always does." We went on a bunch of pointless errands, which included synthesizing a bunch of ribbons, annoying Huey, Dewey, and Louie (Donald's nephews, apparently. It's a small world, isn't it?) for a good half hour, and trying to convince a man named Cloud to come eat dinner with all of us.

I'd never seen Cloud when I'd come here before, even though he was supposedly really popular. I met him on the second day of patrol. I still couldn't tell if I liked him or not.

He was stubborn. He was dark and kind of emotionless. He was distant. And most importantly, he was very, very depressed.

At least, I thought so. But if he reminded me of anyone, it was Leon. However, Cloud made Leon seem warm and welcoming. From what I could gather, Cloud's hobbies consisted of-

1- Leaning against walls and trying to look cool

2- Having the spikiest hair in town

3- Ranting about killing some guy named Sephiroth to whoever would listen

and 4- Refusing all invitations to any gathering.

Don't get me wrong; I'm pretty sure he had his reasons for being this way. But his coldness and blunt ignorance of his friend's concern kind of rubbed me the wrong way. I'd been through hell and back and turned out mostly the same as I was before. But him… he acted like it was a reason to be pitied.

We found Cloud, as per usual, leaning against a wall near the synthesis booth. Yuffie went up to him, and I shook my head and followed.

"Hey, Cloud," she began tentatively.

He must have been in a good mood, because he actually replied. "Hey. Yuffie. Myde."

I wondered how he knew my name.

"Well… um… Aerith was wondering… well, so are the rest of us… are you busy tonight?"

"Why?"

"Well… we wanted to know… if you wanted to have dinner with all of us at Merlin's?" She looked at him pleadingly. "Cloud, it won't kill you. Aerith has been dying to see you."

He closed his eyes for a moment. "I… I don't know."

"Why not?" I asked, a little frustrated. "Aren't you friends? Friends visit each other once in a while."

"I'll put her in danger," he stated bluntly.

I actually stared at him. Did he really say something that clichéd? "What danger? And where? Cloud… just do it. I'll take the repercussions, if there are any."

Both of them looked at me, surprised.

The biggest surprise came next. He looked at the both of us, his face for once relaxed- no longer in a scowl. Then, he slowly said, "Sure."

Yuffie's jaw dropped. It took her a moment or two to regain her composure. When she had, she told Cloud, "Meet us at Merlin's at six!" She grabbed my arm and the two of us promptly left.

As soon as we were out of earshot, Yuffie automatically began talking at five thousand miles an hour. "How did you do that? Cloud has said no to _everybody_. And you're a perfect stranger to him!"

"Not exactly. He knew my name and I didn't tell him."

"Well, that was probably my fault. But seriously. How did you…?"

"I just kind of know what he's going through. He thinks that if something happens to his loved ones it's his fault. Honestly, by taking the blame, I made him feel a whole lot better." I shrugged. "But put who in danger and how? It's so calm here, even though there are tons of Heartless."

Yuffie sighed, letting go of my shoulders. "It's this long story. He has some sort of weird rival who claims to be the darkness in his heart. They'll stop at nothing to hurt each other, really, and even though Sephiroth hasn't made contact with anyone here in years, he's really concerned, y'know? Especially for Aerith. He thinks she can't defend herself, and they were always closer friends than me and him when we were growing up."

"Oh." I knew exactly how it felt to be the less liked one of a trio- ahem, Axel, Roxas, and I. They had their own little club while I was just the carry-on. I tried to voice my sympathy in that one syllable, but it fell kind of flat. I didn't want to say, "I know just how it feels to be ignored by my two best friends. Yeah. Funny, right?" It would just point out how lonely I'd felt before coming here.

It was a weird thought. Not once in that cell had I thought about being lonely. Being sick, yes. Being hurt, yes. Hell, all I did was wallow in self-pity for about six weeks. Granted, I did kind of deserve to do that. I didn't _ask_ for any of this to happen.

But I'd never once realized I'd felt lonely.

I sighed. Well, I had friends now, good people I could trust and would have my back, even if they barely knew me. These people had been good all their lives, and probably would continue that pattern. So I had no worries. My life would be good from now on- I'd keep helping the committee until Sora came, and then the four of us would face Xemnas only to hopefully win. Then, I could go home, see Irena, and mend my future. Easy.

Right?

My sharp feelings for Xemnas had been dulled. The memories didn't feel like they happened to someone else, but they did feel like they happened long ago- even though the pain was just as intense if I really thought about it. It makes no sense- it's just a hard feeling to describe.

I realized I couldn't just stand there idle and think- I smiled a little bit and put an arm around Yuffie's shoulder. "Come on, let's go back. We're done with the errands, right?"

* * *

Okay, I wanted a lot more to happen in this chapter, but if I added the next scene it would be approximately sixteen pages long (which is _very_ long when published on fanfic, I've learned), so I had to divide the event into two chapters.

Demyx does not have any feelings for Yuffie, and she doesn't have any for him. They like each other like best friends or siblings, and even though I really do like Demyx and Yuffie as a pair, Demyx already has a girlfriend.

I do not hate Cloud. I just don't really like the way they portrayed him in the second game. In the first game he was okay, but in the second his motives and attitude became very clichéd and redundant- "I'm going on a journey to destroy my darkness. No, you can't come. Be back whenever." This was only happening to about a _dozen_ other characters in that game.

Due to the long author's note, I will be publishing the final KH Magazine selections in the next chapter. Thanks for the suggestions, guys. I really appreciate them!

I do have a question for all of you, though- would it be arrogant/unnecessary if I did a reader Q&A? I'm leaning towards D, all of the above. XD

Once again, thanks to all of you for reviewing last chapter! _**Clarilune, Island-style-girl, PurpleTango, Sora Tayuya, Ravenr20, Kai-Alaric, -JansenFriedh827-, Sandninjanaru, kitkit11183, shatteredfire, coobearrocks, Zemby, **_and anonymous reviewer _**Flightfoot**_ all get cookies for being awesome.


	28. Denial

**Disclaimer: I don't own anything.**

Chapter Twenty-Eight  
Denial

As per usual, dinner was great. I guess anything would seem good, though, if you'd been feeding off of standard-issue gruel for about two months, but still.

I wasn't ever sure who made it, to be honest. You would automatically assume Aerith, but she never came close to a pot handle. You would also think that, with her personality, she would be good in everything domestic. She nearly was, but her one flaw was cooking.

I bet she could have been good at it if she really wrapped her mind around following recipes and such, but she had this strange need to mix foods that don't go together. One time she mixed Nutella and cranberries. For some reason, after consuming it, everyone was sick. It made me glad that this was the only dinner I'd missed, considering I'd had a show that night.

It wasn't like I was picky. Just the opposite. I mean, growing up with raw fish as part of your heritage just doesn't make you squeamish.

Yes, I do mean sushi.

I didn't know why, but for some reason my background just seemed to be more prominent lately. Weirdly enough, I was Japanese, even though I lacked the stereotypical Asian look. Not everyone in Japan has black hair and olive skin. It's just odd, though. I had to sit up straight during meals with my legs crossed on my chair, because of course we ate on tables, not the ground. I had surprisingly good manners and liked tea more than I remembered. My thoughts were half in English, half in Japanese, and every once in a while I caught myself about to reply with the latter.

Anyway, the dinner went off pretty much without a hitch. Cloud actually did show up, and instead of the small, placid smile Aerith usually wore, she looked genuinely happy. She just about tackled Cloud, she hugged him so hard. The other were absolutely surprised that he arrived, and Yuffie bragged for me that I had managed to invite him.

Cloud didn't hate it as much as I thought he would, though. He almost seemed to enjoy himself- almost.

We all piled around Merlin's table and talked for hours about random stuff. This sort of thing happened every night, but I loved it all the same, and couldn't see how they took it for granted. I'd love to have a group of close friends this big- it was then I realized that they were all my friends, really and truly. They made me feel like I belonged with them, even though I had shown up a stranger on their doorstep wearing their enemy's uniform.

Maybe… once I found Irena… the two of us could come and live here. Hollow Bastion was becoming my home now.

Leon had just finished a story of a particularly hilarious camping trip when we heard it.

Everyone tensed almost immediately at the sound- I relaxed when I just heard rain, but they all remained still, listening. Cloud muttered a swear word under his breath, which Leon and Cid mocked almost simultaneously. Yuffie's eyebrows twitched, but she looked excited more than anything.

"What is it?" I whispered, though I was quickly shushed.

Suddenly, there was a boom of thunder so loud and so close that startled me to the point I nearly fell out of my chair. Everyone gasped and reseated themselves- it seemed as if the thunder itself had moved us.

Followed by it instantly was a bolt of lightning brighter than I had ever seen before- and I smelled darkness.

It smelled like death and burning hair, and considering I'd experienced both, it was a very foul scent. I'd never smelt it so strong even with Nobody senses, and mine were weakened to the point of a typical human's.

A scraping sound echoed in the square before Merlin's house. The wizard himself shook his head, as if in denial. "I haven't seen an invasion this large since…" But Yuffie cut him off.

"Don't say it!" She almost yelled, and there was another crash of thunder.

"I knew I shouldn't have come," Cloud whispered.

"Do you really think it's your fault?" I asked him.

"It's an awful coincidence," he replied with some fire. There was a moment when he just stared at me, features twisting. "Wait… you were a member of the Organization… this is your fault!"

"What the hell are you talking abo…" that was all I could get out before he tackled me to the ground.

"Cloud!" Aerith shouted. I'd never heard her raise her voice above a whisper.

Cloud managed to punch me in the stomach before Leon hauled him off of me.

"What the hell are you thinking?" The warrior screamed at him. "Turning against your allies? Are you insane?" Leon had him in the air with one arm. The room was so dark all of a sudden- the only thing that illuminated them was the lightning, and the only sound other than the rain was my shallow breathing. Leon took one look in my direction and met my eyes for the second time. "Are you okay?"

"Yeah… I think." I stumbled weakly to my feet.

The scraping grew louder, more pronounced. I heard hissing and growling- pureblood Heartless. I could hear them multiplying, growing in number. There was a loud _clang_ at the door.

"I think that's our cue," Yuffie whispered, looking a bit scared now. My heart was beating hard and I felt my stomach grow sore- there would no doubt be a big bruise there tomorrow morning. If I even made it that far.

The tiny, selfish bit left in me whispered its suggestion- "why don't you pass off as too weak to fight and stay here? We can clean up all the damage later as a form of paying debt."

I couldn't. I just couldn't. I had to help them. Merlin was most likely not set for combat, seeing his age. Aerith was a white mage, and while she knew the extremely strong spell Holy, it would most likely sap all her energy. Cid would remain here to protect them- that was no doubt true.

That made the only available fighters Cloud, Leon, Yuffie, and I.

It was raining. The rain would give me strength and boost my water attacks- but there was lightning, and if I even touched that, it would kill me.

I had to do this.

Yuffie took out her shuriken, Leon his gunblade, and Cloud got a huge bandage-covered buster sword out of nowhere. I shook my head and summoned my sitar. Its weight was reassuring, but it still felt improperly balanced and a bit too heavy. It had always been perfect to me before, why was it different now?

Leon and Cloud went straight out the door. Yuffie grabbed my arm tightly the second Aerith said, "Wait, Myde!"

She had been the one to replenish my magic- she knew just how little I could endure, and even though my strength was that of an average human, I was still sickly.

I opened my mouth to reply to her, but Yuffie pulled still harder, which forced me to take a step forward. Next thing I knew, I was seeing gray smoke, and landing hard on stone ground in the rain. I coughed for a long moment, feeling stunned.

I saw Yuffie standing in front of me, for once her face serious. I had never seen her like this- always she had been happy, excited, hyper, or amused. "Get up," she muttered, voice low.

I did so. I didn't even have to dust myself off, it was raining so hard. "Yuffie, I didn't know you could teleport."

She looked at me with hurt-filled eyes. "Did you know," she said instead, not offering an explanation, "That our home was destroyed the first time on a night like this?"

"But it was put back together," I replied dazedly. "Do you really think Hollow Bastion will fall to shambles? Not when the claymores and all four of us are fighting? It's so much safer here now. We'll all be okay… like you said, just a passing storm."

She glared at me, obviously not reassured. "How can you know that? This isn't your home! Why should you care, anyway?"

"Yuffie," I repeated. "Don't you understand? I've come to care for everyone here. I like living here. I want Hollow Bastion to be my home." I furrowed my eyebrows. "And if you just keep talking instead of fighting, what you said will come true."

She sighed. "You're right. Now let's kick some Heartless ass!"

The two of us dove headfirst into the waves and waves of purebloods. For a long while, we just fought in silence. I hardly actually used physical attacks, instead relying on the rain to power up my magic-, which could be dangerous as well. I used every trick I knew- geysers, bubbles, even the doppelgangers- but they were relentless. Every one we cut down, two more appeared in its place. I felt myself losing concentration despite everything, and eventually when I played a chord, the water wouldn't respond.

I didn't panic quite yet. I still had typical black magic and Cure like anyone else, and my energy would replenish itself with time.

But would there be time to stop for a break?

It wasn't my laziness speaking this time- it was my body, already growing exhausted with the weak slashing motions I went through. I was using my sitar pretty much like a bat, and I was growing tired quickly. Yuffie had gotten used to taking up all the slack when we were on patrol together- she had never minded- but this fight depended on both of us, not her with me in the background.

I had no choice. I would have to use Wave Gigs.

I had barely enough energy for it- no doubt it would make me completely useless when it was over. It was my strongest attack, took the most out of me, and it also lasted the shortest amount of time.

Using whatever little focus I had, I went deep inside myself for the energy needed for the attack. It yanked painfully on something close to my heart- it wasn't even my heart- and I felt the familiar sensation of borrowed strength washing through me.

It lasted about five minutes. Water was going everywhere- from both Wave Gigs and the rain- and as I was about to play a chord, something happened.

My hand cramped up painfully, my fingers refusing to move. There was a loud _splech_ing sound, and all the water I had been using fell to the ground. It wasn't that I had lost all my energy or Wave Gigs ended- I could still fell the adrenaline running through me- it had to be something else entirely.

And I knew what that something was.

My chest seized up, and I couldn't breathe. I clutched at my chest, struggling to draw breath, but I managed to choke out the one word over and over again- "No… no!"

"What are you doing? Don't just sit there- fight!" Yuffie commanded, slicing through a neoshadow.

I tried to obey her, but I was panicking too hard. I didn't notice that the mobs were thinning. I didn't notice anything other than the painful swing of my sitar and the crumpled feeling in the center of my chest.

The battle was nearing an end, but I felt myself getting weaker. A haze settled over my eyes, and I started to feel dizzy. The world was spinning. My chest seized up again. I couldn't breathe. I couldn't breathe!

My body couldn't support its own weight any longer. My sitar vanished and I toppled over onto the ground with a loud _thump_. My chest was heaving, and I was drawing air, but it wouldn't satisfy. My lungs felt crumpled.

I barely heard Yuffie. "Myde? Omigod. Myde!"

There was only one thought going through my head-

I'd lost my power over water, and now I was going to die.

"Somebody help! Oh my god… he's not breathing!"

* * *

For a long while, there was just nothing.

Not darkness. Not white light that people claimed to see. Not even gray endlessness. Just… nothing.

It was calm and quiet here. I didn't have to worry about not being able to breathe. There was no body that needed air, no heart that needed oxygen to beat, and though I still felt my emotions, they were in the background.

What was… happening?

Was this death? It was peaceful… quiet… but I thought there would be more.

As if on cue, suddenly I was underwater, and there was enough me to realize I was falling.

Once again, I couldn't breathe. I was fighting currents, thrashing aimlessly in panic. I didn't get anything! What was happening? And why?

Was this a dream? I could have just passed out. My dreams had been so real lately… when would I wake up?

When I ran out of air. But I already had, even before I passed out.

I had to face it- this was not a dream. The fluid that surrounded me was really, truly water.

I hugged my chest tightly, trying to compress myself into as small a ball as possible. Where had I heard that would help? Somewhere…

I opened my eyes. The water flooded into them and blurred everything, but there was nothing to see anyway. I was dizzy, starved for oxygen.

Impossibly, more air bubbles pulled from me when I thought I had none. I reached out, trying to pull them back, but to no avail. I only sank farther into the abyss.

Out of nowhere, something grasped me by the waist and pulled me down hard. I flailed against it, trying to pull myself free, but I had little strength. Out of instinct, I tried to scream, which made no sound and resulted me in losing still more precious air.

I couldn't hang on anymore- I was really going to drown. It was only too ironic. I stopped struggling. Almost automatically all my limbs went dead.

All I had to do… was breathe in…

The second the water passed my lips; I landed hard on some sort of surface. Startled, surprised I wasn't yet dead, I kept taking in the water, only to realize that for some bizarre reason, I was breathing, and it was reaching my lungs and brain. I was so relieved that all I did for five minutes was relish the air, or water, or whatever it was that was getting into me.

My body passed from panic mode into 'what the hell is going on' mode. I relaxed and opened my eyes, only to discover I could see, and it didn't sting.

I sat up, mouth slightly agape. There was so much to see… but there wasn't, too. I was surrounded by the perfect shade of blue, like the ocean. The ceiling, or surface or whatever it was, rose high above my head to an unseen point. The blueness also moved as far forward as I could see, and all I knew was that I was by the some sort of wall. I reached out to brush my hand against it, only to find that it didn't stop, but something kept me from moving forward. A dark, tentacle-type thing shot out and grasped one of my wrists. As I fought to pull that hand free, another tentacle grazed my face and grabbed the other wrist.

The thing was, I didn't feel like I was in any danger, though maybe I should have, because both of my hands were no longer available to me. I still had my legs, and stupidly thrashed out to free myself, only to resolve in both feet getting tangled and my face pressed very awkwardly into the ground.

I heard someone snap their fingers, and the pressure on my wrists and ankles was released. I sat up like a normal human being, and looked at my pursuer.

It was a woman. She was tall, at least a foot taller than me, and a transparent shade of blue. She had a full figure and long hair that swirled all around her. Her face was motherly, but she looked at me with a stern expression.

"What are you doing here? It's been a long while since I've had to take care of intruders myself." Her lips moved, but I couldn't tell if she was talking aloud or speaking into my mind.

"Who are you?" I asked, staring at her. "Where am I?"

"Don't play innocent."

"No, I'm serious!"

She stared at me hard.

It was then I heard the noise. It wasn't anything like Luxord's box from so long ago. It started soft, and then slowly got louder. It was a slight buzzing sound, and suddenly, my left palm began to itch annoyingly. I dug my fingernails into the skin, but it barely did anything. The woman cocked her head, looking slightly amused. "What bothers you?" Her voice was softer now.

"Nothing. It's just that… my palm itches." I smiled and mentally smacked myself as I realized how stupid that sounded.

She raised her eyebrow and took my left hand. Automatically the itching subsided. Her palms were much larger than mine, and I felt like a child again. "Has this ever happened before?" She asked.

"No… not that I can think of… my palm was itchy. You're acting like it's something so serious."

"You understand Japanese, do you not?"

"Yes, but how did you know that?"

She held up my hand so I saw my palm- and I was surprised at what I saw. It was a thin marking, but glowing strong, not surprisingly in blue. I recognized the two characters I saw on my hand and blinked quickly, pulse quickening. _Mizu,_ the Japanese word for water, written in the simple Hiragana I knew.

"Who are you?" I repeated, eyes wide.

* * *

Mind trip for ya? XD No, I have not given Demyx grade-A hallucinogens.

The next update, I think, happens to be on the first day of school! Ngh! Talk about scary for you. I will be busy, busy, busy. All my classes but _one_ are honors, and a new school to boot.

I may crack. Updates will not be scarce, hopefully, considering I write most of it ahead of time anyway.

While I wanted to do a reader question corner too, what I actually meant an author question thing. Ask me stuff about the story. I'll try to answer :P.

But anyway, I do have some questions for you! The answers will be in a chapter at the end.

**Q: How did you discover this story and when?**

**Q: Do you think I should have referred to Myde as his canon name throughout the entire story instead?**

**Q: What's been your favorite part so far?**

**Q: …Your least favorite?**

**Q: If/when I write a sequel, should Irena have a major or minor role? Or none at all?**

**Q: Have any characters diverted from their canon selves? If so, who and how?**

And as promised, the magazines I chose for everyone, with help from Kai-Alaric and Sora Tayuya:

Demyx: Rolling Stone  
Axel: Rifleman  
Roxas: Time for Kidz  
Sora: Sports Illustrated  
Kairi/Namine: Shonen Jump  
Riku: Seventeen  
Zexion: Time  
Vexen: Scientific American  
Marluxia: Better Home & Garden  
Lexeaus: National Geographic  
Xemnas: People  
Xigbar: Cannabis Culture  
Xaldin: Blade  
Saix: Men's weekly  
Luxord: Forbes  
Larxene: Vogue  
Xion: Discovery Kids

Thank you **_ravenr20, -JansenFriedh827-, coobearrocks, Kai-Alaric, shadowsonicstar, kitkit11183, Sora Tayuya, shatteredfire, Clarilune, Bokmal14, sandninjanaru, _**and**_ PurpleTango_** for being awesome and reviewing last chapter. Not to mention, the length of that list is astounding O_o. Thank you all so much!  
Next Update: approx. September 8


	29. Blindfold

**Disclaimer: I don't own Kingdom Hearts.**

Chapter Twenty-Nine  
Blindfold

"Who are you?" I repeated, looking up at the woman. "Well? Are you going to answer me?"

"Who are you, child?" Her voice was still stern, but not nearly as cold as when she had spoken the first time. "I recognize my all my marked children, but I can't place your name."

"What are you talking about? My mother… isn't you. She's human." Ugh! That was such a cruel thing to say! Maybe _she_ was human! "I mean… erm…"

She ignored my comment. "Why are you so wary? Just tell me your name."

I'd learned not to trust so easily anymore, but what could she do with my name? "Myde," I told her, not breaking eye contact. "Now who are you?"

She closed her eyes for a moment. "Right… I remember now. You're the one who lost his heart." She shook her head. "Just like almost all of my children. But the question is, how could you succeed in living whereas the others failed?"

"I have my heart. I'm human now," I informed her unnecessarily.

"I can feel your heartbeat, child. I'm not oblivious." She shook her head, long hair flying in strange slow motion, as if we were underwater. Wait, were we? I didn't feel the pressure, but the air around me felt strange… not like actual air.

"Why am I here?" I asked.

"That's a good question. Why are you here? Give me your hand."

"What? Why?"

"Just do it."

This was too crazy. I offered her my right palm.

"The other one." The woman was growing agitated.

I held out the hand that had the markings on it. She took it, closed her eyes, and suddenly, I felt as if I was reliving the scene that had just happened in real life- the one where I couldn't breathe and passed out, only after discovering that-

My power over water had been lost.

Once the pictures stopped flashing behind my eyes, I looked at her in understanding. She was tied to my powers- of course. Why else would I be here, in an underwater-type scenario? "But who are you… and why are we connected?"

The woman smiled all of a sudden. She didn't offer her name, but offered an explanation- "you know how there are so many different types of people? Some are fiery, others go-with-the-flow, some quiet and delicate, others sadistic and cruel?"

I nodded.

"Well, without beings like me, there would be no difference. It isn't simply a coincidence that your powers match up with your personality."

"There are others like you?"

"Yes. There are as many as you can name elements. When you were born, I chose you as one of my children, so should you need to defend yourself with something other than brute strength or black magic, you could borrow some of my power. Typically, borrowing power only happens when one of us becomes what you call a Nobody- when I have no choice but to lend some of that power. The thing is, elemental power is tied to the soul, not the heart, which is why you Nobodies even have elements in the first place. But, if certain requirements are met, a human can have their power, too. However, this has only happened to the children of the element light."

"Water is tied to the light." I forgot how I learned that- I just had.

"Correct. How did you know that?"

I ignored her question "But what about illusion? And moon? And what about space or time?"

"Manipulating those elements is considered indecent." She looked disgusted. "They fall with the darkness. We are not meant to tamper with such as those."

"But that isn't fair. Then isn't it wrong for me to use water as my element? Who cares what's tangible and intangible. They couldn't help their powers!"

"Whom do you speak of?" She raised an eyebrow.

"My fri- nobody. Nobody at all." Heheh. Well, it wasn't a lie. They were Nobodies.

She shook her head. "Anyway… when I saw your memories, I realized how you were forced from your body…"

"Wait, wait, wait. What?" I stared at her with wide, surprised eyes. "I was not forced from my body! That's not possible! See? I have arms and legs like anyone else."

"You are confused, child. Real as it may seem, you are in spirit form right now. No human would be able to get into this world."

"So I'm _dead_?" A note of panic hit my voice. "This just figures, you know?"

She laughed out loud. "You're not dead."

"Then… then what the hell is going on?"

"You body was weakened to such a point that your elemental power- your soul- could no longer conduct itself through you. So, without a proper conductor, it caved in on itself. Souls never get damaged when this happens, but typically humans slowly feel sicker, black out entirely, and eventually die. I just don't understand how it happened; though- such a thing is not natural. Soul being torn from body doesn't just_ occur_."

I offered her my left hand again- I knew how. "Do that weird connection thing again. I know how it happened."

Looking bemused, she took my hand. I showed her how Xemnas poisoned me, how much I was weakened by them, how they stalled my powers. I'm sure she saw all of my memories somehow, because she didn't look as questionable or outraged as I thought she would. I let go of her hand. "Do you see? He used what he uses on the Dusks to pull my soul and body apart. But what I don't get is that if Dusks are torn apart too, how come they're not dead?"

"They're less human than your type of Nobody. Their soul remains in them, not thoroughly attached but guiding them nonetheless. That's why they have no true will and follow anyone who leads- that's why they cannot speak or remember who they are. It's not just the darkness that did it, even though it helped a little. Without that injection, the binding would be undone slowly, with time, and the Dusks would still have wills. They would lead rebellions and revolutions."

"And Xemnas can't afford that." I closed my eyes. "But there are thousands of Dusks… how would he keep them medicated constantly?"

"That I can't figure out from your memories."

There was a long moment of silence.

"How can I get back to my body?" I asked her. "I know I'm almost too weak… but you have to help me. I need to help my friends. They're worrying about me right now."

"You have such a destiny to fulfill… otherwise, I would not even bother." Cold fingers touched my face. "This is a large risk- I've only witnessed this sort of thing once. If I'm not careful, I could easily shatter your soul."

"What do you mean? You can't just put me in my body? That sounds pretty easy."

"Your body is too weak at the moment. If I attempted to do it now, the strain would kill it. I have to heal you first- and accomplishing such when you're in spirit form is almost unheard of."

I shook my head. "You said I had a destiny to fulfill, right? That means I'll live. Do it."

Hesitantly, she nodded. She grasped both my hands. My palm tingled- then it itched, and that gradually grew more uncomfortable until it started to sting, and finally, to burn.

The burn spread slowly through me- this didn't make sense. If she was a water element, wasn't I supposed to feel _cold_?

Before I lost conscious thought, I heard her say, "My name is Shiva, and I might as well give you what's really yours. Take your power, Myde. It's obvious you will need it."

Then, all I felt was pain.

I was good at ignoring all sorts of physical discomfort, courtesy of those two months I was trapped. All I had to do was distance myself from my body- but, I realized in a flush, there was no body to distance myself from. There was no running now. And because I was just in spirit form, everything hurt a whole lot more. I would have screamed, but I couldn't. Everything burned.

Ignore it. I had to ignore it. I had to think of something else, but there was nothing else to think. It hurt. The heat was my vision of hell. I didn't even know there was heat just this hot.

Unbelievably, it got worse. I was thinking horrible swear words I hadn't even knew I'd known, and maybe screaming them. It didn't help at all.

Emotional pain was _nothing_ compared to this. I wanted to be able to cry and scream, but there was nothing to let me.

It continued on forever, and yet it lasted only seconds. Next thing I knew, I was spiraling into darkness.

At least it was cold and quiet there.

* * *

I woke with a start.

Was I me again? Really me? I felt my heartbeat. No, I heard it, too. I heard sounds from all over the room. Wasn't I in the streets when I passed out? What happened? Why did everything seem so vivid and intense- especially my vision? The sharpness of everything… well, it hurt to look at.

I ran a hand through my hair and pulled on it. Yeah, it was real. I was real. I hugged myself tightly.

I saw what she meant about healing me- my senses were heightened again. How had I ever gotten used to this? Just taking everything in was sensory overload.

Right- I remembered when Zexion told me all those eons ago- our senses are heightened because our hearts no longer dulled our outlook on life. If such a thing happened to a human, they'd lose their mind.

I saw what he meant, but I wasn't feeling crazy- just overwhelmed. I pulled myself into a ball, feeling the grains in the fabric of my jeans and taking a quick look around the room. I was in a small bedroom in Merlin's house. I remembered that it had been a big annoyance to everyone (Yuffie and Aerith) that Merlin kept his bed in the front room, and the wizard just got so tired of hearing it that he had a spell that literally made a room. I was lying on the spare cot.

There were voices coming from the next room- I could hear them, and tell them apart. I wasn't too superhuman- it wasn't like time seemed to pass any slower. I couldn't tell one second from the next. But if I closed my eyes and concentrated- I could hear everything in the house. Cid's computer, the little fire in the stove, the clink of teacups at the table. It was all so intense. It felt as if my own senses were shaking me.

I realized now that this is what Shiva had done by healing me- restore my Nobody senses and pre-poison strength. Nothing shook, or shimmered, or spun. I didn't feel weak-kneed or tired. Nothing hurt, or ached, or was sore. Spurned on by a sudden thought, I pulled up my shirt to see the bruise Cloud had left, only to find none.

For the first time in months, I noted with a quick breath, I was really okay. Happiness and physical weakness didn't fight with each other anoymore. I was safe now, and well. I uncurled and sat on the side of the bed for a few minutes with my eyes closed.

I noticed a change in the sounds of the next room. All the voices stopped chattering at once- only one spoke, and then the others said something in agreement. Wait… was it me, or were there _eight_ voices? Cloud was here- I heard his dark monotone more clearly. But that meant, if my math was right (and it probably wasn't), that there were three more people here than usual.

_Three_.

My heart skipped a beat, and I heard footsteps coming towards the door. I tensed, wanting to thrown myself back down and pretend I was still passed out, but before I could do anything, the door opened, and someone poked his head in. After a moment of just staring at me, he walked in and shut the door behind him.

"Good afternoon," he said.

I nodded.

"You look better."

Is that really all he had to say? No questions? Or anything? And where was…?

"I was… I was really scared, Myde."

I sighed, feeling guilty. "I'm sorry. I really am. You don't know how many times I thought about how you were feeling. I'm sorry."

"I wasn't exactly happy when the first thing I saw was Yuffie, begging for help." He looked down. "The first time I see you in_ two months_, and you're on the ground, white as death, not breathing."

"I'm sorry."

"Why the hell are you apologizing?" He smiled and shook his head. "Just… what happened?"

"Sora…" I was saying his name for the first time in months. "Sora… why do you care?"

"Why do I care? We're… we're friends!"

"But how? And why? I'm just some stranger you picked up on the road. We barely know each other. How can you care?"

"I just… something just makes me feel like I can't afford to have you run off and kill yourself. You were nearly dead, you know." Sora shook his head. "I don't understand. You shouldn't look completely healthy right now."

I snorted. "You really won't believe me."

"Well, we have plenty of time. Talk away."

* * *

Ta-da! Sora makes his first entrance since... seven chapters ago, I think? I hate this chapter. It sucks. It really does. In fact, this is one of my least favorite chapters. I can't seem to find a way to state this any better, though.  
Shiva didn't have a name originally. But after _Bokmal14_ pointed out she was almost exactly like Shiva from FFX, I had to agree. So thank you _Bokmal14_! And I apologize for the times I spelt your penname wrong! (I'm pretty sure it was only last chapter)  
It's AkuDemy day! I'm not into yaoi, but I love those two as friends. Just throwing that out there. And tomorrow is Demyx Day! Happy Happy!  
However, I've delved into the horror known as high school. I shall bring you my woes XD. Hopefully updates will continue on time, though I will be detouring from the normal schedule to update on October 9, the one year anniversary of this story. Yikes!  
Speaking of the anniversary, I decided that I will eventually be doing a rewrite. It's my best fanfic, but could still be WAY better. More on that later.

Next Update: approx. Sept. 22  
Thank you **_Shadowsonicstar, Ravenr20, Sora Tayuya, Bokmal14, -JansenFriedh827-, Kai-Alaric, nightmares sequel, kitkit11183, Kiexa, _**and **_PurpleTango_**.

Oh, not to mention, BBS came out! I'm getting it tomorrow! I'm so excited, especially for Ven's part.


	30. Masterminds

**Disclaimer: I don't own Kingdom Hearts.**

Chapter Thirty  
Masterminds

So I told him mostly everything- all about how Luxord was the one who kidnapped me, about the time I had spent in captivity (though I didn't tell him about Axel's betrayal or about how hurt I had been- I couldn't exactly hide how sick I used to be), how I escaped and got here, and where Axel was now.

"You were waiting for me?" Sora asked when I finally stopped talking.

"Yeah. I still want to help you, Sora."

He smiled. "I… I know I shouldn't, but I believe you. The restoration committee members all trust you. I heard how you helped them out when you didn't have to."

I shrugged. "They took me in. I needed something to do with my life."

"So says the guy who would have cared less a few months ago."

I shrugged. "And I also don't have a reason to lie to you. But… why do you believe me so easily? I just vanish one day and you buy my explanation?"

"I've gotten better at reading people. Xemnas did more than just hide you in a cell and refuse to let you go until you told him about your heart."

"How do you know?"

"You winced every time you said his name."

"…I did?"

Sora nodded and offered a weak smile. "We should go back. The others really were worried about you. You did stop breathing." His face was serious now. "For almost five minutes, we thought you were going to die."

I tried to smile reassuringly. "Well, I'm fine now, and I will be for a long time."

He nodded again and stood up, and I did too. I was glad that I still felt strong, and that the sharpness of everything held. That meant I would be okay, and I had to keep telling myself that.

"Jim really wants to see you," Sora told me.

"You mean Jim is still alive?" I asked, astonished. Technically, he should have died when I lost my powers. However, the news was enough to make me feel better.

"Yeah. He's changed a lot, though, for a sphere of water. He really seemed to know you were gone, and it seems as though he can feel emotions. He understood what I meant when I said we were going to see you."

"Maybe your powers have something to do with it. Kairi restored you with her own light powers, right?"

"I guess. But I don't know how."

I shrugged. "I don't really know what I'm saying here."

Sora opened the door to the main room and gestured for me to follow. He slapped my back and pushed me forward. "Everyone! Myde's up!"

I felt a surge of something like chagrin when I saw all of them. I mean, it was nice they cared, but everyone was staring at me. I flushed and almost bit my lip.

Cid stood up and said, "it's about time, princess," in a mocking tone before smiling a little at me and crossing the room to his computer.

Yuffie stood, too, and gave me a big hug before hitting my shoulder playfully, though her tone was serious when she said, "you really worried me."

"I'm sorry," I apologized without a reason to.

Leon cleared his throat a little, to catch my attention, and he did. "What exactly happened to you? Do you remember?"

I tried to say something along the lines of, _well, my soul kind of said 'to hell with this' and I got thrown out of my body_, but there was a sort of brain-to-mouth filter and my lips wouldn't move. I tried _all the fighting was just too much_ as well, but that was a no-go, too, so I settled for a white lie- "I can't remember."

"Well, you look great for someone who nearly died," Yuffie told me with her eyebrow raised. "Even before the invasion, you looked sick. You look fine now. What happened?"

Naturally, I couldn't find an answer that would suit her questions.

Merlin said, "Yuffie, leave the poor boy alone," which was greatly appreciated by me.

Aerith added in her small voice, "I would like to know too. How did you do it?"

The only thing I could say was, "I don't know. I really don't know." I felt slightly panicked. Why did it matter to them?

Why did they even care?

_Because they're my friends, and that's what friends do_.

I took a deep breath to steady myself. "I'm sorry, guys. That's the truth."

"Maybe it's something that used to be part of your Nobody self, like a backup plan," Sora mused, but I felt him nudge my back, urging me to go along with it.

"Maybe. I never thought of it that way before," I obliged. If I really hadn't found out what (or in this case, who) had healed me, I would consider it. Who knew? Maybe there was some truth to his words.

Anyway, why was Sora covering for me? He should hate me right now, should have no faith in me for disappearing for so long and then returning, asking to join up with him again. For all he knew, I could have been lying through my teeth, and fraternizing with the enemy the whole time!

But still, I felt a rush of affection for him believing in me, and while we'd only been together a week or so tops, he knew me enough to be able to see through my lies if I said them, knew when I told the truth or was hiding something. Sora was right- he had gotten better at reading people.

And I should trust him, like he did me. I'd just had so many awful experiences that my faith in people was almost nothing.

The committee bought our excuse and automatically switched to a new topic of discussion. I followed their example. "Where's Jim?" I asked Sora.

"With Donald." He pointed to the back of the room, where said magician was talking to Cid.

I crossed the room, a bit wary of him. What would his reaction be? I'd never understood his dislike of me.

However, Donald's face was expressionless. He offered Jim, who had been curled up in his large, gloved hand. I took the sleeping orb sat on the dais where Merlin kept his table. Sora smiled tentatively and began to talk with Donald and Goofy. I noticed that this was the first time in a while that I'd had time to myself.

I ran a finger along Jim's body. He twitched and stirred a little, but didn't wake up.

I sighed and continued to pet the sphere of water. Oddly, I felt calm. It slowly came to me, though. Things were finally going as they should again. I was healthy; I was with Sora. If I somehow found the courage and strength, I could face Xemnas knowing my friends would back me up. Then, I could go home, hopefully to find Axel and Irena there.

Knowing my luck, though, that was unlikely to happen just so. Something would trip up; take away the delicate future I could have. It was so fragile, not concrete in the least. It almost felt like a crazy sort of dream.

Jim twitched again. I took back my hand. He shook himself awake in my lap, pantomiming a yawn. He looked my leg for a moment, and then tried to take a bite out of it, not knowing what it was. He had no teeth.

Sora had been right. He felt real now, almost like a human soul was in him. What had before just been playful antics were now childlike. I was surprised he didn't coo.

I put one tentative hand on his head (well, where his head would be). Jim made some sort of noise of acknowledgment. He didn't know it was my hand, or me, considering shortly after he was born my attire consisted of the cloak and gloves. He made the noise again, only now it sounded like a question. He crooned a third time, and I took my hand off his head. He looked at me for a long moment, and then he squeaked, one of those high-pitched squeals from a long time ago.

Jim threw all four ounces of himself at my neck, trying to hug me but having no arms to do so. He suddenly floated away, making a noised that sounded like crying. I took him in one palm and put him against his shoulder, like I'd seen people do with babies. "It's okay. I'm here now." I kept my voice low, so Leon and everyone else wouldn't hear me. They were either completely oblivious that I was still here or deliberately giving me space. "I had some things to take care of, but it's all okay now. I won't be leaving again."

* * *

They were gone. They had been for weeks.

Xemnas wasn't surprised. He couldn't be surprised, but if he could have, he wouldn't be. It had to have been Axel who freed the boy- he was too weak and dull to do so on his own, though there were only two ways to escape- the keycard which unlocked the barrier, and metal.

So for a while, he just let them convince themselves that they were free. He supposed the two were together at the moment. Why wouldn't they be?

He let them run. It would be easy enough to find them. They would have to come back eventually. Both of them were absolutely weakening. However, that wasn't the only reason. Considering Axel's friendship with Roxas, he would feel compelled to see the boy, of course. Xemnas also heard from the Dusks that Demyx's alliance with Sora was going to be renewed. Xemnas knew of Sora's primitive goals- destroy all of Organization XIII and even the darkness itself. He knew that somehow, from someone, Sora would find a way to reach the Castle, and try his best to destroy the Superior. He knew that if Demyx decided to go along for the ride, he'd eventually end up once again in Xemnas's clutches.

Honestly, the Superior couldn't understand his desire to kill the boy. It was irrational, but being the fascist and control freak he was, he felt an urge to kill whoever disobeyed him. It wasn't so terrible. Wasn't he right in pursuing his betrayers? Especially since they could give him such a strong power- that of darkness. What would happen if he ever did get a heart? Would darkness and nothingness coalesce? Or would they destroy each other, despite having the same base of existence?

Either way, even if he had found it out indirectly, he had gotten all he needed out of the two, even though he lost a powerful ally in Axel and a great reconnaissance in Demyx. If only he could sway them if and when they returned, to see it as he saw it… but since Axel was acting through Demyx's pitiful emotions, and the boy _did_ have a heart and a sort of conscience of his own, it was unlikely.

It would be easy to hunt them down, but should he? It would be nice to dispose of them. They had caused him the most troubles. Demyx was just _so_ weak- a Dusk could easily crush him. Or better yet, a Dancer. How would it feel, turning servant against master?

That had happened to Xemnas, after all. It was just justice.

Yet… becoming human was so simple and logical. It was almost too simple, made him feel as if there had to be some other harder, more complicated way…

Or perhaps it was because of the fact that Xemnas's Heartless was dead.

It was such a wonder that the weakling Xehanort has spawned such a powerful Heartless, and it was even more of a wonder that Sora had managed to vanquish him almost effortlessly. But Sora's growth in power was waning; Xemnas doubted he would be much of a challenge. Yet, the news of Ansem, Seeker of Darnkess's death hadn't meant anything.

Yet now?

It caused him to disbelieve what they had told them. He didn't really know Demyx, but he had to have been dark enough, 'evil' enough to figure out how to become human. He had joined the Organization at the mere age of sixteen, only older than Roxas, and, by a year, Zexion! He had to be darker, less innocent than he put off.

There was only one true way to find out…

Yet, if this backfired and they still managed to escape with the information, what would happen then? He still looked upon Kingdom Hearts now and then, but his attention had been so diverged from it that he had almost forgotten.

Sora was still working hard to wipe out all Heartless- it had to be growing every day. Which would be his fail-safe- the heart, or Kingdom Hearts?

And then there was the case of Myde's power.

If he was even putting on an act and decided to drop it, how powerful would he really be? Even if he embraced that secret alcove that Xemnas had gotten a glimpse of? Would he actually be equal in power? Stronger even?

Well, the Superior doubted he could be just _that_ strong. Equal, maybe, but not stronger.

Xemnas struck a fist on his desk at the thought. The boy was too thoroughly weakened to discover that true strength- but then, how, at that moment when he was closest to death, was Xemnas able to sense his true power?

As if on cue, Saïx appeared in the room. He was now the only Organization member left other than Xemnas. Luxord had just run off after completing a mission and had yet to return- Xemnas knew full well what he was doing. He didn't bother sending anyone after him, as the Gambler manipulated time and could just slip through the time stream, existing but avoiding all tracings of the Organization.

Xaldin had been long dead, of his own attempt at treachery, and Xigbar met a foolish death as well in provoking Sora.

"Is there something you need, my lord?" Saïx asked, gold eyes meeting Xemnas's without expression, with full and total trust- and empty will.

"Saïx, haven't you wondered about this little phenomenon? I'm surprised you haven't left me, too, to become human."

"I will never betray you, Lord Xemnas. I will only stray from you if you wish me too," came the well-trained voice. Xemnas had heard this many times- he had to admit that, while it was nice to have someone to back you, he sometimes tired of the automated responses.

"Today I wish you to do something for me. Why don't you try to find your Heartless as well? I'm curious to know what humanity is like… after all these years." He worded it poorly, but Saïx wouldn't notice, not with the order in hand.

The second-in-command nodded. "Of course, if you wish it."

Saïx disappeared as quickly as he had arrived. It was then Xemnas realized, in a sort of emotionless fury, that is Saïx became human, would Xemnas's control of him be completely eradicated?

* * *

Through a sort of haze, Saïx stepped into the dark realm.

He'd noticed the haze recently, like his sight was blurred. His head constantly ached. It was almost as if he was fighting against some sort of pull. Odd.

He was unsure of the next step. It wasn't that he didn't know where to look next- like Myde, he was an excellent reconnaissance; how else would he be second-in-command?

Had Axel lied again?

For some reason, the Nobody doubted it. He stepped farther into the world of darkness; flinching at the scent- it was still foul. He felt strange, unlike himself, but somehow, it seemed that this was a moment of clarity. It seemed that in another minute or so it would slip away. Why was this clarity, if everything was so blurred? What had happened to him? He couldn't think logically.

Saïx didn't think about it- he just searched. Shadows were everywhere, but his might not be one. Humans could give off other types of Purebloods. His Heartless could be anywhere.

The Shadow did seem to be the Heartless of the Organization, aside from Xemnas's Ansem.

It was an hour or two before he had a lead. He only knew when the scent of darkness changed, and became familiar, more like him.

Sure enough, Saïx's Heartless was a Shadow. It looked at him attentively, antennas rising slightly.

"Come to me," he murmured, kneeling like it was a pet and offering a hand.

It did, still staring at him. The scent grew stronger. This was definitely Isa's Heartless. Saïx smiled coldly. Like a pet, the Heartless sniffed his hand and came still closer. After a moment of calm observation, it seemed tame.

Out of nowhere, it jumped him, like Myde's Heartless had. However, instead of from behind, the Shadow nearly hit him in the face. He gasped and stumbled. The Shadow disappeared in a mist of darkness.

"…Where?" Saïx began, and then he felt it.

It was physical pain, plain and simple, where his heart should have been, Saïx was used to wounds, but this was different. He whimpered.

_A whimper?_

What was this? Saïx never showed weakness, not even when he felt it.

The violent pain faded, leaving him feeling sick. The scent of darkness was strong around him before it faded… and changed into something new.

Saïx stood up slowly, almost feebly. He felt… strange. _Felt_. His icy calm was shattered. He felt a broken beating sensation.

_Isa's heart! Wait… my heart?_

Another wave of dizziness hit him, and this time he fell unconscious.

* * *

Even after last night's freak storm, it was still cool and cloudy.

I didn't have to say goodbye to my friends just yet- apparently, Sora needed to visit someone named Tron. He was trying to explain to me that Tron lived in a virtual world where people were programs and the head honcho of everything, some program named the MCP, was trying to take over the whole system. Oh, did I mention, this system was hardwired to the claymores that protected to the city? I felt my anxiety relapse.

"It'll be okay. Cid's working on a program to defeat it. Didn't they tell you?" Sora asked. "You've been with them longer than I have."

Now that I thought about it, they had to have told me at one point, but I honestly don't think I had been paying attention. I barely knew of Tron's world when it was apparently here in my own surrogate backyard.

The Heartless paving the way to Tron's were weak- I slew them easily. Had I really been this strong before I was poisoned? The Organization claimed I was weak. I didn't even have to think of strategies- they just seemed to come to mind, and then I would automatically follow through with the attack. It all seemed very instinctual. I actually had time to think of other matters as I fought through them.

Like, had Sora's hair always been that spiky? I never saw him fix his hair, but it was always perfectly in place. Water didn't seem to dull the spikes. Could something like that seriously be _natural_?

Said Keyblade wielder turned to me after our second or so skirmish and said, "what the hell?"

"What do you mean, what the hell?" I raised an eyebrow.

"All of a sudden you fight better than I do. Just six hours ago you were unconscious, almost dead!"

"I'm sorry." I continued to stare at him, bemused, embarrassed, and even a bit flattered. I fought better than him? Impossible. He was the Keyblade _master_. I was just the guy with the sitar.

"No need to apologize, but still. How _are_ you completely healthy, and nearly as strong as I am?"

Once again I felt the urge to lie, to cover up Shiva and how she had healed me. "Well, maybe there was some truth in what you said- that something from my Nobody days helped restore me. I really don't know, Sora." I didn't have to meet his eyes- a Heartless had appeared, a perfect object for me to invest my attention in.

He shrugged.

"It could have been something that the Heartless did, and I just had to take sometime to recover from it," I offered. I figured that the more I questioned it, the less he would care.

"Then wouldn't the same thing have happened to Yuffie? Didn't you two fight together?"

"Yeah, I suppose so." I still couldn't explain to him about Shiva and her bizarre-o heal. It wasn't that I didn't want to- something told me to not even go there. Like it was Treasure Planet, and if the secrets were revealed, the world would explode.

* * *

Sora filled me in on what had happened in the time I had gone- to sum it up easily, not much. They had gone to various worlds and helped people through their personal struggles, settled a couple of arguments, and defeated Heartless, but had yet to discover the entrance to the World that Never Was.

Oddly enough, Kairi had been kidnapped by the Organization, for reasons I really didn't know- probably to 'feed his rage,' or maybe they were using her as bait.

It came to me as a surprise. I hadn't seen Kairi or heard her mentioned while I was there at all, but then again, I didn't exactly have my wits about me. Sora was disappointed and even a little angry that I didn't know anything about what was going on with her. The only thing I could do was apologizing, and offer a smile like an olive branch.

The Postern was where my world fell apart.

I knew it would end sometime, the peace and happiness I felt here. But I hadn't expected it to end so soon, and in such a sick-making way.

I heard the dark corridor. What I was thinking was that if it was Xemnas or Saix, why hadn't they come for me earlier, as in two weeks ago? But it wasn't either of them.

No, instead the person I saw in front of me was Luxord.

Sora drew his Keyblade and settled into battle stance, but I put an arm in front of him almost instinctually. "Let him talk," I whispered.

The only reason I didn't let Sora attack him was because of Luxord's appearance.

It also occurred to me that I didn't feel the waves of hostility coming off him that I had felt the last time I had seen him- two full months ago. He didn't seem to have any sort of harmful intention, and looked at me, clearly exhausted.

Now, I was getting better at seeing through lies, but I could sense just how tired he was, almost feel it myself. Nobodies were good at knowing how others felt- and seeing how my senses were back to Nobody status, I could just about feel how he felt.

He was tired… and almost frantic. It was all over him- in his emotionless eyes, in his beard that longer and shaggier than I remembered, and in his almost tattered cloak.

"Myde!" Luxord spoke, his accent tinged with stress. "You look… much better than the last time we met."

I furrowed my eyebrows. Then I remembered- after I'd passed out in the gardens, he'd delivered that letter to me. "I am better, thank you, and I really wish I could say the same. What happened to you?"

I didn't know why I was acting so civil, so polite and almost unlike myself. I tried to make myself mad at him, tried to feel rage, but I turned up empty. He had been the one who brought me back to the Castle, who had indirectly done all those terrible things to me. But he was just following orders, a tiny voice whispered to me. And terrible things happen if you don't follow orders…

"Luxord, what do you want?" I asked, tone civil and emotionless.

He looked at me, clearly frazzled. "I want you to know… I am no longer with the Organization. It's not even really a true union of Nobodies as it was before- it's a free-for-all of survival, with Xemnas still trying to control what's left. One day, I just left, but not before I heard something- something you will find interesting."

"Oh really? And why should I believe you're not with them?" I had to voice the question, yet I did believe him- I'd never seen him looking so horrible, and almost so terrified.

"It's descended into madness," Luxord informed me with wide eyes (like I didn't know that already). "But only because they've put lives other than ours or theirs on the line…"

"Kairi," Sora breathed, so low that even I barely heard it.

My eyes widened in shock as I realized what Luxord was trying to tell me. I shook my head.

"He may or may not have done it already, I'm not sure. But he will use her- them," he corrected, seeing Sora- "to lure the two of you there. He's feeding your rage, Sora, to complete Kingdom Hearts. And Myde… to be honest, I don't know why he wants you back, why he has such drive to… kill you." The words were blunt, almost harsh, and Luxord winced.

I made some sort of noise- a sort of squeak and a cry at the same time.

"I'm sorry I had to be the one to tell you, but it seemed like something I had to do. I couldn't just run from them knowing something like this. But you _must not_ go back there. They will harm her to harm you, and then kill you. Listen to me. Don't go."

They had Irena.

They were using her as bait.

How had they even found out about her? Had Axel accidentally told Saix, who told Xemnas? Has Saix seen my journal one day, with the memories written on its pages? Had he actually seen us as a couple, years ago?

I felt my eyes water. Luxord looked at me with what I presumed was pity.

"I'm sorry. But I couldn't just let you live on in ignorance. This is real. There isn't any escape. For any of us." He shook his head, and disappeared through a dark corridor.

"Myde, he's lying." That was the first thing Sora said as I stared after Luxord, stunned.

"No. He wasn't." My voice was steady, almost calm. I wanted to scream. I wrung my hands. "Luxord… You don't know him. He wouldn't be so haggard if this was a lie. I know this. Did you see his eyes?"

I felt Sora put his hand on my arm. "Yes. I'm sorry," he whispered.

I collapsed to my knees, not crying but feeling weak nonetheless.

They had her.

_Hell, not this again._

* * *

Was Xemnas out-of-character? I can't tell. Please tell me.

And whoa! Mega OOC on Luxord's part. I tried to imagine him saying this sort of stuff… but it just fell flat, and this was the best wording I could find.

Poor Myde. I'm just such a sadist :P.

But her kidnapping? It seemed like the proper way to go with the story, considering the other draft of the later chapters lacks depth and actual story. Admit it. It's _so _Kingdom Hearts.

Kairi was kind of abducted in the first game.

So were the Princesses of Heart.

Namine was 'being held' by Marluxia in Chain of Memories.

Kairi was kidnapped again in KH II.

If you can't tell, I also discovered how to put the Ï in Saïx and the É in Naminé. I feel so darn proud of myself XD.

I am also rewriting this story, and am considering putting it on DeviantART. Which version should I post, the new one, or the old one?

Thank you _**-JansenFriedh827-, shatteredfire, Kai-Alaric, Bokmal14, Ravenr20, kitkit1183, Clarilune, CrazyShibaSama, Kiexa, Sora Tayuya, **_and **_PurpleTango.  
_**Next update: approx. October 5.  
Hey! I noticed we're coming up fast on the anniversary of this story. Wow. I'd never thought I'd actually have an active story that lasted a year. So I will be posting another update on October 9 to commemerate it XD.


	31. Just Another Nightmare

**Disclaimer: I don't own Kingdom Hearts.**

Chapter Thirty-One  
Just Another Nightmare

Why did it seem like my life was a roller coaster darting between happiness and sadness? My eyesight was fuzzy, and I blinked away the prism of gathering tears. Honestly, I was just reacting, rather than actually feeling true emotions. This was only shock.

"Are you okay?" Sora whispered.

"Yeah," I lied shakily.

If what Luxord said was true, than I had a terrible ultimatum on my hands. We could go to the Castle and I could see Irena again, and let her go free- but then I'd probably die.

_You don't know that,_ a tiny voice murmured in the recesses of my mind. _You've grown much stronger._

Something clawed in my chest, and I felt something I'd never felt before- the desire to hurt someone. "I'm going to hurt him," I mumbled, sounding hysterical. "I want to kill him… for what he did!"

"They might not even have her," Sora thought out loud, "they like to bait people, try to manipulate them. How can you be sure that what Luxord said was the truth?"

I shook my head. "I just know him- he's always so trim and put-together. Did you see his eyes? He wasn't lying."

It was slowly making sense to me, though.

Wait… I only knew her in my past, when I was truly human, not a Nobody clinging to a heart (obviously I had emotions, but I still felt like Demyx. Did it really matter, the name? Probably not). To me… she was really just a hopeful memory.

But was _she_ real?

Yes, or she had been. That, or this was all some crazy dream, and I would wake up still a Nobody or still a human, never having been a Nobody in the first place. I felt my mind flicker through layers of possibility. This reminded me of some sci-fi movie I watched once. What was it called?

The pain I'd felt was far too vivid to just be a dream. This was all reality, but… really… was Irena real _now_, when it mattered most? Luxord hadn't mentioned her by name. This could all be a ploy. They couldn't use my emotions to lure me like they could Sora- I had enough Nobody in me to not fall for that anymore. But what they could use…

…Were my memories. How many times throughout these nearly three months had I wished I could just go home and continue on just like that?

Perhaps that they'd just guessed that I'd had a girlfriend. Maybe they knew that if they could lure me there, they'd be able to immobilize me quick enough to kill me.

I'd relied on my memories as Demyx to keep me going. When I got my heart back, I relied on them subconsciously to remember how to trust and even how to care, and all of that might have lead to Jim being born.

The shock and realizations were all too much. He became more and more human as my memories returned. All this pivoted around… my heart.

I took in a quick breath, feeling kind of strangled.

Irena had been real, without a doubt. Kissing her in my dream had just felt so vivid. You can't create emotions, but you can create memories. Only Naminé had the power to manipulate both.

How did I know that? I barely _saw_ her twice, much less knew of her powers.

Sora put his hand on my shoulder, pressing harder this time. "Are you okay?" he repeated, shaking me lightly. "Myde? Myde?"

Jim squeaked once, his voice coming up questionably. He huddled close to my cheek, nudging me, but I was too deep in thought.

The way I was thinking gave everything blunt edges, a sort of certainty that I'd been lacking, but the thoughts were empty, emotionless. Which was the truth? Did they really have her? Was I just pointlessly questioning things? Was this all a lie?

Was this heart even really mine?

It felt that way, because it reacted perfectly to every event, adhered to my memories easily. I had no reason to doubt its authenticity.

What did I do now? Did I go after her, only to find out that it was all just a ruse and she was just a shadow of the past? Did I go after her, only to find out she was real again, and they hurt her to hurt me? Did I not even bother, for it to turn out in my odds, or the other way around?

I swallowed hard, hoping the tears didn't overflow when I really didn't feel anything. Sora was shaking me almost violently.

"Are you hysterical or something?"

It was all really a matter of one question- did I stay here in Hollow Bastion- perhaps forever? Or did I go with Sora to pursue Irena, and, if it all worked out, Xemnas?

I took a deep breath and squeezed my eyes shut, forcing myself out of such deep thought. I somehow barely remembered what Sora said. I brushed his hand off my shoulder and stood up. "No. I'm fine." My voice was dead.

"…Are you sure?"

"Not especially." I forced a dry laugh.

"You're taking it better than I did," he murmured, and finally his mind drifted to another subject.

"Let's go. Don't we have to help that friend of yours?" I ignored what he said and refused to meet his eyes.

"Yeah," he began hesitantly. "Tron's been waiting long enough."

While I'd been outside the Postern before, I'd never actually been underground to this computer base. Supposedly it was Ansem the Wise's office; I wasn't quite sure how he and Xemnas were connected, but I figured they were quick enough using my limited anagram skills. Xemnas minus X equals Ansem, and it wasn't Ansem, seeker of darkness either. He was apparently some important scientist back in the day, and not even the committee members knew who he really was, and they'd lived here most their lives.

We continued on to the office through the basement of the castle. According to Sora, it was just a part of a much bigger (and, unbelievably, more confusing) castle that he'd had to fight through about a year and a half ago. I realized he'd never relayed anything of his past journeys to me.

But how could it get more confusing? The pathways were intricate and winding. I'd heard somewhere that if you took lefts, you'd always get to the end of a maze, but when I tried it I kept going in circles. The hallways were also frequently caved in and we had to retrace our steps, so that didn't help, and on top of all that, Heartless and Nobodies kept attacking to break my concentration.

Eventually, when I felt like I wanted to kill someone (in more of a 'say I want to but not really' sort of way, of course) from the frustration, Yuffie, Aerith, and Leon caught up to us.

"We're lost," Sora stated bluntly.

It was the understatement of the century, but I still felt like an idiot for not being able to figure out the hallways.

Yuffie laughed at us. Aerith giggled a little, too. "It's confusing at first, I know," the white mage said.

"I've been here before," Sora continued.

"Okay, it's confusing _always_," she amended, smiling. "This way."

From then on, of course it was easy. Aerith knew the passageways well, and when her knowledge failed, Yuffie or Leon seemed competent to take over.

"We really only discovered the computer not long ago," Yuffie told me. "We never even knew these tunnels were down here."

"Really?" I raised an eyebrow. "Aren't you guys kind of the recon for this place?"

She shrugged. "Hey, we're a _restoration_ committee. Do you think we spend all our time exploring dark tunnels?"

I shrugged, too. "Sometimes."

She rolled her eyes.

Oddly enough, we weren't attacked by Heartless at all on the way there. When I asked why, Aerith simply said she'd cast Repel. Was that the reason I never saw her fighting?

We found the office pretty easily with their help. For some reason, I was faintly surprised that they even let me in. I don't really know why, considering I was a half-baked committee member myself. I would never turn against them. They were good people. Yet… I still felt foreign, like I didn't belong there.

Ansem's study was a large, round room with a desk in the center. Bookshelves lined the walls, but half of the books were missing or torn. Bits of broken glass were scattered everywhere, and posters on the wall had been ruined. The place was a wreck; save for a portrait… when I saw it, it took me a few seconds to comprehend the picture.

Xemnas. A younger, paler Xemnas, but it was definitely he. I felt myself go pale.

"Is something wrong?" Sora asked as Donald clambered over to a farther part in the room.

I shook my head. "You do know who this is, don't you?"

"Yeah, that's Ansem, Seeker of Darkness."

Wait… he knew who Xemnas was, but didn't see the resemblance? "No, Sora. It's not. It's Xemnas's Somebody… what's his name…" I closed my eyes. I knew the answer… it had to be somewhere.

Suddenly, I remembered.

"Xehanort. That's it."

Sora blinked. "Huh?"

"This isn't Ansem. It's Xehanort, Xemnas's Somebody."

Sora raised an eyebrow. "So that's why we keep you around."

I shook my head dismissively. "How exactly do you get to this world of Tron's?"

Sora shook his head, too. "Right. The computer is over here…" He led me across the room and into a hallway. It slowly melded from a room akin to a college dean's to that of a laboratory, almost. We had a direct view to the huge room below. Thousands of pod-type objects lined the walls, each containing pink objects… I diverted my eyes before the name could come to mind. That's just sick.

Ansem's computer was a bulky console thing- it connected right into a work counter. Behind it was a large wall, which when was provoked, took the user into this… 'World.'

"We stumbled into it completely on accident the first time. We angered the MCP incidentally and it sucked us in as its prisoners, but we escaped."

"…How?"

"Through a hole in the program that was caused by a Heartless." Sora crossed his arms and thought a moment. "Wait. Are you going with us?"

I smiled and shook my head. "I don't think I'm ready for it, to be honest."

For a minute I thought he would push me, but he didn't. "Okay. See you in a while." He pressed a few keys, then paused and drummed his fingers against the counter. "You guys just tell us if anything goes wrong out there, okay? Or if we have to wait longer for the program." He was referring to Yuffie now, too, who had appeared behind us. "Leon knows how to contact us while we're in there." He smiled, but it was a fake one. Yuffie raised her eyebrow.

"Well… good luck," she told him slowly. "The program should be ready in an hour or two."

"Yeah…" I tried to think of something better to say, but words failed me.

Sora waved and pressed another few keys. A beam of light came out and took him, Donald, and Goofy away, dividing his form into sections and pulling it into the computer. When he was fully disintegrated, Yuffie shuddered. I did, too, however involuntarily.

"That still freaks me out," she said.

I shook myself a little. "Wait… what program again?"

Yuffie looked surprised. "You mean you don't know?"

I smiled nervously. I remembered Sora saying something about Cid before Luxord dropped his bombshell, but that news had made the memory a little fuzzy.

"You're hopeless, Myde." Yuffie sighed. "Anyway, you know anything about computers?"

"A little, I think." Nothing much beyond getting into basic data and using a typing program.

"Well, each computer has a default backup program which wipes out all material and, hopefully, all the bad things that happened to the computer should it crash, or, like ours, have an MCP take control of it. Cid used that program as a base to create a sort of virtual weapon against the MCP. We might lose all of Ansem's files, but everyone's safety is more important than that."

I blinked.

Yuffie shrugged. "I don't get it either. That's just what Leon told me."

"Wait, these… files?"

"Yeah, you think he kept a computer in a secret place like this just to play videogames?" She tilted her head up for a moment. "Then again, I would do that…"

I laughed a little.

"But still, these files might be the key to all the unknown secrets about darkness and light, and Heartless, and Nobodies. There might even be a way to stop the darkness from spreading." Her eyes glimmered a little as she imagined a world without darkness. Despite that she loved showing off her strength, Yuffie really just wanted peace, like me.

"Maybe they will…" I couldn't help but fantasize what that would be like. But people would have to change… would have to wholeheartedly abandon hate, sorrow, greed, and anger.

Hell would freeze over first.

Yuffie and I sat down, leaning against the computer counter. For a few minutes after Sora and co. vaporized, we stared at the opposite wall. My stare was rather vacant- hers was hopeful.

"He'll pull through." I couldn't tell if she was reassuring herself or me. "He always does."

"…How powerful is the MCP?" I asked without looking at her. My elbows barely touched the computer keys. I scooted back a bit, not wanting it to… bite me, or something of that matter.

"…I'm not sure," Yuffie admitted. "I think it's pretty strong, but they can take it down. Sora would have told us if he couldn't handle it." She stared at me, unsmiling. "Why didn't you want to go in?"

"I… really don't know. I just… all this tech… I'm really just getting used to being back in the normal world, I think going with him would really confuse me."

"I know you told me kind of what happened between you and Xemnas," she said slowly, "but really… what happened to you? It changed you a lot."

I let out a breath I hadn't realized I'd been holding. "Well…" I trailed off uncertainly, feeling a headache start to bud at the onslaught of unpleasant memories.

"…Is something wrong?" She asked, furrowing her eyebrows.

"No, I'm fine," I lied quickly, not looking at her.

Yuffie looked suspicious, but didn't question me further.

I stood up and looked out over the computer. The sight of the objects in the containers sent a jolt of something similar to panic through me. Looking away from them, I studied the floors and saw large circles of various sizes. "What's that?" I asked, out of desire to change the subject.

Yuffie made a face. "It creates artificial Heartless."

"Why haven't you stopped it?" I asked, a panicked note hitting my voice.

"We have… at least, partway. It's better than it used to be," she assured me.

"…Why are there so many things wrong with this town?" I asked. "Er… no offense."

She sighed. "None taken. I guess you just aren't used to other worlds yet."

"I've _been_ to plenty of worlds. I just never really talked to the people that lived there, other than the time I've been here."

"Why not?"

"It was prohibited in the Organization." I looked down at my arm, still expecting to see the heavy black sleeve with the messy stitching. All I saw was my arm and the shirt rolled up to my elbow. "Are we just going to wait here?" I glanced around the room and discovered Aerith and Leon were missing. "Wait… where'd they go?"

"Back to Merlin's house. They're waiting on Cid."

"Then why did they come with us?"

She shrugged. "Leon just does that kind of stuff, and Aerith wanted to make sure everyone got in okay."

"Oh. Should I go back, too?"

"You do what you want, but the others'll be here soon, so there's no point going back unless you just want to walk here with them." Yuffie sat down next to the computer console again and pulled out a ninja star. She began to meticulously polish it. I found the action unnecessary. They were already spotless.

"Whatever." I sat down next to her. It's not like I had a crush on her- far from it. It was just… awkward, having a friend that was a girl. Especially since I had a girlfriend… who might or might not just be a shadow of the past that the Organization was baiting me with. I felt both embarrassed and tempted to scream, and was glad Yuffie was too involved in her cleaning to notice. I summoned my sitar and leaned back, playing a couple of scales.

She looked over now. "It really is both an instrument and a weapon?" She asked. I'd played it a couple of times when we'd just hung out a Merlin's, officially having Nothing Better To Do. "How?"

"I seriously don't know. Xemnas gave each of us our own weapon to summon at will." It must be permanent, too, because surely he would have cut that connection if he could. I figured my way through a long, intricate pattern. The last times I'd played had been okay, but not really all that good. My heart hadn't been in it, but I felt the familiar urge to just play myself out, and smiled a bit to myself. Either this new inspiration was because of that heal, or I'd finally regained my muse.

A bit absently, I played through some random songs, keeping one ear on the doorway. However, after about a half hour, when no one appeared, my eyebrows furrowed with worry. My hands became suddenly still. Yuffie looked up, too.

"It didn't take us this long to walk over here," I said slowly. "Do you think…?"

"Cid might have just encountered something and asked them to stay." She sounded like she was reassuring herself.

"The Heartless aren't that tough, are they?" I murmured. I was stronger than most, I realized with a flush. Wait… wouldn't Aerith's spell just Repel them? Right. That made sense.

"We'll wait another few minutes, and then we'll go look," Yuffie said. "I'm sure it's nothing."

"_Nothing_? Here? Yuffie, I've only been here twice and I'm starting to doubt that."

She sighed. "I suppose you're right." She stood and glanced at the computer console. "…I wonder how they're doing in there…"

I looked at it, too. "I wish we knew how to talk to them."

"Leon and Cid do. I'd try to figure it out, but I don't want to accidentally hurt them."

I sighed. "Poor Sora. I wonder what it's like being him, going through this stuff on a daily basis." I'd really been through worse, but I couldn't help but feel sympathy for him. He'd lost both his best friends twice and still had no idea where they are or how they are. It had been nearly two years, according to my knowledge, since he last saw either one of them, and he still had not a single clue, other than the fact that Kairi had to be somewhere in the Castle, in the seemingly-unreachable World That Never Was.

Yet he didn't really know what it was like to truly be alone.

I shook off that thought quickly.

"He's probably used to it now. I don't think it bothers him." Was it I, or was she blushing a little? I knew that blush. She wasn't flirting with me. She knew how he felt.

The truth was, it did bother Sora, and very much so, as I'd seen the fake way he smiled at Donald and Goofy. I felt that way sometimes, too. I fought the urge to say, "Just like it 'doesn't bother' you or me?" Instead, I said, "I hope not."

She put a hand on my shoulder. I wished that she could have been Irena, even for a moment. I missed her terribly.

The two of us went back into Ansem's study. "…Are we going to go look for them?"

Yuffie smiled a little weakly. "I guess so. I was just about to ask you the same thing."

I nodded. Instead of just letting my sitar fade away, as I'd just summon it again a few seconds later, I carried it along with me.

We wandered through the corridors for a while, neither of us saying much. I was surprised at her. Before, Yuffie had been a hyperactive ball of energy. "…Where could they be?" I asked softly, more to myself than anyone.

"Over here," came Leon's voice. He stepped out from the shadows.

"Where were you guys?" Yuffie asked quickly. "We were worried!"

"Cid got held up," he explained simply. Aerith followed him, looking a little scared. There was a disc in her hand.

"But… that was like… hours ago!" She was quickly reverting back to her normal self. That, or it was an act. I think she was maybe just being cheerful for them.

"It was forty-five minutes ago," Aerith corrected.

"Which is hours, according to Yuffie." Leon smirked.

"Hey!" She cried.

We all returned to the computer room. Leon hit a couple of keys.

"Does Cid ever leave his computer?" I asked, raising an eyebrow. I'd assumed he would come with them.

"Yes, he's just very busy," Aerith said calmly.

"You guys alright?" He spoke to the computer as if it was a person.

"Holding on," came Sora's voice, and my eyebrows widened a bit with awe. "It's getting pretty hectic, though. OW!" There was a metallic _clunk_ and a swinging sound. "That was just a Heartless."

"There's Heartless _inside_ the computer?" I asked.

Leon ignored me. "The program's ready. Get over to the IO Tower and Tron can de-rezz the MCP."

I looked at Aerith questionably, but she just shrugged.

"Right!" Sora barked quickly, and Leon put a disc inside the machine.

"How do Heartless get _inside_ the machine?" I questioned.

"The MCP's been making them because it had access to Heartless data," he explained.

"This is why I failed Technology," I muttered under my breath.

"What?"

"Oh, nothing." I looked around quickly. "So what do we do now?"

Leon smiled at me for the first time. It was a small, rather cool smile, but one all the same. "We wait."

* * *

Dinga dinga hurgen. Hello.  
I would have posted this chapter much sooner in the day but when I finished my homework I kinda crashed on the couch and died for a douple hours. -sigh-  
You all know what Saturday is? It's a very special day :D. It's the very first birthday of Nocturne's Return. Just because of that I'll be posting a chapter on that day too. A chapter better than this one, I hope.  
Not much to explain in this chapter. Yuffie was OOC :/. I keep forgetting, since I'm doing so much work on the rewrite and stuff, that Irena is even in this.  
Oops. Guess I dropped a spoiler already XD  
Anyway, I'll be announcing stuff about the rewrite and such in the Saturday update. I need SOMETHING to say in that AN.  
Oh, I just wanna ask you guys a favor- I recently posted a new fanfic, and it's kind of like KH meets Vampire Knights. It's called _The Sweetest Poison _and you can find it at the bottom of my profile. Totally cliche title, I know. But I'd really like it if you guys checked it out. It's not that bad of a fanfic. Pwease? :3

Thank you _**-JansenFriedh827-, CrazyChibiSama, Sora Tayuya, Ravenr20, kitkit11183, Kai-Alaric, heartless-lover12, PurpleTango, **_and _**Axel's-Wife**_ for reviewing that last chapter. Please take a potato chip... AND EAT IT.  
Ahaha. I love Death Note.

Next Update: October 9th


	32. Requiem

**Disclaimer: I don't own Kingdom Hearts.**

Chapter Thirty-Two

Requiem

It didn't take long- maybe another half-hour at most. I was impressed with Sora. How had he managed to delve into the MCP's hideout and wipe it out so quickly? Or perhaps it was easier than I thought.

They returned to the real world.

Sora appeared a little frazzled, or at least tired. I sympathized wholeheartedly. "Are we done here? Or is there something I need to do in town?"

Leon shook his head. "Not that I know of. You guys can move on."

"Thank you," Yuffie said.

Sora waved his hand dismissively. "Don't mention it. This _is_ my job, right?" He smiled wryly at me. I nodded once, for what reason I'm not sure. "Let's go. Are you ready?"

We were leaving already? This was all happening so quickly. I didn't want to go yet. Hollow Bastion had become my home in the past two weeks. I wasn't ready to leave.

I'd be back.

I tried to convince myself I would. Sora and I would be strong together. But would we be able to beat Xemnas?

I sighed. I didn't have to worry about it know.

"Are you ready?" He repeated. "You are coming with us, right?"

"Yeah…"

"I'll give you a minute if you want," Sora offered, smiling a little.

"That would work," I said.

He waved and went back into Ansem's study.

"So you're really going to leave?" Yuffie's expression was unreadable.

"I'll come back soon," I said. "I'm not leaving forever."

"I know. Well… I guess we'll be seeing you?"

I smiled. "Sure."

We hugged.

I said a quick goodbye to Aerith. She hugged me quickly and gave me one of her spare ethers.

"Thank you for letting me join you guys for a while," I said to Leon. We shook hands.

He shrugged. "It's no problem. You were actually a big help."

I shrugged, too, and then waved at them as I was leaving. "Tell Cid and Merlin I said bye!"

I went back into the office to join Sora. I clamped down on the raw, almost brittle homesickness. Hollow Bastion wasn't even technically my home, but here I felt like I belonged, and now I was leaving that behind.

"You ready now?" Sora asked, closing one of Ansem's books.

I nodded. "Wait… you were reading that?"

"Leon must have left it out. It's boring though. It's all about hearts. It seems like he studied them a lot."

I dimly remembered something. "The first six members of the Organization were his apprentices, I think."

He nodded. "Yeah, I saw their names come up. If your name without the X was Myde, then theirs would work the same, right? I though some of them looked familiar, like Xaldin's." Sora set the book on a random shelf. "Well, if everything's done here for now, we should head out." His voice grew a little louder as I looked back towards the computer room. Tron had now taken over the system, and the others were looking through the whole hard drive. I heard Tron's voice- it was surprisingly human- but I wasn't really paying much attention to what he was saying. I heard laughter from all of them. "We'll be coming back," Sora said slowly with a small smile. "They'll still be here."

"Yeah, I know," I said without looking at him.

We found our way back through the winding hallways, defeating Heartless now and again, not really saying much of anything.

Ribbons of light suddenly striped along the walls. I jumped, and Sora seemed a little startled, too. "What the hell is it?" It couldn't be bad. The light didn't do much more than stream and waver.

Sora sighed almost contentedly. "Tron told me that if he could beat the MCP, he could restore the town to the way it was originally. He… he sensed somehow that it… was fake in a way." He put a hand on his heart. "This was Kairi's hometown, once. When she lost her heart, it found its way into me, and now she's remembering what it was like then, or at least the old name."

What Sora was saying didn't really make any sense. If Kairi lost her heart, she should have become a Heartless. And how did it get into Sora? Their connection, even now that it was lost, seemed strong enough to make him feel nostalgic. Did he say that once that her heart had no darkness in it? Well, that would explain some things. "What is it?"

"Radiant Garden," he told me in an airy voice.

"Pretty," I commented.

He shrugged and shook himself a little, dismissing the dreamlike state as the ribbons of light faded. "Okay, enough of that. We really need to get going."

"Oh yeah. By the way… was the MCP hard to beat? It took hardly any time at all."

"Time runs a little different there, I think. But he wasn't really much of a challenge. Most of the time he had his -er, his sort of lackey, Sark- fight us. All we did was smack him in the shin a couple of times to immobilize him, and then Tron uploaded Cid's program. It wasn't that hard."

"Oh. Okay."

It continued on like that, really. Once we were out of the halls, we still had to get through almost the entire town just to get where the ship was. I didn't mind, not really. Fighting Heartless was no longer a pain, so I just drifted through town with them.

Something weird did happen, though.

We took out a couple of Heartless and were about to cut through an alley- one I realized, with just a hint of a coincidence, was the one where I had woke up after becoming human- when I saw it, saw the little flicker of red at the corner of my eye.

Automatically, my head jerked a little as I tried to see the source of the color. I knew what it was instantly.

There was only one thing that was that exact color.

Only one person had hair that color.

"Myde, what is it?" Sora asked, and Jim squeaked a little in recognition, but I didn't get how. He hadn't even seen…

"Stay here," I instructed him, and, oddly enough, concern sent adrenaline through me.

I passed into the alleyway. Hollow B- er, Radiant Garden wasn't like a normal city. This was good in most ways, because the alley was almost completely clean. There wasn't a scrap of trash or oil stains. There was, however, a figure crumpled weakly on the ground. I rushed over.

The sun was almost in the center of the sky, giving the alley light for once instead of constant shade.

The person lying almost unconscious on the ground was Axel.

"A…Axel?" I crouched next to him, poking his shoulder, trying to make sure… well, trying to make sure he was alive, or breathing.

He stirred a little and came to. "Well, hey, look who it is. Almost didn't recognize you." He was half-delusional- his eyes were a little cloudy.

"A-are you alright?" The answer was obvious, but I spoke before I could think.

He tried to sit up, leaning on his right arm. Axel looked horrible. He had dark circles under his eyes, and was pale, skin impossibly white. His hair was a little rumpled and his cloak was almost in tatters. I could see strips of his dark t-shirt from the tears in the fabric. "Of course not," he said, laughing a little. "Man, I'm pretty much screwed. But you look fine. How did you manage that? Last time I saw you… you were almost dead."

"It's a long and unimportant story. What happened to you?"

He laughed again, coughing this time. "Do you want the good news or the bad news?"

I gaped at him. "Just tell me what the hell is going on!"

"Well, okay. So I found it, man. I fucking found it."

"…Found what?" I could tell I was losing him by the second.

"My Heartless! Stupid little bastard took almost two weeks to track down…"

"So you're human?"

"I guess…" he shrugged and winced.

"Do you have a heart?"

"Yeah. I think."

"Then what's the bad news? Why are you so weak?"

"Hey, Myde. Remember when I showed you that cut on my arm? How it didn't heal?"

I blinked. "You mean that still didn't heal?"

"Yeah, and there's something really wrong with it. It's not… infected, per say, but it feels like parasites are nesting in me." The last bit was a half-hearted joke.

"Let me see it." I reached out to grab his arm. Axel tried to resist, but I was quicker.

"Don't touch it."

"Why not?"

"It fucking hurts!" There were tears at the corner of his eyes. I wasn't even really squeezing his arm all that hard.

I pulled off the glove and pushed up the torn sleeve. I unwrapped the layers of bandages. I remembered some of the stuff Aerith taught me. He'd had too much pressure on it, but I wasn't sure if that did anything to the wound.

His wrist was so thin! He'd always been unnaturally skinny, but this was taking it to a new level. It was the same mark he'd shown me a couple weeks ago, two or so inches long and swollen almost half an inch wide. Axel hissed in pain as I prodded at it. To my immense surprise, the wound still bled, even if it was a small amount. The veins stuck out beneath the marred skin. What he had said had some truth- he was human. His blood was red.

"How come it hasn't healed?" I was ready for him to say he didn't know when Axel sighed.

"Xemnas… a while ago… he gave me this weakening drug. I think it sort of undid my regular healing ability like it got rid of my strength. I didn't think much of it for a while, but I still have a few scrapes I got from Heartless, even they're not as… gross as this one."

I swore under my breath. "He just screws up everything," I muttered.

Axel looked surprised. "God, potty mouth! I think that's the first time I heard you swear."

Same old Axel. At least that part of him was okay. "Yeah, yeah."

"You're right, though. I just don't understand him anymore. He's wrecking everything he strived so hard to build. I don't know what's going on with him."

"Join the club." I gathered a sphere of water from the air.

"What are you going to do with that?"

I raised an eyebrow. "I'm going to try and heal this. What else would I do?"

"It's not going to work."

"Wow, you have so much faith in me!" Sarcasm dripped from my voice as I held the sphere against his wound.

"You're different, Myde," Axel said, catching me a little off guard. He winced as the cold water touched his skin.

"A little, I guess. Is that bad?"

"No, not really. You seem like you actually grew a spine."

I shrugged. Our conversation pattered out as I focused on trying to heal him.

It was difficult, but not impossible. It was kind of like something was resisting me a little, like an elastic band. I tugged harder. It stopped pulling, yet slammed on the brakes, leaving me to drag a figurative weight along. I felt sweat bead at my temples. Whoever said sweat cools you down lied. No wonder I once said it was gross.

I had to cleanse him of the drug and infection before I could heal him, which were actually the tricky parts. It meant a lot of straining and swearing and trying not to make him lose any more blood. I didn't tire easily, but I could feel my energy slowly and steadily burning itself away.

"I'm sorry," Axel said out of nowhere, almost causing me to break concentration. He looked a little better already- less pale.

"Why are you sorry?" I asked without looking up. "How is this your fault?"

"I don't know. It just seems like it is sometimes."

I gathered yet another sphere, almost done. The water I took back now was almost completely clear. In the beginning it was cloudy. I did the same thing one more time, and then healed the wound. Axel sat up now, flexing his arm experimentally. "How did you do that?"

I shrugged. "I learned from a friend. She lives here."

"So you're really with the good guys now?"

"Yeah, I guess so." I dusted myself off and started to stand up, but Axel grabbed my wrist.

"Myde, thanks a lot. I thought I was going to die for a while there."

"Hey, no problem, really. I couldn't just leave you there to die."

There was a moment of silence as we both thought of the time I was in that cell.

"So you're with Sora again?" Axel asked.

"Yeah, I asked him to wait up for me. He should be just around the corner."

Axel stood up, looking much better than he had before. "Alright."

"What, are you going to follow me?"

"Yeah, I think I'll see how this plays out. You know, I really don't have anything better to do now."

I blinked a couple of times. "Sure."

"Roxas has got to be in there somewhere, I'm sure he'll be happy to see me." He looked down at himself for a minute. "Ugh, I'm a mess." He took off his cloak and bundled it under his arms, and then took his left glove. "I think I'll keep the gloves, though."

The shirt he wore underneath was black spattered with red pain the color of blood. He just wore dark jeans like I did, and the gloves looked weird with the whole outfit.

Axel threw his cloak in a nearby trashcan. After all, he no longer had any use for it, either.

We turned the corner and found Sora holding his Keyblade over someone in a black cloak.

* * *

Hello again! If you don't know what today is, it's the first anniversary of this story!  
I really don't know how it got this popular, but thank you all. It's the first story that I wrote than remotely resembles a fanfic.  
Over _**270**_ reviews.  
Almost _**thirteen-thousand**_ views.  
_**Sixty-seven **_favorites.

Also, here's the thing- I _will_ be writing a sequel, but only after I do a rewrite. A reviewer suggested it to me, and I realized it would be a good idea.  
So some stuff will change, such as:  
-There will be less angsting (**)  
-The story will be slightly darker  
-I will try to get certain characters more... well... in character. (Especially Xemnas)  
-More Donald and Goofy involvement?  
-More in canon stuff, because BBS is here.  
And the most important,  
-_Irena will be replaced by **Yuffie**_.  
I've wanted to do that since she first came into the story. The two have such great chemisty. Besides, Irena would have had such a big part in the sequel. If Yuffie takes her part, everything would be much more canon.

So once again, thank all of you for the feedback. I really mean it. This story helped me develop my own characters and novel ideas.

Thanks to_** -JansnFriedh827-, CrazyChibiSama, Bokmal14, Axel's-Wife, The Moon Berserk, Kai-Alaric, Sora Tayuya, **_and _**Kiexa **_for reviewing.  
Next update: October 23


	33. Commotion

**Disclaimer: I don't own Kingdom Hearts.**

Chapter Thirty-Three  
Commotion

"Saïx?" Axel and I gaped at exactly the same time. He kind of yelled it- mine was more of a disbelieved whisper.

What came as more of a surprise was that Saïx was _cowering_. You would expect him to stand straight and tall, and point at Sora as he accused. But no, he was on his knees, almost curled in a ball with his arms protecting his face.

"What the hell is going on?" I whispered.

"I want to know as much as you," Axel whispered back. Jim was hovering in-between us, glad with my 'new' friend. He seemed to like Axel a lot; part of my mind thought that as the other part just went 'huh?'

Sora turned as soon as he heard our voices. I guess he didn't consider Axel a threat because he wasn't wearing a black cloak- it took me a second to remember that the two had met only twice before- the first time had been erased from his memory, the second was unimportant. He probably couldn't place Axel's face without his cloak or chakrams.

Saïx uncovered his face for a moment, also having heard our voices. He mouthed, "Help me," at us.

"Why would I help you, you bastard?" Axel yelled at Saïx. It had been a long time since I had been around Axel as a human. Wait, doesn't that mean I should call him Lea? Ugh, I'd figure it out later. Anyway, I'd forgotten how easily he could get mad.

"What?" Sora looked thoroughly confused.

"This is my friend Axel," I introduced, feeling a bit dazed. "He helped me escape from the Castle. He's a good guy."

"You're…" I could see Sora was trying to remember him.

"Number VIII. The one with the pointy round things and the fire," Axel supplied, his humor a bit cruel.

It had the desired effect. "I'm not an idiot, you know," Sora snapped. "Anyway… why aren't you…?"

"He's human now, too," I said, sounding exasperated. "What exactly are you doing?"

Sora smiled in a guilty way. Saïx was still cowering in fear, not bothering to have portaled away during Sora's confusion.

What had happened to him? Was his attitude an act or something? Yet, he'd never faked emotions as far as I knew.

"It's a member of the Organization," he said slowly as he realized that maybe attacking wasn't the best thing to do.

I sighed, agitated. "Sora…" I trailed off, not finding the right words. Instead, I turned to Saïx and opened my mouth.

Axel said it first. "What are you doing here?" His voice had a lot more accusation than mine would have.

Saïx, upon seeing Sora's Keyblade fall to his side, relaxed his arms. It was then I got a good look into his eyes.

They were green.

As long as I had known him, his eyes had been gold, because he had been touched by the darkness. That had happened to Xigbar, too. They both had pointed ears as well. My eyes flittered there automatically. Sure enough, that elfish point was missing. His scar had faded somewhat, too.

The only way being touched by darkness could get reversed was by getting touched by light.

Saïx smiled uncertainly. I had only ever seen him smile sarcastically. This was a real smile, but he seemed… distant.

"Oh, what the hell?" Axel almost growled. I put an arm in front of him.

"You're going to protect that bastard?" He hissed in a voice so low Sora couldn't hear.

"Something's up with him. I'm going to check it out," I whispered equally as low.

I approached Saïx cautiously. "Saïx. What happened to you?"

He shook his head. "All I remember is something hitting my head, and falling onto the ground before I passed out."

"No… what I mean is…" I stumbled for words. "Are you human?"

"Of course." He blinked, looking almost innocent. "Why wouldn't I be?"

"…Do you remember my name?" I asked slowly.

He tilted his head. "No… should I? You do look familiar, though." He peered over my shoulder, looking at Axel. "So do you. It's on the tip of my tongue. L…Lea! That's it!" He seemed proud of himself for remembering.

Axel, Sora, and I all exchanged a significant glance.

"Axel," I whispered, "did you forget anything when you became human?"

"No," he muttered.

I'd forgotten my early human memories, though, and it seemed that Saïx… Isa… had forgotten _everything_ but nostalgia. He'd forgotten all about Nobodies and darkness.

Suddenly, he gasped, pulling himself in a tighter ball and rubbing his temples like he had a bad headache. Sora tugged on my hand. "You kind of acted like that whenever you remembered something," he murmured.

So we waited it out, hoping Saïx remembered something important.

The upsurge lasted awhile- close to fifteen minutes. Just as we were all losing patience, Saïx's head snapped back up. There was awareness in his eyes now, as he looked the three of us over.

He must have become human just recently- maybe only even hours ago. He uncurled himself with a slight grimace. "Isn't this odd?" He questioned, sitting up now and looking at us.

"No shit," Axel hissed. I elbowed him.

"What did you see?" I asked, not expecting an answer due to the expression on Saïx's face.

"…Everything. When I first got my heart… I couldn't remember anything. The only thing I knew were both my names and that something was wrong with me." He shook his head. "I don't know why I remembered it all just now. There wasn't much to remember."

"Wha…?" Sora started.

"Why are you telling us?" Axel asked.

"Why didn't you remember?"

He smiled again- less distant this time. "I've done bad things to all of you. You won't believe me, but it won't hurt if I tell you." He stood up now. As if struggling against an invisible hold, he struggled to say the words. "I've been… controlled."

"This is a mighty fine act you're putting up," Axel muttered.

I looked at him, almost in surprise. "You don't believe him?" I asked in a voice so low hopefully Saïx didn't hear.

"Of course not!" He seemed shock that I would even deduct that.

It was hard to believe they'd once been best friends.

"Anyway…" I began slowly, but Sora stole the show.

"How were you controlled?"

Saïx looked pained. He pinched the bridge of his nose. "It all happened only a couple of months ago, really, before the Superior began to lose his mind. I don't know what's happening to him, but he seems… vacant. It's like someone else is inside him."

Axel sent me a look that said _yeah, right._

Sora sent me a look that said _are you thinking what I'm thinking_? He suddenly looked excited for some reason.

"…You think so?" I sputtered.

"Yes. All I know is that one day, I was me, and the next, my whole head was empty and I had no idea who or where I was."

"Wait a minute… didn't you say, Sora, that once Ansem was able to possess Riku using darkness?" I asked.

Sora winced. "Yeah."

"And Ansem and Xemnas are part of the same person… but why was he controlling you?"

"I'm not sure. All I know is that I sort of woke up when he told me to look for my Heartless, and I was completely me when I got my heart. But now I feel like someone else entirely. It's Isa's heart. I don't know it anymore." He was kind of rambling and he knew it. Saïx sighed. "I know I've done bad things to all of you. I don't really have a right to say this, but I'm sorry."

Axel's expression said _you're kidding, right_?

"I'll help you any way I can."

Sora looked ecstatic. "Do you know how to get into the World that Never Was?"

I shook my head dismissively. But did he know?

Slowly, Saïx nodded once.

Sora whooped. All his problems were solved, or so it seemed to me. He only just had to beat Xemnas, and then he could take all the time he wanted to look for his friends and his king. To him, it was perfect.

To Axel, it was a trap.

To me, I wasn't even sure how to feel about all this. Didn't what Saïx said sound a bit far-fetched even to his ears?

Yet, and I hated to admit it, there was evidence to argue it. He had rejected all the signs of darkness he had before- gold eyes, pointed ears. He had yet to attack us. He'd never faked emotions before, so I had reason to believe he was telling the truth.

Sora continued to look at him eagerly. "Can you tell me?" He asked quickly.

Saïx turned to me, almost as if he was asking my permission. "I…" I began, but shook my head.

"Do you trust him?" Axel asked Sora in a voice low enough that hopefully Saïx didn't hear. "Sora?"

"I… I don't know," the Keyblade master said. "But it's been so long since I've been home… I would do anything for a lead."

Axel met my eyes and shook his head, as if to say, _it's his funeral._

Saïx nodded. "I sympathize. Okay, so it's like this…"

* * *

Once we finished explaining, the three of us stood staring at him in silence. I was perplexed- well, where exactly would we find an underground laboratory?

Suddenly, Axel inhaled. "Oh! I know what you're talking about?"

"You do?" Sora and I chorused.

Saïx smirked; glad someone could prove he wasn't lying.

"Yeah…" Axel's voice dropped back to level, and I could tell he felt like he'd let too much slip.

"Well… where is it?" Sora asked. "Like, in the town."

"It's hard to explain. I'll have to show you." He didn't look at Sora. "Look, Saïx…"

"Isa," our former second-in-command corrected.

"Right, Isa… I… understand what happened with Xemnas, but there's really too much that happened between us for me to buy your story. I just can't."

Hurt flickered in his eyes a little, but he hid it well. "Right."

"I… If you'd lied to us…" he began awkwardly, but Isa once again cut him off.

"I know. You'd kill me."

"Maybe not _kill_," Axel said, eyebrows raised almost in surprise. "Maybe… maim, though."

Isa laughed a little dryly. "Right. This is my entire fault, though, indirectly. If only I'd resisted it more… but at least you are all right now." I didn't know which 'you' he meant. "Sora… I'm sorry." He was apologizing for kidnapping Kairi, I figured, but Sora didn't know it had been he.

"It's… it's okay," Sora murmured, confused. He put a hand behind his head. "Thank you, though, for telling us. It means a lot." He really did sound grateful, too.

Isa bobbed his head.

"So you're staying here?" I asked. "What will you do?"

"I nearly killed you and you're concerned about me?" His voice was contrite- it was hard to resist the habit to think he was acting.

"You didn't mean to," I began.

He gave another fraction of a laugh. "You're really too kind."

There was an awkward pause in which all of us inspected our shoes.

"We really need to get going," Sora stated the obvious. "Thank you for all your help… Isa."

"You're welcome."

"Well… goodbye," he said, and almost bowed. The three of us turned to duck away, when suddenly I heard the voice behind us again- however; it was low enough that only I could hear it.

"Wait… Myde."

I turned. "What, Isa?" The name felt weird.

"When I was with the Organization… and we had you imprisoned… Xemnas was able to see something, though I'm not sure what it was," he began. "It might not be true, considering I was to take everything he said as only fact. You know water is tied to light, right?"

I turned full now, half listening to Axel and Sora's conversation behind me. "…Yeah. I learned that a while ago."

"That means, in a sense, water _is_ light."

"I'm not catching on."

"…I wouldn't be surprised if you turned out to have some power over light, thanks to your exposure to Sora. That might be what Xemnas was referring to."

It was hard to grasp the information. He'd never complimented me, not once, and now he was suggesting I had some well-hidden power? "Oh."

Isa nodded. "And, one more thing…"

I looked up.

"I know that with Sora and Axel, you three will be able to handle it and more- but don't get careless. Xemnas might be crazy, but he's still powerful."

"…I know." I closed my eyes. "But why are you telling me this? Why not Sora?"

"Because it's you he's after." What Isa said was so cliché I almost laughed. "I never understood his utter hatred of you… or of what you 'did.' I think he felt you were inferior to him, and was under his complete control. Or it may be… that once you became human, that gave birth to a seed of contempt… which grew and grew out of control as he tried to tighten his hold on you." Isa held out a hand, as if to put it over my heart. "He never told me his true purpose. But keep this one thing in mind… he'll stop at nothing to hurt you."

"Yes, I know that already." Almost unconsciously my hand went to my wrist. Though it had been weeks, I could still feel that bracelet clinging.

"Okay. Well… good luck."

"Thank you. And… thanks for telling me."

As I turned and left, I saw him smile faintly, but I also heard him mutter under his breath, "God knows he'll need it."

* * *

Okay! I don't have much to say right now... other than we'll be reaching three hundred reviews by the end of the next chapter, I think. It seems like just yesteray that we were at two hundred. Wow. I'm trying to get myself to think that's a big number... not many fanfics reach that many reviews.  
Thanks, guys. :D

Thank you _**ravenr20, Heartless-Lover12, Kai-Alaric, The Moon's Bersek, Bokmal14, Zemby, -JansenFriedh827-, Axel's-Wife, Kiexa, PurpleTango, Ranyo Malight, Sora Tayuya, **_and my friend Anna for reviewing.


	34. The Plan So Far

**Disclaimer: Kingdom Hearts is not mine. All that lies below is fiction.**

Chapter Thirty-Four  
The Plan So Far

Axel and I followed Sora back to Merlin's house.

"Well, this certainly changes things," Sora muttered, pretending to be annoying, but you could feel his elation.

"Yeah," I said. "Now it's all according to what we do and when."

"I want to go as soon as possible," Sora told me. "Kairi's in danger. But we can't just barge in. He'll know it's us right away."

I sighed. "Yes. Xemnas can smell whoever's in the castle, especially if they're human. If one of us was a Nobody, it would be easier to sneak in, but…"

Axel snapped. "That's it!"

Sora looked like he had even forgotten Axel was there.

"The black coats that were our uniforms had two purposes," he remembered. "One was to protect us from darkness. But you know what the other one was?"

We both stared at him.

"To hide our scent," he said slowly, and then swore. "Crap. I forgot… I threw mine out. It was in pieces."

Both of them automatically looked to me.

"What?" I asked, trying to play innocent.

"What did you do with your cloak, Myde?" Axel asked.

I wished I could say I'd thrown it out. I wished I _had_ thrown it out. But I hadn't. In fact, it was still hanging in Aerith and Yuffie's foyer. This wasn't something I could lie about. "I… I left it at Yuffie's house."

Axel smirked. "Ooh, who is this Yuffie? Is she your _girlfriend_? Or do you still think…" He trailed off when he saw my glare.

"No. She's just a friend of ours."

"Oh. A restoration committee member." Axel looked like he smelled something nasty.

"How do you know about that?" Sora asked.

"I'm not stupid. I've done recon here before. They don't exactly try to hide it." He held up his hands. "I'm on your side now, remember?"

Sora continued to stare at him warily.

It was hard to believe that Axel and Sora's Nobody had been so close. Now it seemed like they kind of hated each other.

"So what do you want to do with my cloak?" I pressed, eager to change the subject.

Sora brightened. "Maybe I could wear it, and sneak up on Xemnas, and then pretend to be an Organization member. Then I can yank it off and be all 'ta-da! It's me, Sora!'"

I stared at him. Was he for real?

Axel shook his head. He looked like he was going to burst into laughter. "Um, no. Sorry, Sora. Myde is about a foot taller than you. I think Xemnas will know a you're a fake when he sees it dragging on the ground." He turned to me. "I think it'll have to be you."

"Me? Fight him alone?" I sounded terrified. "No way. No, no, no. You're the same height as me. Why can't you do it?"

"I'm too thin. The only one that coat will fit right is you. Besides, you won't be alone. You'll just be a distraction. When Xemnas smells you, he'll wonder why you're back. I mean, the only person you can be is Luxord, and I'm guessing he went AWOL."

"He did," I murmured in a dead voice.

"Yeah. So when you confront him, we'll just come in… or something," Sora finished lamely.

"This plan sucks," I muttered, still frozen in fear from the idea of confronting Xemnas.

"It doesn't. It's the only thing that could work, right now. We just need to figure out… how to get the timing right," Axel muttered. "We can count to a thousand a couple of times."

Sora facepalmed.

"I was joking. You two are so high-strung." Axel shook his head. "Calm down."

"Axel." I met his gaze. "We're about to encounter the man that will stop at nothing to kill the two of us. How are you calm?"

He shrugged. "I'm good under pressure."

"I have an idea," Sora said. "We could see Cid. We're heading over there already, right? He might be able to help us?"

"How? By imbedding microchips under our skin that will emit a very painful shock when the time is right?" I threaded my fingers through my hair, feeling oddly stressed.

Axel put his hands on my shoulders. "Myde. Calm down."

I glared at him. "How can I be calm? I'll be the one he kills first if this goes wrong."

"One step forward, two steps back," Axel muttered.

"What?" I asked, voice sharp.

"Nothing. Let's go."

It was weird how Axel seemed to take charge right away, and how Sora seemed to let him. But that wasn't all. Axel had tried so hard to see Roxas again, had even gone so far as to nearly sacrifice me to keep Sora alive. Yet now, the two hardly spoke to each other.

"Axel," I muttered under my breath, low enough for Sora not to hear. "Why aren't you… what about Roxas?"

"Why do you care?" Axel asked in a normal tone of voice, almost surprised. Sora turned and stared at us. He raised his eyebrow and continued walking. Axel lowered his voice. "I mean… I almost killed you to get to him… really, Myde, why do you care?"

I shrugged.

"It's weird. Now… I almost don't care as much. Sora's a nice guy and all… but he's _not_ Roxas."

I sighed. "Believe me, I know."

"But other than that, I can't be friends with you unless it involves him?" He shook his head. "Well… at least you noticed. I don't know either."

The conversation pattered out into nothing.

When we reached Merlin's house, stuff just seemed to happen all at once. Automatically Yuffie said, "Why are you guys here again? Not that I mind."

"I found something that will finally help me find Xemnas," Sora stated.

"Oh really? Like what?" Yuffie was animated. "Where is he? In some secret world?"

"Kind of," Sora told her. "But we've figured it out now. We need Cid's help with something."

"Okay. I'm sure he can." She looked towards Axel. While he wasn't actually cowering, I could feel he was nervous. But why? Yuffie couldn't place his face without the coat, and she would know him only as my friend. "Who are you?"

"That's Axel," Sora said nonchalantly. "He's one of Myde's friends."

"Oh… okay then."

Axel met Yuffie's eyes warily. I wonder why she didn't question if he was a member of the Organization… but how could she know?

Honestly… I had to stop being so paranoid around these people.

We all went inside to find Cid at his computer, of course.

"Cid," Sora said, "do you think you could help us with something?"

"That would depend on what it is," the engineer replied. He turned to face us. Despite the fact that Axel didn't actually move, I could feel him flinch. But why? He was being so weird lately. He hadn't been human for long… he was probably scrambling to grab hold of things, like I had been. It felt like so long ago that I'd had that identity crisis… Demyx or Myde? And what was the difference?

Axel was normally so cocky and confident, so good at convincing people he was on their side. But now, he was silent, reserved. Was he just _acting_ shy? But being around him like this made me uneasy.

"Well now, who's this?" Cid asked with a scalding smirk.

That should have made Axel go berserk. He started to say something, but Sora cut him off.

"It's a friend of mine. We didn't know he was dropping by."

Why was Sora outright lying to Cid for Axel's sake? Technically, he barely knew him.

I heard Axel mutter, "Nicely played."

I elbowed him.

Was it Roxas that made him do that? It didn't seem that way to me. The two had been friendly enough, but they'd behaved like strangers. Axel wasn't trying to be his friend, to get him to remember, like I thought he would.

I dismissed those thoughts. Random, philosophical thoughts… I really didn't need them right about now.

Cid stared at Sora. "Well, what is it you need?"

"We… we need something that will let us be able to talk to each other," Sora explained lamely. "Our plan is very… er… time sensitive."

"Plan for what?" Leon asked, startling me slightly. He glanced at Axel. "You look… familiar. Have we met before?"

"No, I don't think so." Axel was nearly glaring at him.

Leon was still suspicious. "I really think I've seen you before. Aren't you with the Organization?"

I silently willed Axel to keep his temper. It would not be good if they fought.

"Look, pal, isn't it kind of judgmental for you to assume…" Axel began.

"He's my friend," Sora interrupted, knowing that would pacify him.

"Oh… okay… if you trust him," Leon said, looking more than a tad confused. "I'm sorry. We're just concerned for the committee's safety."

"I know you are," Axel said, turning to look back at Cid.

"So what's going on?" Yuffie asked us, joining the group. Aerith and Merlin seemed to materialize as well. Merlin gave Axel one glance in the eye but didn't say anything. I'd been given a lot more scrutiny, but then again, I'd also come in dressed in the Organization's uniform, which to them was a sign flashing 'ALERT. ENEMY IN THE BASE.'

"We've found a way into their world," Sora told them proudly.

"Really? Who told you?" Yuffie asked excitedly.

"A… friend," I provided.

Axel sneered. "I wouldn't go that far."

"But… how? As far as we know, Organization XIII's world is impossible to detect. It's just… nothing." Leon shrugged.

"It's… kind of complicated," I murmured.

"We can do it. It's been long enough. The five of us can handle it," Sora said.

I'd forgotten Donald and Goofy even existed. Where had they been this whole time? Off synthesizing stuff? Because they'd been there when the MCP was taken down… and now they were randomly here again. Those two sure knew how to conveniently disappear.

They hadn't even questioned why Axel was with us.

"What would this mission of yours require?"

"We just need to be able to talk to each other," Sora told him. "More specifically, just really Myde and I."

Cid raised his eyebrows. "Really? Why?"

"I'm a diversion," I said, feeling sick to my stomach for some reason. I'd become friends with all the committee members, but now I felt just the slightest bit of unease on their end. "I'll confront Xemnas, and then the others will come in." I couldn't look him in the eye.

Cid didn't trust what I was doing.

I didn't want to do this, but I didn't have a choice. If the coat fits, wear it, literally. But… did he really think I would turn on Sora, now, after I had been through so much with all of them?

"Look," I said in a low voice. "I'm not going to end up hurting Sora. I just want to get this over with… so I'm going along with their plan."

He continued to look wary, but turned from me. "Alright. Don't know what I'll do though."

* * *

Hours later, it was night, and Axel and I were the only ones still awake. Cid had given us these devices he'd made up- thin wires that wrapped around the ear. Anything anyone said would be carried off to the others. He'd given us three of them, the third made much better than the first, making it obvious that he'd made it up on the spot.

Our plan kind of relied on these wires, and they'd worked when we'd tested them. If something went wrong, our whole plan could just vaporize. The way my mind worked, if something went wrong, I'd end up dead.

I'd had my share of near-death experiences. I'd lost my will to live… almost literally. Death didn't seem so painful. Why was I scared of it?

Mostly I was afraid of just disappearing without leaving a trace, not yet having lived the life I'd wanted to have.

But I would have to face him eventually. Even if Xemnas had relented the past few weeks, wouldn't he keep hunting me? It was now or never.

The black coat lay in my lap, and I ran my hands over the material. I'd never wanted to see this thing again.

Saying goodbye to my friends had been much quicker this time, but somehow more impacting. It was hard to bring myself to the fact that maybe this _was_ the last time I'd ever see Leon and everyone else.

I tried to be optimistic.

Sora, Axel, and I. If we combined our strengths, how powerful would we be? Shiva had given me power… lent it… unlocked it… wording didn't matter, same difference. Still, I didn't know my own limits anymore. The only thing I'd discovered I was better at was healing, and that was part of what Aerith taught me.

"You alright, Myde?" Axel asked after staring me down for the better part of ten minutes.

"Not really," I admitted.

"You'll be fine," he assured. "I mean… what can go wrong?"

"Everything," I whispered. "He might still know it's me. He might kill me before you guys come in, but that's not it. What if he's… expecting this sort of thing? What if, after he kills me or knocks me out or whatever, he's too much for you two… you four if Sora thinks they can handle it?"

"Sora is convinced we have to face him. We do, Myde. There's no turning back. Things will just continue in a spiral. What if he's still tracking us, and we don't know it? Why don't we just get it over with?"

"You're… you're right," I murmured. "Good… g'night." I set the coat aside and curled up on my little patch of grass.

"'Night."

* * *

Reading this chapter a second time, I don't really think it's all that great. With the rewrite mostly in mind, I've been liking Irena's involvement in this story less and less, and she's making an appearance soon. I mean, we're practically at the climax of this story. I'm not quite sure I can combine canon and what I've got planned perfectly. Time to watch more of the end of KH II.

Oh, by the way... we're at three hundred reviews. Three-hundred and one, to be precise.

Yikes. I know I say this a lot guys, but I really mean it. Most stories never reach a hundred-fifty, and this story definitely isn't the best one out there. I love you all. You _are_ the soul of this story (despite how creepy that sounds). I thank each and every one of you for taking the time to read this story and to definitely leave a review. I wish I could draw, so I could give you a lovely present on DeviantART. However, looking at the outfits I've designed for the characters... most likely it won't happen.  
How 'bout a bonus, though? What would any of you like to know about this story, about Myde's past, about anything? You really deserve it.

Thank you _**NinjaSheik, -JansenFriedh827-, ravenr20, Axel's-Wife, The Moon's Berserk, Ranyo Malight, Bokmal14, Kai-Alaric, Shatterd Glass Memories, kitkit11183, Airon Kennel**_, and my friend Anna for reviewing last chapter.  
Next Update: November 20 (which I just noticed, is your birthday Anna. Happy birthday! XD)


	35. MIA

**Disclaimer: I don't own Kingdom Hearts.**

Chapter Thirty-Five  
MIA

The tension in the air the next morning was thick enough to cut with a knife. (I'd never really understood that analogy, but whatever, that's what the day was like.) I was surprised I'd even slept at all. In a few hours I'd be facing one of the most powerful beings alive. Funny how unreal it all seemed.

We all clamored onto the ship. There was barely enough room for all of us. I could feel my heart pounding harder with almost every passing minute. I wasn't sure why. I didn't really _feel_ anything.

Jim could sense my emotions and curled up against my neck. Would he die, too, if I were gone?

I didn't need to worry about this now. I needed to be calm, or at least just be really good at faking it.

Twilight Town was silent when we landed. There were no people around. Equivalently, it was early morning, as there was no real time here, it was always sunset. Still, the whole town didn't _feel_ like it was just asleep. It felt empty, a recluse.

I shook my head and slung my coat over my shoulder.

"I'd never thought I'd be back here," Axel muttered. "Makes you wonder if this was all a dream."

"It wasn't," I told him. Yet, I'd thought that a lot. The Nobody memories _were_ there, but it had just felt like I'd been in a stupor for three years. Even knowing that I had to face Xemnas, even holding the jacket, it still felt dreamlike after the weeks I'd spent in Radiant Garden.

"Couldn't have been."

"No."

"_Nightmare_ would be a better word."

I smiled. "Depends on what scares you."

"Well, what scares you now?"

Axel's question kind of caught me off guard. I'd never thought of it. I'd been so much of a coward as a Nobody, and fairly recently. But why? Really, what was I scared of?

Pain, I thought. Losing the ones I cared about. Having no purpose. Being absolutely alone.

I didn't say it out loud. Instead, I asked, "What scares _you_?"

"Touché."

"What are you guys talking about?" Sora asked as we cut through the main plaza.

"Nothing much," I told him.

We walked on in silence for a few minutes.

"It's so… anti-climactic," Axel commented, sounding a bit disappointed.

"Yeah, but we're not even there yet." I rolled my eyes. "Quiet is _good_ right now."

"Not necessarily," Sora murmured. "Where _is_ everyone? Even in the morning, usually the shopkeepers are out. But all the shops are closed."

"I wondered that myself," Axel said.

A lone Dusk appeared.

_I have found you,_ it said, its voice coiling through my head. I'd forgotten how lesser Nobodies communicated with each other. I remembered now- whenever the Dancers had spoken with me, it had always been uncomfortable. Despite the fact that they were supposedly less intelligently then the Nobodies in the Organization, I'd always felt like they were seeing every bad thought I'd ever had.

Two more Dusks appeared with it.

"Nobodies don't usually come here," I muttered under my breath.

"No, they don't." Sora drew his Keyblade.

"So Xemnas finally decided to find us," Axel said.

"You think?" Sora asked, voice dripping with sarcasm.

_We act on our own,_ the Dusks chanted together. _But we wish to please our master._

"Well, then let's have some fun," Axel said, summoning his weapons. "Three. Is that the best you've got?"

The Dusks kind of laughed. On cue, more of them appeared, forming a mob around us.

"Did you have to say that?" I asked him, finally taking out my sitar.

The fight seemed to never end. The Dusks just kept coming. While they were weak and couldn't really hurt us, their number was astounding.

When the three of us were together, we were pretty kick-ass. Donald and Goofy were unexpectedly good fighters, too.

Yet, the mob never thinned or grew. It just seemed to remain the same size as more and more Nobodies came into the plaza.

I let water wander around me, bits of my consciousness cutting through the Dusks. Eventually, I sort of thought- hey, they're not actually hurting us. Why am I doing this?

They would hurt me, though, if I didn't pay attention. Right?

I didn't know. Had Xemnas sent them, or had they come of their own accord? I had no idea.

Donald was a mage, any kind. While his energy came back fast, he went through it like mad.

Goofy… I didn't know exactly how to classify him, but he seemed to know what he was doing. He had a spinning attack that eventually caused him to fall. Dusks clamped over him and Sora cut through them to save his friend.

Axel formed a wall of fire, incinerating all of the Dusks around him and I. I stumbled for a second, not reacting well to the flames- I noticed that happened when we tried to fight together.

I couldn't think too hard on it, though. Once my vision cleared, I dove right back in.

"There's too many of them," Sora whispered to me finally. "We've got to run. We're almost there."

"You're right," Axel said. "Come on!"

We all ran into the crack in Twilight Town's wall, the one that lead into the woods. The Dusks went to follow us, but my hand flew out. A wall of water formed, and I wondered how that would hold them back, but after a split second's decision, the wall froze. The Dusks hit the ice, and I wondered how they didn't break it.

"How'd I do that?" I wondered out loud. I'd never been good at freezing things. I could do it, yeah, but whenever I'd tried it, it never turned out well.

Sora grabbed my arm. "Come on!"

We cut through the forest and walked onto the mansion's front lawn.

The last time I'd been here, I'd been sixteen and a newly born Nobody. I'd forgotten what it looked like.

There was a gate, heavy and black and unlocked. The walls that framed it were sort of pale brown in color, with ivy growing all over them.

I didn't get a much closer look than that, because suddenly, Sora, Donald, and Goofy chorused "The King!"

The King?

The King, apparently.

Somehow, whenever I'd heard them talk about him, I'd expected someone taller. I'd also expected a human being.

Their King was a mouse, and was only about as tall as my elbow. He had big yellow shoes and a practical, red zippered outfit.

"Sora!" The King said, smiling. His voice was high-pitched. Axel stifled a laugh.

"This is their king?" He whispered, so low only I could hear him.

Then the mouse king saw us. "Organization XII!" He gasped, drawing a Keyblade (?).

His Keyblade wasn't like Sora's. Well, actually, it was, only the colors were reversed and the band on it was red, not blue.

"Wait, Your Majesty!" Sora said. "It's not what you think! They're my friends!"

The King relaxed, obviously puzzled.

"They're both human," Sora explained. "They're on our side."

"Sora, I just don't understand…"

Sora smiled, looking a bit stressed. "This is Myde, and his friend, Axel," he introduced.

He automatically went into the story- a rather abridged version, though. He explained how he found me, and how we fought a Heartless together. When I'd told him that I had nowhere to go, he offered that I could go with them. Eventually, however, the Organization tracked me back down, and by the time I saw Sora again, I had joined on the Restoration Committee. Not long after that, we found Axel.

He also added in how we got our hearts back. Still, it was weird hearing my story from someone else.

"Oh," said the mouse king. "Well, if Leon trusts ya, then I do." He offered his hand to me, and I shook it, wondering if I should bow or something (well, he _is_ a king). He turned to Axel and did the same. "Nice to meet you two."

The King turned back to Sora. "Sora, I've been wondering…"

"Your Majesty, what are you doing here?" Goofy asked.

"I found out where Xemnas is."

I nearly laughed out loud. Axel did, actually. I elbowed him in the ribs.

"Well," Sora said, looking amused himself. "See, so did we."

"Oh… alright, then."

We followed the King through the front gardens and into the mansion. It was dim, and everything was a warm color, but most of the furniture was destroyed. There were only two rooms we could actually get into. The first was pure white in color, and the walls had sketches all over them. I wanted a closer look- _I had a picture that looked like those_- but Sora pulled me along.

We entered a room that looked like a library. There was a table in the center, with a drawing on it, and a yellow crayon next to the drawing.

"See, I've figured it all out. Go stand by the door," the King said.

We did.

He took the crayon and made two strokes on the drawing, then ran back over to us. The table disappeared, and so did the floor, revealing a room made of cold blue metal.

"I remember now," Axel said. "There's a basement just like this… in the other Twilight Town."

The King nodded. "Down here."

The temperature was about ten degrees lower down here. I shivered.

"So… Your Majesty…" Sora tried to begin casually. "Have you… found Riku?"

The King sighed. "Sora… don't make me, please."

"But I've been patient enough!" He snapped. "You're the only one who could possibly know where he is! Just tell me."

I suddenly got the feeling this was a conversation I shouldn't be listening in on.

Everyone else must have felt the same, because Axel said, "It's over here."

We crossed into a small room with a complicated-looking computer setup. There was one small stool, half a dozen monitors, and a keyboard.

"You should probably suit up. He won't sense you until you get into the castle, but you might not have another opportunity," Axel said, gesturing to the cloak I carried. He crossed over to the computer and tapped a key.

"Oh, right." I tried not to sound as unenthused as I felt.

Donald and Goofy were having a quiet conversation, mostly about synthesis. It was easy to tune out. I could hear Sora and the King from the other room, but the walls muffled their exact words. Sora sounded impatient and angry. The King was trying to be polite.

Why didn't he just tell Sora if he knew? Why was it some secret? I stuffed my jeans into my boots. Unless maybe Riku didn't want to be found? Maybe he was dead and the King was trying not to hurt Sora.

I shook my head and pulled the coat on over my clothes. I shrugged, not used to the feeling anymore. Almost magically, my gloves were still in my pockets.

Sora's voice became softer now, more explanatory.

"He's telling the King of our plan now, I think," Axel said. Then he added, "Myde, are you any good with computers? Come over here."

I looked over his shoulder. There was a smattering of numbers behind a small text box, which read,

**Password?**

**-Sky sugar**

**-Liver pepper**

**-Sea salt**

I didn't get it.

"I think these are options for the password," Axel said. "But the thing freezes up when I choose any of them."

Sora and the King came back into the room, both of them looking mildly frazzled and hazed. All four of them crowded around us.

"I don't understand," Axel told them. "Which one is it?"

There was silence for a long moment.

Finally, the King told us hesitantly, "My friend Ansem the Wise used to love sea-salt ice cream. This is his computer. It's just a guess, though."

"Oh, right!" Axel said. "Sea salt _ice cream. _I'm a moron." His voice dropped a little. "…Maybe if I press Control?"

He did, and with the right option, the text box disappeared. There was a weird sound to our right. A beam of light had appeared from the ceiling.

It lead to the digital Twilight Town.

* * *

I'm sorry! I would have published earlier but my internet connection shorted out.

I believe Mickey was the one who told them it was Ansem's lab in KH II, because of the passwords. But yet... there's something about DiZ and I forget what I was going to say in the AN XD. Whatever factual errors there are, please correct me.

As for the next chapter, well... I kind of have the option of dropping this plot twist bombshell on you guys. Obviously I can't say what it is, but it'll probably be for the good of the story in the end. If you guys vote for it, that's what'll happen, if you're against it, say so. I'm leaning towards the plot twist, though.

Thank you _**Kiexa, ravenr20, Kai-Alaric, The Moon's Berserk, Axel's-Wife**_, and Anna for reviewing (by the way, Happy Birthday, Anna! And sorry about the whole Harry Potter mess :P)


	36. Resonance

**Disclaimer: I don't own Jack shit.**

Chapter Thirty-Six  
Resonance

"Awesome, Axel!" Sora said, obviously elated. "Alright, let's go!"

Tentatively, he walked over to the beam, holding out a hand. The second his fingers touched the beam; Sora disappeared, numbers swirling around him.

Donald followed; so did Goofy. The King stared at us for a moment.

"You coming?" He asked us.

"We'll be there in a minute," Axel told him.

The King dematerialized too.

"What is it, Axel?" I asked, raising my eyebrow.

"Myde… before we go out there, there's something you need to know."

"Huh?" I stared at him.

"Our world… it was destroyed."

"Oka- wait, what?" I blinked. "What did you say?"

"Our world was destroyed. Three years ago."

I exhaled shakily, staring at the floor.

It was difficult to deal with. But deep down, I really knew. My memories had always felt like memories- nice times, but that was all.

That didn't mean it didn't hurt.

Why did he wait until now to tell me this?

…So she wasn't real.

I kind of knew it all along. Maybe Irena had existed. The memories were there. But my subconscious had tried to tell me- the dream where she'd been killed, the way she barely crossed my mind, the way I might just maybe like someone else (and how I'd denied that to no extent in my spare time). It all fit together.

Still… my old home, gone. My family, gone. Irena, gone.

My eyes welled. Axel hugged me- something he barely ever did. I didn't cry, though. I would have time for that later… when this was all over.

"I just wanted you to know," he said. "This was supposed to be a search-and-rescue mission, too, right? For her and Kairi. I wanted to tell you before you found out the hard way."

"Then what was Luxord talking about?" I asked his shoulder. "Why did he want me to go to the castle so badly, if he had changed sides? And how did he find out?"

"They might have just guessed you had a girlfriend. Maybe they saw you with that friend of yours… Yuffie, is it? To anyone else, you guys flirt pretty hard." His voice became slightly sarcastic.

"We do not." Seriously, I couldn't remember a time like that.

"It's really subtle. But it's there. Anyway, maybe a Dusk overheard you when you were talking to yourself. Hey, don't look at me like that. You were pretty crazy."

"So were you."

"Luxord might just be on his own side. Maybe he just wanted you to confront the problem to divert the attention from him. I don't know what that guy is thinking half the time." He turned to the beam. "Are you okay?"

I took a deep breath. "I'll be fine. It's… a lot to take in."

Axel shrugged and vanished.

I couldn't lie to myself. It hurt a lot. Could I believe him?

Yeah, actually.

I even felt a sense of relief at the news, sick as that might be. As I got closer to the Restoration Committee, that 'need' to return home had slowly faded. I felt like I belonged there, really and truly, while my old home were plagued with racism and bad times.

Even if my world was intact, it had been years. Everyone would have accepted that I'd died or something. Irena would have moved on. So would my mother. There would be no place for me in that world. My reappearance would just stir up confusion, and I'd have to explain a lot of things that sounded completely unbelievable.

This was for the best.

I put my face in my hands and choked back a sob. Finally, I touched the beam.

The sensation wasn't like teleporting. There was a strange sort of rift, and a flash of light, and there I was, still in one piece, and looking at all my friends.

For some reason, I'd thought that the digital Twilight Town would look different, but it was exactly the same, except one-minute difference- the computer was smashed here, ripped to shreds. Bits of broken glass lay on the floor.

"It's so… lifelike," Sora said, brushing his hands against the wall.

"What were you expecting?" The King asked him. "Ansem the Wise… he was a genius."

"Was? So he's dead?" Axel asked.

"I'm not sure… he's been missing a really long time."

"But this digital world was only created a little while ago… I could tell from the numbers." Axel was trying to work it out, and so was it. It was obvious- there was something the King wasn't telling us. He would have gotten away with if Axel weren't so good with computer programming- I forgot when, but once he told me he wanted to design videogames.

"Well, why don't we get going?" The King walked right on ahead of us and into the next room.

Sora looked at us, just as puzzled. "What was that all about?"

"The King knows something we don't," Donald said, tapping his foot.

We followed the mouse king into a bigger room with green designs on the floor. Axel shook his head and almost flinched. I stopped myself from asking him at the last moment.

"It's over there!" Sora exclaimed, pointing.

And it was. It was a weird sort of portal, red and green and white at the same time. It looked like an evil thing.

"So we just… cross right on over?" I asked. "That seems… almost too easy."

"He's right," Axel said. "I've never gotten there from here. Who knows what's beyond that thing?"

"Well, what could it possibly be?" Sora asked. "It's just a portal. Right?"

Axel shook his head. "You know, I'm not entirely sure… but that looks like a tear in the programming. Like someone ripped through this world to get back to the Castle."

It does look kind of foreboding, I thought.

"But who could it have been?" Goofy wondered out loud.

"It was Ansem the Wise," said the King. "No one else would be able to do that unless they had a Keyblade."

Sora looked at his own weapon. "Oh yeah… why didn't I think of that? I didn't know I could teleport that way."

"You can't," the King said. "You're not a real master yet."

Sora sounded as surprised as I felt. What did he have to do to be considered a real master? He'd already saved the worlds one more time than the King. "What do you mean?"

The King looked at him. "We can talk about that later." Then, he walked through the portal.

"No offense, but your King is being a total jackass," Axel told him.

Sora shook his head dismissively.

I had to say I agreed. He was keeping information from us, and not being very subtle about it. It was important stuff, too, at least to Sora. Like, about Riku's whereabouts and the stuff that Ansem the Wise might now. Not to mention, he'd pretty much just told Sora he wasn't special enough to be a Keyblade master.

…So Ansem the Wise was in the World That Never Was? How did he get there… and why?

"Let's just… let's just go," Sora finally said, also stepping through.

While I was last, I tried hard not to needlessly reflect on this moment. If I didn't think about it, I didn't have to think about the fact that I'd be facing Xemnas before I knew it.

So I didn't hesitate.

I crossed over.

But I didn't see the rainy streets I was so familiar with- no, the whole room was kind of like a cylinder, all red and blue and kind of twisting.

There was nothing beyond that. The corridor just ended. At least the portal didn't close behind us. Then we'd be really screwed.

"How do we go on?" Donald asked.

A handful of Dusks appeared. Unlike the last ones, they didn't talk to us at all. They were all business.

It was barely a fight, what with all six of us. While they continued to hit us in waves, each was weak, and we outnumbered them in a sort of way.

Time seemed to be moving too fast. My thought process was calm. Maybe it was the stress getting to me, but either way, I had this funny feeling. Something was wrong.

"I'll handle this," the mouse King said, walking right up to the very edge of the passageway. He stabbed his Keyblade into the wall and turned, a slow motion that seemed to last an eternity.

All of a sudden, the weirdest sensation just swept over me. The world kind of dimmed and the surface around the King's blade warped and changed color, circling like a whirlpool. I felt faint. Was this the wrong feeling? Being in this sort of half-existence that lead to a world that doesn't exist?

There was this horrible tearing sound- I swear, I was about to black out- and abruptly it was over, and we were facing a new portal.

The King was hunched over and breathing heavily. Obviously, it had taken a lot out of him.

"Are you okay?" Axel asked, one hand on my shoulder.

"Didn't you feel that?" I countered.

"Feel what?"

"When he opened the portal… I thought I was going to…" I trailed off. "You have no idea what I'm talking about, do you?"

He patted my shoulder, wary now. "It's okay, Myde. This'll all be over in a few hours. I know you're tired."

I stared at him.

Sora glanced at me. "He's not making it up. I felt it, too."

Donald and Goofy looked at each other and shrugged. The King met my eyes for a long moment, and then looked away.

"Well, let's go, fellas."

Finally, we all passed into the rainy streets of The World That Never Was. The moment was kind of anticlimactic. Nothing happened. No one met us.

"Where do we go now?" Sora asked Axel and I. "You guys know the way, right?"

"Yeah." Axel looked towards what had to be the Castle. "It's not far from here. But you guys should probably hook up those wires first, right?"

Goofy pointed up. "Look!"

There was a large, heart-shaped moon in the sky. I knew what it was almost instantly- Kingdom Hearts. But it had grown so much since I last saw it- now it hung above the Castle, making it appear to be a tiny pinprick along the horizon.

"Wow," Donald gaped.

The King sighed. "Good, we're not too late."

"Too late?" Sora asked.

"There's no time for questions. Come on."

I could feel Sora's frustration building. "Your Majesty," He said slowly. "Why won't you tell me anything?"

The King turned around. "Well, what do you mean, Sora?"

"It seems like everything is a secret!" He snapped. "I thought we were supposed to be friends! Friends trust each other! Why won't you trust me? Why won't you at least tell me where Riku is? What do you mean, I'm not a real Keyblade master?"

"Gosh," the King murmured. "You make it sound so…"

"Sound so what? There's no reason for you to hide anything from me! I _am_ the Keyblade master! It's _my_ job to save the world! We've been looking all over for you so we could get your help, but now that we've found you, you won't say anything!"

I had a feeling he'd been holding that in for a long time.

The King looked down, seeming defeated. "All right, Sora, I'll tell you. Let's just get to the Castle."

Sora appeared surprised that the King gave in so easily. He had to have been expecting more of a fight- honestly, so had I. "Oh… okay. I apologize, your Majesty. It's just that…" he trailed off and bowed a little.

"No, you're right," the mouse King admitted. "I have been keeping things from you. Come on. It's not much farther."

Axel and I exchanged a look.

Sora looked puzzled. "Okay." He turned to the rest of us. "We should probably test those wires again, just to make sure they still work while we can still go back." He took them out of his pocket and handed the thinnest one to me. "You think Xemnas will be able to see it?"

"He's not exactly in his right mind," I said. "So I don't think so."

"That's why I'm even going along with this at all," Axel admitted. "Myde's coat will hide his smell, but Xemnas will probably be able to hear his heartbeat."

"Uh, guys, I'm right here."

"Either way, we should see if the city doesn't interfere with the connection." Sora handed me the wire. "We didn't think you'd be coming along, your Majesty, so I didn't think to have Cid make one for you… I guess you can have mine. I'll just stick with Axel."

"You can take it. I don't want to accidentally screw things up." Axel shrugged.

I raised my eyebrow at him and tucked the wire around my ear. It was cool, and almost automatically, I heard the low buzzing noise of static. It was kind of annoying. The King and Sora put in their wires, too. Sora had the bulkiest, but it was well hidden by his hair.

So for a while after that, mostly we just walked through the city, testing how far we could go and still be able to talk to each other, and reviewing different plans and possibly even teams. In the end, it turned out the way it had been in the beginning- me alone, Axel and Sora waiting for my cue. The King would stay with Donald and Goofy, who would look for Kairi.

In other words, it was all really happening.

I had a strange feeling, somewhere between anxiety and fear. What if I failed? This was probably the most important thing I'd ever done. If I made one mistake, I was dead, and everyone's cover was blown. What would Xemnas do to them? He would kill Axel, for sure. Sora, I wasn't so sure. They'd probably fight anyway.

So it all hinged on me.

I hated being responsible for anything, much less a mission that could endanger our lives. Wildly, I wondered why we were even going for Xemnas in the first place, but the reasons were pretty obvious.

All the things he'd done to me for no apparent reason.

Axel probably wants revenge.

Xemnas is trying to take over the world.

He was hurting Sora's many friends to do so.

But why did we need a diversion so badly? Would he really notice if anyone even went into the castle after all? What could he possibly be doing now? Staring at Kingdom Hearts? He'd admittedly never done much that I knew of in the Organization.

Yet I couldn't underestimate him.

I heard footsteps behind me and looked up. It was Sora.

"You ready to head out?"

"Yeah, it's just that…" I trailed off and looked up at the sky. "I'm… I'm kind of scared."

Sora smiled. "You'll be okay, I promise." He turned to leave.

"No, that's not it."

"Then what is it?" He sounded a little taken aback.

"I'm afraid of letting you guys down."

"How so?"

"Like… what if Xemnas knows it's me all along, and tried to hurt you guys to hurt me? I don't know. It sounds like he'd do something like that. What if he knows about our plans from the Dusks? What if he's really just too powerful for us and we all end up dead?"

Sora paused. "In my world, there aren't really any 'what ifs,'" He said slowly. "I haven't got any time for them. It's better not to worry about what could happen and focus and what's going on now. That's the only way I get on. Like, what if he killed Kairi, for some reason or another? What if Riku's dead, or what if you're actually just leading us into a death trap? Don't look at me like that. I'm just speaking hypothetically. What I mean is that if you worry, you'll actually just make things worse for yourself and us."

I sighed. "I know." It was starting to rain.

"Let's go. I just want to get this over with."

* * *

I have to admit, I had writer's block on this chapter, especially at the end. I honestly didn't know what to do with it. It could have been better, but I wanted to get it out to you guys today. Sorry :P.  
There are actually two plot twists in this chapter, both are pretty minor. One is, obviously, the destruction of Demyx's homeworld. I couldn't really imagine an OC in this story anymore. So I killed her XD. And I know I kind of overkilled it when Axel referenced Yuffie/Demyx as a possible pairing. The other plot twist is Demyx's reaction to Mickey's little trick. I can't tell you what it is, but keep that in mind ;). Does it sound logical, though for Keyblade wielders to be able to tear holes into reality?

Oh yeah, Kingdom Hearts was featured in the most recent issue of Nintendo Power. I got it today. It was a really cool article, and now I'm really looking forward to Re:coded. It sounds awesome, though admittedly confusing as all hell. What kind of pisses me off, though, is that I was expected KH III to come out after Re:coded (that is the most logical assumption), but no, something's next. What is it? KH 3D. I don't know what signifigance it could possibly have to the whole KH timeline. It's after Re:coded, and STILL IN DEVELOPMENT. First of all, the Nintendo 3DS will come out (I believe that's next year, or the year after, but I'm not sure). Which means it will be at least THREE YEARS including production until we get out KH III. Thanks, Nomura. I just want to know what happens to Sora and the Org.

Um. Okay. Enough of my rambling. Looks like the next update is the last one I'll be seeing you guys until Christmas.  
Thank you _**Kai-Alaric, the Moon's Beserk, ravenr20, Ranyo Malight, Reku15, Airon Kennell, **_and of course Anna for reviewing last chapter.  
Next update: approx. December 18


	37. Xion's Tea Party

**Disclaimer: I don't own any of the following.**

Chapter Thirty-Seven

Xion's Tea Party

It was pretty easy, getting through the city. Axel and I knew it well, and there weren't very many enemies. You might expect Dusks, or some type of Nobody, but what faced us were just Shadows. We cut through them easily.

After that one point, none of us said anything. It was strange, though. The silence was actually better than if we talked. There was, oddly enough, less tension this way.

Finally, finally, we reached the Castle. It had taken us minutes to get to but weeks to find, when it reality it had been under our noses all along.

Axel sighed. "How do we get in?"

The street ended abruptly. Above where the Castle floated, the world dropped into nothing. I looked down and hoped I wouldn't fall. That didn't seem like it would be fun.

Sora summoned a Keyblade. "Easy." He flicked his wrist, sending a jet of light to some unknown point. A transparent, greenish bridge formed.

I hesitated, and so did everyone else. "So should I… should I go on ahead?"

Sora thought a moment. "Not yet. We should at least all go in together."

We all walked across the bridge. I was afraid to look down. It would be pretty difficult to fall, I knew, but seeing that plunge into nothingness didn't give me a good feeling.

The bridge led to Nothing's Call, the very bottom of the castle.

"We should split up after here," Sora said uncertainly. He gestured to Donald and Goofy. "You two will go look for Kairi. It'll be somewhere nearby- near where they kept you, Myde, right?"

"But I don't really know where that is…" I trailed off.

He nodded once. "Axel, do you know?"

Axel went over to them and gave them directions in a hushed voice. I took Jim from the air into my hands. During this whole day I'd nearly forgotten he was there.

"Jim," I whispered. "I want you to go with Donald and Goofy." It would pretty much be a beacon to my identity. If Xemnas saw him, this whole plan would be worthless. But we were already here… Why couldn't Sora and Axel go with me now? We would catch him by surprise regardless. He couldn't have noticed us yet.

Jim whimpered.

"It's alright," I told him. "I'll only see you in a little while. You help them find Kairi, okay?"

He looked sad, but nodded.

"Okay," Sora said. "So while you guys look for Kairi, Axel and I will wait for Myde's signal. Your Majesty… you just do whatever you want." He still looked ashamed after what he said to the King.

"But what is the signal?" I asked.

"Snap," Axel told me, looking as if he had remembered something. "It could mean anything to Xemnas. It's what opens the Round Room door, right? So we'll know when you're there Sora and I will tail you a few rooms behind. Just snap near the receiver."

"O…okay."

Sora smiled. "Thanks. I know this is hard for you."

"I'll be fine." That was my automatic response, but I wasn't sure I believed it.

So the six of us set off on our opposite ways, the King going with Donald and Goofy. The last thing I heard before I stepped into silence was Axel talking to Sora about nothing much.

I walked onto the elevator. There was absolutely no sound here, throughout this whole place. The only thing I could hear was my breathing, and, very faintly, my heartbeat. Was it that obvious? Could I really pass for an injured Luxord? I pulled my hood up.

How had I managed to live in this place for so long? The absence of sound and color was almost mind numbing. How come I hadn't lost it? Well, I hadn't had a heart to point out these things. Then, everything just _was_.

I was surprised how quick the walk seemed. None of the Dusks encountered me- yet. What did they do in their spare time, I wondered? They could think, though only barely. What was fun to a being without their own form, mind, or heart, and a half-ruined soul? Probably staring into the blankness, or daring each other to jump off the walls to see what happens.

I was anxious. There was no other way to describe it. I'd never been this nervous, not even when I'd played a solo when I was still in high school.

I walked through the wide arena and onto Naught's Skyway. The moon was so large- how much bigger did it have to get in order to be opened?

A Dusk suddenly appeared in front of me. I gasped, hoping the sound didn't carry over the wire.

_Who are you, human?_ The Dusk's voice appeared in my head as though written.

"I… I…" I swallowed. "It's me… Demyx." It had been awhile since I spoke that name out loud. Then I realized the stupidity of my action. What if this Dusk just whizzed right on over to Xemnas? I shouldn't have said anything. "I mean…"

_I have no intention of going to the Superior,_ the Dusk continued. _Serves him right, if he is destroyed, for he lied to us, he lied to us all._

"…I know."

The Dusk crept closer. _It has been a while… Master._

"Master? But…"

_I used to be a Dancer. Once all the others 'betrayed' him… left or were killed… he turned us all into Dusks or Creepers._

"Oh… thank you."

The Dusk nodded, and disappeared.

"This day is just getting weirder and weirder," I murmured.

Over the receiver, Sora laughed. "_Even though I only heard half of that… what happened?_"

"One of the Dusks found me. It won't give us away. It used to work under me."

"_Heh. I wonder if my guys will be as merciful._" It was Axel's voice, tinny and distant.

None of us said anything after that point. I just kept walking. It was so eerie, to just plow on through without even having to fight. Everything seemed to just be so easy.

I made it all the way to the Proof of Existence without anything happening. It was close now- everything was going so fast. I wondered if my proof would still be there.

The Proof of Existence was like the opposite of a graveyard, yet it had the feeling of the latter. It was a large, almost balloon-shaped room, which had once been cluttered with the doorways to the special rooms of Organization XIII.

We'd each been given one, and allowed to do whatever we liked with them. Now, however, all of the doorways had been smashed, aside from four- Axel's, Luxord's, Saïx's, and mine. I wondered why he'd kept them here?

I decided I'd go into mine, to see what had happened to it. It had been a while.

I stepped through the blue doorway. The first thing that I became of was sound, and color, though there wasn't much of it.

There was grass under my feet, and it was warmer in here than in the rest of the castle. I pulled down my hood and breathed in deep.

At the south end of the place was a waterfall, leading into a sort of pool. There were some rocks at the side of it.

Here was the surprising part, though.

A girl was sitting on one of the rocks.

It wasn't Kairi. That I knew for sure. This girl had black hair, and a coat like the one I was wearing. She was playing with a seashell.

"X-xion?" I asked, squinting. "What are you doing here?"

"So you remembered," she said, smiling. "I'm surprised. Hello, Demyx."

"But I thought… you were…" I realized that once she'd disappeared, I'd had no idea what happened to her, other than everyone forgot she even existed.

"That I'd vanished?" She supplied, and gestured to the rock next to her. "Sit down."

I did, wondering when I'd hear Sora's voice, questioning who Xion was and what was going on here.

"This is a pretty place you've created," she told me.

"Thank you." Tentatively, I added, "How are you here?"

"I'm a memory," she said, very matter-of-fact. Her eyes flashed, though, and I could tell she didn't like it one bit. "When I… disappeared, everyone forgot I existed because I was _made_ from memories, a puppet. Everyone aside from you."

"But why me?"

"I honestly don't know. But because you alone remembered, I can at least stay here, for the time being, and have some level of existence." She picked a something up from the warm water next to her and set it on her lap. It was a teapot. "Tea?"

"Um… sure?" She handed me a teacup. "So you're not allowed to go anywhere else?"

"See, I'm not really here," Xion explained. "Like I said, I'm a _memory_. This isn't really happening on the outside. This is all in your head. You remembered me- so I manifested in a place that belonged only to you. In reality, you're just sitting here, staring into the distance."

"Oh." That would explain why the tea had no flavor. "How… how are things?"

Xion laughed. "Fine, I guess."

"Did you show up because you wanted to, or because you had to?"

"…A little of both. It gets kind of lonely. I don't have anyone to talk to."

"Where are you, when you're not here?"

"I'm not really sure, Demyx."

"It's Myde. I'm human now."

There was silence.

"You know," she said finally, "I'm sorry for taking your place between Axel and Roxas."

"It's… no problem." I set the teacup aside. "I really wish we could have been friends, Xion."

She smiled. "Me too. You should probably go now. The others are probably getting worried."

"How did you know about…"

She waved, and disappeared.

I jumped as though I had just woken up, and looked to my side for the teacup, trying to find proof that the conversation actually happened. It wasn't there.

* * *

After that weird mind trip- or was it a memory, like she said? – I felt weirdly shaken. It seemed like seconds that I was next to the Round Room. But I didn't tell Sora that I was there. I sat down along the wall and rested my head against my knees.

What was going on with them now? I wondered. Did they find Kairi yet? What were Sora and Axel doing? They'd said they'd be at least two rooms behind me.

Did they go into my Proof of Existence? What reason did they have to do that, though? Would they have seen Xion if they'd gone in?

Maybe I just made Xion up. It made sense, considered no one remembered her but me. But if she had been real, why was it only me who remembered her, when Axel had been much closer to her than I ever had? Where was she now?

I couldn't do this.

My head thumped against the wall. Dozens of things could go wrong. What was with this plan? Why didn't we all just walk in together? Why didn't we just wait for Xemnas to destroy himself? He was already most of the way there already. He hadn't touched anyone in a while.

I felt anxious and stressed. I played such an unnecessary key role. It would be easy for him to figure me out- he would know me when I spoke.

I almost couldn't breathe. But _why_ was I freaking out? I had been totally calm before. I slipped out the earpiece, the plastic still warm. I put it in my pocket.

They were expecting me to confront him. They were expecting a show, one way or another. Now was not the time to freak out.

I stood up, put the earpiece back in, and pulled my hood back over my face. Ignoring the fact that my heart was about beating out of my chest, I walked over to the door and snapped, once.

The door slid open.

* * *

Kairi sat in the cell, looking around. It seemed like she had studied every small detail- the ceiling, the floor tiles, the barren whiteness of the castle hall outside. She was bored. And she had no idea how she was here.

It had all gone very quickly, from the moment she arrived in Twilight Town, to Axel kidnapping her, to that blue-haired man finding her and locking her in here. It had seemed like only hours ago.

Kairi had lost all sense of time. What day was it? Had she only been in this room for a few hours?

She gazed tiredly out of the bars. They were just a hair too narrow for her to squeeze through. The redhead jumped. Something was staring at her.

She'd been used to being here alone.

It looked like it was made of water, the creature, and was maybe the size of her fist. Large eyes bored into hers, but the action wasn't intimidating; it was childlike.

"Hello," Kairi said to it, wondering if she was going insane. Her throat was dry.

The creature fit itself through the bars and floated over to her. It squeaked once, quietly.

"Hello," she repeated.

The creature hovered next to her and started screaming loudly.

"W-what's wrong?" Kairi asked it.

Someone else appeared at the bars of her prison cell again. The creature stopped making noise and passed through the bars again. Kairi crawled over.

She knew this person somewhere- his face was familiar. It was Sora's friend… right? "Goofy?" She asked tentatively.

"Hi there, Kairi," the captain said with a smile. "We'll get you out of there in a minute." He turned. "She's down here, fellas!"

A duck- Kairi recalled his name was Donald- hurried over, followed by a mouse.

"Hi," she greeted them.

"Hi, Kairi. Get back," the mouse advised.

She crawled to the back of the cell.

"Donald, cast Fire on the bars."

Donald look confused, but obeyed. The smell of burning metal reached Kairi. The mouse jumped, summoned a Keyblade, and cut through the partially melted bars as if they were nothing more than butter, creating an opening more than large enough for her to get through.

Kairi walked over and stepped out of her prison. "Thank you… but what's going on? Where am I?"

"Organization XIII's stronghold. They're the ones that kidnapped you," the mouse explained.

"Sora asked us to find you," Goofy said.

Kairi's heart leapt. "Sora? Sora's here?" She felt a little disappointed that he hadn't been the one to free her himself, but she would get to see him. Finally.

"Yes. He's trying to find the leader right now. I don't think we've been introduced. I'm Mickey, Riku's friend." The mouse offered her his hand and she shook it.

"Where is Riku?" She asked. "I'm worried."

"I'm not sure," Mickey admitted.

Kairi smiled. "Well, let's go find Sora!"

* * *

"_Sora_!" The shout behind him startled the Keyblade master out of a sort of trance. It was a familiar voice- though unlike any of the ones he'd heard today. He turned just in time to see a redhead girl in a pink dress running to him. It had been a year- she was so much different.

The girl stopped short. "Sora, it's really you!"

He stuttered. "K-kairi?"

She nodded. "I got tired of waiting… I just wanted to find you… and now it's real."

"Kairi…"

Simultaneously, the two stepped forward and hugged each other.

"I was so worried, when I heard about you," Sora murmured. "I wanted to find you myself… but I had to stop Xemnas first…"

"I understand," Kairi said, letting go of him halfway. Her face was shining. "Now we can stop him together." She smiled, but was finally able to take in the rest of the scene. Her eyes landed on Axel, and her expression deflated. "What… what's he doing here?"

Over the receiver, Sora heard someone snap, once.

* * *

Mwahahaha! Evil cliffy. It was actually supposed to be even eviller (ignoring the fact that that's probably not an actual word), but I decided I had to finish up at least one subplot before the end of the chapter. So Kairi's rescued! Yay!  
I know in the game she was actually rescured by Namine, so don't worry, she'll make a cameo eventually. Though I think my favorite part in the game is the Sokai reunion. It was so sweet.  
Riku will appear, too. I don't know how or why yet, but he will. My writer's block is finally gone so the next chapter will be easier to write.  
I'll leave you to your own thoughts on the whole Xion scene. She's one of the characters I like better in the series, and I really want to see her out of the bash-zone she was in in Days.

Thank you _**Shattered Glass Memories, roxy mccartney, Reku14, The Moon's Berserk, Kai-Alaric, Ravenr20, Zemby, kitkit11183**_, anonymous reviewer Momo, and of course Anna for reviewing last chapter.

It looks like this update will be the last one until after the holidays- because of that, Merry Christmas, Happy beltated Hanukkah, Happy Kwanzaa, happy whatever else you may celebrate... and have a good New Year's as well. Hopefully 2011 will be better than this year was.  
Next update: approx. Jan 1


	38. Siege

**Disclaimer: I don't own Kingdom Hearts or its affiliates. However, I do own a **_**copy**_** of the game in question.**

Chapter Thirty-Eight  
Siege

Mickey chased after the figure he'd suddenly seen; glad the others hadn't noticed his disappearance. They wouldn't really need him now- and the king just had to know.

"Ansem the Wise! What are you doing here?"

The man in question turned- he was dressed in a red cape with black clothes underneath them, his face wrapped in bandages. He turned. "Friend," he began. "It has been so long…" he trailed off and turned from Mickey, continuing to walk on. He carried a strange sort of machine with him- the young king had no idea what it was or could do.

"Why didn't you come to me before things turned so bad?"

That caught his attention. The man addresses as Ansem the Wise stared at him. "This was a result of my research- it is I who has to straighten up this mess."

"Well, what are you planning on doing?"

Ansem set the machine up, pointing it at the moon. "I must get rid of Kingdom Hearts so he can't harness its power. He's too dangerous as it is. I will take Kingdom Hearts and encode it into data."

"Ansem…"

"Trust me, my friend. I must do this. I must stop the cycle of destruction on my own." He pressed a button and a jet of light hit the center of the moon.

"Ansem…" The King repeated, at a loss for words.

The man reached up with a free hand and pulled at the red cloth, revealing blonde hair and a beard below it. "Go find Riku," Ansem ordered. His lips turned up, but it wasn't a smile. "He thought he could follow me here and convince me out of what I must do. He's somewhere nearby."

Mickey walked off without another word.

* * *

"Was that the signal?" Sora wondered out loud. He unfurled Kairi's arms from him.

"What signal? What's going on?" The redhead asked him. "Why are you working with him?" She pointed at Axel.

"I have to explain later. Kairi, stay here with Donald and Goofy…"

"No! Sora, I refuse to stay behind again!"

"Kairi, please…" He squeezed her hand and ran through the nearest doorway, Axel staring at Kairi almost apologetically

"Sora…" She almost felt tearful. She rounded on the other two. "Tell me what's going on. Please, from the beginning."

They did.

* * *

Mickey finally saw the black-cloaked figure, retreating from the castle slowly. Its hood was up, but he knew- it was Riku.

"Riku, wait!"

The figure hesitated for a fraction of a second- but continued on.

"Why are you leaving?"

"I have no reason to stay here any longer," he told the King in a morose voice. "I thought that… maybe I could brave myself into seeing Sora since I was here… but I just can't do that. Anyway, DiZ is already continuing with his plan. I have no reason to stay here."

"Why can't you see Sora? You've done nothing but help him."

"Because I'm not the person I used to be," Riku admitted. He flipped back his hood, revealing anything but the face Sora was used to. "Look at me! I'm not the same person, inside or out! Even my voice is different! I don't belong with them anymore. I'm a being of the darkness." He pulled up his hood. "I don't belong in the light. I have to leave now."

The King reached for the teen's hand. "Riku… please. You're Sora's best friend. He's done nothing but look for you."

"Mickey…"

"Please, Riku."

The teen sighed. "I… you're not giving me a choice, are you?"

The King smiled. "Nope."

"Fine."

* * *

"Oh… is that really what happened?" Kairi finally asked after Donald and Goofy finished what the story. "Huh… Are… are you sure Myde's not just leading them into something?"

"You should meet him," Goofy told her. "Sora trusts him. He seems nice."

"Okay. I'm just surprised, is all. Is that everything? That's it?"

"That's it?" Donald repeated. "What were you expecting?"

Kairi shrugged. "I don't know… I always made his journeys out to be so epic…" She trailed off. "What's that?"

"What's what?"

"I can hear someone…" she headed in the direction of the doorway. "They can't be back _already_, are they?"

A black cloaked-figure appeared at the threshold.

"Myde?" Donald questioned.

"No… it's not him," Kairi said softly. "I can't believe it's you… Riku!"

She pushed back his hood.

"Ansem!" Donald shouted.

"No, it's Riku," Kairi began slowly. "What… what happened to you?"

Riku only stood, staring. "Where's Sora?"

"Riku, it's me, Kairi. Where have you been?"

"I shouldn't have come here," he mumbled, and in a louder voice, repeated, "Where's Sora?"

"…Fighting Xemnas," Goofy told him with a little reluctance.

"All alone? Are you guys crazy?"

"No… he's with some friends."

"Who? What's that?" He turned, and they all stared.

Heartless were pouring down the walls, heading straight for them.

"Oh, no…" Kairi whispered.

Riku summoned his sword and stood in front of Kairi. "We'll protect you," he promised her.

"I wish you didn't have to," she whispered. A flash of light scorched by her hand, and she was holding a Keyblade- it was colorful and covered in flowers. "I can take care of myself." Though the surprise was evident on her face.

"When did you get a Keyblade, Kairi?"

"Just now," she replied, a smile growing on her face. She dove for the nearest horde of Heartless.

"Hey! Wait for us!"

* * *

The sound echoed for far too long in my ears before I realized I'd snapped.

My sense of confidence faded as quickly as it had come. I couldn't do this.

But I had to. I had no choice now.

My heart felt like it would explode- my knees threatened to collapse from under me.

Still, I composed my act, and limped forward into yet another room of piercing whiteness. My hood was up, covering my face and, hopefully, my nervousness.

The latter I doubted.

"You have returned, now haven't you?" Xemnas's voice came from somewhere up high.

I didn't look up. I nodded, once.

"Traitor," he hissed.

There was a whir in the air as he teleported- next thing I knew, my hood was down and I had an ethereal blade almost touching my back.

"I knew it was you all along," he murmured. "Your heart… it has a certain quality… I could easily point it out from anyone's."

What now?

"Don't move. I will kill you."

This is exactly what I had been so afraid of.

"Tell me what you know."

"Then kill me," I whispered. "Because I won't tell you."

"Why have you come back?"

I saw two options- I could lie and beg for mercy, or I could tell the truth- that I was here to kill him. I felt the strange urge to laugh. "Just throwing salt in your wounds, Xemnas-sama!"

Even today, I have no idea what prompted me to say that- it was random. And it sounded completely stupid.

"Discovered your roots, haven't you?" He hissed. "_How did you get your heart_?"

"I'm not telling, Xemmy-sama!" I had immunity as long as he really wanted to know. If he got too frustrated, he would just stab me and get it over with. "Why do you care? You've lost your mind. Is anyone really in there?"

"I have complete control."

"But who has control? Is it you, Xemnas-sama? Or someone else?" I shot him my cutest smile. "Though I don't know _who_ else. It makes sense now. Well, no it doesn't. You're not Xemnas. I don't know who you are, but if you were Xemnas you would have killed me by now."

"Very good, Number Nine," came a voice from above me.

I turned to find Xemnas- the fake one or whatever- gone. "What's going on?"

"I'm humoring you," he whispered.

"How are you humoring me? I'm here to _kill you_."

"Oh, no. You're not." He did not teleport this time, but jumped from his throne and landed on his feet like a cat. His duplicate stood next to me. "Demyx, I would never do these things to you… you must be referring to him…" he gestured to the fake, who nodded.

"What? I'm not Demyx…"

"But you are… It's time to wake up, Nine."

"I'm perfectly awake!" What was this, this psychobabble? He was definitely trying to confuse me, and it was working.

"Maybe so, but doesn't it make you question this whole situation?" The duplicate asked.

"I won't forget what I'm here for!"

He looked at me with a sort of pity. "I know you won't, but you can't do it anyway. You're just too weak."

"I am not weak."

"Then can you tell me… which of us is real? Is this reality… or not?"

"Of course it's real!" I had this nervous feeling. This couldn't have been a dream… No. It was all too real… He was wrong. He was trying to trick me!

"Are you sure?"

"Of course I'm sure…" an unexpected wave of dizziness swept over me. How was this happening?

A hot lash of pain struck my back. The world trembled. Sound pierced the veil.

"_Myde? Myde!_"

"Sora's voice…" I shook my head. "What is this?"

"Handy little power of Zexion's, illusion…" He smiled.

"What?"

It struck me. He had Zexion's power. I wasn't sure how or why, but from the pain slowly spreading across my back and the blood…

_Blood_?

On the floor running between my fingers… And the dizziness…

"You've lost," he whispered in my ear, far too close for comfort.

The world shattered.

I found myself lying on the floor. The pain was so obvious now. I struggled to breathe. A redhead girl was kneeling next to me- _Kairi_? Was this her?

"What…?" I tried to ask a question but ended up coughing.

"It's okay," she whispered.

"Where?" I couldn't grasp anything. What had happened? Had he really been able to cast an illusion on me? How had he gotten Zexion's powers?

_Did this mean he had the others' powers, too_?

I looked across the room. Sora and Axel were fighting Xemnas… How had Kairi gotten in? "I have to… help."

"You're staying down," Kairi continued in her soft voice. "You're seriously wounded. Relax and let me heal you."

I closed my eyes tightly.

"I didn't exactly plan on meeting you like this," she said. "After Donald and Goofy told me everything… I didn't expect Sora to come screaming for a healer."

Her hand was on my back. Whatever she was doing was helping; the pain was fading. I could breathe now.

"I don't know what happened… I think I was in some sort of trance… Is this real?"

"Of course it is." Her hand was gone. "You should be okay now…"

"Then I have to help them."

"No! Myde! You'll get yourself killed!"

I was beyond caring. I had to know how he got Zexion's powers… or whatever else he might have done. I was confused and still slightly dizzy from the blood loss.

I stepped into the arena anyway.

* * *

Dedicated to Mr. Tom Hess, who died three weeks ago of Lou Gehrig's disease. I did not have him as a teacher personally, but he was still a great man and will be missed. RIP Mr. Hess- we love you.

I apologize for the quality of this chapter. It's just _bad_. Like, my writing from 2007 bad. And that was awful.  
I just wasn't really into it this week, guys. We're so close to the end I just keep writing, but I'm not into it anymore given the rewrite and all the awesome things I plan to do with it... Please just humor me and go on.  
About the whole trance thing- Xemnas was not really showing him an illusion. It was supposed to be foreshadowing for... something. And it kind of failed.  
I know you guys were anticipating this huge fight scene, but I'm no good with that XD. I'm trying really hard with this next chapter. Maybe it would help to watch _Dead Fantasy_ again? Oh, if you haven't seen that, it's awesome.

Oh yeah! I found an author recently who specializes in RAD (RoxasAxelDemyx) stories. She's really good, but I think she's been off FF for a good three years. Check out her stories anyway. Her penname is _Xanrivash_.

I hope you all have had excellent holidays! 2011 better be good.

Thank you _**roxy mccartney, Shattered Glass Memories, Nietzsche's Itch, Ravenr20, Kai-Alaric, The Moon's Berserk, **_anonymous reviewer _**ArmyOfDuctTape**_ and of course, Anna for reviewing.  
Next Update: Jan 14


	39. Regardless

**Disclaimer: I don't own Kingdom Hearts.**

Chapter Thirty-Nine

Regardless

"Myde, you can't do this! You're still hurt!" Axel hissed at me.

"I'll be fine."

"You _moron_! What happened to your code of 'Run, run away'?"

"He wants me, not Sora."

"He stabbed you _through the back_. You should be unconscious by now."

I summoned my sitar. "Shut up, Axel."

"You're impossible." He threw his chakram like a Frisbee. "Have fun bleeding internally."

He was right. I _should_ have been unconscious, after losing that much blood. I shouldn't have even been on my feet. I didn't feel affected at all by the wound, not at that moment.

The blow had startled this sort of feeling inside me- one I hadn't known I'd been harboring.

I had to kill Xemnas. I'd been thinking it the whole time to myself, but I'd never felt the severity of the words, never even thought I would do such a thing.

But now, I wanted nothing more than to end his life myself. It wasn't anger- it was an instinct. I had to, or I would die, some way or another.

I didn't stop to question it. I healed myself, letting the cold sensation repair the little Kairi might have missed. My fingers arranged themselves in an automatic chord.

"Dance, water, dance," I whispered, letting my words carry into the water.

My focus was absolute. The water twisted around him… a simple note would end it…

Sora bumped into me, breaking my hold. I nearly swore at him, and saw for a moment my real self- what was I thinking? What was _wrong_ with me? Killing was bad- but he was silenced quickly.

_Shiva, help me._

I wasn't really a religious one. I guess I believed someone had to create the world, or why else would it be there? Yet I was never one for praying. Now, through… I could use all the help I could get.

I ran, letting my instincts take over. But now, instead of running _away_, I ran to him.

I was too obvious. I was swatted away, smacked aside like a pesky fly. In the split second he was vulnerable, the others immediately pounced on him. Kairi watched us all from the doorway.

I played another chord. A snake, made of water, slithered towards him, coiled to pounce. Xemnas cut through it.

It was the two of us, now, as the Sora and Axel kind of fought with each other in the confusion.

The skirmish with Xemnas was almost reflexive- we both aimed and dodged one another's blows. It looked and felt more like a dance from way back when, before motion became innocent.

His blade nearly kissed my face. I arced my back, kicking low at his feet, hoping to trip him. If I could immobilize him for ten seconds… He caught on and rebuked with a fist to my shoulder, making my whole arm go numb for a second.

I was filled with a strange energy, which writhed inside me like snakes, begging to get out. I kicked him, higher this time, actually landing a square hit. I pushed off hard, taking air for a second or so.

And the dance resumed. Kick, dodge. Slice, dodge. It was a game, a your-turn-my-turn type of thing. Once in a while he hit me. Once in a while I got him.

I wasn't winning or losing. We could go at this all day, and probably would have if he hadn't teleported.

Xemnas appeared behind me in half a second. He struck me in the back, the exact place I'd been stabbed before. My vision flooded with dots, and everything went white for a second.

Axel grabbed my shoulder and dragged me back. I collapsed to my knees, breathing hard. Sora whaled on Xemnas, with two Keyblades now. He jumped, flipped in midair, and pushed off one of the thrones, spiraling. He sliced at Xemnas, and smiled vaguely in my direction before getting tackled violently to the ground.

Axel's turn. He ignited his chakrams, tossing them around in a sort of wild dance. Fire crawled across his skin without burning him or his clothes. His eyes turned orange and glowing. The arena was alight in seconds, Sora helping me get out of the area.

Red blades clashed with burning metal, sending a shower of sparks into the blaze. The dove at each other simultaneously.

Xemnas crossed his blades, pushing Axel back with such force that he smacked into the back wall and crumpled to the ground.

"Axel!" I screamed. It was the first time any one of us had spoken.

There was a whirring sound next to me, and I was in a chokehold. Next thing I knew, we were in the center of the arena.

He let go of me and paused. I got a better hold of my sitar. Water began to form and move around me, the tentacles forming ropes which grabbed for some part, any part of him. He sliced through them all, grabbed my arm, and used it so swing himself around so he was behind me again.

This time I was quicker. I elbowed him in the stomach, causing him to cringe and double over. I kicked off him and flew through the air, head over heels, landing across the room.

Sora was crouching beside Axel, who had lost consciousness. "He'll be fine! You have to act quickly. If you hit him directly in the chest, that should do it!" He picked up his Keyblade and offered it to me, hilt first. "Use this!"

"Are you sure?"

"There's no time not to be!"

With the slightest hesitation, I took the blade. The metal bit into my bare palm. There was a weird, light warm sensation. My vision became so sharp that it was slightly blue, but it settled within seconds.

My sitar vanished. Partially liberated of its weight, I was able to run quickly enough to make up for the conversation. I lifted the blade above his head, ready to bring it down, when all of a sudden…

Could I really do this?

Kill him?

Kill _anyone_ for that matter?

And in that second, he recovered and grasped me by the throat, pressing me against the nearest throne.

Xemnas squeezed harder. I couldn't breathe, could barely move. Sora's Keyblade slipped from my fingers and clashed to the ground, where it crashed and disappeared, reappearing in its owner's hand across the room.

Sora sprinted over, grabbed Xemnas at the waist, and back flipped at just the right time to send the two rolling over each other in midair. After a short, complicated dispute, Sora managed to orient him so his back would hit the ground, and upon impact, stabbed him where his heart should me.

Struggling for breath, I walked over, slowly. Sora retracted the weapon and it disappeared.

"He'll be gone now," he told me, simply. "It's okay."

Xemnas sat up slowly. He was starting to blur around the edges, fading slowly. Tendrils of nothingness were forming around him. He curled up, looking at both of us, his gold eyes intense.

He didn't say anything as the nothingness swallowed him. There were no final words. He shook his head as he faded completely, leaving nothing behind to prove he'd ever been there.

A few tears slipped down my cheeks. It was really, finally over. He was dead. Sora killed him.

I had this weird, nagging feeling… wasn't I supposed to kill him?

No. Of course not. Sora was the Keyblade master. He had first pick.

Xemnas was gone.

I fell to my knees and started sobbing uncontrollably. They were mostly relieved tears, tears from being so worried and scared. I was fine. I kept telling myself that.

Sora knelt and hugged me, then let go. Light, staccato footsteps entered the room. Kairi.

She and Sora hugged. "Are you okay?" She asked me.

"I'll be fine," I managed, wiping my eyes. "I'm a little shocked, is all."

She patted my shoulder.

I stood up and took off my coat for the final time. "I really don't need this anymore."

Sora nodded. "Leave it here. Can you help me with Axel? He's too heavy when I'm alone."

"Sure. I…" I trailed off. The world reeled. Something felt like it was trying to tear its way into my chest. "I…"

"What's wrong?" Kairi asked.

Then, I finally did black out.

* * *

"Myde!" Sora exclaimed, catching his friend as he fell.

"He's not hurt," Kairi said quickly. "It's probably just the adrenaline wearing off and the blood loss kicking in."

"Well, what do we do? I mean, Axel's out too…"

"No, I'm not." The redhead walked over. "What happened?"

"It's pretty self explanatory," Sora said.

Axel slung Myde over his shoulder. "He'll be okay in a couple of hours. Is Xemmy… dead?"

"Yeah… I just killed him."

Axel nodded. "Good. So it's all over now."

"I guess so."

Kairi stood at the threshold. "Sora… someone's here."

"…Who?"

She pointed. There, in the black cloak, was Riku, or Ansem in Sora's eyes.

"…Ansem?" Confusion was all over his face.

"No. Come here." She took his hand.

Riku was silent, in a state of almost shock. Kairi laid Sora's hand on top of his.

"Riku," she said slowly, and Sora saw.

"…Riku?" He looked almost anguished. "Riku… where have you been all this time? I… I knew it was you, who helped me… I had a feeling… but why didn't you let me find you?"

"I didn't want to be found," he murmured.

Sora punched his shoulder. "Why not? You're my best friend, Riku! I spent two years trying to bring you back!"

"Because I'm not like you anymore," he snapped. "I'm a being of the darkness."

"I don't care!" Sora raged. "Light and darkness can't be without each other, right? It's always supposed to be you, Kairi, and me. She's the light. You're the darkness. I'm the Keyblade master. Did you really think I'd hate you if you had dark powers?"

"…I… I don't know…"

"Do you really think we would care if you looked like this?" He gestured up and down. "You're still our friend. You're still Riku."

Riku sighed. "I'm sorry, Sora."

Sora exhaled, and closed his eyes for a moment. "It's… it's okay. It's all over now."

"You killed him?"

"Yeah. I… if you would have been there…"

"I understand." He gestured to Axel, who was laying Myde on the ground. Donald poked at the hydro and said something, which made Axel roll his eyes.

"They're friends of mine. It's a long story…"

"Sora," Kairi said suddenly. "What's that?" She pointed up towards a red-and-blonde colored dot. Electricity arced above his head.

"DiZ!" Riku exclaimed. "That stupid thing of his… it must be exploding!"

In the few seconds before it exploded, Axel tried to shield Myde and himself, Sora covered Kairi, Donald and Goofy held onto each other, and Riku didn't even bother.

A strong gale forced them back a few inches, and the shockwave was oddly ice-cold. There was a bright flash of light, and hearts rained.

They weren't actual hearts- no, they were fain apparitions of him. Riku gasped out loud and collapsed on the spot.

"Riku!" Sora screamed. Everyone looked over, aside from Myde. The, his voice relaxed, and his smile became obvious. "You're okay…"

The old Riku looked back at all of them, back to the way he usually looked- long silver hair, blue green eyes. He checked himself quickly to make sure all traces of Ansem were gone.

"I… I guess I am."

* * *

I woke up with half of me on the ground and half of me on Axel's lap. The first thing I did was back away from him. "What… what's going on?"

"Sora killed Xemnas and you passed out," he explained in an offhanded manner.

"Oh… right." I looked around. We were on Naught's Skyway.

"You're up!" Sora exclaimed, striding into the room, gripping Kairi's hand. Almost dutifully, the rest of the gang came in. I recognized all of them aside from one, a tall boy with silver hair.

"This is Riku," the King introduced.

"Hi, I'm Myde," I said, holding out his hand. Riku shook it, looking a little wary. I wondered if he'd heard my story, and if he hadn't, if he wanted to. But why would he? All it mattered is that we were all together and alive.

"So what do we do now?" I asked, just in general. "Can we really just… go home?"

"It seems weird, doesn't it?" Sora mused. "Especially after such a long time…"

"Everything's fine now," Kairi stated, an unreadable expression on her face. "We're all together. Organization XIII won't ever hurt us again."

"Right." I stood up.

"So… let's get out of here."

* * *

The whole trip back, none of us talked about what happened, really. It wasn't mentioned that Kairi had a Keyblade of her own now (she'd been showing it off to Sora) or that Mickey had just lost a close friend of his, who had been there the whole time and I hadn't even met him. It made me a little sad; he risked his life to stop Kingdom Hearts, leaving a gaping whole in the moon.

The mantra kept repeating itself in my head. It's all over. It's all over. I almost couldn't believe it, despite the fact that I had fought too, I had _helped_. Me, the coward. His death had been almost anticlimactic, without even any words. That was not the Xemnas I had thought I knew.

There was barely enough room for all of us on the ship. Sora, Donald, and Goofy took their normal seats, me in my regular spot against the wall. Axel, Riku, and Kairi sat crammed next to me, the King standing and watching out the front window.

We talked. Of course we all talked, about what we would do next, and about each other. I had just met Kairi and Riku, and vice versa. Riku had seemed wary the whole time, knowing that both of us had been Organization members. I was surprised that he treated us like normal human beings.

It was decided, however subconsciously, that Axel would be going with me to Radiant Garden. Everyone else would be going to Destiny Islands.

Finally, almost too quickly, we were back to my home.

I couldn't believe it. The past two months I'd struggled with my identity, tried my best to help Sora out. Now I might never see him again.

Axel and I walked off the ship to almost complete silence. The others followed, more out of habit than anything.

"Wait, Myde." Sora rummaged in his pocket for something, and handed me a piece of paper. "Here." On it, were an address and a phone number. "Keep in touch, okay? It's not goodbye."

"You're right." I tucked it in my pocket. "Thanks for everything, Sora. I guess we'll be seeing you?"

"Sure! I won't have much to do now." He smiled and waved. "Be seeing you, Axel."

Axel nodded in his direction.

Jim squealed suddenly and chased after Sora, nuzzling him. Sora laughed, petted him, and continued back on his ship. Axel and I both watched it fly away, standing there for long afterwards.

I sighed. "I know we'll see them again… but I feel kind of sad."

"I almost do, too. But hey, we have a fresh start now." He turned in the direction of the plaza. "Want to get some ice cream?"

I laughed. "That's how you solve everything, isn't it?"

"No, today I just feel like ice cream. Got it memorized?"

We got the ice cream and sat on the wall by the Bailey. The sun had set already, leaving a weird, rosy silhouette covering everything.

"Feels kinda nostalgic," Axel told me, flicking at the ice cream stick.

"That's right. Didn't you and Roxas used to do this stuff?"

"Yeah. I guess it was our thing."

"Are you… disappointed that he didn't recognize you?"

"Honestly? More than a little. But I've kind of moved on. I'm human now. I don't have to cling to someone who makes me feel. We were best friends, true. But he's moved on, and so have I. I kind of wish it was different, but this is for the better."

"That's true." I closed my eyes. "Does that make me the replacement?"

"What? Of course not."

"Can you tell me something?"

"Sure."

"Why did you keep your Nobody name?"

"Well..." Axel thought a moment. "Lea just had such a crappy life. I'm not him. I don't have to be him. I guess it's just a fresh start."

I rocked back and forth. It was almost summer, now. The air was warm even though it was night. "Everyone's so quiet today."

"Maybe because the day was so profound? Tomorrow, I swear the three of them will be celebrating. I'll probably just sleep the whole day."

"I'll have to join you with that. I'm tired." I summoned my sitar. "I'm tired of the silence."

"Go for it."

I played for a while. The notes came easily. It was a song I'd heard a while ago, by some ancient band called Supertramp. To my utter surprise, Axel began singing along.

"_You've had your cry, no, I shouldn't say, wail. In the meantime, hush your face._" He stared at me. "What made you think of that?"

His voice wasn't bad at all. "Don't know. First thing that came to mind."

"Hey!" A girl screamed. I realized, with a flush, that it was Yuffie. "You're back! I can't believe you're okay!" She ran up and hugged me around the waist, nearly knocking me off the wall.

"Yeah… why wouldn't I be?"

"Your face is _so_ red," Axel muttered.

"Axel." Yuffie let me go and turned to him. "You're back, too."

"Where else would I go?"

She shrugged. "Let's go back to Merlin's. They're going to be so happy! But why did Sora leave so soon?"

"Because it's been a long day for everybody," I said. "He just wanted to get home. I bet it didn't cross his mind."

"Well, that's okay, then."

I almost couldn't believe just how my story seemed to end- weirdly, happy. It seemed that I had practically everything I wanted- a heart, a place where I belonged, friends who really liked me for who I was.

I was exhausted as I followed Yuffie to Merlin's. I wanted nothing more than to crash and sleep for hours, but it was okay.

I had a chance now, at the life I could never have. I was human, I had talent. Maybe I could make it in the music world. Who knew? I was ready to take a stab at the future.

I guess, after a journey like mine, you'd have to be.

* * *

So other than the epilogue, it's over! It's not goodbye just yet ^-^  
I'm pleased with the way the fight scene turned out. I don't know, it just seemed more natural than the other ones I tried out a while ago. I do think that the ending had too much dialogue though, and it was kind of choppy.  
The song at the end was "Bloody Well Right" by a band called Supertramp. I really wanted to use a Beatles song, but I couldn't quite find an appropriate one.  
Oh yeah, did anyone else get Re:coded yet? I did today. I told myself I wouldn't play it until I finished BBS, but I gave in. It's pretty good so far. Kind of complicated, but good.  
I know that the date said I was supposed to post yesterday XD the chapter was about done, but I was so tired that I went to bed instead of finishing. Sorry, guys. This _is_ the exact two week mark, though. So techincally I'm not late.

I'll be posting the epilogue hopefully within the next week. It'll be short, though. Nothing too special.

Thank you _**roxy mccartney, Sora Matasuki, -JansenFriedh827-, The Moon's Berserk, Reku14, Kiexa, ravenr20, Shattered Glass Memories, Nietzche's Itch, Sora Tayuya, Kai-Alaric, aurorastar9860, SoraIsMyHomeboy**_, anonymous reviewers _**ArmyOfDuctTape, Mystical, **_and last but not least Anna. If I say so myself, damn, this list is long. O_o Sixteen, is it?  
Next Update: Within the next week. If I get lazy, January 29.


	40. Epilogue

**Disclaimer: I don't own Kingdom Hearts.**

Chapter Forty

Epilogue

I had to admit the wedding was beautiful.

It was the middle of the afternoon, sometime in October. The fall air was cool, not cold. The rosy sunlight passed through the church windows and made crystalline patterns on the old, worn rug.

It was a simply, intimate thing, with only us of the restoration committee (not to mention, Sora and his friends) there. Nothing too fancy. Modest.

The flowers were pale, blending against the old wood to create a weird, nostalgic feeling. Despite not believing in God, I couldn't help but feel rested in this place.

It wasn't my wedding. I had a long while until I was going to get married, if ever.

The past year and a half had passed quickly. Once we'd killed Xemnas, assimilating back into the committee was only too easy for Axel and I. It was hard to believe we could just live normal lives now, as humans, no less. I was so used to the feeling of inevitability hovering over me.

A piano played a fanfare in the background. She'd wanted me to play it, but the organist came with the venue, apparently.

I turned from my spot in the pew next to Axel to see Yuffie walk down the aisle in her bridesmaid dress. The dress was dark purple, knee length, and pretty much unlike anything she'd usually wear. Her normal headband was gone, a ribbon tied loosely around her neck. Boots were exchanged for flats. I wasn't used to my Yuffie looking so girlie.

She winked at me before settling back into her neutral expression. Axel chuckled. "You two are so funny," he whispered.

She took her spot at the altar and the music changed a little. Aerith walked through the door in a simple white dress, her hair in its normal braid, pale flowers in her hands.

Yes, things really had changed.

Ever since- well, nearly a year ago- Cloud had fought Sephiroth and won, he'd sort of evolved as a human. Essentially, he was still Cloud, but he was… warmer. More considerate of others. Most importantly, more considerate of Aerith.

Turns out, in the history of the committee before I came, they had a long-standing one-sided relationship. Even as a kid, Cloud had sort of always been ignoring her, shunning Aerith when she was trying to help him. But with Sephiroth gone… he had no reason to run anymore.

It was sweet, really. Now they were getting married.

The Justice of the Peace began his speech. They were the same exact words he said to every married couple, but the significance was obvious. I looked around the room. There were Sora and Kairi, holding hands. Sora made a face at me as a form of greeting. Riku looked as if he wanted to be anywhere else. Leon was studying his nails. Cid was tugging at his tie, looking almost like another person entirely without his goggles or trademark toothpick. Huey, Dewey, and Louie where playing some sort of handheld game. The three pixies lingered in the very back, having been threatened into silence.

The Justice of the Peace pronounced them man and wife. They kissed, joined hands, and just like that, the ceremony was over.

Easy. Painless.

"They're so cute together," Yuffie said to me. "Let's go. It's party time."

Axel rolled his eyes. "You two go on. I want to talk to Sora about something."

It was true that in the past year or so, Axel hadn't made any obvious attempts to become close friends with Sora. I didn't know how, but it almost seems as if he'd gotten over Roxas.

Our lives had been so turbulent for a while. It was almost a disappointment- almost- that things had settled down.

I followed Yuffie outside. The sun was setting.

"I can't wait to get out of these shoes," she muttered. "Really, why would someone wear such a thing?" She proceeded to use me as a leaning post, and then stood barefooted in her stockings. "At least it's not far to walk."

"You should have worn different shoes."

She wrinkled her nose. "I didn't have any other ones. And I'm too cheap to buy others. Too late now."

We startled to walk to the reception. "It's weird, all of us together again."

"You think?"

"Yeah. We used to be working together to save the world. Now, we're here for a wedding. And honestly, Cloud and Aerith were the last couple I imagined getting together."

Yuffie put her hands on my chest. "You think?"

I thought. "Well… they crack the top five."

I wasn't quite sure how it had happened, but ever since Xemnas died and I officially let go of the memory of Irena, Yuffie and I had sort of gravitated towards each other. We talked a lot, about our pasts and just anything in general. It took a while, but we'd been going strong for at least a couple of months.

We kissed, just once, before going to the hall.

The night went quickly, between toasts and dinner and dancing. By the time it was midnight, everyone was worn out, and the wedding was over.

* * *

It took another couple of weeks, but the last MIA Organization member showed up.

I was with Axel on patrol. Yuffie was tracking down the three pixies (they'd stolen her headband when she was asleep). But we saw him, all right. Alive and well, wandering the streets with an air of confusion.

"Myde, is that who I think it is?" Axel asked.

I squinted. "Oh my god… I think it is."

"I thought he was dead."

"Yeah, me too…"

It was Luxord. He wasn't wearing his cloak anymore, and was bargaining with the moogle in the square.

"Hey!" Axel yelled. "Hey, Luxord!"

He turned, looked at us, said something to the moogle, and finally came over.

"Well, look who it is," he said.

"We thought you were dead," I stated bluntly. Axel elbowed me.

"It's nice to see you too, Myde," he quipped.

"No, that's not what I meant…" I stammered.

Luxord laughed. "I know. For a while I thought I was dead too."

"Then, where have you been?" Axel asked.

"Wandering. I've been a traveler of sorts. Now that Xemnas is gone… To be honest, I don't know quite what to do with myself. Speaking of which, what are you two doing?"

I glanced at Axel, who shrugged.

"We've been helping the people here put their world back together," I admitted. "They were friends of a friend… and, well, I guess I turned up here."

"And I didn't mind the familiar faces," Axel added.

"So you're not wasting your humanity," he said decisively. "Good to know. I should take the same advice."

I'd known he was human. I'd sensed his heart more than heard it, but it was there. "How'd you find out?"

"I have my ways. I'd been thinking on that theory for a while."

"So what are you doing now, Luxord?" Axel asked. "Just dropping in? Staying for a while?"

"Just dropping in, most likely. I want to see the rest of the World. But it's nice to know I've got friends here, and allies if I need them."

Axel furrowed his eyebrows. We had no reason to see any hostility in Luxord. I'd always chalked him down as neutral in the Organization, and it seemed that without Xemnas's rule, he was harmless.

"Okay," I said. "It was nice seeing you."

Luxord nodded. "Goodbye, Axel, Myde. At lease for a while."

And he walked away.

"That was… strange," I commented. "Who'd have thought?"

"And he's a traveler… that guy unleashed on the world? He'll be a billionaire in no time." Axel turned. "Come on. Let's go. We're done with patrol, right? Your girlfriend could probably use some help with those pixies."

* * *

Still more time passed. It was funny, really seeing my new home start to take shape. It went from industrial Hollow Bastion to a dazzling, brand new Radiant Garden.

Axel and I decided to be roommates. We got an apartment and separate jobs. Eventually, Yuffie and I started to go to college.

Yeah. Things had undeniably changed. I had gone from a confused, abandoned Nobody to a human with a family and friends. I had taken on Xemnas and walked out mostly in one piece. I'd gotten my heart back. I had everything I wanted.

So, why do I have this feeling on inevitability?

It had gone for a while, and now it was back. I'd been keeping in touch with Sora, writing letters back and forth and even talking to him on the phone. But recently, connection had been distant. I'd sent letter after letter, each new one becoming more and more panicked. And still no response.

Maybe things were finally getting shaken up after all.

Soon, it was two years since Xemnas's defeat. I arrived home one day to find two things waiting from me.

The first, an angry post-it note from Axel declaring that Sora called and asked for me, but the call had woken him up from his post-work nap.

The second was a letter, which I read in a blur. However, only two lines stuck out at me.

_There's something you need to know._

_I need your help._

_

* * *

_

Bwa! So an evil cliffy, hereby setting up the sequel.  
It's over! After a year and a half, a lot of drafts, a lot of work, my first decent fanfic is complete! I think I did okay with the epilogue. Personally, I'm more of a fan of Zack/Aerith and Cloud/Tifa myself... but KH 2 weakly implies and relationship between them, in my opinion... pleasefangirlsdon'tmurderme. If you do, you won't get a rewrite or sequel, so ha.  
Yeah, everyone was OOC in this chapter. I know. I am really, really sorry about that...

I'd just like to say big thank you and hugs to everyone who read, liked it, didn't like it, added this to their favorites, added _me_ to their favorites, story alert, etc, etc. Without you guys, I'm sure this story wouldn't have ended up nearly as good (or nearly as long). Currently, we have _**367**_ reviews, and nearly _**twenty-thousand**_ hits. I love you all. You helped me write a story, even develop and original novel. Your criticism and praise have led me through some of the worst writer's blocks ever. Not to mention, actually made me feel like a competent writer.

So, before I thank each and every one of you, I'd just like to announce that I will be posting the rewrite today. Honestly, I'd just publish the sequel right out, but a lot more things will make sense in the rewrite... I thought out a lot of stuff... but just a warning, it's shorter. What should be in chapter twenty-seven is now chapter thirteen. The rewrite will be on my profile, and will be called _**Nocturne's Return: Revamped.**_ The summary will most likely be different, though.

One mass thank you to ALL who reviewed:

_**NinjaShiek, Sahxyel, majora999, Zemby, Queen Baka, Sora Tayuya, darkhaseo90, songs, ., Jheyna Aj Jax, PokkiChoco, Naomi.G, SaphireWhiteWolf, Meatloaf232, LunarRhasphody, Kiexa, -JansenFriedh827-, roxy mccartney, BunnyRabbitOfDOOM, Ginri, ash-nobody, thunderyoshi, StephJ789, Island-style-girl, The Final Memory, Spazz Union, CelticCherokee, TehAverageWrites, XIII Riku, surxi25, Sleix, Clarilune, PaddysGal, The Divine-Dragon, Sleepihead, singer132, ccsakura21, Rainstorm-Mosspath, ChildofStorms, Kai-Alaric, ravenr20, kitkit11183, Sora Matasuki, Riayna Darkheart, Sunny Lighter, PurpleTango, shatteredfire, coobearrocks, Bokmal14, Shadowsonicstar, Night of Broken Glass, CrazyChibiSama, Reku14, Heartless-Lover12, The Moon's Berserk, Ranyo Moonlight, Airon Kennell, Nietzsche's Itch, SoraIsMyHomeboy, Xoyote**_, and**_ TheChel _**

**_-_**takes a deep breath-

not to mention, the anonymous crowd:

_**Plumville Amy, Beth, Mirai M. Mieux, Kyuubi kun, guest, Smrt otaku, Flightfoot, Tracy, Mai, VioletTheDragon, ReyNeptune, Bunni, Sugarbun, Angeline Hitsugaya, Momo, ArmyOfDuctTape, **_and_** Mystical.**_

Plus, I'd just like to say thank you to my best friend Anna for all the criticism, praise, and support (though it doesn't seem like it at times). Not to mention, you read the whole thing. And your reviews were very grammatically correct.

One last favor from me. All of you, _please_ go read the rewrite (it's under the title **Nocturne's Return: Revamped**). I worked really hard on it. I think you'll like it. Unless you really don't want to, which is okay too, I guess.

Bye, everyone!

Peace out,  
Princess of Rose


	41. Sequel

Hello everyone! Long time, no see!

Sorry to be such a tease; so far, I have no new material to add onto this story (unless you want to sit through the rewrite). However, I do have something that I think would interest some of you.

I just posted the sequel to this story, under the title _Eternal Nocturne. _Be forewarned; it will be a relatively long, graphic story. However, I hope you will all enjoy it immensely. ^-^

Please come and visit me over at the sequel!

-Princess of Rose


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